五十度灰(Fifty Shades of Grey)英文版 Part II 5

ishudder.whatalegacy.ican’twrapmyhead

aroundit.

iscrollthroughtheextensivelist.iwantsomething

upbeat.hmm,beyoncé—doesn’tsoundlikechristian’s

taste.crazyinlove.ohyes!howapt.ihittherepeat

buttonandputitonloud.

isashaybacktothekitchenandfindabowl,openthe

fridge,andtakeouttheeggs.icrackthemopenandbegin

towhisk,dancingthewholetime.

raidingthefridgeoncemore,igatherpotatoes,ham,

and—yes!—peasfromthefreezer.allofthesewilldo.

findingapan,iplaceitonthestove,putinalittleoliveoil,

andgobacktowhisking.

noempathy,imuse.isthisuniquetochristian?

maybeallmenarelikethis,baffledbywomen.ijustdon’t

know.perhapsit’snotsucharevelation.

iwishkatewerehome;shewouldknow.she’sbeen

inbarbadosfartoolong.sheshouldbebackattheendof

theweekafterheradditionalvacationwithelliot.iwonder

ifit’sstilllustatfirstsightforthem.

oneofthethingsiloveaboutyou.

istopwhisking.hesaidit.doesthatmeanthereare

otherthings?ismileforthefirsttimesinceseeingmrs.

robinson—agenuine,heartfelt,face-splittingsmile.

christianslipshisarmsaroundme,makingmejump.

“interestingchoiceofmusic,”hepurrsashekissesme

belowmyear.“yourhairsmellsgood.”henuzzlesmy

hairandinhalesdeeply.

desireuncurlsinmybelly.no.ishrugoutofhis

embrace.

“i’mstillmadatyou.”

hefrowns.“howlongareyougoingtokeepthisup?”

heasks,draggingahandthroughhishair.

ishrug.“atleastuntili’veeaten.”

hislipstwitchwithamusement.turning,hepicksup

theremotecontrolfromthecounterandswitchesoffthe

music.

“didyouputthatonyouripod?”iask.

heshakeshishead,hisexpressionsomber,andi

knowitwasher—ghostgirl.

“don’tyouthinkshewastryingtotellyousomething

backthen?”

“well,withhindsight,probably,”hesaysquietly.

qed.noempathy.mysubconsciousfoldsherarms

andsmacksherlipsindisgust.

“why’sitstillonthere?”

“iquitelikethesong.butifitoffendsyoui’llremove

it.”

“no,it’sfine.iliketocooktomusic.”

“whatwouldyouliketohear?”

“surpriseme.”

hesmirksatmeandheadsovertotheipoddock

whileigobacktomywhisking.

momentslaterthehea一venlysweet,soulfulvoiceof

ninasimonefillstheroom.it’soneofray’sfa一vorites:“i

putaspellonyou.”

iflush,turningtogapeatchristian.whatishetryingto

tellme?heputaspellonmealongtimeago.ohmy...

hislookhaschanged,thelevitygone,hiseyesdarker,

intense.

iwatchhim,enthralledasslowly,likethepredatorhe

is,hestalksmeintimetotheslowsultrybeatofthemusic.

he’sbarefoot,wearingjustanuntuckedwhiteshirt,jeans,

andasmolderinglook.

ninasings,“you’remine”aschristianreachesme,his

intentionclear.

“christian,please,”iwhisper,thewhiskredundantin

myhand.

“pleasewhat?”

“don’tdothis.”

“dowhat?”

“this.”

he’sstandinginfrontofme,gazingdownatme.

“areyousure?”hebreathesandreachingover,he

takesthewhiskfrommyhandandplacesitbackinthe

bowlwiththeeggs.myheartisinmymouth.idon’twant

this—idowantthis—badly.

he’ssofrustrating.he’ssohotanddesirable.itear

mygazeawayfromhisspellbindinglook.

“iwantyou,anastasia,”hemurmurs.“iloveandi

hate,andilovearguingwithyou.it’sverynew.ineedto

knowthatwe’reokay.it’stheonlywayiknowhow.”

“myfeelingsforyouha一ven’tchanged,”iwhisper.

hisproximityisoverwhelming,exhilarating.the

familiarpullisthere,allmysynapsesgoadingmetoward

him,myinnergoddessathermostlibidinous.staringatthe

patchofhairinthevofhisshirt,ibitemylip,helpless,

drivenbydesire—iwanttotastehimthere.

he’ssoclose,buthedoesn’ttouchme.hisheatis

warmingmyskin.

“i’mnotgoingtotouchyouuntilyousayyes,”hesays

softly.“butrightnow,afterareallyshittymorning,iwant

toburymyselfinyouandjustforgeteverythingbutus.”

ohmy...us.amagicalcombination,asmallpotent

pronounthatclinchesthedeal.iraisemyheadtostareat

hisbeautifulyetseriousface.

“i’mgoingtotouchyourface,”ibreathe,andseehis

surprisereflectedbrieflyinhiseyesbeforehisacceptance

registers.

liftingmyhand,icaresshischeek,andrunmy

fingertipsacrosshisstubble.hecloseshiseyesand

exhales,leaninghisfaceintomytouch.

heleansdownslowly,andmylipsautomaticallyliftto

meethis.hehoversoverme.

“yesorno,anastasia?”hewhispers.

“yes.”

hismouthsoftlyclosesonmine,coaxing,coercingmy

lipsapartashisarmsfoldaroundme,pullingmetohim.

hishandmovesupmyback,fingerstanglinginthehairat

thebackofmyheadandtugginggently,whilehisother

handflattensonmybehind,forcingmeagainsthim.imoan

softly.

“mr.grey.”taylorcoughs,andchristianreleasesme

immediately.

“taylor,”hesays,hisvoicefrigid.

iwhirlroundtoseeanuncomfortabletaylorstanding

onthethresholdofthegreatroom.christianandtaylor

stareateachother,someunspokencommunication

passingbetweenthem.

“mystudy,”christiansnaps,andtaylorwalksbriskly

acrosstheroom.

“raincheck,”christianwhisperstomebefore

followingtayloroutoftheroom.

itakeadeep,steadyingbreath.holyhell.caninot

resisthimforoneminute?ishakemyhead,disgustedat

myself,gratefulfortaylor’sinterruption,embarrassing

thoughitis.

iwonderwhattaylorhashadtointerruptinthepast.

what’sheseen?idon’twanttothinkaboutthat.lunch.

i’llmakelunch.ibusymyselfslicingpotatoes.whatdoes

taylorwant?mymindraces—isthisaboutleila?

tenminuteslater,theyemerge,justastheomeletis

ready.christianlookspreoccupiedasheglancesatme.

“i’llbrieftheminten,”hesaystotaylor.

“we’llbeready,”tayloranswersandlea一vesthegreat

room.

iproducetwowarmedplatesandplacethemonthe

kitchenisland.

“lunch?”

“please,”christiansaysasheperchesononeofthe

barstools.nowhe’swatchingmecarefully.

“problem?”

“no.”

iscowl.he’snottellingme.idishoutlunchandsit

downbesidehim,resignedtostayinginthedark.

“thisisgood,”christianmurmursappreciativelyashe

takesabite.“wouldyoulikeaglassofwine?”

“no,thankyou.”ineedtokeepaclearheadaround

you,grey.

itdoestastegood,eventhoughi’mnotthathungry.

butieat,knowingchristianwillnagifidon’t.eventually

christiandisruptsourbroodingsilenceandswitchesonthe

classicalpieceiheardearlier.

“what’sthis?”iask.

“canteloube,songsoftheauvergne.thisiscalled

‘bailero.’”

“it’slovely.whatlanguageisit?”

“it’sinoldfrench—occitan,infact.”

“youspeakfrench,doyouunderstandit?”memories

oftheflawlessfrenchhespokeathisparents’dinner

cometomind...

“somewords,yes.”christiansmiles,visiblyrelaxing.

“mymotherhadamantra:musicalinstrument,foreign

language,martialart.elliotspeaksspanish;miaandi

speakfrench.elliotplaysguitar,iplaypiano,andmiathe

cello.”

“wow.andthemartialarts?”

“elliotdoesjudo.miaputherfootdownatagetwelve

andrefused.”hesmirksatthememory.

“iwishmymotherhadbeenthatorganized.”

“dr.graceisformidablewhenitcomestothe

accomplishmentsofherchildren.”

“shemustbeveryproudofyou.iwouldbe.”

adarkthoughtflashesacrosschristian’sface,andhe

looksmomentarilyuncomfortable.heregardsmewarily

asifhe’sinunchartedterritory.

“ha一veyoudecidedwhatyou’llwearthisevening?or

doineedtocomeandpicksomethingforyou?”histone

issuddenlybrusque.

whoa!hesoundsangry.why?whatha一veisaid?

“um...notyet.didyouchooseallthoseclothes?”

“no,anastasia,ididn’t.iga一vealistandyoursizetoa

personalshopperatneimanmarcus.theyshouldfit.just

sothatyouknow,iha一veorderedadditionalsecurityfor

thiseveningandthenextfewdays.withleila

unpredictableandunaccountedforsomewhereonthe

streetsofseattle,ithinkit’sawiseprecaution.idon’t

wantyougoingoutunaccompanied.okay?”

iblinkathim.“okay.”whathappenedtoi-mustha一ve-

you-nowgrey?

“good.i’mgoingtobriefthem.ishouldn’tbelong.”

“they’rehere?”

“yes.”

where?

collectinghisplate,christianplacesitinthesinkand

disappearsfromtheroom.whatthehellwasthatabout?

he’slikeseveraldifferentpeopleinonebody.isn’tthata

symptomofschizophrenia?imustgooglethat.

iclearmyplate,washupquickly,andheadbackupto

mybedroomcarryingtheanastasiarosesteele

dossier.backinthewalk-incloset,ipulloutthethreelong

eveningdresses.now,whichone?

lyingdownonthebed,igazeatmymac,myipad,and

myblackberry.iamoverwhelmedwithtechnology.iset

abouttransferringchristian’splaylistfrommyipadtothe

mac,thenfireupgoogletosurfthenet.

i’mlyingacrossthebedlookingatmymacaschristian

enters.

“whatareyoudoing?”heinquiressoftly.

ipanicbriefly,wonderingifishouldlethimseethe

websitei’mon:multiplepersonalitydisorder:the

symptoms.

stretchingoutbesideme,heeyesthewebpagewith

amusement.

“onthissiteforareason?”heasksnonchalantly.

brusquechristianhasgone—playfulchristianisback.

howthehellamisupposedtokeepupwiththis?

“research.intoadifficultpersonality.”igivehimmy

mostdeadpanlook.

hislipstwitchwithasuppressedsmile.“adifficult

personality?”

“myownpetproject.”

“i’mapetprojectnow?asideline.science

experimentmaybe.whenithoughtiwaseverything.miss

steele,youwoundme.”

“howdoyouknowit’syou?”

“wildguess.”hesmirks.

“it’struethatyouaretheonlyfucked-up,mercurial,

controlfreakthatiknow,intimately.”

“ithoughtiwastheonlypersonyouknowintimately.”

hearchesabrow.

iflush.“yes.that,too.”

“ha一veyoureachedanyconclusionsyet?”

iturnandgazeathim.he’sonhissidestretchedout

besidemewithhisheadrestingonhiselbow,his

expressionsoft,amused.

“ithinkyou’reinneedofintensetherapy.”

hereachesupandgentlytucksmyhairbehindmy

ears.

“ithinki’minneedofyou.here.”hehandsmeatube

oflipstick.

ifrownathim,perplexed.it’sharlotred,notmycolor

atall.

“youwantmetowearthis?”isqueak.

helaughs.“no,anastasia,notunlessyouwantto.

notsureit’syourcolor,”hefinishesdryly.

hesitsuponthebedcross-leggedanddragshisshirt

offoverhishead.ohmy.“ilikeyourroadmapidea.”

istareathimblankly.roadmap?

“theno-goareas,”hesaysbywayofexplanation.

“oh.iwaskidding.”

“i’mnot.”

“youwantmetodrawonyou,withlipstick?”

“itwashesoff.eventually.”

thismeansicouldtouchhimfreely.asmallsmileof

wonderplaysonmylips,andismirkathim.

“whataboutsomethingmorepermanentlikea

sharpie?”

“icouldgetatattoo.”hiseyesarealightwithhumor.

christiangreywithatatt?marringhislovelybody,

whenit’smarkedinsomanywaysalready?noway!

“notothetattoo!”ilaughtohidemyhorror.

“lipstick,then.”hegrins.

shuttingthemac,ipushittotheside.thiscouldbe

fun.

“come.”heholdshishandsouttome.“sitonme.”

ipushmyflatsoffmyfeet,scrambleintoasitting

position,andcrawlovertohim.heliesdownonthebed

butkeepshiskneesflexed.

“leanagainstmylegs.”

iclamberoverhimandsitastrideasinstructed.his

eyesarewideandcautious.buthe’samused,too.

“youseem—enthusiasticforthis,”hecommentswryly.

“i’malwayseagerforinformation,mr.grey,andit

meansyou’llrelax,becausei’llknowwherethe

boundarieslie.”

heshakeshishead,asifhecan’tquitebelievethat

he’sabouttoletmedrawalloverhisbody.

“openthelipstick,”heorders.

oh,he’sinüber-bossymode,butidon’tcare.

“givemeyourhand.”

igivehimmyotherhand.

“theonewiththelipstick.”herollshiseyesatme.

“areyourollingyoureyesatme?”

“yep.”

“that’sveryrude,mr.grey.iknowsomepeople

whogetpositivelyviolentateye-rolling.”

“doyounow?”histoneisironic.

igivehimmyhandwiththelipstick,andsuddenlyhe

sitsupsowearenosetonose.

“ready?”heasksinalow,softmurmurthatmakes

everythingtightenandtenseinsideme.ohwow.

“yes,”iwhisper.hisproximityisalluring,histoned

fleshclose,hischristian-smellmixedwithmybodywash.

heguidesmyhanduptothecurveofhisshoulder.

“pressdown,”hebreathes,andmymouthgoesdryas

hedirectsmyhanddown,fromthetopofhisshoulder,

aroundhisarmsocketthendownthesideofhischest.the

lipsticklea一vesabroad,lividredstreakitinitswake.he

stopsatthebottomofthisribcagethendirectsmeacross

hisstomach.hetensesandstares,seeminglyimpassive,

intomyeyes,butbeneathhiscarefulblanklook,iseehis

restraint.

hisa一versionisheldinstrictcheck,thelineofhisjawis

strained,andthere’stensionaroundhiseyes.midway

acrosshisstomachhemurmurs,“anduptheotherside.”

hereleasesmyhand.

imirrorthelinei’vedrawnonhisleftside.thetrust

he’sgivingmeisheadybuttemperedbythefactthatican

icounthispain.sevensmall,roundwhitescarsdothis

chest,andit’sdeep,darkpurgatorytoseethishideous,

evildesecrationofhisbeautifulbody.whowoulddothis

toachild?

“there,done,”iwhisper,containingmyemotion.

“no,you’renot,”herepliesandtracesalinewithhis

longindexfingeraroundthebaseofhisneck.ifollowthe

lineofhisfingerwithascarletstreak.finishing,igazeinto

thegraydepthsofhiseyes.

“nowmyback,”hemurmurs.heshiftssoiha一veto

climboffhim,thenheturnsaroundonthebedandsits

cross-leggedwithhisbacktome.

“followthelinefrommychest,allthewayroundto

theotherside.”hisvoiceislowandhusky.

idoashesaysuntilacrimsonlinerunsacrossthe

middleofhisback,andasido,icountmorescars

marringhisbeautifulbody.nineinall.

holyfuck.iha一vetofighttheoverwhelmingneedto

kisseachoneandstopthetearspoolinginmyeyes.what

kindofanimalwoulddothis?hisheadisdown,andhis

bodytenseasicompletethecircuitroundhisback.

“aroundyourneck,too?”iwhisper.

henods,andidrawanotherlinejoiningthefirst

aroundthebaseofhisneckbeneathhishair.

“finished,”imurmur,anditlookslikehe’swearinga

bizarreskin-coloredvestwithaharlot-redtrim.

hisshouldersslumpasherelaxes,andheturnsslowly

tofacemeonceagain.

“thosearetheboundaries,”hesaysquietly,hiseyes

darkandpupilsdilated...fromfear?fromlust?iwantto

hurlmyselfathim,butirestrainmyselfandgazeathimin

wonder.

“icanlivewiththose.rightnowiwanttolaunch

myselfatyou,”iwhisper.

hegivesmeawickedsmileandholdsouthishands,a

gestureofsupplication.

“well,misssteele,i’mallyours.”

isquealwithchildishdelightandcatapultmyselfinto

hisarms,knockinghimflat.hetwists,lettingoutaboyish

laughfilledwithreliefthattheordealisover.somehow,i

endupbeneathhimonthebed.

“now,aboutthatraincheck,”hebreathesandhis

mouthclaimsmineoncemore.

myhandsfistinhishairwhilemymouthisfeverishagainst

christian’s,consuminghim,relishingthefeelofhistongue

againstmine.andhe’sthesame,devouringme.it’s

hea一venly.

suddenlyhedragsmeupandgraspsthehemofmytshirt,

whippingitovermyheadandthrowingitonthe

floor.

“iwanttofeelyou,”hesaysgreedilyagainstmymouth

ashishandsmovebehindmetoundomybra.inone

smoothmove,it’soffandhepitchesitaside.

hepushesmebackdownontothebed,pressingme

intothemattress,andhismouthandhandmovetomy

breasts.myfingerscurlintohishairashetakesoneofmy

nipplesbetweenhislipsandtugshard.

icryoutasthesensationsweepsthroughmybody,

spikes,andtightensallthemusclesaroundmygroin.

“yes,baby,letmehearyou,”hemurmursagainstmy

overheatedskin.

boy,iwanthiminsideme,now.withhismouth,he

toyswithmynipple,pullingatit,makingmesquirmand

writheandyearnforhim.isensehislongingmixedwith—

what?veneration.it’sasifhe’sworshippingme.

heteasesmewithhisfingers,mynipplegrowinghard

andelongatingunderhisskillfultouch.hishandmovesto

myjeans,andhedeftlyundoesthebutton,tugsthezipper

down,andslipshishandinsidemypanties,slidinghis

fingersagainstmysex.

hisbreathhissesoutashisfingerglidesintome.ipush

mypelvisupintotheheelofhishand,andheresponds,

rubbingagainstme.

“oh,baby,”hebreathesashehoversoverme,staring

intentlyintomyeyes.“you’resowet.”hisvoiceisfilled

withwonder.

“iwantyou,”imurmur.

hismouthjoinswithmineagain,andifeelhishungry

desperation,hisneedforme.

thisisnew—it’sneverbeenlikethisexceptperhaps

whenicamebackfromgeorgia—andhiswordsfrom

earlierdriftbacktome...ineedtoknowwe’reokay.

thisistheonlywayiknowhow.

thethoughtunra一velsme.toknowthatiha一vesuchan

effectonhim,thaticanofferhimsomuchsolace,doing

this—myinnergoddesspurrswithpurepleasure.hesits

up,graspsthehemofmyjeans,andtugsthemoff,

followedbymypanties.

keepinghiseyesfixedonmine,hestands,takesafoil

packetoutofhispocket,andtossesitatme,thenremoves

hisjeansandboxersinoneswiftmotion.

iripthepacketopengreedily,andwhenheliesbeside

meagain,islowlyrollthecondomontohim.hegrabs

bothmyhandsandrollsontohisback.

“you.ontop,”heorders,pullingmeastridehim.“i

wanttoseeyou.”

oh.

heguidesme,andhesitantlyieasemyselfdownonto

him.hecloseshiseyesandflexeshishipstomeetme,

fillingme,stretchingme,hismouthformingaperfectoas

heexhales.

oh,thatfeelssogood—possessinghim,possessing

me.

heholdsmyhands,andidon’tknowifit’stosteady

meorkeepmefromtouchinghim,eventhoughiha一vemy

roadmap.

“youfeelsogood,”hemurmurs.

iriseagain,headywiththepoweriha一veoverhim,

watchingchristiangreyslowlycomingapartbeneathme.

heletsgoofmyhandsandgrabsmyhips,andiplacemy

handsonhisarms.hethrustsintomesharply,causingme

tocryout.

“that’sright,baby,feelme,”hesays,hisvoice

strained.

itipmyheadbackanddoexactlythat.thisiswhathe

doessowell.

imove—counteringhisrhythminperfectsymmetry—

numbingallthoughtandreason.iamjustsensationlostin

thisvoidofpleasure.upanddown...againand

again...ohyes...openingmyeyes,istaredownat

him,mybreathingragged,andhe’sstaringbackatme,

eyesblazing.

“myana,”hemouths.

“yes,”irasp.“always.”

hegroansloudly,closinghiseyesagain,tippinghis

headback.ohmy...seeingchristianundoneisenough

tosealmyfate,andicomeaudibly,exhaustingly,spinning

downandaround,collapsingontopofhim.

“oh,baby,”hegroansashefindshisrelease,holding

mestillandlettinggo.

myheadisonhischestintheno-goarea,mycheek

nestledagainstthespringyhaironhissternum.iam

panting,glowing,andiresisttheurgetopuckermylips

andkisshim.

ijustlieontopofhim,catchingmybreath.he

smoothesmyhair,andhishandrunsdownmyback,

caressingmeashisbreathingcalms.

“youaresobeautiful.”

iliftmyheadtogazeathim,myexpressionskeptical.

hefrownsinresponseandsitsupquickly,takingmeby

surprise,hisarmsweepingroundtoholdmeinplace.i

clutchhisbicepsaswearenosetonose.

“you.are.beautiful,”hesaysagain,histone

emphatic.

“andyou’reamazinglysweetsometimes.”ikisshim

gently.

heliftsmeandeasesoutofme.iwinceashedoes.

leaningforward,hekissesmesoftly.

“youha一venoideahowattractiveyouare,doyou?”

iflush.why’shegoingonaboutthis?

“allthoseboyspursuingyou—thatisn’tenoughofa

clue?”

“boys?whatboys?”

“youwantthelist?”christianfrowns.“the

photographer,he’scrazyaboutyou,thatboyinthe

hardwarestore,yourroommate’solderbrother.your

boss,”headdsbitterly.

“oh,christian,that’sjustnottrue.”

“trustme.theywantyou.theywantwhat’smine.”

hepullsmeagainsthim,andiliftmyarmstohis

shoulders,myhandsinhishair,regardinghimwith

amusement.

“mine,”herepeats,hiseyesglowingpossessively.

“yes,yours.”ireassurehim,smiling.helooks

mollified,andifeelperfectlycomfortablenakedinhislap

onabedinthefulllightofasaturdayafternoon.who

wouldha一vethought?thelipstickmarksremainonhis

exquisitebody.inotesomesmearsontheduvetcover

though,andwonderbrieflywhatmrs.joneswillmakeof

them.

“thelineisstillintact,”imurmurandbra一velytracethe

markonhisshoulderwithmyindexfinger.hestiffens,

blinkingsuddenly.“iwanttogoexploring.”

heregardsmeskeptically.