ohboy,isthistempting.runawaytogeorgia.grabsomesunshine,somecocktails.mymother’sgoodhumor…herlovingarms.

“iha一vetwojobinterviewsinseattleonmonday.”

“oh,that’swonderfulnews.”

thedooropensandkateappears,grinningatme.herfacefallswhensheseesi’vebeencrying.

“mom,iha一vetogo.i’llthinkaboutavisit.thankyou.”

“honey,please,don’tletamangetunderyourskin.you’refartooyoung.goandenjoyyourself.”

“yes,mom,loveyou.”

“oh,ana,iloveyoutoo,somuch.staysafe,honey.”ihangupandfacekatewhoglaresatme.

“hasthatobscenelyrichfuckerupsetyouagain?”

“no…sortof…err…yes.”

“justtellhimtotakeahike,ana.you’vebeensoupanddownsinceyoumethim.i’veneverseenyoulikethis.”

theworldofkatherineka一vanaghisveryclear,veryblackandwhite.nottheintangible,mysterious,vaguehuesofgraythatcolormyworld.welcometomyworld.

“sit,let’stalk.let’sha一vesomewine.oh,you’vehadchampagne.”shespiesthebottle.“somegoodstufftoo.”

ismileineffectually,lookingapprehensivelyatthecouch.iapproachitwithcaution.hmm…sitting.

“areyouokay?”

“ifelloverandlandedonmybehind.”

shedoesn’tthinktoquestionmyexplanation,becauseiamoneofthemostun-coordinatedpeopleinwashingtonstate.ineverthoughti’dseethatasablessing.isitdowngingerly,pleasantlysurprisedthati’mokay,andturnmyattentiontokate,butmymindglazesoverandi’mpulledbacktotheheathman–“well,ifyouweremineyouwouldn’tbeabletositdownforaweekafterthestuntyoupulledyesterday.”hesaiditthen,andall

icouldconcentrateonatthetimewasbeinghis.allthewarningsignswerethere,iwasjusttoocluelessandtooenamoredtonotice.

katecomesbackintothelivingareawithabottleofredwineandwashedteacups.

“herewego.”shehandsmeacupofwine.itwon’ttasteasgoodasthebolly.

“ana,ifhe’sajerkwithcommitmentissues,dumphim.thoughidon’treallyunderstandhiscommitmentissues.hecouldn’ttakehiseyesoffyouinthemarquee,watchedyoulikeahawk.i’dsayhewascompletelysmitten,butmaybehehasafunnywayofshowingit.”

smitten?christian?funnywayofshowingit?i’llsay.

“kate,it’scomplicated.howwasyourevening?”iask.

ican’ttalkthisthroughwithkatewithoutrevealingtoomuch,butonequestiononherdayandkateisoff.it’ssoreassuringtositandlistentohernormalchatter.thehotnewsisthatethanmaybecomingtolivewithusaftertheirholiday.thatwillbefun–ethanisahoot.ifrown.idon’tthinkchristianwillapprove.well…tough.he’lljustha一vetosuckitup.iha一veacoupleofteacupsofwineanddecidetocallitanight.it’sbeenoneverylongday.katehugsme,andthengrabsthephonetocallelliot.

icheckthemeanmachineafteribrushmyteeth.there’sanemailfromchristian.

from:christiangrey

subject:you

date:may26201123:14

to:anastasiasteele

dearmisssteele

youarequitesimplyexquisite.themostbeautiful,intelligent,wittyandbra一vewomaniha一veevermet.takesomeadvil–thisisnotarequest.anddon’tdriveyourbeetleagain.iwillknow.

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

oh,notdrivemycaragain!itypeoutmyreply.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:flattery

date:may26201123:20

to:christiangrey

dearmr.grey

flatterywillgetyounowhere,butsinceyou’vebeeneverywherethepointismoot.

iwillneedtodrivemybeetletoagaragesoicansellit–sowillnotgraciouslyacceptanyofyournonsenseoverthat.redwineisalwaysmorepreferabletoadvil.

ana

ps:caningisahardlimitforme.

ihitsend.

from:christiangrey

subject:frustratingwomenwhocan’ttakecompliments

date:may26201123:26

to:anastasiasteele

dearms.steele

iamnotflatteringyou.youshouldgotobed.

iacceptyouradditiontothehardlimits.

don’tdrinktoomuch.

taylorwilldisposeofyourcarandgetagoodpriceforittoo.

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:taylor–ishetherightmanforthejob?

date:may26201123:40

to:christiangrey

dearsir

iamintriguedthatyouarehappytorisklettingyourrighthandmandrivemycar–butnotsomewomanyoufuckoccasionally.howcanibesurethattayloristhemantogetmethebestdealforsaidcar?iha一ve,inthepast,probablybeforeimetyou,beenknowntodriveahardbargain.

ana

from:christiangrey

subject:careful!

date:may26201123:44

to:anastasiasteele

dearms.steele

iamassumingitistheredwinetalking,andthatyou’vehadaverylongday.

thoughiamtemptedtodrivebackovertheretoensurethatyoudon’tsitdownforaweek,ratherthananevening.

taylorisex-armyandcapableofdrivinganythingfromamotorcycletoashermantank.yourcardoesnotpresentahazardtohim.

nowpleasedonotrefertoyourselfas‘somewomanifuckoccasionally’because,quitefranklyitmakesmemad,andyoureallywouldn’tlikemewheni’mangry.

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:carefulyourself

date:may26201123:57

to:christiangrey

dearmr.grey

i’mnotsureilikeyouanyway,especiallyatthemoment.

ms.steele

from:christiangrey

subject:carefulyourself

date:may27201100:03

to:anastasiasteele

whydon’tyoulikeme?

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:carefulyourself

date:may27201100:09

to:christiangrey

becauseyouneverstaywithme.

there,that’sgivenhimsomethingtothinkabout.ishutthemachinedownwithaflourishidon’treallyfeelandcrawlintomybed.iswitchoffmysidelightandstareupattheceiling.it’sbeenonelongday,oneemotionalwrenchafteranother.itwasheartwarmingtospendsometimewithray.helookedwell,andweirdlyheapprovedofchristian.jeez,kateandhergargantuanmouth.hearingchristianspeakaboutbeinghungry.whatthehellisthatallabout?god,andthecar.iha一ven’teventoldkateaboutthenewcar.whatwaschristianthinking?

andthenthisevening,heactuallyhitme.i’veneverbeenhitinmylife.whatha一veigottenmyselfinto?veryslowly,mytears,haltedbykate’sarrival,begintoslidedownthesideofmyfaceandintomyears.iha一vefallenforsomeonewho’ssoemotionallyshutdown,iwillonlygethurt–deepdowniknowthis–someonewhobyhisownadmission

iscompletelyfuckedup.whyishesofuckedup?itmustbeawfultobeasaffectedasheis,andthethoughtthatasatoddlerhesufferedsomeunbearablecrueltymakesmecryharder.perhapsifhewasmorenormalhewouldn’twantyou,mysubconsciouscontributessnidelytomymusings…andinmyheartofheartsiknowthisistrue.iturnintomypillowandthesluicegatesopen…andforthefirsttimeinyears,iamsobbinguncontrollablyintomypillow.

iammomentarilydistractedfrommydarknightofthesoulbykateshouting.

“whatthefuckdoyouthinkyou’redoinghere?”

“wellyoucan’t!”

“whatthefuckha一veyoudonetohernow?”

“sinceshe’smetyoushecriesallthetime.”

“youcan’tcomeinhere!”

christianburstsintomybedroomandunceremoniouslyswitchesontheoverheadlight,makingmesquint.

“jesus,ana,”hemutters.heflickstheswitchoffagainandisatmysideinamoment.

“whatareyoudoinghere?”igaspbetweensobs.crap.ican’tstopcrying.

heswitchesonthesidelightmakingmesquintagain.katecomesandstandsinthedoorway.

“doyouwantmetothrowthisassholeout?”sheasks,radiatingthermo-nuclearhostility.

christianraiseshiseyebrowsather,nodoub一tsurprisedbyherflatteringepithetandherferalantagonism.ishakemyhead,andsherollshereyesatme.oh…iwouldn’tdothatnearmr.g.

“justhollerifyouneedme,”shesaysmoregently.“grey–yourcardsaremarked,”shehissesathim.henodsather,andsheturnsandpullsthedoortobutdoesn’tcloseit.

christiangazesdownatme,hisexpressiongra一ve,hisfaceashen.he’swearinghispinstripedjacket,andfromhisinsidepocket,hepullsoutahandkerchiefandhandsittome.ithinkistillha一vehisotheronesomewhere.

“what’sgoingon?”heasksquietly.

“whyareyouhere?”iask,ignoringhisquestion.mytearsha一vemiraculouslyceased,buti’mleftwithdryhea一vesrackingmybody.

“partofmyroleistolookafteryourneeds.yousaidyouwantedmetostay,sohereiam.andyetifindyoulikethis.”heblinksatme,trulybewildered.“i’msurei’mresponsible,butiha一venoideawhy.isitbecauseihityou?”

ipullmyselfup,wincingfrommysorebehind.isitandfacehim.

“didyoutakesomeadvil?”

ishakemyhead.henarrowshiseyes,stands,andlea一vestheroom.ihearhimtalkingtokatebutnotwhattheyaresaying.he’sbackafewmomentslaterwithpillsandateacupofwater.

“takethese,”heordersgentlyashesitsonmybedbesideme.

idoasi’mtold.

“talktome,”hewhispers.“youtoldmeyouwereokay.i’dneverha一veleftyouifithoughtyouwerelikethis.”

istaredownatmyhands.whatcanisaythatiha一ven’tsaidalready?iwantmore.iwanthimtostaybecausehewantstostaywithme,notbecausei’mablubberingmess,andidon’twanthimtobeatme,isthatsounreasonable?

“itakeitthatwhenyousaidyouwereokay,youweren’t.”

iflush.

“ithoughtiwasfine.”

“anastasia,youcan’ttellmewhatyouthinkiwanttohear.that’snotveryhonest,”headmonishesme.“howcanitrustanythingyou’vesaidtome?”

ipeekupathim,andhe’sfrowning,ableaklookinhiseye.herunsbothhandsthroughhishair.

“howdidyoufeelwhileiwashittingyouandafter?”

“ididn’tlikeit.i’dratheryoudidn’tdoitagain.”

“youweren’tmeanttolikeit.”

“whydoyoulikeit?”istareupathim.

myquestionsurpriseshim.

“youreallywanttoknow?”

“oh,trustme,i’mfascinated.”andican’tquitekeepthesarcasmoutofmyvoice.

henarrowshiseyesagain.

“careful,”hewarns.

iblanch.

“areyougoingtohitmeagain?”ichallenge.

“no,nottonight.”

phew...mysubconsciousandibothbreatheasilentsighofrelief.

“so,”iprompt.

“ilikethecontrolitbringsme,anastasia.iwantyoutobeha一veinaparticularway,andifyoudon’t,ishallpunishyou,andyouwilllearntobeha一vethewayidesire.ienjoypunishingyou.i’vewantedtospankyousinceyouaskedmeifiwasgay.”

iflushatthememory.jeez,iwantedtospankmyselfafterthatquestion.sokatherineka一vanaghisresponsibleforallthis,andifshe’dgonetothatinterviewandaskedhergayquestion,she’dbesittingherewiththesoreass.idon’tlikethatthought.howconfusingisthis?

“soyoudon’tlikethewayiam.”

hestaresatme,bewilderedagain.

“ithinkyou’relovelythewayyouare.”

“sowhyareyoutryingtochangeme?”

“idon’twanttochangeyou.i’dlikeyoutobecourteousandtofollowthesetofrulesi’vegivenyouandnotdefyme.simple,”hesays.

“butyouwanttopunishme?”

“yesido.”

“that’swhatidon’tunderstand.”

hesighsandrunshishandsthroughhishairagain.

“it’sthewayi’mmade,anastasia.ineedtocontrolyou.ineedyoutobeha一veinacertainway,andifyoudon’t–ilovetowatchyourbeautifulalabasterskinpinkandwarmupundermyhands.itturnsmeon.”

holyshit.nowwe’regettingsomewhere.

“soit’snotthepainyou’reputtingmethrough?”

heswallows.

“abit,toseeifyoucantakeit,butthat’snotthewholereason.it’sthefactthatyouareminetodowithasiseefit–ultimatecontroloversomeoneelse.anditturnsmeon.bigtime,anastasia.look,i’mnotexplainingmyselfverywell…i’veneverhadtobefore.i’venotreallythoughtaboutthisinanygreatdepth.i’vealwaysbeenwithlike-mindedpeople,”heshrugsapologetically.“andyoustillha一ven’tansweredmyquestion–howdidyoufeelafterwards?”

“confused.”

“youweresexuallyarousedbyit,anastasia,”hecloseshiseyesbriefly,andwhenhere-opensthemandgazesatme,theyaresmolderingsmokyembers.

hisexpressionpullsatthatdarkpartofme,buriedinthedepthsofmybelly–mylibido,wokenandtamedbyhim,butevennow,insatiable.

“don’tlookatmelikethat,”hemurmurs.

ifrown.jeezwhatha一veidonenow?

“idon’tha一veanycondoms,anastasia,andyouknow,you’reupset.contrarytowhatyourroommatebelieves,i’mnotapriapicmonster.so,youfeltconfused?”

isquirmunderhisintensegaze.

“youha一venoproblembeinghonestwithmeinprint.youremailsalwaystellmeexactlyhowyoufeel.whycan’tyoudothatinconversation?doiintimidateyouthatmuch?”

ipickatanimaginaryspotonmymother’sblueandcreamquilt.

“youbeguileme,christian.completelyoverwhelmme.ifeellikeicarusflyingtooclosetothesun,”iwhisper.

hegasps.

“well,ithinkyou’vegotthatthewrongwayaround,”hewhispers.

“what?”

“oh,anastasia,you’vebewitchedme.isn’titobvious?”

no,nottome.bewitched…myinnergoddessisstaringopen-mouthed.evenshedoesn’tbelievethis.

“you’vestillnotansweredmyquestion.writemeanemail,please.butrightnow,i’dreallyliketosleep.canistay?”

“doyouwanttostay?”ican’thidethehopeinmyvoice.

“youwantedmehere.”

“youha一ven’tansweredmyquestion.”

“i’llwriteyouanemail,”hemutterspetulantly.

standing,heemptieshisjeanspocketsofblackberry,keys,wallet,andmoney.holycow,mencarryalotofcrapintheirpockets.hestripsoffhiswatch,hisshoes,socks,andjeansandplaceshisjacketovermychair.hewalksroundtotheothersideofthebedandslidesin.

“liedown,”heorders.

islipslowlyunderthecovers,wincingslightly,staringathim.jeez…he’sstaying.ithinki’mnumbwithelatedshock.heleansupononeelbowstaringdownatme.

“ifyouaregoingtocry.cryinfrontofme.ineedtoknow.”

“doyouwantmetocry?”

“notparticularly.ijustwanttoknowhowyou’refeeling.idon’twantyouslippingthroughmyfingers.switchthelightoff.it’slate,andwebothha一vetoworktomorrow.”

sohere…andstillsobossy,butican’tcomplain,he’sinmybed.idon’tquiteunderstandwhy…maybeishouldweepmoreofteninfrontofhim.iswitchoffthebedsidelight.

“lieonyourside,facingawayfromme,”hemurmursinthedarkness.

irollmyeyesinthefullknowledgethathecannotseeme,butidoasi’mtold.gingerly,hemovesoverandputshisarmsaroundmeandpullsmetohischest…ohmy.

“sleep,baby,”hewhispers,andifeelhisnoseinmyhairasheinhalesdeeply.

holycow.christiangreyissleepingwithme,andinthecomfortandsolaceofhisarms,idriftintoapeacefulsleep.

thecandleflameistoohot.itflickersanddancesintheover-warmbreeze,abreezethatbringsnorespitefromtheheat.softgossamerwingsfluttertoandfrointhedark,sprinklingdustyscalesinthecircleoflight.i’mstrugglingtoresist,buti’mdrawn.andthenit’ssobright,andiamflyingtooclosetothesun,dazzledbythelight,friedandmeltingfromtheheat,wearyinmyendea一vorstostayairborne.iamsowarm.theheat…it’sstifling,overpowering.itwakesme.

iopenmyeyes,andi’mdrapedinchristiangrey.he’swrappedaroundmelikeavictoryflag.he’sfastasleepwithhisheadonmychest,hisarmoverme,holdingmeclose,oneofhislegsthrownoverandhookedaroundbothofmine.he’ssuffocatingmewithhisbodyheat,andhe’shea一vy.itakeamomenttoabsorbthathe’sstillinmybedandfastasleep,andit’slightoutside–morning.hehasspentthewholenightwithme.

myrightarmisstretched,nodoub一tinsearchofacoolspot,andasiprocessthefactthathe’sstillwithme,thethoughtoccursthaticantouchhim.he’sasleep.tentatively,iliftmyhandandrunthetipsofmyfingersdownhisback.deepinhisthroat,ihearafaintdistressedgroan,andhestirs.henuzzlesmychest,inhalingdeeplyashewakes.sleepy,blinkinggrayeyesmeetminebeneathhistousledmopofhair.

“goodmorning,”hemumblesandfrowns.“jesus,eveninmysleepi’mdrawntoyou.”hemovesslowly,unpeelinghislimbsfrommeashegetshisbearings.ibecome

awareofhiserectionagainstmyhip.henoticesmywide-eyedreaction,andhesmilesaslowsexysmile.

“hmm…thishaspossibilities,butithinkweshouldwaituntilsunday.”heleansdownandnuzzlesmyearwithhisnose.

iflush,butthenifeelsevenshadesofscarletfromhisheat.

“you’reveryhot,”imurmur.

“you’renotsobadyourself,”hemurmursandpresseshimselfagainstme,suggestively.

iflushsomemore.that’snotwhatimeant.hepropshimselfuponhiselbowgazingdownatme,amused.hebends,andtomysurprise,plantsagentlekissonmylips.

“sleepwell?”heasks.

inod,staringupathim,andirealizethati’vesleptverywellexceptmaybeforthelasthalf-hourwheniwastoohot.

“sodidi.”hefrowns.“yes,reallywell.”heraiseshiseyebrowsinconfusedsurprise.“what’sthetime?”

iglanceatmyalarm.

“it’s7:30.”

“7:30…shit.”hescramblesoutofbedanddragsonhisjeans.

itismyturntolookamusedasisitup.christiangreyislateandflustered.thisissomethingiha一veneverseenbefore.ibelatedlyrealizethatmybehindisnolongersore.

“youaresuchabadinfluenceonme.iha一veameeting.iha一vetogo–iha一vetobeinportlandateight.areyousmirkingatme?”

“yes.”

hegrins.

“i’mlate.idon’tdolate.anotherfirst,misssteele.”hepullsonhisjacketandthenbendsdownandgraspsmyhead,hishandsoneitherside.

“sunday,”hesays,andthewordispregnantwithanunspokenpromise.everythingdeepinmybodyuncurlsandthenclenchesindeliciousanticipation,thefeelingisexquisite.

holyhell,ifmymindcouldjustkeepupwithmybody.heleansforwardandkissesmequickly.hegrabshisstufffrommysidetableandhisshoes–whichhedoesn’tputon.

“taylorwillcomeandsortyourbeetle.iwasserious.don’tdriveit.i’llseeyouatmyplaceonsunday.i’llemailyouatime.”andlikeawhirlwind,he’sgone.

ohmy,christiangreyspentthenightwithme,andifeelrested.andtherewasnosex,onlycuddling.hetoldmeheneversleptwithanyone–buthe’ssleptthreetimeswithme.igrinandslowlyclimboutofmybed.ifeelmoreoptimisticthaniha一veforthelastdayorso.iheadforthekitchen,needingacupoftea.

afterbreakfast,ishoweranddressquicklyformylastdayatclayton’s.itistheendofanera–goodbyetomr.&mrs.clayton,wsu,vancouver,theapartment,mybeetle.iglanceatthemeanmachine–it’sonly7:52.iha一vetime.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:assaultandbattery:theafter-effects

date:may27201108:05

to:christiangrey

dearmr.grey

youwantedtoknowwhyifeltconfusedafteryou–whicheuphemismshouldweapply-spanked,punished,beat,assaultedme.wellduringthewholealarmingprocessifeltdemeaned,debasedandabused.andmuchtomymortification,you’reright,iwasaroused,andthatwasunexpected.asyouarewellaware,allthingssexualarenewtome–ionlywishiwasmoreexperiencedandthereforemoreprepared.iwasshockedtofeelaroused.

whatreallyworriedmewashowifeltafterwards.andthat’smoredifficulttoarticulate.iwashappythatyouwerehappy.ifeltrelievedthatitwasn’taspainfulasithoughtitwouldbe.andwheniwaslyinginyourarms,ifelt–sated.butifeelveryuncomfortable,guiltyeven,feelingthatway.itdoesn’tsitwellwithme,andi’mconfusedasaresult.doesthatansweryourquestion?

ihopetheworldofmergersandacquisitionsisasstimulatingasever…andthatyouweren’ttoolate.

thankyouforstayingwithme.

ana

from:christiangrey

subject:freeyourmind

date:may27201108:24

to:anastasiasteele

interesting…ifslightlyoverstatedtitleheadingmisssteele.

toansweryourpoints:

?i’llgowithspanking–asthat’swhatitwas.

?soyoufeltdemeaned,debased,abused&assaulted–howverytessdurbeyfieldofyou.ibelieveitwasyouwhodecidedonthedebasementifiremembercorrectly.doyoureallyfeellikethisordoyouthinkyououghttofeellikethis?twoverydifferentthings.ifthatishowyoufeel,doyouthinkyoucouldjusttryandembracethesefeelings,dealwiththem,forme?that’swhatasubmissivewoulddo.

?iamgratefulforyourinexperience.ivalueit,andi’monlybeginningtounderstandwhatitmeans.simplyput…itmeansthatyouaremineineveryway.

?yes,youwerearoused,whichinturnwasveryarousing,there’snothingwrongwiththat.

?happydoesnotevenbegintocoverhowifelt.ecstaticjoycomesclose.

?punishmentspankinghurtsfarmorethansensualspanking–sothat’saboutashardasitgets,unlessofcourseyoucommitsomemajortransgression,inwhichcasei’llusesomeimplementtopunishyouwith.myhandwasverysore.butilikethat.

?ifeltsatedtoo-moresothanyoucouldeverknow.

?don’twasteyourenergyonguilt,feelingsofwrongdoingetc.weareconsentingadultsandwhatwedobehindcloseddoorsisbetweenourselves.youneedtofreeyourmindandlistentoyourbody.

?theworldofm&aisnotnearlyasstimulatingasyouaremisssteele.

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

holycrap…mineineveryway.mybreathhitches.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:consentingadults!

date:may27201108:26

to:christiangrey

aren’tyouinameeting?

i’mverygladyourhandwassore.

andifilistenedtomybody,i’dbeinalaskabynow.

ana

ps:iwillthinkaboutembracingthesefeelings.

from:christiangrey

subject:youdidn’tcallthecops

date:may27201108:35

to:anastasiasteele

misssteele

iaminameetingdiscussingthefuturesmarketifyou’rereallyinterested.

fortherecord-youstoodbesidemeknowingwhatiwasgoingtodo.

youdidn’tatanytimeaskmetostop–youdidn’tuseeithersafeword.

youareanadult–youha一vechoices.

quitefrankly,i’mlookingforwardtothenexttimemypalmisringingwithpain.

you’reobviouslynotlisteningtotherightpartofyourbody.

alaskaisverycoldandnoplacetorun.iwouldfindyou.

icantrackyourcellphone–remember?

gotowork.