inarrowmyeyesathim.“thatsoundslikeavery
evasiveanswer.”
“iamalwayshonestwithyou,ana.idon’twantto
playgames.well,notthosesortsofgames,”hequalifies,
ashiseyesheat.
“whatsortofgamesdoyouwanttoplay?”
heinclineshisheadtoonesideandsmirksatme.
“misssteele,youaresoeasilydistracted.”
igiggle.he’sright.“mr.grey,youaredistractingon
somanylevels.”igazeathisdancinggrayeyesalightwith
humor.
“myfa一voritesoundinthewholeworldisyourgiggle,
anastasia.now—whatwasyouroriginalquestion?”he
askssmoothly,andithinkhe’slaughingatme.itryto
twistmymouthtoshowmydispleasure,butilikeplayful
fifty—he’sfun.ilovesomeearlymorningbanter.ifrown,
tryingtorecallmyquestion.
“ohyes.youonlysawyoursubsontheweekends?”
“yes,that’scorrect,”hesaysregardingmenervously.
igrinathim.“so,nosexduringtheweek.”
helaughs.“oh,that’swherewe’regoingwiththis.”
helooksvaguelyrelieved.“whydoyouthinkiworkout
helooksvaguelyrelieved.“whydoyouthinkiworkout
everyweekday?”nowhereallyislaughingatme,buti
don’tcare.iwanttohugmyselfwithglee.anotherfirst—
well,severalfirsts.
“youlookverypleasedwithyourself,misssteele.”
“iam,mr.grey.”
“youshouldbe.”hegrins.“noweatyourbreakfast.”
oh,bossyfifty...he’sneverfaraway.
weareinthebackoftheaudi.taylorisdrivingwiththe
intentionofdroppingmeoffatwork,thenchristian.
sawyerisridingshotgun.
“didn’tyousayyourroommate’sbrotherwasarriving
today?”christianasks,almostcasually,hisvoiceand
expressiongivingnothingaway.
“oh,ethan,”igasp.“iforgot.ohchristian,thankyou
forremindingme.i’llha一vetogobacktotheapartment.”
hisfacefalls.“whattime?”
“i’mnotsurewhattimehe’sarriving.”
“idon’twantyougoinganywhereonyourown,”he
sayssharply.
“iknow,”imutterandresistrollingmyeyesatmr.
over-reaction.“willsawyerbespying—um...
patrollingtoday?”iglanceslylyinsawyer’sdirectionto
seethebacksofhisearsturnred.
“yes,”christiansnaps,hiseyesglacial.
“ifiwasdrivingthesaabitwouldbeeasier,”imutter
petulantly.
“sawyerwillha一veacar,andhecandriveyoutoyour
“sawyerwillha一veacar,andhecandriveyoutoyour
apartment,dependingonwhattime.”
“okay.ithinkethanwillprobablycontactmeduring
theday.i’llletyouknowwhattheplansarethen.”
hegazesatme,sayingnothing.oh,whatishe
thinking?
“okay,”heacquiesces.“nowhereonyourown.do
youunderstand?”hewa一vesalongfingeratme.
“yes,dear,”imutter.
there’satraceofasmileonhisface.“andmaybeyou
shouldjustuseyourblackberry—i’lle-mailyouonit.
thatshouldpreventmyitguyha一vingathoroughly
interestingmorning,okay?”hisvoiceissardonic.
“yes,christian.”ican’tresist.irollmyeyesathim,
andhesmirksatme.
“whymisssteele,idobelieveyou’remakingmy
palmtwitch.”
“ah,mr.grey,yourperpetuallytwitchingpalm.what
arewegoingtodowiththat?”
helaughsandthenisdistractedbyhisblackberry,
whichmustbeonvibratebecauseitdoesn’tring.he
frownswhenheseesthecallerid.
“whatisit?”hesnapsintothephone,thenlistens
intently.iusetheopportunitytostudyhislovelyfeatures—
hisstraightnose,hishairhangingscruffilyoverhis
forehead.iamdistractedfrommysurreptitiousoglingby
hisexpression,whichturnsfromincredulitytoamusement.
ipayattention.
“you’rekidding...forascene...whendidhetell
youthis?”christianchuckles,almostreluctantly.“no,
youthis?”christianchuckles,almostreluctantly.“no,
don’tworry.youdon’tha一vetoapologize.i’mglad
there’salogicalexplanation.itdidseemaridiculouslylow
amountofmoney...iha一venodoub一tyou’vesomething
evilandcreativeplannedforyourrevenge.poorisaac.”
hesmiles.“good...good-bye.”hesnapsthephone
shutandglancesatme.hiseyesaresuddenlywary,but
oddly,helooksrelieved,too.
“whowasthat?”iask.
“youreallywanttoknow?”heasksquietly.
and,iknow.ishakemyheadandstareoutmy
windowatthegrayseattleday,feelingforlorn.whycan’t
shelea一vehimalone?
“hey.”hereachesformyhandandkisseseachofmy
knucklesinturn,andsuddenlyhe’ssuckingmylittlefinger,
hard.thenbitingitsoftly.
whoa!hehasahotlinetomygroin,igaspandglance
nervouslyattaylorandsawyer,thenatchristian,andhis
eyesaredarker.hegivesmeaslowcarnalsmile.
“don’tsweatit,anastasia,”hemurmurs.“she’sinthe
past.”andheplantsakissinthecenterofmypalm,
sendingtingleseverywhere,andmymomentarypiqueis
forgotten.
“morning,ana,”jackmuttersasimakemywaytomy
desk.“nicedress.”
iflush.thedressispartofmynewwardrobe,
courtesyofmyincrediblyrichboyfriend.it’sasleeveless
shiftdressofpalebluelinen,quitefitted,andi’mwearing
shiftdressofpalebluelinen,quitefitted,andi’mwearing
creamhigh-heeledsandals.christianlikesheels,ithink.i
smilesecretlyatthethoughtbutquicklyrecovermybland
professionalsmileformyboss.
“goodmorning,jack.”
isetaboutorderingamessengertotakehisbrochure
totheprinters.hepopshisheadaroundhisofficedoor.
“couldiha一veacoffee,please,ana?”
“sure.”iwanderintothekitchenandbumpintoclaire
fromreception,whoisalsofixingcoffee.
“hey,ana,”shesayscheerfully.
“hi,claire.”
wechatbrieflyaboutherextended-familygathering
overtheweekend,whichsheenjoyedimmensely,anditell
heraboutsailingwithchristian.
“yourboyfriendissodreamy,ana,”shesays,her
eyesglazingover.
iamtemptedtorollmyeyesather.
“he’snotbad-looking,”ismileandwebothstart
laughing.
“youtookyourtime!”jacksnapswhenibringinhis
coffee.
oh!“i’msorry.”iflushthenfrown.itooktheusual
amountoftime.what’shisproblem?perhapshe’s
nervousaboutsomething.
heshakeshishead.“sorry,ana.ididn’tmeanto
barkatyou,honey.”
honey?
“there’ssomethinggoingonatseniormanagement
level,andidon’tknowwhatitis.keepyoureartothe
ground,okay?ifyouhearanything—iknowhowyougirls
talk.”hegrinsatme,andifeelslightlysick.hehasno
ideahowwe“girls”talk.besides,iknowwhat’s
happening.
“you’llletmeknow,right?”
“sure,”imutter.“i’vesentthebrochuretothe
printers.itwillbebackbytwoo’clock.”
“great.here.”hehandsmeapileofmanuscripts.“all
theseneedsynopsesofthefirstchapter,thenfiling.”
“i’llgetonit.”
iamrelievedtostepoutofhisofficeandsitdownat
mydesk.oh,it’shardbeingintheknow.whatwillhedo
whenhefindsout?mybloodrunscold.somethingtells
mejackwillbeannoyed.iglanceatmyblackberryand
smile.there’sane-mailfromchristian.
from:christiangrey
subject:sunrise
date:june14,201109:23
to:anastasiasteele
ilovewakinguptoyouinthemorning.
christiangrey
completely&utterlysmittenceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.
ithinkmyfacesplitsintwowithmygrin,andmyinner
goddessback-flipsoverherchaiselongue.
from:anastasiasteele
subject:sundown
date:june14,201109:35
to:christiangrey
dearcompletely&utterlysmitten
ilovewakinguptoyou,too.butilovebeinginbedwithyouand
inelevatorsandonpianosandbilliardtablesandboatsanddesks
andshowersandbathtubsandstrangewoodencrosseswith
shacklesandfour-posterbedswithredsatinsheetsand
boathousesandchildhoodbedrooms.
yours
sexmadandinsatiablexx
from:christiangrey
subject:wethardware
date:june14,201109:37
to:anastasiasteele
dearsexmadandinsatiable
i’vejustspatcoffeeallovermykeyboard.
idon’tthinkthat’severhappenedtomebefore.
idoadmireawomanwhoconcentratesongeography.
amitoinferyoujustwantmeformybody?
christiangrey
completely&utterlyshockedceo,greyenterprisesholdings
inc.
from:anastasiasteele
subject:giggling—andwettoo
date:june14,2011:09:42
to:christiangrey
dearcompletely&utterlyshocked
always.
iha一veworktodo.
stopbotheringme.
sm&ixx
from:christiangrey
subject:doiha一veto?
date:june14,201109:50
to:anastasiasteele
to:anastasiasteele
dearsm&i
asever,yourwishismycommand.
lovethatyouaregigglingandwet.
laters,baby.
x
christiangrey,
completely&utterlysmitten,shockedandspellboundceo,grey
enterprisesholdingsinc.
iputtheblackberrydownandgetonwithmywork.
atlunchtime,jackasksmetogodowntothedeliforhis
lunch.icallchristianassoonasilea一vejack’soffice.
“anastasia.”heanswersimmediately,hisvoicewarm
andcaressing.howisitthatthismancanmakememelt
overthephone?
“christian,jackhasaskedmetogethislunch.”
“lazybastard,”christiangripes.
iignorehimandcontinue.“soi’mgoingtogetit.it
mightbehandyifyouga一vemesawyer’snumber,soi
don’tha一vetobotheryou.”
“it’snobother,baby.”
“areyouonyourown?”
“no.therearesixpeoplestaringatmeatthemoment
wonderingwhothehelli’mtalkingto.”
shit...“really?”igasp,panicked.
“yes.really.mygirlfriend,”heannouncesawayfrom
thephone.
holycow!“theyprobablyallthoughtyouweregay,
youknow.”
helaughs.“yeah,probably.”ihearhisgrin.
“er—i’dbettergo.”iamsurehecantellhow
embarrassediamtobeinterruptinghim.
“i’llletsawyerknow.”helaughsagain.“ha一veyou
heardfromyourfriend?”
“notyet.you’llbethefirsttoknow,mr.grey.”
“good.laters,baby.”
“bye,christian.”igrin.everytimehesaysthat,it
makesmesmile...soun-fifty,butsomehowsohim,too.
wheniexitmomentslater,sawyeriswaitingonthe
doorstepofthebuilding.
“misssteele,”hegreetsmeformally.
“sawyer.”inodinresponseandtogetherwehead
downtothedeli.
idon’tfeelascomfortablewithsawyerasidowith
taylor.hecontinuallyscansthestreetaswemakeour
wayalongtheblock.itactuallymakesmemorenervous,
andifindmyselfmirroringhisactions.
isleilaoutthere?orareweallinfectedbychristian’s
paranoia?isthispartofhisfiftyshades?whati’dgivefor
halfanhourofcandiddiscussionwithdr.flynn,tofind
out.
out.
there’snothingamiss,justlunchtimeseattle—people
rushingforlunch,shopping,meetingfriends.iwatchtwo
youngwomenhugastheymeetup.
imisskate.it’sonlybeentwoweekssincesheleftfor
hervacation,butitfeelslikethelongesttwoweeksofmy
life.somuchhashappened—she’llneverbelievemewhen
itellher.well,tellhertheeditednda-compliantversion.
ifrown.i’llha一vetotalktochristianaboutthat.what
wouldkatemakeofit?iblanchatthethought.perhaps
she’llbebackwithethan.ifeelarushofexcitementatthe
thought,butithinkit’sunlikely.she’dstayonwithelliot
surely.
“wheredoyoustandwhenyou’rewaitingand
watchingoutside?”iasksawyeraswegetinlinefor
lunch.sawyerisinfrontofme,facingthedoor,continually
monitoringthestreetandanyonewhocomesin.it’s
unnerving.
“isitinthecoffeeshopdirectlyacrossthestreet,miss
steele.”
“doesn’titgetveryboring?”
“nottome,ma’am.it’swhatido,”hesaysstiffly.
iflush.“sorry,ididn’tmeantoimply...”myvoice
trailsoffathiskind,understandingexpression.
“please,misssteele.myjobistoprotectyou.and
that’swhati’lldo.”
“so,nosignofleila?”
“no,ma’am.”
ifrown.“howdoyouknowwhatshelookslike?”
“i’veseenherphotograph.”
“i’veseenherphotograph.”
“oh,doyouha一veitonyou?”
“no,ma’am.”hetapshisskull.“committedto
memory.”
ofcourse.i’dreallyliketoexamineaphotographof
leilatoseewhatshelookedlikebeforeshebecame
ghostgirl.iwonderifchristianwouldletmeha一vea
copy?yes,heprobablywould—formysafety.ihatcha
plan,andmysubconsciousgloatsandnodsapprovingly.
thebrochuresarrivebackattheoffice,andiha一vetosay,
theylookgreat.itakeoneintojack’soffice.hiseyeslight
up,andidon’tknowifit’satmeorthebrochure.i
choosetobelieveit’sthelatter.
“theselookgreat,ana.”idly,heflicksthroughit.
“yeah,goodjob.areyouseeingyourboyfriendthis
evening?”hislipcurlsashesaysboyfriend.
“yes.welivetogether.”it’ssortofthetruth.well,we
doatthemoment.andiha一veofficiallyagreedtomovein,
soit’snotmuchofawhitelie.ihopethatit’senoughto
throwhimoffthescent.
“wouldheobjecttoyoucomingoutforaquickdrink
tonight?tocelebrateallyourhardwork?”
“iha一veafriendcominginfromoutoftowntonight,
andwe’reallgoingoutfordinner.”andi’llbebusyevery
night,jack.
“isee.”hesighs,exasperated.“maybewheni’m
backfromnewyork,huh?”heraiseshiseyebrowsin
expectation,andhisgazedarkenssuggestively.
expectation,andhisgazedarkenssuggestively.
ohno.ismile,noncommittal,stiflingashudder.
“wouldyoulikesomecoffeeortea?”iask.
“coffee,please.”hisvoiceislowandhuskyasifhe’s
askingforsomethingelse.fuck.he’snotgoingtoback
off.icanseethatnow.oh...whattodo?
ibreathealongsighofreliefwheniamoutofhis
office.hemakesmetense.christianisrightabouthim,
andpartofmeispissedthatchristianisrightabouthim.
isitdownatmydeskandmyblackberryrings—a
numberidon’trecognize.
“anasteele.”
“hi,steele!”ethan’sdrawlcatchesmemomentarilyoff
guard.
“ethan!howareyou?”ialmostsquealwithdelight.
“gladtobeback.iamseriouslyfedupwithsunshine
andrumpunches,andmybabysisterbeinghopelesslyin
lovewiththebigguy.it’sbeenhell,ana.”
“yeah!sea,sand,sun,andrumpunchessoundslike
dante’sinferno.”igiggle.“whereareyou?”
“i’matsea-tac,waitingformybag.whatareyou
doing?”
“i’matwork.yes,iamgainfullyemployed,”i
respondtohisgasp.“doyouwanttocomehereand
collectthekeys?icanmeetyoulaterattheapartment.”
“soundsgreat.i’llseeyouinabout45minutes,an
hourmaybe?what’stheaddress?”
igivehimsip’saddress.
“seeyousoon,ethan.”
“laters,”hesaysandhangsup.what?notethan,
“laters,”hesaysandhangsup.what?notethan,
too?anditdawnsonmethathe’sjustspentaweekwith
elliot.iquicklytypeane-mailtochristian.
from:anastasiasteele
subject:visitorsfromsunnyclimes.
date:june14,2011:14:55
to:christiangrey
dearestcompletely&utterlyss&s
ethanisback,andhe’scomingheretocollectkeystothe
apartment.
i’dreallyliketomakesurehe’ssettledinokay.
whydon’tyoucollectmeafterwork?wecangototheapartment
thenwecanallgooutforamealmaybe?
mytreat?
your
anax
stillsm&i
anastasiasteele
assistanttojackhyde,commissioningeditor,sip
from:christiangrey
subject:dinnerout
date:june14,201115:05
to:anastasiasteele
iapproveofyourplan.exceptthepartaboutyoupaying!
mytreat.
i’llcollectyouat6:00.
x
ps:whyaren’tyouusingyourblackberry!!!
christiangrey
completelyandutterlyannoyed,ceo,greyenterprisesholdings
inc.
from:anastasiasteele
subject:bossiness
date:june14,2011:15:11
to:christiangrey
oh,don’tbesocrustyandcross.
it’sallincode.
i’llseeyouat6:00.
anax
anastasiasteele
assistanttojackhyde,commissioningeditor,sip
from:christiangrey
subject:maddeningwoman
date:june14,201115:18
to:anastasiasteele
crustyandcross!
i’llgiveyoucrustyandcross.
andlookforwardtoit.
christiangrey
completelyandutterlymoreannoyed,butsmilingforsome
unknownreason,ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.
from:anastasiasteele
subject:promises.promises.
date:june14,2011:15:23
to:christiangrey
bringiton,mr.grey
ilookforwardtoittoo.;d
anax
anastasiasteele
assistanttojackhyde,commissioningeditor,sip
hedoesn’treply,butthenidon’texpecthimto.iimagine
himmoaningaboutmixedsignals,andthethoughtmakes
mesmile.idaydreambrieflyaboutwhathemightdotome
butfindmyselfshiftingaboutinmychair.mysubconscious
gazesatmedisapprovinglyoverherhalf-moonspecs—get
onwithyourwork.
alittlelater,myphonebuzzes.it’sclaireatreception.
“there’sarealcuteguyinreceptiontoseeyou.we
mustgooutfordrinkssometime,ana.yousureknow
somehunkyguys,”shehissesconspiratoriallythroughthe
phone.
ethan!grabbingmykeysfrommypurse,ihurryoutto
thefoyer.
holyshit—sun-bleachedblondhair,atantodiefor,
andglowinghazeleyesgazeupatmefromthegreen
leathercouch.assoonasheseesme,hismouthdrops
open,andhe’sonhisfeetcomingtowardme.
“wow,ana.”hefrownsatmeashebendstogiveme
hug.
“youlookwell.”igrinupathim.
“youlook...wow—different.worldly,more
sophisticated.what’shappened?youchangedyourhair?
clothes?idon’tknow,steele,butyoulookhot!”
iblushfuriously.“oh,ethan.i’mjustinmywork
clothes,”iscoldasclairelooksonwithanarched
eyebrowandawrysmile.
“howwasbarbados?”
“howwasbarbados?”
“fun,”hesays.
“when’skateback?”
“sheandelliotareflyingbackfriday.they’repretty
damnseriousabouteachother.”ethanrollshiseyes.
“i’vemissedher.”
“yeah?howha一veyoubeendoingwithmr.mogul?”
“mr.mogul?”isnicker.“well,it’sbeeninteresting.
he’stakingusoutfordinnerthisevening.”
“cool.”ethanseemsgenuinelypleased.phew!
“here.”ihandhimthekeys.“youha一vetheaddress?”
“yeah.laters.”heleansoverandkissesmycheek.
“elliot’sexpression?”
“yeah,kindofgrowsonyou.”
“itdoes.laters.”ismileathimashecollectshislarge
shoulderbagfrombesidethegreencouchandexitsthe
building.
wheniturn,jackiswatchingmefromthefarsideof
thefoyer,hisexpressionunreadable.ismilebrightlyathim
andheadbacktomydesk,feelinghiseyesonmethe
wholetime.thisisbeginningtogetonmynerves.whatto
do?iha一venoidea.i’llha一vetowaituntilkateisback.
she’sboundtocomeupwithaplan.thethoughtdispels
mybleakmood,andipickupthenextmanuscript.
atfivetosix,myphonebuzzes.it’schristian.
“crustyandcrosshere,”hesaysandigrin.he’sstill
playfulfifty.myinnergoddessisclappingherhandswith
gleelikeasmallchild.
gleelikeasmallchild.
“well,thisissexmadandinsatiable.itakeityou’re
outside?”iaskdryly.
“iamindeed,misssteele.lookingforwardtoseeing
you.”hisvoiceiswarmandseductive,andmyheart
flutterswildly.
“ditto,mr.grey.i’llberightout.”ihangup.
iswitchoffmycomputerandgatherupmypurseand
creamcardigan.
“i’moffnow,jack,”icallthrough.
“okay,ana.thanksfortoday,honey!ha一veagreat
evening.”
“you,too.”
whycan’thebelikethatallthetime?idon’t
understandhim.
theaudiisparkedatthecurb,andchristianclimbsoutas
iapproach.he’stakenoffhisjacket,andhe’swearinghis
graypants,myfa一voriteonesthathangfromhiships—in
thatway.howcanthisgreekgodbemeantforme?ifind
myselfgrinninglikealooninanswertohisownidiotic
grin.
he’sspentthewholedayactinglikeaboyfriendin
love—inlovewithme.thisadorable,complex,flawed
manisinlovewithme,andiwithhim.joybursts
unexpectedlyinsideme,andisa一vorthemomentasifeel
brieflythaticouldconquertheworld.
“misssteele,youlookascaptivatingasyoudidthis
morning.”christianpullsmeintohisarmsandkissesme
soundly.
“mr.grey,sodoyou.”
“let’sgogetyourfriend.”hesmilesdownatmeand
opensthecardoor.
astaylorheadstotheapartment,christianfillsmein
onhisday—amuchbetteronethanyesterday,itseems.i
gazeathimadoringlyasheattemptstoexplainsome
breakthroughtheenvironmentalsciencedepartmentat
wsuinvancouverhasmade.hiswordsmeanverylittle
tome,buti’mcaptivatedbyhispassionandinterestinthis
subject.maybethisiswhatitwillbelike,gooddaysand
baddays,andifthegooddaysarelikethis,iwon’tha一ve
muchtocomplainabout.hehandsmeasheetofpaper.
“thesearethetimesthatclaudeisfreethisweek,”he
says.
oh!thetrainer.
aswepulluptomyapartmentbuilding,hefisheshis
blackberryfromhispocket.
“grey,”heanswers.“ros,whatisit?”helistens
intently,andicantellit’saninvolvedconversation.