chapterseventeen
“mr.rodriguez,what’shappened?”myvoiceishoarseandthickwithunshed
tears.ray.sweetray.mydad.
“he’sbeeninacaraccident.”
“okay,i’llcome...i’llcomenow.”adrenalinehasfloodedmybloodstream,
lea一vingpanicinitswake.i’mfindingitdifficulttobreathe.
“they’vetransferredhimtoportland.”
portland?whatthehellishedoinginportland?
“theyairliftedhim,ana.i’mheadingtherenow.ohsu.oh,ana,ididn’tsee
thecar.ijustdidn’tseeit...”hisvoicecracks.mr.rodriguez—no!
“i’llseeyouthere.”mr.rodriguezchokesandthelinegoesdead.adark
dreadseizesmebythethroat,overwhelmingme.ray.no.no.itakeadeep
steadyingbreath,pickupthephoneandcallroach.heanswersonthe
secondring.
“ana?”
“jerry.it’smyfather.”
“ana,whathappened?”
iexplain,barelypausingtobreathe.
“go.ofcourse,youmustgo.ihopeyourfather’sokay.”
“thankyou.i’llkeepyouinformed.”inadvertentlyislamthephonedown,but
rightnowcouldn’tcareless.
“hanna!”icall,awareoftheanxietyinmyvoice.momentslatershepokes
herheadaroundthedoortofindmepackingmypurseandgrabbingpapers
tostuffintomybriefcase.
“yes,ana?”shefrowns.
“myfatherhasbeeninanaccident.iha一vetogo.”
“ohdear—”
“cancelallmyappointmentstoday.andmonday.you’llha一vetofinish
preppingthee-bookpresentation—notesareinthesharedfile.getcourtney
tohelpifyouha一veto.”
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“yes,”hannawhispers.“ihopehe’sokay.don’tworryaboutanythinghere.
we’llmuddlethrough.”
“iha一vemyblackberry.”
theconcernetchedonherpinched,palefaceisalmostmyundoing.daddy.
igrabmyjacket,purse,andbriefcase.“i’llcallyouifineedanything.”
“do,please.goodluck,ana.hopehe’sokay.”
igiveherasmalltightsmile,fightingtomaintainmycomposure,andexitmy
office.itryhardnottorunallthewaytoreception.sawyerleapstohisfeet
wheniarrive.
“mrs.grey?”heasks,confusedbymysuddenappearance.
“we’regoingtoportland—now.”
“okay,ma’am,”hesays,frowningatmebutopeningthedoor.movingis
good.
“mrs.grey,”sawyerasksasweracetowardtheparkinglot.“caniaskwhy
we’remakingthisunscheduledtrip?”
“it’smydad.he’sbeeninanaccident.”
“isee.doesmr.greyknow?”
“i’llcallhimfromthecar.”
sawyernodsandopensthereardoortotheaudisuvandiclimbin.with
shakingfingers,ireachformyblackberry,andidialchristian’scell.
“mrs.grey.”andrea’svoiceiscrispandbusinesslike.
“ischristianthere?”ibreathe.
“um...he’ssomewhereinthebuilding,ma’am.he’slefthisblackberry
chargingwithme.”
oh.igroansilentlywithfrustration.
“canyoutellhimicalled,andthatineedtospeakwithhim?it’surgent.”
“icouldtryandtrackhimdown.hedoesha一veahabitofwanderingoff
sometimes.”
“justgethimtocallme,please,”ibeg,fightingbacktears.
“certainly,mrs.grey.”shehesitates.“iseverythingallright?”
“no,”iwhisper,nottrustingmyvoice.“please,justgethimtocallme.”
“yes,ma’am.”
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ihangup.icannotcontainmyanguishanylonger.pullingmykneesuptomy
chest,icurlupontherearseatandtearsooze,unwelcome,downmy
cheeks.
“whereinportland,mrs.grey?”sawyerasksgently.
“ohsu,”ichokeout.“thebighospital.”
sawyerpullsoutintothestreetandheadsforthei-5,whileikeensoftlyinthe
backofthecar,mutteringwordlessprayers.pleaselethimbeokay.please
lethimbeokay.
myphonerings.“yourloveisking”startlingmefrommymantra.
“christian,”igasp.
“christ,ana.what’swrong?”
“it’sray—he’sbeeninanaccident.”
“shit!”
“yes.iamonmywaytoportland.”
“portland?pleasetellmesawyeriswithyou.”
“yes,he’sdriving.”
“whereisray?”
“atohsu.”
ihearamuffledvoiceinthebackground.“yes,ros,”christiansnapsangrily.
“iknow!sorry,baby—icanbethereinaboutthreehours.iha一vebusinessi
needtofinishhere.i’llflydown.”
ohshit.charlietangoisbackincommissionandlasttimechristianflew
her...
“iha一veameetingwithsomeguysoverfromtaiwan.ican’tblowthemoff.it’s
adealwe’vebeenhammeringoutformonths.”
whydoiknownothingaboutthis?
“i’lllea一veassoonasican.”
“okay,”iwhisper.andiwanttosaythatit’sokay,hecanstayinseattleand
sortouthisbusiness...butthetruthisiwanthimwithme.
“oh,baby,”hewhispers.
“i’llbeokay,christian.takeyourtime.don’trush.idon’twanttoworryabout
you,too.flysafely.”
“iwill.”
“loveyou.”
“iloveyou,too,baby.i’llbewithyouassoonasican.keeplukeclose.”
“yes,iwill.”
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fiftyshadesfreed
“i’llseeyoulater.”
“bye.”
afterhangingup,ihugmykneesoncemore.iknownothingaboutchristian’s
business.whatthehellishedoingwiththetaiwanese?igazeoutofthe
windowaswepassboeingfield-kingcountyairport.hemustflysafely...
mystomachknotsanewandnauseathreatens.rayandchristian.idon’t
thinkmyheartcouldtakethat.leaningback,istartmymantraagain:please
lethimbeokay.pleaselethimbeokay.
“mrs.grey.”sawyer’svoicerousesme.“we’reonthehospitalgrounds.ijust
ha一vetofindtheer.”
“iknowwhereitis.”mymindflitsbacktomylastvisittoohsu
when,onmysecondday,ifelloffastepladderatclaytons,twistingmyankle.
irecallpaulclaytonhoveringovermeandshudderatthememory.
sawyerpullsuptothedrop-offpointandleapsouttoopenmydoor.
“i’llgopark,ma’am,andcomefindyou.lea一veyourbriefcase,i’llbringit.”
“thankyou,luke.”
henods,andiwalkbrisklyintothebuzzingerreceptionarea.the
receptionistatthedeskgivesmeapolitesmile,andwithinafewmoments,
she’slocatedrayandissendingmetotheoronthethirdfloor.
or?fuck!“thankyou,”imutter,tryingtofocusonherdirectionstothe
elevators.mystomachlurchesasialmostruntowardthem.
lethimbeokay.pleaselethimbeokay.
theelevatorisagonizinglyslow,stoppingoneachfloor.comeon...come
on!iwillittomovefaster,scowlingatthepeoplestrollinginandoutand
preventingmefromgettingtomydad.finally,thedoorsopenonthethird
floorandirushtoanotherreceptiondesk,thisonestaffedbynursesinna一vy
uniforms.
“canihelpyou?”asksoneofficiousnursewithamyopicstare.
“myfather,raymondsteele.he’sjustbeenadmitted.he’sinor4,ithink.”
evenasisaythewordsiamwillingthemnottobetrue.
“letmecheck,misssteele.”
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eljames
inod,notbotheringtocorrectherasshegazesintentlyathercomputer
screen.
“yes.he’sbeeninforacoupleofhours.ifyou’dliketowait,i’llletthemknow
thatyou’rehere.thewaitingroom’sthere.”shepointstowardalargewhite
door,helpfullylabeledwaitingroominboldbluelettering.
“isheokay?”iask,tryingtokeepmyvoicesteady.
“you’llha一vetowaitforoneoftheattendingdoctortobriefyou,ma’am.”
“thankyou,”imutter—butinsideiamscreaming,iwanttoknownow!
iopenthedoortorevealafunctional,austerewaitingroom,wheremr.
rodriguezandjoséareseated.
“ana!”mr.rodriguezgasps.hisarmisinacast,andhischeekisbruised
ononeside.he’sinawheelchairwithoneofhislegsinacasttoo.igingerly
wrapmyarmsaroundhim.
“oh,mr.rodriguez,”isob.
“ana,honey.”hepatsmybackwithhisuninjuredarm.“i’msosorry,”he
mumbles,hishoarsevoicecracking.
ohno.
“no,papa,”josésayssoftlyinadmonishmentashehoversbehindme.
wheniturn,hepullsmeintohisarmsandholdsme.
“josé,”imutter.andi’mlost—tearsfallingasallthetension,fear,and
heartacheofthelastthreehourssurface.
“hey,ana,don’tcry.”joségentlystrokesmyhair.iwrapmyarmsaroundhis
neckandsoftlyweep.westandlikethatforages,andi’msogratefulthatmy
friendishere.wepullapartwhensawyerjoinsusinthewaitingroom.mr.
rodriguezhandsmeatissuefromaconvenientlyplacedbox,andidrymy
tears.
“thisismr.sawyer.security,”imurmur.sawyernodspolitelytojoséand
mr.rodriguezthenmovestotakeaseatinthecorner.
“sitdown,ana.”joséushersmetooneofthevinyl-coveredarmchairs.
“sitdown,ana.”joséushersmetooneofthevinyl-coveredarmchairs.
“whathappened?”iask.“doweknowhowheis?whataretheydoing?”
joséholdsuphishandstohaltmybarrageofquestionsandsitsdown
besideme.“wedon’tha一veanynews.ray,dad,andiwereona331|pag
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fiftyshadesfreed
fishingtriptoastoria.wewerehitbysomestupidfuckingdrunk—”
mr.rodrigueztriestointerrupt,stammeringanapology.
“cálmate,papa!”josésnaps.“idon’tha一veamarkonme,”hecontinues.
“justacoupleofbruisedribsandaknockonthehead.dad...well,dad
brokehiswristandankle.butthecarhitthepassengersideandray...”
ohno,no...panicswampsmylimbicsystemagain.no,no,no.mybody
shuddersandchillsasiimaginewhat’shappeningtorayintheor.
“he’sinsurgery.weweretakentothecommunityhospitalinastoria,but
theyairliftedrayhere.wedon’tknowwhatthey’redoing.we’rewaitingfor
news.”
istarttoshake.
“hey,ana,youcold?”
inod.i’minmywhitesleevelessshirtandblacksummerjacketandneither
provideswarmth.gingerly,josépullsoffhisleatherjacketandwrapsit
aroundmyshoulders.
“shalligetyousometea,ma’am?”sawyerisbymyside.inodgratefullyand
hedisappearsfromtheroom.
“whywereyoufishinginastoria?”iask.
joséshrugs.“thefishing’ssupposedtobegoodthere.wewereha一vinga
boys’get-together.somebondingtimewithmyoldmanbeforeacademia
heatsupformyfinalyear.”josé’sdarkeyesarelargeandluminouswithfear
andregret.
“youcouldha一vebeenhurt,too.andmr.rodriguez...worse.”igulpatthe
thought.mybodytemperaturedropsfurther,andishiveroncemore.josé
takesmyhand.
“hell,ana,you’refreezing.”
mr.rodriguezinchesforwardandtakesmyotherhandinhisonegoodhand.
“ana,iamsosorry.”
“mr.rodriguez,please.itwasanaccident...”myvoicefadestoawhisper.
“callmejosé,”hecorrectsme.igivehimaweaksmile,becausethat’salli
canmanage.ishiveroncemore.
“thepolicetooktheassholeintocustody.seveninthemorningandtheguy
wasoutofhisskull,”joséhissesindisgust.332|page
eljames
sawyerreenters,bearingapapercupofhotwaterandaseparateteabag.
heknowshowitakemytea!i’msurprised,andgladforthedistraction.mr.
rodriguezandjoséreleasemyhandsasitakethecupgratefullyfrom
sawyer.
“doyou...?”sawyerasksmr.rodriguezandjosé.theybothshaketheir
heads,andsawyerresumeshisseatinthecorner.idunkmyteabaginthe
waterand,risingshakily,disposeoftheusedbaginasmalltrashcan.
“what’stakingthemsolong?”imuttertonooneinparticularasitakeasip.
daddy...pleaselethimbeokay.pleaselethimbeokay.
“we’llknowsoonenough,ana,”josésaysgently.inodandtakeanothersip.
itakemyseatagainbesidehim.wewait...andwait.mr.rodriguezwith
hiseyesclosed,prayingithink,andjoséholdingmyhandandsqueezingit
everynowandthen.islowlysipmytea.it’snottwinings,butsomecheap
andnastybrand,andittastesdisgusting.irememberthelasttimeiwaited
fornews.thelasttimeithoughtallwaslostwhencharlietangowent
missing.closingmyeyes,iofferupasilentprayerforthesafepassageof
myhusband.iglanceatmywatch:2:15heshouldbeheresoon.mytea
iscold...ugh!
istandupandpacethensitdownagain.whyha一ven’tthedoctorsbeento
seeme?itakejosé’shand,andhegivesmineanotherreassuringsqueeze.
pleaselethimbeokay.pleaselethimbeokay.timecrawlssoslowly.
suddenlythedooropens,andweallglanceupexpectantly,mystomach
knotting.isthisit?
christianstridesin.hisfacedarkensmomentarilywhenhenoticesmyhand
injosé’s.
“christian!”igaspandleapup,thankinggodhe’sarrivedsafely.theni’m
wrappedinhisarms,hisnoseinmyhair,andi’minhalinghisscent,his
warmth,hislove.asmallpartofmefeelscalmer,stronger,andmore
resilientbecausehe’shere.oh,thedifferencehispresencemakestomy
peaceofmind.
“anynews?”
ishakemyhead,unabletospeak.
“josé.”henodsagreeting.
“christian,thisismyfather,josésenior.”
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fiftyshadesfreed
“mr.rodriguez—wemetatthewedding.itakeityouwereintheaccident,
too?”
josébrieflyretellsthestory.
“areyoubothwellenoughtobehere?”christianasks.
“wedon’twanttobeanywhereelse,”mr.rodriguezsays,hisvoicequiet
andlacedwithpain.christiannods.takingmyhand,hesitsmedownthen
takesaseatbesideme.
“ha一veyoueaten?”heasks.
ishakemyhead.
“areyouhungry?”
ishakemyhead.
“butyou’recold?”heasks,eyeingjosé’sjacket.
inod.heshiftsinhischair,butwiselysaysnothing.thedooropensagain,
andayoungdoctorinbrightbluescrubsenters.helooksexhaustedand
harrowed.
ohno...allthebloodseemstodisappearfrommyheadasistumbletomy
feet.
“raysteele,”iwhisperaschristianstandsbesideme,puttinghisarm
aroundmywaist.
“you’rehisnextofkin?”thedoctorasks.hisbrightblueeyesalmostmatch
hisscrubs,andunderanyothercircumstancesiwouldha一vefoundhim
attractive.
“i’mhisdaughter,ana.”
“misssteele—”
“mrs.grey,”christianinterruptshim.
“myapologies,”thedoctorstammers,andforamomentiwanttokick
christian.“i’mdoctorcrowe.yourfatherisstable,butinacriticalcondition.”
fuck.whatdoesthatmean?mykneesbucklebeneathme,andonly
christian’ssupportingarmpreventsmefromfallingtothefloor.
“hesufferedsevereinternalinjuries,”dr.crowesays,“principallytohis
diaphragm,butwe’vemanagedtorepairthem,andwewereabletosa一vehis
spleen.unfortunately,hesufferedacardiacarrestduringtheoperation
becauseofbloodloss.wemanagedtogethisheartgoingagain,butthis
remainsaconcern.however,ourgra一vestconcernisthathesufferedsevere
contusionstothehead,andthemrishowsthathehasswellinginhisbrain.
we’veinducedacomatokeephimquietand334|page
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stillwhilewemonitorthebrainswelling.”
braindamage?no.
“it’sstandardprocedureinthesecases.fornow,wejustha一vetowaitand
see.”
“andwhat’stheprognosis?”christianaskscoolly.
“mr.grey,it’sdifficulttosayatthemoment.it’spossiblehecouldmakea
completerecovery,butthat’singod’shandsnow.”
“howlongwillyoukeephiminacoma?”
“thatdependsonhowhisbrainresponds.usuallyseventy-twotoninety-six
hours.”
ohno...solong!
“caniseehim?”iwhisper.
“yes,youshouldbeabletoseehiminabouthalfanhour.he’sbeentakento
theicuonthesixthfloor.”
“thankyou,doctor.”
dr.crowenods,turnsandlea一vesus.
“well,he’salive,”iwhispertochristian.andthetearsstarttorolldownmy
faceoncemore.
“sitdown,”christianordersgently.
“papa,ithinkweshouldgo.youneedtorest.wewon’tknowanythingfora
while.”josémurmurstomr.rodriguezwhogazesblanklyathisson.“we
cancomebackthisevening,afteryou’verested.that’sokay,isn’tit,ana?”
joséturns,imploringme.
“ofcourse.”
“areyoustayinginportland?”christianasks.josénods.
“doyouneedaridehome?”
joséfrowns.“iwasgoingtoorderacab.”
“lukecantakeyou.”
sawyerstands,andjosélooksconfused.
“lukesawyer,”imurmurinclarification.
“oh...sure.yeah,we’dappreciateit.thanks,christian.”