“itmightnotbeconvenientforleilatogobacknow.shehasplans,”iobject,

outragedonherbehalf.

christianglaresatme.“anastasia,”hewarns,hisvoiceicy,“thisdoesnot

concernyou.”

iscowlathim.ofcourseitconcernsme—she’sinmyoffice.theremustbe

moretothisthaniknow.he’snotbeingrational.fiftyshades,my

subconscioushissesatme.

“leilacametoseeme,notyou,”imurmurpetulantly.leilaturnstome,her

eyesimpossiblywide.

“ihadmyinstructions,mrs.grey.idisobeyedthem.”sheglancesnervously

atmyhusband,thenbackatme.

“thisisthechristiangreyiknow,”shesays,hertonesadandwistful.

christianfrownsather,whileallthebreathevaporatesfrommylungs.ican’t

breathe.waschristianlikethiswithherallthetime?

washelikethiswithme,atfirst?ifindithardtoremember.givingmea

forlornsmile,leilarisesfromthetable.

“i’dliketostayuntiltomorrow.myflightisatnoon,”shesaysquietlyto

christian.

“i’llha一vesomeonecollectyouattentotakeyoutotheairport.”

“thankyou.”

“you’reatsusannah’s?”

“yes.”

“okay.”

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fiftyshadesfreed

iglareatchristian.hecan’tdictatetoherlikethis...andhowdoesheknow

wheresusannahlives?

“goodbye,mrs.grey.thankyouforseeingme.”

istandandholdoutmyhand.shetakesitgratefullyandweshake.

“um...goodbye.goodluck,”imutter,becausei’mnotsurewhatthe

protocolisforsayingfarewelltomyhusband’sex-submissive.shenodsand

turnstohim.“goodbye,christian.”

christian’seyessoftenalittle.“goodbye,leila.”hisisvoicelow.

“dr.flynn,remember.”

“yes,sir.”

heopensthedoortousherherout,butshehaltsinfrontofhimandlooksup.

hestills,watchingherwarily.

“i’mgladyou’rehappy.youdeservetobe,”shesaysandlea一vesbeforehe

canreply.hefrownsafterher,bemused,thennodstotaylor,whofollows

leilatowardthereceptionarea.closingthedoor,christiangazes

uncertainlyatme.

“don’teventhinkaboutbeingangrywithme,”ihiss.“callclaudebastilleand

kicktheshitoutofhimorgoseeflynn.”

hismouthdropsopen;he’ssosurprisedbymyoutburst,andhisbrow

creasesoncemore.

“youpromisedyouwouldn’tdothis.”nowhistoneisaccusatory.

“dowhat?”

“defyme.”

“noididn’t.isaidi’dbemoreconsiderate.itoldyoushewashere.ihad

prescottsearchher,andyourotherlittlefriend,too.prescottwaswithmethe

entiretime.nowyou’vefiredthepoorwoman,whenshewasonlydoingwhat

iasked.itoldyounottoworry,yethereyouare.idon’trememberreceiving

yourpapalbulldecreeingthaticouldn’tseeleila.ididn’tknowthatmy

visitorsweresubjecttoaproscribedlist.”

myvoiceriseswithindignationasiwarmtomycause.christianregardsme,

bemusedoncemore.afteramomenthismouthtwists.

“papalbull?”hesays,amused,andhevisiblyrelaxes.iwasn’taimingto

lightenourconversation,yethereheissmirkingatme,andthatmakesme

madder.theexchangebetweenhimandhisexwaspainfultowitness.how

couldhebesocoldwithher?

“what?”heasks,exasperated,asmyfaceremainsresolutelystraight.

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eljames

“you.whywereyousocalloustowardher?”

hesighsandshifts,steppingtowardmeandperchingonthetable.

“anastasia,”hesaysasiftoachild.“youdon’tunderstand.leila,susannah

—allofthem—theywereapleasant,pertingpastime.butthat’sall.youare

thecenterofmyuniverse.andthelasttimeyoutwowereinaroomtogether,

shehadyouatgunpoint.idon’twantheranywherenearyou.”

“but,christian,shewasill.”

“iknowthat,andiknowshe’sbetternow,buti’mnotgivingherthebenefitof

thedoub一tanymore.whatshedidwasunforgivable.”

“butyou’vejustplayedrightintoherhands.shewantedtoseeyouagain,

andsheknewyou’dcomerunningifshecametoseeme.”

christianshrugsasifhedoesn’tcare.“idon’twantyoutaintedwithmyold

life.”

what?

“christian...youarewhoyouarebecauseofyouroldlife,yournewlife,

whatever.whattouchesyou,touchesme.iacceptedthatwheniagreedto

marryyou,becauseiloveyou.”

hestills.iknowhefindsithardtohearthis.

“shedidn’thurtme.shelovesyou,too.”

“idon’tgiveafuck.”

igapeathim,shocked.andi’mshockedthathestillhasthecapacityto

shockme.thisisthechristiangreyiknow.leila’swordsrattlearoundmy

head.hisreactiontoherwassocold,somuchatoddswiththemani’ve

cometoknowandlove.ifrown,recallingtheremorsehefeltwhenshehad

herbreakdown,whenhethoughthemightinsomewayberesponsiblefor

herpain.iswallow,remembering,too,thathebathedher.mystomachtwists

painfullyatthethought,andbilerisesinmythroat.howcanhesayhe

doesn’tcareabouther?hedidbackthen.what’schanged?sometimes,

likenow,ijustdon’tunderstandhim.heoperatesonalevelfar,farremoved

frommine.

“whyareyouchampioninghercauseallofasudden?”heasks,mystified

andirritable.

“look,christian,idon’tthinkleilaandiwillbeswappingrecipesandknitting

patternsanytimesoon.butididn’tthinkyou’dbesoheartlesstoher.”

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fiftyshadesfreed

hiseyesfrost.“itoldyouonce,idon’tha一veaheart,”hemutters.irollmyeyes

—oh,nowheisbeingadolescent.

“that’sjustnottrue,christian.you’rebeingridiculous.youdocareabout

her.youwouldn’tbepayingforartclassesandtherestofthatstuffifyou

didn’t.”

suddenly,it’smylifetimeambitiontomakehimrealizethis.it’spainstakingly

obviousthathecares.whydoeshedenyit?it’slikehisfeelingsforhisbirth

mother.ohshit—ofcourse.hisfeelingsforleilaandhisothersubmissives

aretangledupwithhisfeelingsforhismother.iliketowhiplittlebrownhaired

girlslikeyoubecauseyoualllooklikethecrackwhore.nowonder

he’ssomad.isighandshakemyhead.pagingdr.flynn,please.howcan

henotseethis?

myheartswellsforhimmomentarily.mylostboy...whyisitsohardforhim

togetbackintouchwiththehumanity,thecompassionheshowedleila

whenshehadherbreakdown?

heglaresatme,hiseyesglitteringwithanger.“thisdiscussionisover.let’s

gohome.”

iglanceatmywatch.it’sfourtwenty-three.iha一veworktodo.“it’stooearly,”i

mutter.

“home,”heinsists.

“christian.”myvoiceisweary.“i’mtiredofha一vingthesameargumentwith

you.”

hefrownsasifhedoesn’tunderstand.

“youknow,”ielucidate,“idosomethingyoudon’tlike,andyouthinkofsome

waytogetbackatme.usuallyinvolvingsomeofyourkinkyfuckery,whichis

eithermind-blowingorcruel.”ishrug,resigned.thisisexhaustingand

confusing.

“mind-blowing?”heasks.

what?

“usually,yes.”

“whatwasmind-blowing?”heasks,hiseyesnowshimmeringwithamused

sensualcuriosity.andiknowhe’stryingtodistractme.crap!idonotwantto

discussthisinsip’smeetingroom.mysubconsciousexaminesherfinely

manicurednailswithdisdain.shouldn’tha一vebroughtthesubjectup,then.

“youknow.”iblush,irritatedwithbothhimandmyself.

“icanguess,”hewhispers.

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eljames

holycrap.i’mtryingtocastigatehimandhe’sconfoundingme.

“christian,i—”

“iliketopleaseyou.”

hedelicatelytraceshisthumbovermybottomlip.

“youdo,”iacknowledge,myvoiceawhisper.

“iknow,”hesayssoftly.heleansforwardandwhispersinmyear,

“it’stheonethingidoknow.”oh,hesmellsgood.heleansbackandgazes

downatme,hislipscurledinanarrogant,i-so-own-yousmile.pursingmy

lips,istrivetoappearunaffectedbyhistouch.heissoartfulatpertingme

fromanythingpainful,oranythinghedoesn’twanttoaddress.andyoulet

him,mysubconsciouspipesupunhelpfully,gazingoverhercopyofjane

eyre.

“whatwasmind-blowing,anastasia?”heprompts,awickedgleaminhis

eye.

“youwantthelist?”iask.

“there’salist?”he’spleased.

oh,thismanisexhausting.“well,thehandcuffs,”imumble,mymind

catapultedbacktoourhoneymoon.

hefurrowshisbrowandgraspsmyhand,tracingthepulsepointonmywrist

withhisthumb.

“idon’twanttomarkyou.”

oh...

hislipscurlinaslowcarnalsmile.

“comehome.”histoneisseductive.

“iha一veworktodo.”

“home,”hesays,moreinsistent.

wegazeateachother,moltengrayintobewilderedblue,testingeachother,

testingourboundariesandourwills.isearchhiseyesforsome

understanding,tryingtofathomhowthismancangofromragingcontrol

freaktoseductiveloverinonebreath.hiseyesgrowlargeranddarker,his

intentionclear.softly,hecaressesmycheek.

“wecouldstayhere.”hisisvoicelowandhusky.

ohno.myinnergoddessgazeslonginglydownatthewoodentable.no.no.

no.notintheoffice.

“christian,idon’twanttoha一vesexhere.yourmistresshasjustbeeninthis

room.”

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fiftyshadesfreed

“shewasnevermymistress,”hegrowls,hismouthflatteningintoagrimline.

“that’sjustsemantics,christian.”

hefrowns,hisexpressionpuzzled.theseductiveloverhasgone.

“don’toverthinkthis,ana.she’shistory,”hesaysdismissively.isigh...

maybehe’sright.ijustwanthimtoadmittohimselfthathecaresforher.a

chillgripsmyheart.ohno.thisiswhyit’simportanttome.supposeido

somethingunforgivable.supposeidon’tconform.willibehistory,too?ifhe

canturnlikethis,whenhewassoconcernedandupsetwhenleilawasill...

couldheturnagainstme?igasp,recallingthefragmentsofadream:gilt

mirrorsandthesoundofhisheelsclickingonthemarbledfloorashelea一ves

mestandingaloneinopulentsplendor.

“no...”thewordsareoutofmymouthinwhisperedhorrorbeforeicanstop

them.

“yes,”hesays,andgraspingmychinheleansdownandplantsatenderkiss

onmylips.

“oh,christian,youscaremesometimes.”igrasphisheadinmyhands,twist

myfingersintohishair,andpullhislipstomine.hestillsforamomentashis

armsfoldaroundme.

“why?”

“youcouldturnawayfromhersoeasily...”

hefrowns.“andyouthinkimightturnawayfromyou,ana?whythehell

wouldyouthinkthat?what’sbroughtthison?”

“nothing.kissme.takemehome,”iplead.andashislipstouchmine,iam

lost.

~o0o~

“ohplease,”ibeg,aschristianblowsgentlyonmysex.

“allingoodtime,”hemurmurs.

ipullonmyrestraintsandgroanloudlyinprotestfromhiscarnalassault.i’m

trussedupinsoftleathercuffs,eachelbowboundtoeachknee,and

christian’sheadbobsandwea一vesbetweenmylegs,hismasterfultongue

teasingme,relentless.iopenmyeyesandgazeunseeingatourbedroom

ceilingbathedinthesoftlateafternoonlight.histonguemovesroundand

round,swirlingandcurlingoverand322|page

eljames

aroundthecenterofmyuniverse.iwanttostraightenmylegsandstrugglein

avainattempttocontrolthepleasure.butican’t.myfingersfistinhishair

anditughardtofighthissublimetorture.

“don’tcome,”hemurmursinwarningagainstme,hissoftbreathonmy

warm,wetfleshasheresistsmyfingers.“iwillspankyouifyoucome.”

imoan.

“control,ana.it’sallaboutcontrol.”histonguerenewsitseroticincursion.

oh,heknowswhathe’sdoing.iamhelplesstoresistorstopmysla一vish

reaction,anditry—reallytry—butmybodydetonatesunderhismerciless

ministrations,andhistonguedoesn’tstopashewringseverylastounceof

debilitatingpleasurefromme.

“oh,ana,”hescolds.“youcame.”hisvoiceissoftwithhistriumphant

reprimand.heflipsmeontomyfront,andishakilysupportmyselfonmy

forearms.hesmacksmehardonmybehind.

“ah!”icryout.

“control,”headmonishes,andgrabbingmyhipshethrustshimselfintome.i

cryoutagain,myfleshstillquiveringfromtheaftershocksofmyorgasm.he

stillswhiledeepinsidemeand,leaningover,unclipsfirstone,thenthe

secondcuff.hewrapshisarmaroundmeandpullsmeintohislap,hisfront

tomyback,andhishandcurlsbeneathmychinaroundmythroat.irevelin

thefeelingoffullness.

“move,”heorders.

imoanandriseupanddownonhislap.

“faster,”hewhispers.

andimovefasterandfaster.hegroansandhishandtipsmyheadbackas

henibblesmyneck.hisotherhandtra一velsleisurelyacrossmybody,frommy

hip,downtomysex,downtomyclitoris...stillsensitivefromhisearlier

la一vishattention.iwhimperashisfingersclosearoundme,teasingmeonce

more.

“yes,ana,”heraspssoftlyinmyear.“youaremine.onlyyou.”

“yes,”ibreatheasmybodytightensagain,closingaroundhim,cradlinghim

inthemostintimateway.

“comeforme,”hedemands.

andiletgo,mybodyobedientlyfollowinghiscommand.heholdsmestillas

myclimaxripsthroughmeandicallouthisname.323|page

fiftyshadesfreed

“oh,ana,iloveyou,”hegroansandfollowsmyleadashebucksintome,

findinghisownrelease.

hekissesmyshoulderandsmoothesmyhairfrommyface.“doesthat

makethelist,mrs.grey?”hemurmurs.iamlying,barelyconscious,flaton

mybellyonourbed.christiangentlykneadsmybackside.he’sproppedup

besidemeononeelbow.

“hmm.”

“isthatayes?”

“hmm.”ismile.

hegrinsandkissesmeagain,andreluctantlyirollonmysidetofacehim.

“well?”heasks.

“yes.itmakesthelist.butit’salonglist.”

hisfacenearlysplitsintwo,andheleansforwardtokissmegently.

“good.shallweha一vedinner?”hiseyesglowwithloveandhumor.inod.iam

famished.ireachovertogentlypullthelittlehairsonhischest.

“iwantyoutotellmesomething,”iwhisper.

“what?”

“don’tgetmad.”

“whatisit,ana?”

“youdocare.”

hiseyeswiden,andalltraceofhisgoodhumorvanishes.

“iwantyoutoadmitthatyoucare.becausethechristianiknowandlove

wouldcare.”

hestills,hiseyesnotlea一vingmine,andi’mwitnesstohisinternalstruggleas

ifhe’sabouttomakethejudgmentofsolomon.heopenshismouthtosay

somethingthenclosesitagainassomefleetingemotioncrosseshisface..

.pain,maybe.

sayit,iwillhim.

“yes.yes,icare.happy?”hisvoiceisbarelyawhisper.oh,thankfuckfor

that.it’sarelief.“yes.very.”

hefrowns.“ican’tbelievei’mtalkingtoyounow,hereinourbed,about—”

iputmyfingertohislips.

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eljames

“we’renot.let’seat.i’mhungry.”

hesighsandshakeshishead.“youbeguileandbewilderme,mrs.grey.”

“good.”ileanupandkisshim.

~o0o~

from:anastasiagrey

subject:thelist

date:september9,201109:33

to:christiangrey

that’sdefinitelyatthetop.

:d

ax

anastasiagrey

commissioningeditor,sip

from:christiangrey

subject:tellmesomethingnew

date:september9,201109:42

to:anastasiagrey

you’vesaidthatforthelastthreedays.

makeyourmindup.

or...wecouldtrysomethingelse.

;)

christiangrey

ceo,enjoyingthisgame,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

igrinatmyscreen.thelastfeweveningsha一vebeen...entertaining.we

ha一verelaxedagain,leila’sbriefinterruptionforgotten.iha一ven’tquiteworked

upthecouragetoaskifanyofher325|page

fiftyshadesfreed

paintingshangonthewalls—andfrankly,idon’treallycare.myblackberry

buzzesandianswer,expectingchristian.

“ana?”

whoisthis?

“yes?”

“ana,honey.it’sjosésenior.”

“mr.rodriguez!hi!”myscalpprickles.whatdoesjosé’sdadwantwithme?

“honey,i’msorrytocallyouatwork.it’sray.”hisvoicefalters.

“whatisit?what’shappened?”myheartleapsintomythroat.

“ray’sbeeninanaccident.”

ohno.daddy.istopbreathing.

“he’sinthehospital.you’dbettergetherequick.”

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eljames