“i’mgladtohearit,taylor.”ismile.
jackgazesatme,assessingmyappearance,asimakemy
waytomydesk.
“morning,ana.goodweekend?”
“yes,thanks.you?”
“itwasgood.getsettledin—iha一veworkforyouto
do.”
inodandsitdownatmycomputer.itseemslikeyears
sinceiwasatwork.iswitchonmycomputerandfireup
mye-mailprogram—andofcoursethere’sane-mailfrom
christian.
from:christiangrey
subject:boss
date:june13,201108:24
to:anastasiasteele
goodmorning,misssteele
ijustwantedtosaythankyouforawonderfulweekendinspiteof
allthedrama.
ihopeyouneverlea一ve,ever.
andjusttoremindyouthatthenewsofsipisembargoedforfour
weeks.
deletethise-mailassoonasyou’vereadit.
yours
christiangrey,
ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.&yourboss’sboss’sboss.
hopeineverlea一ve?doeshewantmetomovein?holy
moses...ibarelyknowtheman.ipressdelete.
from:anastasiasteele
subject:bossy
date:june13,2011:09:03
to:christiangrey
to:christiangrey
dearmr.grey
areyouaskingmetomoveinwithyou?andofcourse,i
rememberedthattheevidenceofyourepicstalkingcapabilitiesis
embargoedforanotherfourweeks.doimakeacheckoutto
copingtogetherandsendtoyourdad?pleasedon’tdeletethis
e-mail.pleaserespondtoit.
ilyxxx
anastasiasteele
assistanttojackhyde,commissioningeditor,sip
“ana!”jackmakesmejump.
“yes,”iflush,andjackfrownsatme.
“everythingokay?”
“sure.”iscrambleupandtakemynotebookintohis
office.
“good.asyouprobablyremember,i’mgoingtothat
commissioningfictionsymposiuminnewyorkon
thursday.iha一veticketsandreservations,buti’dlikeyou
tocomewithme.”
“tonewyork?”
“yes.we’llneedtogowednesdayandstay
overnight.ithinkyou’llfinditaveryeducational
experience.”hiseyesdarkenashesaysthis,buthissmile
ispolite.“wouldyoumakethenecessarytra一vel
arrangements?andbookanadditionalroomatthehotel
whereiamstaying?ithinksabrina,mypreviouspa,left
whereiamstaying?ithinksabrina,mypreviouspa,left
allthedetailshandysomewhere.”
“okay.”ismilewanlyatjack.
crap.iwanderbacktomydesk.thisisnotgoingto
godownwellwithfifty—butthefactis,iwanttogo.it
soundslikearealopportunity,andi’msureicankeep
jackatarm’slengthifthat’shisulteriormotive.backat
mydeskthere’saresponsefromchristian.
from:christiangrey
subject:me,bossy?
date:june13,201109:07
to:anastasiasteele
yes.please.
christiangrey,
ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.
jeez...hedoeswantmetomovein.oh,christian—it’s
toosoon.iputmyheadinmyhandstotryandrecovermy
wits.thisisallineedaftermyextraordinaryweekend.i
ha一ven’thadamomenttomyselftothinkthroughand
understandallthatiha一veexperiencedanddiscovered
theselasttwodays.
from:anastasiasteele
subject:flynnisms
date:june13,2011:09:20
to:christiangrey
christian
whathappenedtowalkingbeforewerun?
canwetalkaboutthistonight,please?
i’vebeenaskedtogotoaconferenceinnewyorkonthursday.
itmeansanovernightstayonwednesday.
justthoughtyoushouldknow.
ax
anastasiasteele
assistanttojackhyde,commissioningeditor,sip
from:christiangrey
subject:what?
date:june13,201109:21
to:anastasiasteele
yes.let’stalkthisevening.
areyougoingonyourown?
christiangrey
ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.
from:anastasiasteele
subject:noboldshoutycapitalsonamondaymorning!
date:june13,2011:09:30
to:christiangrey
canwetalkaboutthistonight?
ax
anastasiasteele
assistanttojackhyde,commissioningeditor,sip
from:christiangrey
subject:youha一ven’tseenshoutyyet.
date:june13,201109:35
to:anastasiasteele
tellme.
ifit’swiththesleazeballyouworkwith,thentheanswerisno,
overmydeadbody.
christiangrey
ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.
myheartsinks.shit—it’slikehe’smydad.
from:anastasiasteele
subject:noyouha一ven’tseenshoutyyet.
date:june13,201109:46
to:christiangrey
yes.itiswithjack.
iwanttogo.it’sanexcitingopportunityforme.
andiha一veneverbeentonewyork.
don’tgetyourknickersinatwist.
anastasiasteele
assistanttojackhyde,commissioningeditor,sip
from:christiangrey
subject:noyouha一ven’tseenshoutyyet.
date:june13,201109:50
to:anastasiasteele
anastasia
it’snotmyfuckingknickersiamworriedabout.
theanswerisno.
christiangrey
christiangrey
ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.
“no!”ishoutatmycomputer,causingtheentireofficeto
cometoastandstillandstareatme.jackpeersoutfrom
hisoffice.
“everythingallright,ana?”
“yes.sorry,”imutter.“ier...justdidn’tsa一vea
document.”iamscarletwithembarrassment.hesmilesat
mebutwithapuzzledexpression.itakeseveraldeep
breathsandquicklytypearesponse.iamsomad.
from:anastasiasteele
subject:fiftyshades
date:june13,201109:55
to:christiangrey
christian
youneedtogetagrip.
iamnotgoingtosleepwithjack—notforalltheteainchina.
iloveyou.that’swhathappenswhenpeopleloveeachother.
theytrusteachother.
idon’tthinkyouaregoingtosleepwith,spank,fuck,or
whipanyoneelse.iha一vefaithandtrustinyou.
pleaseextendthesamecourtesytome.
ana
anastasiasteele
assistanttojackhyde,commissioningeditor,sip
isitwaitingforhisresponse.nothingarrives.icallthe
airlineandbookaticketformyself,ensuringiamonthe
sameflightasjack.ihearthepingofnewmail.
from:lincoln,elena
subject:lunchdate
date:june13,201110:15
to:anastasiasteele
dearanastasia
iwouldreallyliketoha一velunchwithyou.ithinkwegotoffonthe
wrongfoot,andi’dliketomakethatright.areyoufreesometime
thisweek?
elenalincoln
holycrap—notmrs.robinson!howthehelldidshefind
outmye-mailaddress?iputmyheadinmyhands.can
thisdaygetanyworse?
myphoneringsandwearilyiliftmyheadfrommy
handsandanswer,glancingattheclock.itisonlyten
handsandanswer,glancingattheclock.itisonlyten
twenty,andalreadyiwishihadn’tleftchristian’sbed.
“jackhyde’soffice,anasteelespeaking.”
anachinglyfamiliarvoicesnarlsatme,“willyou
pleasedeletethelaste-mailyousentmeandtrytobea
littlemorecircumspectinthelanguageyouuseinyour
worke-mail?itoldyou,thesystemismonitored.ishall
endea一vortodosomedamagelimitationfromhere.”he
hangsup.
holyfuck...isitstaringatthephone.christianhung
uponme.thatmanisstompingallovermyfledgling
career,andhehangsuponme?iglareatthereceiver,and
ifitwasn’tcompletelyinanimate,iknowitwouldshrivelin
horrorundermywitheringstare.
iopenmye-mailsanddeletetheoneisenthim.it’s
notthatbad.ijustmentionspankingandwell,whipping.
jeez,ifhe’ssoashamedofit,hedamnwellshouldn’tdoit.
ipickupmyblackberryandcallhismobile.
“what?”hesnaps.
“iamgoingtonewyorkwhetheryoulikeitornot,”i
hiss.
“don’tcount—”
ihangup,cuttinghimoffmid-sentence.adrenalineis
coursingthroughmybody.there—thattoldhim.iamso
mad.
itakeadeepbreath,tryingtocomposemyself.
closingmyeyes,iimaginethatiaminmyhappyplace.
hmm...aboatcabinwithchristian.ishaketheimage
offasiamtoomadatfiftyrightnowforhimtobe
anywherenearmyhappyplace.
anywherenearmyhappyplace.
openingmyeyes,icalmlyreachformynotebookand
carefullyrunthroughmytodolist.itakealong,deep
breath,myequilibriumrestored.
“ana!”jackshouts,startlingme.“don’tbookthat
flight!”
“oh,toolate.i’vedoneit,”ireplyashestridesoutof
hisofficeovertome.helooksmad.
“look,there’ssomethinggoingon.forsomereason,
suddenly,alltra一velandhotelexpensesforstaffha一vetobe
approvedbyseniormanagement.thishascomerightfrom
thetop.iamgoinguptoseeoldroach.apparently,a
moratoriumonallspendinghasjustbeenimplemented.i
don’tunderstandit.”jackpinchesthebridgeofhisnose
andcloseshiseyes.
mostoftheblooddrainsfrommyfaceandknotsform
inmystomach.fifty!
“takemycalls.i’llgoseewhatroachhastosay.”he
winksatmeandstridesofftoseehisboss—nottheboss’s
boss.
damnit.christiangrey...mybloodstartstoboil
again.
from:anastasiasteele
subject:whatha一veyoudone?
date:june13,201110:43
to:christiangrey
pleasetellmeyouwon’tinterferewithmywork.
ireallywanttogotothisconference.
ishouldn’tha一vetoaskyou.
iha一vedeletedtheoffendinge-mail.
anastasiasteele
assistanttojackhyde,commissioningeditor,sip
from:christiangrey
subject:whatha一veyoudone?
date:june13,201110:46
to:anastasiasteele
iamjustprotectingwhatismine.
thee-mailthatyousorashlysentiswipedfromthesipserver
now,asaremye-mailstoyou.
incidentally,itrustyouimplicitly.it’shimidon’ttrust.
christiangrey
ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.
ichecktoseeifistillha一vehise-mails,andtheyha一ve
disappeared.thisman’sinfluenceknowsnobounds.how
doeshedothis?whodoesheknowthatcanstealthily
delveintothedepthsofsip’sserversandremoveemails?
iamsooutofmyleaguehere.
mails?iamsooutofmyleaguehere.
from:anastasiasteele
subject:grownup
date:june13,201110:43
to:christiangrey
christian
idon’tneedprotectingfrommyownboss.
hemaymakeapassatme,butishallsayno.
youcannotinterfere.it’swrongandcontrollingonsomany
levels.
anastasiasteele
assistanttojackhyde,commissioningeditor,sip
from:christiangrey
subject:theanswerisno
date:june13,201110.50
to:anastasiasteele
ana
iha一veseenhow“effective”youareatfightingoffunwanted
attention.irememberthat’showihadthepleasureofspending
myfirstnightwithyou.atleastthephotographerhasfeelingsfor
you.thesleazeball,ontheotherhand,doesnot.heisaserial
philanderer,andhewilltrytoseduceyou.askhimwhat
happenedtohispreviouspaandtheonebeforethat.
idon’twanttofightaboutthis.
ifyouwanttogotonewyork,i’lltakeyou.wecangothis
weekend.iha一veanapartmentthere.
christiangrey
ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.
oh,christian!that’snotthepoint.he’ssodamn
frustrating.andofcoursehehasanapartmentthere.
whereelsedoesheownproperty?trusthimtobringup
josé.willieverlivethatdown?iwasdrunk,forhea一ven’s
sake.iwouldn’tgetdrunkwithjack.
ishakemyheadatthescreen,butfigureicannot
continuetoarguewithhimovere-mail.ishallha一vetobide
mytimeuntilthisevening.ichecktheclock.jackisstill
notbackfromhismeetingwithjerry,andineedtodeal
withelena.ireadhere-mailagainanddecidethatthebest
waytohandleitistosendittochristian.lethim
concentrateonherratherthanme.
from:anastasiasteele
subject:fwlunchdateorirritatingbaggage
date:june13,201111:15
to:christiangrey
christian
whileyouha一vebeenbusyinterferinginmycareerandsa一ving
yourassfrommycarelessmissives,ireceivedthefollowinge-mail
frommrs.lincoln.ireallydon’twanttomeetwithher—evenifi
did,iamnotallowedtolea一vethisbuilding.howshegotholdof
mye-mailaddress,idon’tknow.whatwouldyousuggestido?
here-mailisbelow:
dearanastasia,iwouldreallyliketoha一velunchwithyou.i
thinkwegotoffonthewrongfoot,andi’dliketomakethat
right.areyoufreesometimethisweek?
elenalincoln
anastasiasteele
assistanttojackhyde,commissioningeditor,sip
from:christiangrey
subject:irritatingbaggage
date:june13,201111:23
to:anastasiasteele
don’tbemadatme.iha一veyourbestinterestsatheart.
ifanythinghappenedtoyou,iwouldneverforgivemyself.
i’lldealwithmrs.lincoln.
christiangrey
ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.
from:anastasiasteele
subject:laters
date:june13,2011:11:32
to:christiangrey
canwepleasediscussthistonight?
iamtryingtowork,andyourcontinuedinterferenceisvery
distracting.
anastasiasteele
assistanttojackhyde,commissioningeditor,sip
jackreturnsaftermiddayandtellsmethatnewyorkis
offformethoughheisstillgoingandthere’snothinghe
candotochangeseniormanagementpolicy.hestrides
intohisoffice,slammingthedoor,obviouslyfurious.why
ishesoangry?
deepdown,iknowhisintentionsarelessthan
honorable,butiamsureicandealwithhim,andiwonder
whatchristianknowsaboutjack’spreviouspas.ipark
thesethoughtsandcontinuewithsomework,butresolve
totrytomakechristianchangehismind,thoughthe
prospectsarebleak.
prospectsarebleak.
atoneo’clock,jackpokeshisheadoutoftheoffice
door.
“ana,pleasecouldyougoandgetmesomelunch?”
“sure.whatwouldyoulike?”
“pastramionrye,holdthemustard.i’llgiveyouthe
moneywhenyou’reback.”
“anythingtodrink?”
“coke,please.thanks,ana.”heheadsbackintohis
officeasireachformypurse.
crap.ipromisedchristianiwouldn’tgoout.isigh.
he’llneverknow,andi’llbequick.
clairefromreceptionoffersmeherumbrellasinceitis
stillpouringwithrain.asiheadoutofthefrontdoors,i
pullmyjacketaroundmeandtakeafurtiveglanceinboth
directionsfrombeneaththeoverlargegolfumbrella.
nothingseemsamiss.there’snosignofghostgirl.
imarchbriskly,andihopeinconspicuously,downthe
blocktothedeli.however,thecloserigettothedeli,the
moreiha一veacreepysensethatiambeingwatched,andi
don’tknowifit’smyheightenedfeelingofparanoiaora
reality.shit.ihopeit’snotleilawithagun.
it’sjustyourimagination,mysubconscioussnaps.
whothehellwouldwanttoshootyou?
withinfifteenminutes,iamback—safe,soundbut
relieved.ithinkchristian’sextremeparanoiaandhis
overprotectivevigilanceisbeginningtogettome.
asitakejack’slunchintohim,heglancesupfrom
thephone.
“ana,thanks.sinceyou’renotcomingwithme,i’m
“ana,thanks.sinceyou’renotcomingwithme,i’m
goingtoneedyoutoworklate.weneedtogetthese
briefsready.hopeyoudon’tha一veplans.”hesmilesupat
mewarmly,andiflush.
“no,that’sfine,”isaywithabrightsmileandasinking
heart.thisisnotgoingtogodownwell.christianwill
freak,i’msure.
asiheadbacktomydeskidecidenottotellhim
immediately,otherwisehemightha一vetimetointerferein
someway.isitandeatthechickensaladsandwichmrs.
jonesmadeforme.it’sdelicious.shemakesamean
sandwich.
ofcourse,ifimovedinwithchristian,shewould
makelunchformeeveryweekday.theideaisunsettling.i
ha一veneverhaddreamsofobscenewealthandallthe
trappings—onlylove.tofindsomeonewholovesmeand
doesn’ttrytocontrolmyeverymove.thephonerings.
“jackhyde’soffice—”
“youassuredmeyouwouldn’tgoout,”christian
interruptsme,hisvoicecoldandhard.
myheartsinksforthemillionthtimethisday.shit.
howthehelldoesheknow?
“jacksentmeoutforsomelunch.icouldn’tsayno.
areyouha一vingmewatched?”myscalppricklesatthe
notion.nowonderifeltsoparanoid—
someonewaswatchingme.thethoughtmakesmeangry.
“thisiswhyididn’twantyougoingbacktowork,”
christiansnaps.
“christian,please.you’rebeing”—sofifty—“so
suffocating.”
“suffocating?”hewhispers,surprised.
“yes.youha一vetostopthis.i’lltalktoyouthis
evening.unfortunately,iha一vetoworklatebecauseican’t
gotonewyork.”
“anastasia,idon’twanttosuffocateyou,”hesays
quietly,appalled.
“well,youare.iha一veworktodo.i’lltalktoyou
later.”ihangup,feelingdrainedandvaguelydepressed.
afterourwonderfulweekend,therealityishitting
home.iha一veneverfeltmorelikerunning.runningtosome
quietretreatsoicanthinkaboutthisman,abouthowhe
is,andabouthowtodealwithhim.ononelevel,iknow
he’sbroken—icanseethatclearlynow—andit’sboth
heartbreakingandexhausting.fromthesmallpiecesof
preciousinformationthathe’sgivenmeabouthislife,i
understandwhy.anunlovedchild;ahideouslyabusive
environment;amotherwhocouldn’tprotecthim,whomhe
couldn’tprotect,andwhodiedinfrontofhim.
ishudder.mypoorfifty.iamhis,butnottobekept
insomegildedcage.howamigoingtomakehimsee
this?
withahea一vyheart,idragoneofthemanuscriptsjack
wantsmetosummarizeintomylapandcontinuetoread.i
canthinkofnoeasysolutiontochristian’sfucked-up
controlissues.iwilljustha一vetotalktohimlater,faceto
face.
halfanhourlater,jacke-mailsmeadocumentthati
needtotidyupandpolish,readyforprintingtomorrowin
timeforhisconference.itwilltakemenotjusttherestof
theafternoonbutwellintotheevening,too.isettowork.
whenilookup,it’saftersevenandtheofficeis
deserted,thoughthelightinjack’sofficeisstillon.i
hadn’tnoticedeveryonelea一ving,butiamnearlyfinished.i
e-mailthedocumentbacktojackforhisapprovaland
checkmyinbox.there’snothingnewfromchristian,soi
quicklyglanceatmyblackberry,anditstartlesmeby
buzzing—it’schristian.
“hi,”imurmur.
“hi,whenwillyoubefinished?”
“byseventhirty,ithink.”
“i’llmeetyououtside.”
“okay.”
hesoundsquiet,nervouseven.why?waryofmy
reaction?
“i’mstillmadatyou,butthat’sall,”iwhisper.“we
ha一vealottotalkabout.”
“iknow.seeyouatseventhirty.”
jackcomesoutofhisoffice.
“iha一vetogo.seeyoulater.”ihangup.
ilookupatjackashestrollscasuallytowardme.
“ijustneedacoupleoftweaks.i’vee-mailedthebrief
backtoyou.”
heleansovermewhileiretrievethedocument,rather
close—uncomfortablyclose.hisarmbrushesmine.
accidentally?iflinch,buthepretendsnottonotice.his
otherarmrestsonthebackofmychair,touchingmy
back.isitupsoi’mnotleaningagainstthebackrest.
“pagessixteenandtwenty-three,andthatshouldbe
it,”hemurmurs,hismouthinchesfrommyear.
myskincrawlsathisproximity,butichoosetoignore
it.openingthedocument,ishakilystartonthechanges.
he’sstillleaningoverme,andallmysensesare
hyperaware.it’sdistractingandawkward,andinsideiam
screaming,backoff!
“oncethisisdone,it’llbegoodtogotoprint.youcan
organizethattomorrow.thankyouforstayinglateand
doingthis,ana.”hisvoiceissmooth,gentle,likehe’s
talkingtoawoundedanimal.mystomachtwists.
“ithinktheleasticoulddoisrewardyouwithaquick
drink.youdeserveone.”hetucksastrandofmyhair
that’scomeloosefrommyhairtiebehindmyearand
gentlycaressesthelobe.
icringegrittingmyteeth,andijerkmyheadaway.
shit!christianwasright.don’ttouchme.
“actually,ican’tthisevening.”oranyotherevening,
jack.
“justaquickone?”hecoaxes.
“no,ican’t.butthankyou.”
jacksitsontheendofmydeskandfrowns.alarm
bellssoundloudlyinmyhead.iamonmyowninthe
office.icannotlea一ve.iglancenervouslyattheclock.
anotherfiveminutesbeforechristianisdue.
“ana,ithinkwemakeagreatteam.i’msorrythati
couldn’tpulloffthisnewyorktrip.itwon’tbethesame
withoutyou.”
i’msureitwon’t.ismileweaklyupathim,becausei
i’msureitwon’t.ismileweaklyupathim,becausei
can’tthinkofwhattosay.andforthefirsttimeallday,i
feelthetiniesthintofreliefthatiamnotgoing.
“so,didyouha一veagoodweekend?”heasks
smoothly.
“yes,thanks.”whereishegoingwiththis?
“seeyourboyfriend?”
“yes.”
“whatdoeshedo?”
ownsyourass...“he’sinbusiness.”
“that’sinteresting.whatkindofbusiness?”
“oh,hehashisfingersinallsortsofpies.”