holyfuck...christian.thesubmissive.

christianonhiskneesatmyfeet,holdingmewithhis

steadygraygaze,isthemostchillingandsoberingsighti

ha一veeverseen—moresothanleilaandhergun.the

vaguealcoholicfuzzinessi’msufferingfromevaporatesin

aninstantandisreplacedbyapricklingscalpanda

creepingsenseofdoomastheblooddrainsfrommyface.

iinhalesharplywithshock.no.no,thisiswrong,so

wrongandsodisturbing.

“christian,please,don’tdothis.idon’twantthis.”

hecontinuestoregardmepassively,notmoving,

hecontinuestoregardmepassively,notmoving,

sayingnothing.

ohfuck.mypoorfifty.myheartsqueezesand

twists.whatthehellha一veidonetohim?tearsprickmy

eyes.

“whyareyoudoingthis?talktome,”iwhisper.

heblinksonce.

“whatwouldyoulikemetosay?”hesayssoftly,

blandly,andforamomenti’mrelievedthathe’stalking,

butnotlikethis—no.no.

tearsbegintooozedownmycheeks,andsuddenlyit

istoomuchtoseehiminthesameprostratepositionasthe

patheticcreaturethatwasleila.theimageofapowerful

manwho’sreallystillalittleboy,whowashorrifically

abusedandneglected,whofeelsunworthyoflovefromhis

perfectfamilyandhismuch-less-thanperfectgirlfriend...

mylostboy...it’sheartbreaking.

compassion,loss,anddespairallswellinmyheart,

andifeelachokingsenseofdesperation.iamgoingto

ha一vetofighttobringhimback,tobringbackmyfifty.

ha一vetofighttobringhimback,tobringbackmyfifty.

thethoughtofmedominatinganyoneisappalling.the

thoughtofdominatingchristianisnauseating.itwould

makemelikeher—thewomanwhodidthistohim.

ishudderatthatthought,fightingthebileinmythroat.

nowaycanidothat.nowaydoiwantthat.

asmythoughtsclear,icanseeonlyoneway.not

takingmyeyesoffhis,isinktomykneesinfrontofhim.

thewoodenfloorishardagainstmyshins,andidash

mytearsawayroughlywiththebackofmyhand.

likethis,weareequals.we’reonalevel.thisisthe

onlywayi’mgoingtoretrievehim.

hiseyeswidenfractionallyasistareupathim,but

beyondthathisexpressionandstancedon’tchange.

“christian,youdon’tha一vetodothis,”iplead.“i’mnot

goingtorun.i’vetoldyouandtoldyouandtoldyou,i

won’trun.”allthat’shappened...it’soverwhelming.i

justneedsometimetothink...sometimetomyself.why

doyoualwaysassumetheworst?”myheartclenches

againbecauseiknow;it’sbecausehe’ssodoub一ting,so

fullofself-loathing.

elena’swordscomebacktohauntme.“doesshe

knowhownegativeyouareaboutyourself?aboutall

yourissues?”

oh,christian.feargripsmyheartoncemoreandi

startbabbling,“iwasgoingtosuggestgoingbacktomy

apartmentthisevening.younevergivemeanytime...

timetojustthinkthingsthrough,”isob,andaghostofa

frowncrosseshisface.“justtimetothink.webarely

knoweachother,andallthisbaggagethatcomeswith

you...ineed...ineedtimetothinkitthrough.and

nowthatleilais...well,whateversheis...she’soffthe

streetsandnotathreat...ithought...ithought...”

myvoicetrailsoffandistareathim.heregardsme

intentlyandithinkhe’slistening

“seeingyouwithleila...”iclosemyeyesasthe

painfulmemoryofhisinteractionwithhisex-subgnawsat

meanew.“itwassuchashock.ihadaglimpseintohow

yourlifehasbeen...and...”igazedownatmyknotted

fingers,tearsstilltricklingdownmycheeks.“thisisabout

fingers,tearsstilltricklingdownmycheeks.“thisisabout

menotbeinggoodenoughforyou.itwasaninsightinto

yourlife,andiamsoscaredyou’llgetboredwithme,and

thenyou’llgo...andi’llenduplikeleila...ashadow.

becauseiloveyou,christian,andifyoulea一veme,itwill

belikeaworldwithoutlight.i’llbeindarkness.idon’t

wanttorun.i’mjustsofrightenedyou’lllea一veme...”

irealizeasisaythesewordstohim—inthehopethat

he’slistening—whatmyrealproblemis.ijustdon’tget

whyhelikesme.iha一veneverunderstoodwhyhelikes

me.

“idon’tunderstandwhyyoufindmeattractive,”i

murmur.“you’re,well,you’reyou...andi’m...”i

shrugandgazeupathim.“ijustdon’tseeit.you’re

beautifulandsexyandsuccessfulandgoodandkindand

caring—allthosethings—andi’mnot.andican’tdothe

thingsyouliketodo.ican’tgiveyouwhatyouneed.how

couldyoubehappywithme?howcanipossiblyhold

you?”myvoiceisawhisperasiexpressmydarkest

fears.“iha一veneverunderstoodwhatyouseeinme.and

fears.“iha一veneverunderstoodwhatyouseeinme.and

seeingyouwithher,itbroughtallthathome.”isniffand

wipemynosewiththebackofmyhand,gazingathis

impassiveexpression.

oh,he’ssoexasperating.talktome,damnit!

“areyougoingtokneelhereallnight?becausei’lldo

it,too,”isnapathim.

ithinkhisexpressionsoftens—maybehelooks

vaguelyamused.butit’ssohardtotell.

icouldreachacrossandtouchhim,butthiswouldbe

agrossabuseofthepositionhe’sputmein.idon’twant

that,butidon’tknowwhathewants,orwhathe’strying

tosaytome.ijustdon’tunderstand.

“christian,please,please...talktome,”ibeseech

him,wringingmyhandsinmylap.iamuncomfortableon

myknees,buticontinuetokneel,staringintohisserious,

beautiful,grayeyes,andiwait.

andwait.

andwait.

“please,”ibegoncemore.

hisintensegazedarkenssuddenlyandheblinks.

“iwassoscared,”hewhispers.

oh,thankthelord!inside,mysubconsciousstaggers

backintoherarmchair,saggingwithrelief,andtakesa

largeswigofgin.

he’stalking!gratitudeoverwhelmsme,andi

swallow,tryingtocontainmyemotionandthefreshbout

oftearsthatthreatens.

hisvoiceissoftandlow.“whenisawethanarrive

outside,iknewsomeonehadletyouintoyourapartment.

bothtaylorandileaptoutofthecar.weknewandto

seehertherelikethatwithyou—andarmed.ithinkidied

athousanddeaths,ana.someonethreateningyou...all

myworstfearsrealized.iwassoangry,withher,with

you,withtaylor,withmyself.”

heshakeshisheadrevealinghisagony.“ididn’tknow

howvolatileshewouldbe.ididn’tknowwhattodo.i

didn’tknowhowshe’dreact.”hestopsandfrowns.“and

thenshega一vemeaclue;shelookedsocontrite.andijust

knewwhatihadtodo.”hepauses,gazingatme,tryingto

knewwhatihadtodo.”hepauses,gazingatme,tryingto

gaugemyreaction.

“goon,”iwhisper.

heswallows.“seeingherinthatstate,knowingthati

mightha一vesomethingtodowithhermental

breakdown...”hecloseshiseyesoncemore.“shewas

alwayssomischievousandlively.”heshuddersandtakes

araspingbreath,almostlikeasob.thisistorturetolisten

to,butikneel,attentive,lappingupthisinsight.

“shemightha一veharmedyou.anditwouldha一vebeen

myfault.”hiseyesdriftoff,filledwithuncomprehending

horror,andhe’ssilentoncemore.

“butshedidn’t,”iwhisper.“andyouweren’t

responsibleforherbeinginthatstate,christian.”iblinkup

athim,encouraginghimtocontinue.

thenitdawnsonmeafreshthateverythinghedidwas

tokeepmesafe,andperhapsleila,too,becausehealso

caresforher.buthowmuchdoeshecareforher?the

questionlingersinmyhead,unwelcome.hesaysheloves

me,butthenhewassoharsh,throwingmeoutofmyown

me,butthenhewassoharsh,throwingmeoutofmyown

apartment.

“ijustwantedyougone,”hemurmurs,withhis

uncannyabilitytoreadmythoughts.“iwantedyouaway

fromthedanger,and...you.just.wouldn’t.go,”he

hissesthroughclenchedteethandshakeshishead.his

exasperationispalpable.

hegazesatmeintently.“anastasiasteele,youarethe

moststubbornwomaniknow.”hecloseshiseyesand

shakeshisheadoncemoreindisbelief.

oh,he’sback.ibreathealong,cleansingsighof

relief.

heopenshiseyesagain,andhisexpressionisforlorn

—sincere.“youweren’tgoingtorun?”heasks.

“no!”

hecloseshiseyesagainandhiswholebodyrelaxes.

whenheopenshiseyes,icanseehispainandanguish.

“ithought—”hestops.“thisisme,ana.allof

me...andi’mallyours.whatdoiha一vetodotomake

yourealizethat?tomakeyouseethatiwantyouanyway

icangetyou.thatiloveyou.”

“iloveyou,too,christian,andtoseeyoulikethis

is...”ichokeandmytearsstartafresh.“ithoughti’d

brokenyou.”

“broken?me?ohno,ana.justtheopposite.”he

reachesoutandtakesmyhand.“you’remylifeline,”he

whispers,andhekissesmyknucklesbeforepressingmy

palmagainsthis.

withhiseyeswideandfulloffear,hegentlytugsmy

handandplacesitonhischestoverhisheart—inthe

forbiddenzone.hisbreathingquickens.hisheartis

beatingafrantic,poundingtattoobeneathmyfingers.he

doesn’ttakehiseyesoffmine;hisjawistense,histeeth

clenched.

igasp.ohmyfifty!he’slettingmetouchhim.and

it’slikealltheairinmylungshasvaporized—gone.the

bloodispoundinginmyearsastherhythmofmyheart

risestomatchhis.

hereleasesmyhand,lea一vingitinplaceoverhisheart.

iflexmyfingersslightly,feelingthewarmthofhisskin

iflexmyfingersslightly,feelingthewarmthofhisskin

beneaththethinfabricofhisshirt.he’sholdinghisbreath.

ican’tbearit.imaketomovemyhand.

“no,”hesaysquicklyandplaceshishandoncemore

overmine,pressingmyfingersagainsthim.“don’t.”

emboldenedbythesetwowords,ishufflecloserso

ourkneesaretouchingandtentativelyraisemyotherhand

sothatheknowsexactlywhatiintendtodo.hiseyes

growwiderbuthedoesn’tstopme.

gentlyistarttoundothebuttonsonhisshirt.it’s

trickywithonehand.iflexmyfingersbeneathhishand

andheletsgo,allowingmetousebothhandstoundohis

shirt.myeyesdon’tlea一vehisasipullhisshirtopen,

revealinghischest.

heswallows,andhislipspartashisbreathing

increases,andisensehisrisingpanic,buthedoesn’tpull

away.ishestillinsubmode?iha一venoidea.

shouldidothis?idon’twanttohurthim,physicallyor

mentally.thesightofhimlikethis,offeringhimselftome,

hasbeenawake-upcall.

hasbeenawake-upcall.

ireachup,andmyhandhoversoverhischest,andi

stareathim...askinghispermission.verysub一tlyhetilts

hisheadtooneside,steelinghimselfinanticipationofmy

touch,andthetensionradiatesfromhim,butthistimeit’s

notinanger—it’sinfear.

ihesitate.canireallydothistohim?

“yes,”hebreathes—againwiththeweirdabilityto

answermyunspokenquestions.

iextendmyfingertipsintohischesthairandlightly

brushthemdownhissternum.hecloseshiseyes,andhis

facecreasesasifhe’sexperiencingintolerablepain.it’s

unbearabletowitness,soiliftmyfingersimmediately,but

hequicklygrabsmyhandandreplacesitfirmly,flatonhis

barechestsothatthehairticklesmypalm.

“no,”hesays,hisvoicestrained.“ineedto.”

hiseyesarescrewedupsotightly.thismustbe

agony.it’strulytormentingtowatch.carefullyiletmy

fingersstrokeacrosshischesttohisheart,marvelingatthe

feelofhim,terrifiedthatthisisasteptoofar.

heopenshiseyes,andtheyaregrayfire,blazingat

me.

holycow.hislookisblistering,feral,beyondintense,

andhisbreathingisrapid.itstirsmyblood.isquirmunder

hisgaze.

hehasn’tstoppedme,soirunmyfingertipsacrosshis

chestagain,andhismouthgoesslack.he’spanting,andi

don’tknowifit’sfromfear,orsomethingelse.

i’vewantedtokisshimthereforsolongthatileanup

onmykneesandholdhisgazeforamoment,makingmy

intentionperfectlyclear.thenibendandgentlyplanta

softkissabovehisheart,feelinghiswarm,sweet-smelling

skinbeneathmylips.

hisstrangledgroanmovesmesomuchthatisitback

onmyheels,fearfulofwhati’llseeonhisface.hiseyes

arescrewedtightlyshut,buthehasn’tmoved.

“again,”hewhispers,andileanintohischestonce

more,thistimetokissoneofhisscars.hegasps,andi

kissanotherandanother.hegroansloudly,andsuddenly

hisarmsarearoundme,andhishandisinmyhair,pulling

hisarmsarearoundme,andhishandisinmyhair,pulling

myheaduppainfullysothatmylipsmeethisinsistent

mouth.andwe’rekissing,myfingersknottingintohishair.

“oh,ana,”hebreathes,andhetwistsandpullsme

downontothefloorsothatiamunderneathhim.ibring

myhandsuptocuphisbeautifulface,andinthatmoment,

ifeelhistears.

he’scrying...no.no!

“christian,please,don’tcry.imeantitwhenisaidi’d

neverlea一veyou.idid.ifiga一veyouanyotherimpression,

i’msosorry...please,pleaseforgiveme.iloveyou.i

willalwaysloveyou.”

heloomsoverme,gazingdownintomyface,andhis

expressionissopained.

“whatisit?”

hiseyesgrowlarger.

“whatisthissecretthatmakesyouthinki’llrunforthe

hills?thatmakesyousodeterminedtobelievei’llgo?”i

plead,myvoicetremulous.“tellme,christian,

please...”

please...”

hesitsup,thoughthistimehecrosseshislegsandi

followsuit,mylegsoutstretched.vaguelyiwonderifwe

cangetoffthefloor?butidon’twanttointerrupthistrain

ofthought.he’sfinallygoingtoconfideinme.

hegazesdownatme,andhelooksutterlydesolate.

ohshit—it’sbad.

“ana...”hepauses,searchingforthewords,his

expressionpained...oh?wherethehellisthisgoing?

hetakesadeepbreathandswallows.“i’masadist,

ana.iliketowhiplittlebrown-hairedgirlslikeyou

becauseyoualllooklikethecrackwhore—mybirth

mother.i’msureyoucanguesswhy.”hesaysitinarush

asifhe’shadthesentenceinhisheadfordaysanddays

andisdesperatetoberidofit.

myworldstops.ohno.

thisisnotwhatiexpected.thisisbad.reallybad.i

gazeathim,tryingtounderstandtheimplicationofwhat

he’sjustsaid.itdoesexplainwhywealllookthesame.

myimmediatethoughtisthatleilawasright—“master

isdark.”

irecallthefirstconversationihadwithhimabouthis

tendencieswhenwewereintheredroomofpain.

“yousaidyouweren’tasadist,”iwhisper,

desperatelytryingtounderstand...makesomeexcuse

forhim.

“no,isaidiwasadominant.ifiliedtoyou,itwasa

lieofomission.i’msorry.”helooksbrieflydownathis

manicuredfingernails.

ithinkhe’smortified.mortifiedaboutlyingtome?or

aboutwhatheis?

“whenyouaskedmethatquestion,ihadenvisioneda

verydifferentrelationshipbetweenus,”hemurmurs.ican

tellbyhisgazethathe’sterrified.

thenithitsmelikeawreckingball.ifhe’sasadist,he

reallyneedsallthatwhippingandcaningshit.ohfuck.i

putmyheadinmyhands.

“soit’strue,”iwhisper,glancingupathim.“ican’t

giveyouwhatyouneed.”thisisit—thisreallydoesmean

weareincompatible.

weareincompatible.

theworldstartsfallingawayatmyfeet,collapsing

aroundmeaspanicgripsmythroat.thisisit.wecan’tdo

this.

hefrowns.“no,no,no.ana.no.youcan.youdo

givemewhatineed.”heclencheshisfists.“please

believeme,”hemurmurs,hiswordsanimpassionedplea.

“idon’tknowwhattobelieve,christian.thisisso

fucked-up,”iwhisper,mythroathoarseandachingasit

closesin,chokingmewithunshedtears.

hiseyesarewideandluminouswhenhelooksatme

again.

“ana,believeme.afteripunishedyouandyouleft

me,myworldviewchanged.iwasn’tjokingwhenisaidi

woulda一voideverfeelinglikethatagain.”hegazesatme

withpainedentreaty.“whenyousaidyoulovedme,itwas

arevelation.noone’seversaidittomebefore,anditwas

asifi’dlaidsomethingtorest—ormaybeyou’dlaiditto

rest,idon’tknow.dr.flynnandiarestillindeep

discussionaboutit.”

discussionaboutit.”

oh.hopeflaresbrieflyinmyheart.perhapswe’llbe

okay.iwantustobeokay.don’ti?“whatdoesthatall

mean?”iwhisper.

“itmeansidon’tneedit.notnow.”

what?“howdoyouknow?howcanyoubeso

sure?”

“ijustknow.thethoughtofhurtingyou...inanyreal

way...it’sabhorrenttome.”

“idon’tunderstand.whataboutrulersandspanking

andallthatkinkyfuckery?”

herunsahandthroughhishairandalmostsmilesbut

insteadsighsruefully.“i’mtalkingaboutthehea一vyshit,

anastasia.youshouldseewhaticandowithacaneora

cat.”

mymouthdropsopen,stunned.“i’drathernot.”

“iknow.ifyouwantedtodothat,thenfine...but

youdon’tandigetit.ican’tdoallthatshitwithyouifyou

don’twantto.itoldyouoncebefore,youha一veallthe

power.andnow,sinceyoucameback,idon’tfeelthat

compulsion,atall.”

igapeathimforamomenttryingtotakethisallin.

“whenwemet,that’swhatyouwanted,though?”

“yes,undoub一tedly.”

“howcanyourcompulsionjustgo,christian?like

i’msomekindofpanacea,andyou’re—forwantofa

betterword—cured?idon’tgetit.”

hesighsoncemore.“iwouldn’tsaycured...you

don’tbelieveme?”

“ijustfindit—unbelievable.whichisdifferent.”

“ifyou’dneverleftme,theniprobablywouldn’tfeel

thisway.youwalkingoutonmewasthebestthingyou

everdid...forus.itmademerealizehowmuchiwant

you,justyou,andimeanitwhenisayi’lltakeyouany

wayicanha一veyou.”

igazeathim.canibelievethis?myheadhurtsjust

tryingtothinkthisallthrough,anddeepdownifeel...

numb.

“you’restillhere.ithoughtyouwouldbeoutofthe

doorbynow,”hewhispers.

doorbynow,”hewhispers.

“why?becauseimightthinkyou’reasickofor

whippingandfuckingwomenwholooklikeyourmother?

whateverwouldgiveyouthatimpression?”ihissathim,

lashingout.

heblanchesatmyharshwords.

“well,iwouldn’tha一veputitquitelikethat,butyes,”

hesays,hiseyeswideandhurt.

hisexpressionissoberingandiregretmyoutburst.i

frown,feelingapangofguilt.

oh,whatamigoingtodo?igazeathimandhelooks

contrite,sincere...helookslikemyfifty.

andunbiddenirecallthephotographinhischildhood

bedroom,andinthatmomentrealizewhythewomaninit

lookedsofamiliar.shelookedlikehim.shemustha一ve

beenhisbiologicalmother.

hiseasydismissalofhercomestomind:nooneof

consequence...she’sresponsibleforallthis...andi

looklikeher...fuck!

hestaresatme,eyesraw,andiknowhe’swaitingfor

hestaresatme,eyesraw,andiknowhe’swaitingfor

mynextmove.heseemsgenuine.he’ssaidhelovesme,

buti’mreallyconfused.

thisisallsofucked-up.he’sreassuredmeabout

leila,butnowiknowwithmorecertaintythaneverhow

shewasabletogivehimhiskicks.thethoughtiswearying

andunpalatable.iamsotiredofallthis.

“christian,i’mexhausted.canwediscussthis

tomorrow?iwanttogotobed.”

heblinksatmeinsurprise.“you’renotgoing?”

“doyouwantmetogo?”

“no!ithoughtyouwouldlea一veonceyouknew.”

allthetimeshe’salludedtomelea一vingonceiknew

hisdarkestsecretsflashthroughmymind...andnowi

know.shit.masterisdark.

shouldilea一ve?igazeathim,thiscrazymanthati

love,yeslove.

canilea一vehim?ilefthimoncebefore,anditnearly

brokeme...andhim.ilovehim.iknowthatinspiteof

thisrevelation.

“don’tlea一veme,”hewhispers.

“oh,forcryingoutloud—no!iamnotdoingtogo!”i

shoutandit’scathartic.there,i’vesaidit.iamnot

lea一ving.

“really?”hiseyeswiden.

“whatcanidotomakeyouunderstandiwillnotrun?

whatcanisay?”

hegazesatme,revealinghisfearandanguishagain.

heswallows.“thereisonethingyoucando.”

“what?”isnap.

“marryme,”hewhispers.

what?didhereallyjust—

forthesecondtimeinlessthanhalfanhourmyworld

stops.

holyfuck.istareatthedeeplyfucked-upmanilove.

ican’tbelievewhathe’sjustsaid.

marriage?he’sproposingmarriage?ishekidding?i

can’thelpit—asmall,nervous,disbelievinggiggleerupts

fromdeepinside.ibitemyliptostopitfromturninginto

full-scalehystericallaughterandfailmiserably.ilieback

full-scalehystericallaughterandfailmiserably.ilieback

flatonthefloorandsurrendermyselftothelaughter,

laughingasi’veneverlaughedbefore,hugehealing

cathartichowlsoflaughter.

andforamomentiamonmyown,lookingdownat

thisabsurdsituation,agiggling,overwhelmedgirlbesidea

beautifulfucked-upboy.idrapemyarmacrossmyeyes,

asmylaughterturnstoscaldingtears.no,no...thisis

toomuch.

asthehysteriasubsides,christiangentlyliftsmyarm

offmyface.iturnandgazeupathim.

he’sleaningoverme.hismouthistwistedwithwry

amusement,buthiseyesareaburninggray,maybe

wounded.ohno.

hegentlywipesawayastraytearwiththebackofhis

knuckles.“youfindmyproposalamusing,misssteele?”

oh,fifty!reachingup,icaresshischeektenderly,

enjoyingthefeelofthestubblebeneathmyfingers.lord,i

lovethisman.

“mr.grey...christian.yoursenseoftimingis

“mr.grey...christian.yoursenseoftimingis

withoutdoub一t...”igazeupathimaswordsfailme.

hesmirksatme,butthecrinklingaroundhiseyes

showsmethathe’shurt.it’ssobering.

“you’recuttingmetothequickhere,ana.willyou

marryme?”

isitupandleanoverhim,placingmyhandsonhis

knees.istareintohislovelyface.“christian,i’vemetyour

psychoexwithagun,beenthrownoutofmyapartment,

hadyougothermonuclearfiftyonme—”

heopenshismouthtospeak,butiholdupmyhand.

heobedientlyshutshismouth.

“you’vejustrevealedsome,quitefrankly,shocking

informationaboutyourself,andnowyou’veaskedmeto

marryyou.”

hemoveshisheadfromsidetosideasifconsidering

thefacts.he’samused.thankhea一vens.

“yes,ithinkthat’safairandaccuratesummaryofthe

situation,”hesaysdryly.

ishakemyheadathim.“whateverhappenedto

delayedgratification?”

“igotoverit,andi’mnowafirmadvocateofinstant

gratification.carpediem,ana,”hewhispers.

“lookchristian,i’veknownyouforaboutthree

minutes,andthere’ssomuchmoreineedtoknow.i’ve

hadtoomuchtodrink,i’mhungry,i’mtired,andiwant

togotobed.ineedtoconsideryourproposaljustasi

consideredthatcontractyouga一veme.and”—ipressmy

lipstogethertoshowmydispleasurebutalsotolightenthe

moodbetweenus—“thatwasn’tthemostromantic

proposal.”

hetiltshisheadtoonesideandhislipsquirkupina

smile.“fairpointwellmade,asever,misssteele,”he

breathes,hisvoicelacedwithrelief.“sothat’snotano?”

isigh.“no,mr.grey,it’snotano,butit’snotayes

either.you’reonlydoingthisbecauseyou’rescared,and

youdon’ttrustme.”

“no,i’mdoingthisbecausei’vefinallymetsomeonei

wanttospendtherestofmylifewith.”

oh.myheartskipsabeatandinsideimelt.howisit

oh.myheartskipsabeatandinsideimelt.howisit

thatinthemiddleofthemostfucked-upsituationshecan

saythemostromanticthings?mymouthpopsopenin

shock.

“ineverthoughtthatwouldhappentome,”he