五十度灰(Fifty Shades of Grey)英文版 Part II 15

shelaughs.“no,ana.canifixyouadrinkor

something?youlookbeat.”

“i’dloveaglassofwine.”

“white?”

“yes,please.”

iperchononeofthebarstools,andshehandsmea

glassofchilledwine.idon’tknowwhatitis,butit’s

deliciousandslidesdowneasily,soothingmyshattered

nerves.whatwasithinkingaboutearliertoday?how

aliveiha一vefeltsinceimetchristian.howexcitingmylife

hasbecome.jeez,couldijustha一veafewboringdays?

whatifi’dnevermetchristian?i’dbeholedupinmy

apartment,talkingitthroughwithethan,completely

freakedbymyencounterwithjack,knowingiwouldha一ve

tofacethesleazeballagainonfriday.asitis,there’s

everychancei’llneverseteyesonhimagain.butwhowill

iworkfornow?ifrown.ihadn’tthoughtofthat.shit,do

ievenha一veajob?

“evening,gail,”christiansaysashecomesbackinto

thegreatroom,draggingmefrommythoughts.heading

straighttothefridge,hepourshimselfaglassofwine.

“goodevening,mr.grey.dinnerinten,sir?”

“soundsgood.”

christianraiseshisglass.

“toex-militarymenwhotraintheirdaughterswell,”he

saysandhiseyessoften.

“cheers,”imutter,raisingmyglass.

“what’swrong?”christianasks.

“idon’tknowifistillha一veajob.”

hecockshisheadtotheside.“doyoustillwantone?”

“ofcourse.”

“thenyoustillha一veone.”

simple.see?heismasterofmyuniverse.irollmy

eyesathimandhesmiles.

mrs.jonesmakesameanchickenpotpie.shehasleftus

toenjoythefruitsofherlabors,andifeelmuchbetternow

i’vehadsomethingtoeat.wearesittingatthebreakfast

bar,anddespitemybestcajoling,christianwon’ttellme

whatbarneyhasfoundonjack’scomputer.idropthe

subject,anddecidetotackleinsteadthethornyissueof

josé’simpendingvisit.

“josécalled,”isaynonchalantly.

“oh?”christianturnstofaceme.

“hewantstodeliveryourphotosonfriday.”

“apersonaldelivery.howaccommodatingofhim,”

christianmutters.

“hewantstogoout.foradrink.withme.”

“isee.”

“andkateandelliotshouldbeback,”iaddquickly.

christianputshisforkdown,frowningatme.

“whatexactlyareyouasking?”

ibristle.“i’mnotaskinganything.i’minformingyouof

myplansforfriday.look,iwanttoseejosé,andhe

wantstostayover.eitherhestayshereorhecanstayat

myplace,butifhedoesishouldbethere,too.”

christian’seyeswiden.helooksdumbfounded.

“hemadeapassatyou.”

“christian,thatwasweeksago.hewasdrunk,iwas

drunk,yousa一vedtheday—itwon’thappenagain.he’sno

jack,forhea一ven’ssake.”

“ethan’sthere.hecankeephimcompany.”

“hewantstoseeme,notethan.”

christianscowlsatme.

“he’sjustafriend.”myvoiceisemphatic.

“idon’tlikeit.”

sowhat?jeez,he’sirritatingsometimes.itakeadeep

breath.“he’smyfriend,christian.iha一ven’tseenhimsince

hisshow.andthatwastoobrief.iknowyoudon’tha一ve

anyfriends,apartfromthatgod-awfulwoman,butidon’t

moanaboutyouseeingher,”isnap.christianblinks,

shocked.“iwanttoseehim.i’vebeenapoorfriendto

him.”mysubconsciousisalarmed.areyoustamping

yourlittlefoot?steadynow!

grayeyesblazeatme.“isthatwhatyouthink?”he

breathes.

“thinkaboutwhat?”

“elena.you’dratherididn’tseeher?”

holycow.“exactly.i’dratheryoudidn’tseeher.”

“whydidn’tyousay?”

“becauseit’snotmyplacetosay.youthinkshe’s

youronlyfriend.”ishruginexasperation.hereally

doesn’tgetit.howdidthisturnintoaconversationabout

her?idon’tevenwanttothinkabouther.itrytosteerus

backtojosé.“justasit’snotyourplacetosayificanor

can’tseejosé.don’tyouseethat?”

christiangazesatme,perplexed,ithink.oh,whatis

hethinking?

“hecanstayhere,isuppose,”hemutters.“icankeep

aneyeonhim.”hesoundspetulant.

hallelujah!

“thankyou!youknow,ifiamgoingtolivehere,

too...”itrailoff.christiannods.heknowswhati’m

tryingtosay.“it’snotlikeyouha一ven’tgotthespace.”i

smirk.

hislipsquirkupslowly.“areyousmirkingatme,miss

steele?”

“mostdefinitely,mr.grey.”igetupjustincasehis

palmsstarttwitching,clearourplates,andthenloadthem

intothedishwasher.

“gailwilldothat.”

“i’vedoneitnow.”istandupandgazeathim.he’s

watchingmeintently.

“iha一vetoworkforawhile,”hesaysapologetically.

“cool.i’llfindsomethingtodo.”

“comehere,”heorders,buthisvoiceissoftand

seductive,hiseyesheated.idon’thesitatetowalkintohis

arms,claspinghimaroundhisneckasheperchesonhis

barstool.hewrapshisarmsaroundme,crushesmeto

him,andjustholdsme.

“areyouokay?”hewhispersintomyhair.

“okay?”

“afterwhathappenedwiththatfucker?afterwhat

happenedyesterday?”headds,hisvoicequietand

earnest.

igazeintodark,serious,grayeyes.amiokay?

“yes,”iwhisper.

hisarmstightenaroundme,andifeelsafe,cherished,

andlovedallatonce.it’sblissful.closingmyeyes,ienjoy

thefeelofbeinginhisarms.ilovethisman.ilovehis

intoxicatingscent,hisstrength,hismercurialways—my

fifty.

“let’snotfight,”hemurmurs.hekissesmyhairand

inhalesdeeply.“yousmellhea一venlyasusual,ana.”

“sodoyou,”iwhisperandkisshisneck.

alltoosoonhereleasesme.“ishouldonlybeacouple

ofhours.”

iwanderlistlesslythroughtheapartment.christianisstill

working.iha一veshoweredanddressedinsomesweats

andat-shirtofmyown,andi’mbored.idon’twantto

read.ifisitstill,i’llrecalljackandhisfingersonme.

icheckoutmyoldbedroom,thesubs’room.josécan

sleephere—he’llliketheview.it’sabouteightfifteen,and

thesunisbeginningtosinkintothewest.thelightsofthe

citytwinklebelowme.it’sglorious.yes,joséwilllikeit

here.iwonderidlywherechristianwillhangjosé’s

picturesofme.i’dratherhedidn’t.iamnotkeenon

lookingatmyself.

backdownthehallwayifindmyselfoutsidethe

playroom,andwithoutthinking,itrythedoorhandle.

christiannormallykeepsitlocked,buttomysurprise,the

dooropens.howstrange.feelinglikeachildplaying

hookyandstrayingintotheforbiddenforest,iwalkin.it’s

dark.iflicktheswitchandthelightsunderthecornicelight

upwithasoftglow.it’sasirememberit.awomb-like

room.

memoriesofthelasttimeiwasinhereflashthrough

mymind.thebelt...iwinceattherecollection.nowit

hangsinnocently,linedupwithothers,ontherackbeside

thedoor.tentativelyirunmyfingersoverthebelts,the

floggers,thepaddles,andthewhips.sheesh.thisiswhat

ineedtosquarewithdr.flynn.cansomeoneinthis

lifestylejuststop?itseemssoimprobable.wandering

overtothebed,isitonsoftredsatinsheets,gazing

aroundatalltheapparatus.

besidemeisthebench,abovethattheassortmentof

canes.somany!surelyoneisenough?well,theless

saidaboutthatthebetter.andthelargetable.wenever

triedthat,whateverhedoesonit.myeyesfallonthe

chesterfield,andimoveovertositonit.it’sjustacouch,

nothingextraordinaryaboutit—nothingtofastenanything

to,notthaticansee.glancingbehindme,ispythe

museumchest.mycuriosityispiqued.whatdoeshekeep

inthere?

asipullopenthetopdrawerirealizemybloodis

poundingthroughmyveins.whyamisonervous?this

feelssoillicit,asifi’mtrespassing,whichofcourseiam.

butifhewantstomarryme,well...

holyfuck,what’sallthis?anarrayofinstrumentsand

bizarreimplements—idon’tha一veacluewhattheyare,or

whatthey’refor—arecarefullylaidoutinthedisplay

drawer.ipickoneup.it’sbullet-shapedwithasortof

handle.hmm...whatthehelldoyoudowiththat?

mymindboggles,thoughithinkiha一veanidea.jeez,

therearefourdifferentsizes!myscalppricklesandi

glanceup.

christianisstandinginthedoorway,staringatme,his

faceunreadable.howlonghashebeenthere?ifeellike

i’vebeencaughtwithmyhandinthecookiejar.

“hi.”ismilenervouslyathim,andiknowmyeyesare

wideandthati’mdeathlypale.

“whatareyoudoing?”hesayssoftly,butthere’san

undercurrentinhistone.

ohshit.ishemad?iflush.“er...iwasboredand

curious,”imutter,embarrassedtobefoundout.hesaid

he’dbetwohours.

“that’saverydangerouscombination.”herunshis

longindexfingeracrosshislowerlipinquiet

contemplation,nottakinghiseyesoffme.iswallowand

mymouthisdry.

slowly,heenterstheroomandclosesthedoorquietly

behindhim,hiseyesliquidgrayfire.ohmy.heleans

casuallyoverthechestofdrawers,butithinkhisstanceis

deceptive.myinnergoddessdoesn’tknowwhetherit’s

fightorflighttime.

“so,whatexactlyareyoucuriousabout,misssteele?

perhapsicouldenlightenyou.”

“thedoorwasopen...i—”igazeatchristianasi

holdmybreathandblink,uncertainaseverofhisreaction

orwhatishouldsay.hiseyesaredark.ithinkhe’s

amused,butit’sdifficulttotell.heplaceshiselbowson

themuseumchestandrestshischinonhisclaspedhands.

“iwasinhereearliertodaywonderingwhattodowith

itall.imustha一veforgottentolockit.”hescowls

momentarilyasiflea一vingthedoorunlockedisaterrible

lapseinjudgment.ifrown—it’snotlikehimtobe

forgetful.

“oh?”

“butnowhereyouare,curiousasever.”hisvoiceis

soft,puzzled.

“you’renotmad?”iwhisper,usingmyremaining

breath.

hecockshisheadtooneside,andhislipstwitchin

amusement.

“whywouldibemad?”

“ifeellikei’mtrespassing...andyou’realwaysmad

atme.”myvoiceisquiet,thoughi’mrelieved.christian’s

browcreasesoncemore.

“yes,you’retrespassing,buti’mnotmad.ihopethat

onedayyou’lllivewithmehere,andallthis”—hegestures

vaguelyroundtheroomwithonehand—“willbeyours,

too.”

myplayroom...eh?igapeathim—that’salotto

takein.

“that’swhyiwasinheretoday.tryingtodecidewhat

todo.”hetapshislipswithhisindexfinger.“amiangry

withyouallthetime?iwasn’tthismorning.”

oh,that’strue.ismileatthememoryofchristian

whenwewoke,anditdistractsmefromthethoughtof

whatwillbecomeoftheplayroom.hewassuchfunfifty

thismorning.

“youwereplayful.ilikeplayfulchristian.”

“doyounow?”hearchesaneyebrow,andhis

beautifulmouthcurvesupinasmile,ashysmile.wow!

“what’sthis?”iholdupthesilverbulletthing.

“alwayshungryforinformation,misssteele.that’sa

buttplug,”hesaysgently.

“oh...”

“boughtforyou.”

what?“forme?”

henodsslowly,hisfacenowseriousandwary.

ifrown.“youbuynew,er...toys...foreach

submissive?”

“somethings.yes.”

“buttplugs?”

“yes.”

okay...iswallow.buttplug.it’ssolidmetal—surely

that’suncomfortable?irememberourdiscussionabout

sextoysandhardlimitsafterigraduated.ithinkatthe

timeisaidiwouldtry.now,actuallyseeingone,idon’t

knowifit’ssomethingiwanttodo.iexamineitonce

moreandplaceitbackinthedrawer.

“andthis?”itakeoutalong,blackrubberyobject,

madeofgraduallydiminishingsphericalbubblesjoined

together,thefirstonelargeandthelastmuchsmaller.eight

bubblesintotal.

“analbeads,”sayschristian,watchingmecarefully.

oh!iexaminethemwithfascinatedhorror.allof

these,insideme...there!ihadnoidea.

“theyha一vequiteaneffectifyoupullthemoutmidorgasm,”

headdsmatter-of-factly.

“thisisforme?”iwhisper.

“foryou.”henodsslowly.

“thisisthebuttdrawer?”

hesmirks.“ifyoulike.”

icloseitquickly,flushinglikeastoplight.

“don’tyoulikethebuttdrawer?”heasksinnocently,

amused.igazeathimandshrug,tryingtobrazenoutmy

shock.

“it’snottopofmychristmascardlist,”imutter

nonchalantly.tentatively,iopentheseconddrawer.he

grins.

“nextdrawerdownholdsaselectionofvibrators.”

ishutthedrawerquickly.

“andthenext?”iwhisper,ashenoncemore,butthis

timewithembarrassment.

“that’smoreinteresting.”

oh!hesitantlyipullthedraweropen,nottakingmy

eyesoffhisbeautifulbutrathersmugface.insidethereare

anassortmentofmetalitemsandsomeclothespins.

clothespins!ipickupalargemetalclip-likedevice.

“genitalclamp,”christiansays.hestandsupand

movescasuallyaroundsothathe’sbesideme.iputit

backimmediatelyandchoosesomethingmoredelicate—

twosmallclipsonachain.

“someoftheseareforpain,butmostarefor

pleasure,”hemurmurs.

“what’sthis?”

“nippleclamps—that’sforboth.”

“both?nipples?”

christiansmirksatme.“well,therearetwoclamps,

baby.yes,bothnipples,butthat’snotwhatimeant.

theseareforbothpleasureandpain.”

oh.hetakesitfromme.

“holdoutyourlittlefinger.”

idoasheasks,andheclampsonecliptothetipofmy

finger.it’snottooharsh.

“thesensationisveryintense,butit’swhentaking

themoffthattheyareattheirmostpainful

andpleasurable.”iremovetheclip.hmm,thatmightbe

nice.isquirmatthethought.

“ilikethelookofthese,”imurmurandchristian

smiles.

“doyounow,misssteele?ithinkicantell.”

inodshyly,bitingmylip.hereachesupandtugson

mychinsoireleasemybottomlip.

“youknowwhatthatdoestome,”hemurmurs.

iputtheclipsbackinthedrawer,andchristianleans

forwardandpullsouttwomore.

“theseareadjustable.”heholdsthemupformeto

inspect.

“adjustable?”

“youcanwearthemverytight...ornot.depending

onyourmood.”

howdoeshemakethatsoundsoerotic?iswallow,

andtodiverthisattention,pulloutadevicethatlookslike

aspikypastrycutter.

“this?”ifrown.nobakingintheplayroom,surely.

“that’sawartenbergpinwheel.”

“for?”

hereachesoverandtakesitfromme.“givemeyour

hand.palmup.”

iofferhimmylefthandandhetakesitgently,skating

histhumbovermyknuckles.ashiverrunsthroughme.his

skinagainstmine,itneverfailstothrillme.herunsthe

wheelovermypalm.

“ah!”theprongsbiteintomyskin—there’smorethan

justpain.infact,itticklesslightly.

“imaginethatoveryourbreasts,”christianmurmurs

lasciviously.

oh!iflushandsnatchmyhandback.mybreathing

andheartrateincrease.holycow.

“there’safinelinebetweenpleasureandpain,

anastasia,”hesayssoftlyasheleansdownandputsthe

devicebackinthedrawer.

“clothespins?”iwhisper.

“youcandoagreatdealwithaclothespins.”hisgray

eyesburn.

ileanagainstthedrawersoitcloses.

“isthatall?”christianlooksamused.

“no...”ipullopenthefourthdrawertobe

confoundedbyamassofleatherandstraps.itugatoneof

thestraps...itappearstobeattachedtoaball.

“ballgag.tokeepyouquiet,”sayschristian,amused

oncemore.

“softlimit,”imutter.

“iremember,”hesays.“butyoucanstillbreathe.your

teethclampovertheball.”takingitfromme,hereplicates

amouthclampingdownontheballwithhisfingers.

“ha一veyouwornoneofthese?”iask.

hestillsandgazesdownatme.“yes.”

“tomaskyourscreams?”

hecloseshiseyes,andithinkit’sinexasperation.

“no,that’snotwhatthey’reabout.”

oh?

“it’saboutcontrol,anastasia.howhelplesswould

youbeifyouweretiedupandcouldn’tspeak?how

trustingwouldyouha一vetobe,knowingihadthatmuch

poweroveryou?thatihadtoreadyourbodyandyour

reaction,ratherthanhearyourwords?itmakesyoumore

dependent,putsmeinultimatecontrol.”

iswallow.

“yousoundlikeyoumissit.”

“it’swhatiknow,”hemurmurs,gazingdownatme.

hisgrayeyesarewideandserious,andtheatmosphere

betweenushaschangedasifhe’sintheconfessional.

“youha一vepoweroverme.youknowyoudo,”i

whisper.

“doi?youmakemefeel...helpless.”

“no!”ohfifty...“why?”

“becauseyou’retheonlypersoniknowwhocould

reallyhurtme.”hereachesupandtucksmyhairbehind

myear.

“oh,christian...thatworksbothways.ifyoudidn’t

wantme—”ishudder,glancingdownatmytwisting

fingers.thereinlaysmyotherdarkreservationaboutus.if

hewasn’tso...broken,wouldhewantme?ishakemy

head.imusttrynottothinklikethat.

“thelastthingiwanttodoishurtyou.iloveyou,”i

murmur,reachinguptorunmyfingersthroughhissideburn

andgentlystrokehischeek.heleanshisfaceintomy

touch,dropsthegagbackinthedrawer,andreachesfor

me,hishandsaroundmywaist.hepullsmeagainsthim.

“ha一vewefinishedshowandtell?”heasks,hisvoice

softandseductive.hishandmovesupmybacktothe

napeofmyneck.

“why?whatdidyouwanttodo?”

hebendsandkissesmegently,andimeltagainsthim,

graspinghisarms.

“ana,youwerenearlyattackedtoday.”hisvoiceis

softbutice-coldandwary.

“so?”iask,enjoyingthefeelofhishandatmyback

andhisproximity.hepullshisheadbackandscowls

downatme.

“whatdoyoumean,‘so?’”herebukes.

igazeupintohislovely,grumpyface,andi’mdazzled.

“christian,i’mfine.”

hewrapsmeinhisarms,holdingmeclose.“wheni

thinkwhatmightha一vehappened,”hebreathes,buryinghis

faceinmyhair.

“whenwillyoulearnthati’mstrongerthanilook?”i

whisperreassuringlyintohisneck,inhalinghisdelicious

scent.thereisnothingbetterontheplanetthanbeingin

christian’sarms.

“iknowyou’restrong,”christianmusesquietly.he

kissesmyhair,thentomygreatdisappointment,releases

me.oh?

bendingdownifishanotheritemoutoftheopen

drawer.severalcuffsattachedtoabar.iholditup.

“that,”sayschristian,hiseyesdarkening,“isa

spreaderbarwithankleandwristrestraints.”

“howdoesitwork?”iask,genuinelyintrigued.my

innergoddesspopsherheadoutofherbunker.

“youwantmetoshowyou?”hebreathesinsurprise,

closinghiseyesbriefly.

iblinkathim.whenheopenshiseyes,theyare

blazing.

ohmy.“yes,iwantademonstration.ilikebeingtied

up,”iwhisperasmyinnergoddesspolevaultsfromthe

bunkerontoherchaiselongue.

“oh,ana,”hemurmurs.helookspainedallofa

sudden.

“what?”

“nothere.”

“whatdoyoumean?”

“iwantyouinmybed,notinhere.come.”hegrabs

thebarandmyhand,thenleadsmepromptlyoutofthe

room.

whyarewelea一ving?iglancebehindmeasweexit.

“whynotinthere?”

christianstopsonthestairsandgazesupatme,his

expressiongra一ve.

“ana,youmaybereadytogobackinthere,buti’m

not.lasttimewewereinthere,youleftme.ikeeptelling

you—whenwillyouunderstand?”hefrowns,releasingme

sothathecangesticulatewithhisfreehand.

“mywholeattitudehaschangedasaresult.mywhole

outlookonlifehasradicallyshifted.i’vetoldyouthis.

whatiha一ven’ttoldyouis—”hestopsandrunshishand

throughhishair,searchingforthecorrectwords.“i’mlike

arecoveringalcoholic,okay?that’stheonlycomparisoni

candraw.thecompulsionhasgone,butidon’twantto

puttemptationinmyway.idon’twanttohurtyou.”

helookssoremorseful,andinthatmoment,asharp

naggingpainlancesthroughme.whatha一veidonetothis

man?ha一veiimprovedhislife?hewashappybeforehe

metme,wasn’the?

“ican’tbeartohurtyoubecauseiloveyou,”headds,

gazingupatme,hisexpressiononeofabsolutesincerity

likeasmallboytellingaverysimpletruth.

he’scompletelyguileless,andhetakesmybreath

away.iadorehimmorethananythingoranyone.idolove

thismanunconditionally.

ilaunchmyselfathimsohardthathehastodropwhat

he’scarryingtocatchmeasipushhimupagainstthewall.

grabbinghisfacebetweenmyhands,ipullhislipsto

mine.icantastehissurpriseasipushmytongueintohis

mouth.iamstandingonthestepabovehim—we’reatthe

samelevel,andifeeleuphoricallyempowered.kissing

himpassionately,myfingerstwistingintohishair,iwantto

touchhim,everywhere,butrestrainmyself,knowinghis

fear.regardless,mydesireunfurls,hotandhea一vy,

blossomingdeepinsideme.hegroansandgrabsmy

shoulders,pushingmeaway.

“doyouwantmetofuckyouonthestairs?”he

mutters,hisbreathingragged.“becauserightnow,iwill.”

“yes,”imurmurandi’msuremydarkgazematches

his.

heglaresatme,hiseyeshoodedandhea一vy.“no.i

wantyouinmybed.”hescoopsmeupsuddenlyoverhis

shoulder,makingmesqueal,loudly,andsmacksmehard

onmybehind,sothatisquealagain.asheheadsdown

thestairs,hestoopstopickupthefallenspreaderbar.

mrs.jonesiscomingoutoftheutilityroomwhenwe

passthroughthehall.shesmilesatus,andigiveheran

apologeticupside-downwa一ve.idon’tthinkchristian

noticesher.

inthebedroom,hesetsmedownonmyfeetand

dropsthespreaderontothebed.

“idon’tthinkyou’llhurtme,”ibreathe.

“idon’tthinki’llhurtyou,either,”hesays.hetakes

myheadinhishandsandkissesme,longandhard,igniting

myalreadyheatedblood.

“iwantyousomuch,”hewhispersagainstmymouth,

panting.“areyousureaboutthis—aftertoday?’

“yes.iwantyou,too.iwanttoundressyou.”ican’t

waittogetmyhandsonhim—myfingersareitchingto

touchhim.

hiseyeswidenandforamoment,hehesitates,