igiveheralopsided,bittersweetsmile.

“ithinki’vekissedaprince,mom.ihopehedoesn’tturnintoafrog.”

shegivesmehermostendearing-motherly-absolute-unconditional-lovesmile,andimarvelattheloveifeelforthiswomanaswehugagain.

“ana–they’recallingyourflight,”bob’svoiceisanxious.

“willyouvisit,mom?”

“ofcoursedarling–soon.loveyou.”

“metoo.”

hereyesareredwithunshedtearsasshereleasesme.ihatelea一vingher.ihugbob,andturning,headtothegate–idonotha一vetimeforthefirstclassloungetoday.iwillmyselfnottoglanceback.butido…andbobisholdingmymom,andtearsarestreaming

downherface.icannolongerholdmineback.iputmyheaddownandproceedtothegate,keepingmyeyesontheshiny,whitefloor,blurredthroughmywaterytears.

onceonboard,intheluxuryoffirstclass,icurlupinmyseatandtrytocomposemyself.itisalwayspainfultowrenchmyselfawayfrommom…sheisscatty,disorganized,butnewlyinsightful,andshelovesme.unconditionallove–whateverychilddeservesfromitsparents.ifrownatmywaywardthoughts,andpullingoutmyblackberry,stareatitdespondently.

whatdoeschristianknowoflove?seemshedidn’tgettheunconditionallovehewasentitledtoduringhisveryearlyyears.myhearttwists,andmymother’swordswaftlikeazephyrthroughmymind:yes,ana.hell–whatdoyouneed?–aneonsignflashingonhisforehead?shethinkschristianlovesme,butthenshe’smymother,ofcourseshe’dthinkthat.shethinksideservethebestofeverything.ifrown.it’strue,andinamomentofstartlingclarity,iseeit.it’sverysimple:iwanthislove.ineedchristiangreytoloveme.thisiswhyiamsoreticentaboutourrelationship–becauseonsomebasic,fundamentallevel,irecognizewithinmeadeep-seatedcompulsiontobelovedandcherished.

andbecauseofhisfiftyshades–iamholdingmyselfback.thebdsmisadistractionfromtherealissue.thesexisamazing,he’swealthy,he’sbeautiful,butthisisallmeaninglesswithouthislove,andtherealheart-failisthatidon’tknowifhe’scapableoflove.hedoesn’tevenlovehimself.irecallhisself-loathing,herlovebeingtheonlyformhefound–acceptable.punished–whipped,beaten,whatevertheirrelationshipentailed–hefeelsundeservingoflove.whydoeshefeellikethat?howcanhefeellikethat?hiswordshauntme:‘it’sveryhardtogrowupinaperfectfamilywhenyou’renotperfect.’

iclosemyeyes,imagininghispain,andican’tbegintocomprehendit.ishudderasirememberthatimayha一vepulgedtoomuch.whatha一veiconfessedtochristianinmysleep?whatsecretsha一veirevealed?

istareattheblackberryinthevaguehopethatitwillgivemesomeanswers.ratherunsurprisingly,itisnotveryforthcoming.asweha一ven’ttakenoffyet,idecidetoemailmyfiftyshades.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:homewardbound

date:june3201112:53est

to:christiangrey

dearmr.grey

iamonceagainensconcedinfirstclass,forwhichithankyou.iamcountingtheminutesuntiliseeyouthisevening,andperhapstorturingthetruthoutofyouaboutmynocturnaladmissions.

youranax

from:christiangrey

subject:homewardbound

date:june3201109:58

to:anastasiasteele

anastasia,ilookforwardtoseeingyou.

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

hisresponsemakesmefrown.itsoundsclippedandformal,nothisusualwitty,pithystyle.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:homewardbound

date:june3201113:01est

to:christiangrey

dearestmr.grey

ihopeeverythingisokayre‘thesituation.’thetoneofyouremailisworrying.

anax

from:christiangrey

subject:homewardbound

date:june3201110:04

to:anastasiasteele

anastasia

thesituationcouldbebetter.ha一veyoutakenoffyet?ifsoyoushouldnotbeemailing.youareputtingyourselfatrisk,indirectcontra一ventionoftheruleregardingyourpersonalsafety.imeantwhatisaidaboutpunishments.

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

crap.okay.jeez.whatiseatinghim?perhaps‘thesituation’?maybetaylor’sgoneawol,maybehe’sdroppedafewmilliononthestockmarket–whateverthereason.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:over-reaction

date:june3201113:06est

to:christiangrey

dearmr.grumpy

theaircraftdoorsarestillopen.wearedelayedbutonlybytenminutes.mywelfareandthatofthepassengersaroundmeisvouchsafed.youmaystowyourtwitchypalm

fornow.

misssteele

from:christiangrey

subject:apologies-twitchypalmstowed

date:june3201110:08

to:anastasiasteele

imissyouandyoursmartmouthmisssteele.

iwantyousafelyhome.

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:apologyaccepted

date:june3201113:10est

to:christiangrey

theyareshuttingthedoors.youwon’thearanotherpeepfromme,especiallygivenyourdeafness.

laters.

anax

iswitchofftheblackberry,unabletoshakemyanxiety.somethingisupwithchristian.perhaps‘thesituation’isoutofhand.isitback,glancingupatthelockerwheremybagsarestowed.imanagedthismorning,withmymother’shelp,tobuychristianasmallgifttosaythankyouforfirstclassandforthegliding.ismileatthememoryofthesoaring–thatwassomethingelse.idon’tknowyetifi’llgivemysillygifttohim.hemightthinkit’schildish–andifhe’sinastrangemood,maybenot.iambotheagertoreturnandapprehensiveofwhatawaitsmeatmyjourney’send.asimentallyflickthroughallthescenariosthatcouldbe‘thesituation’,ibecomeawarethatonceagaintheonlyemptyseatisbesideme.ishakemyheadasthethoughtcrossesmymindthatchristianmightha一vepurchasedtheadjacentseatsothaticouldn’ttalktoanyone.idismisstheideaasridiculous–noonecouldbethatcontrolling,thatjealous,surely.iclosemyeyesastheplanetaxistowardstherunway.

iemergeintothesea-tacarrivalsterminaleighthourslatertofindtaylorwaitingandholdingupaboardthatreadsmissasteele.honestly!butit’sgoodtoseehim.

“hello,taylor.”

“misssteele,”hegreetsmeformally,butiseeahintofsmileinhissharpbrowneyes.helookshisusualimmaculateself–smartcharcoalsuit,whiteshirt,andcharcoaltie.

“idoknowwhatyoulookliketaylor,youdon’tneedaboard,andidowishyou’dcallme,ana.”

“ana.canitakeyourbags,please?”

“no,icanmanage.thankyou.”

hislipstightenperceptibly.

“but,ifyou’dbemorecomfortabletakingthem,”istammer.

“thankyou.”hegrabsmybackpackandmynewlyacquiredwheeliecasefortheclothesmymotherhasboughtme.“thisway,ma’am.”

isigh.he’ssopolite.iremember,thoughiwouldliketoeraseitfrommymemory,thatthismanhasboughtmeunderwear.infact–andthethoughtunsettlesme–he’stheonlymanwho’severboughtmeunderwear.evenray’sneverhadtoendurethathardship.wewalkinsilencetotheblackaudisuvoutsideintheairportparkinglot,andheholdsthedooropenforme.iclamberin,wonderingifwearingsuchashortskirtforthereturntoseattlewasagoodidea.itwascoolandwelcomeingeorgia.hereifeelexposed.oncetaylorhasstowedmybagsinthetrunk,wesetoffforescala.

thejourneyisslow,caughtupinrushhourtraffic.taylorkeepshiseyesontheroadahead.taciturndoesnotbegintodescribehim.

icanbearthesilencenolonger.

“how’schristian,taylor?”

“mr.greyispreoccupied,misssteele.”

oh,thismustbe‘thesituation.’iamminingaseamofgold.

“preoccupied?”

“yes,ma’am.”

ifrownattaylor,andheglancesatmeintherear-viewmirror,oureyesmeet.he’ssayingnomore.jeez,hecanbeastightlippedasthecontrolfreakhimself.

“isheokay?”

“ibelieveso,ma’am.”

“areyoumorecomfortablecallingme,misssteele?”

“yes,ma’am.”

“oh,okay.”

well,thatcurtailsourconversation,andwecontinueinsilence.ibegintothinkthattaylor’srecentslip,whenhetoldmethatchristianhadbeenhellonwheels,wasananomaly.perhapshe’sembarrassedaboutit,worriedthathe’sbeendisloyal.thesilenceissuffocating.

“couldyouputsomemusiconplease?”

“certainly,ma’am.whatwouldyouliketohear?”

“somethingsoothing.”

iseeasmileplayontaylor’slipsasoureyesmeetbrieflyagaininthemirror.

“yes,ma’am.”

hepushesafewbuttonsonthesteeringwheel,andthegentlestrainsofpachelbel’scanonfillsthespacebetweenus.ohyes…thisiswhatineed.

“thankyou.”isitbackaswedriveslowlybutsteadilyalongthei-5intoseattle.

twenty-fiveminutes,laterhedropsmeoutsidetheimpressivefa?adethatistheentrancetoescala.

“inyougo,ma’am,”hesays,holdingthedooropenforme.“i’llbringupyourluggageis.”hexpressionissoft,warm,a一vunculareven.

jeez…uncletaylor,whatathought.

“thankyouformeetingme.”

“it’sapleasure,misssteele.”hesmiles,andiheadintothebuilding.thedoormannodsandwa一ves.

asirideuptothethirtiethfloor,athousandbutterfliesstretchtheirwingsandfluttererraticallyinmystomach.whyamisonervous?andiknowit’sbecauseiha一venoideawhatkindofmoodchristian’sgoingtobeinwheniarrive.myinnergoddessishopefulforonetypeofmood,mysubconscious,likeme,isfraughtwithnerves.

theelevatordoorsopen,andi’minthefoyer.itissostrangenottobemetbytaylor.ofcourse,he’sparkingthecar.inthegreatroom,christianisonhisblackberrytalkingquietlyashestaresoutoftheglassdoorsattheearlyeveningseattleskyline.he’swearingagraysuitwiththejacketundone,andhe’srunninghishandthroughhishair,he’s.hagitated,tenseeven.ohno–what’swrong?agitatedornot,he’sstillbeyondbeautiful.howcanhelookso…arresting?it’ssuchapleasuretostandanddrinkinthesheersightofhim.

“notrace…okay…yes.”heturnsandseesme,andhiswholedemeanorchanges.fromtensiontorelieftosomethingelse:alookthatcallsdirectlytomyinnergoddess,alookofsensualcarnality,grayeyesblazing.

mymouthgoesdryanddesirebloomsinmybody…whoa.

“keepmeinformed,”hesnapsandshutsoffhisphoneashestridespurposefullytowardme.istandparalyzedasheclosesthedistancebetweenus,devouringmewithhiseyes.holyshit…something’samiss–thestraininhisjaw,theanxietyaroundhiseyes.heshrugsoutofhisjacket,undoeshisdarktie,andslingsthembothontothecouchenroutetome.thenhisarmsarewrappedaroundme,andhe’spullingmetohim,hard,fast,grippingmyponytailtotiltmyheadup,kissingmelikehislifedependsonit.whatthehell?hedragsthehairtiepainfullyoutofmyhair,butidon’tcare.there’sadesperate,primalqualitytohiskiss.heneedsme,forwhateverreason,atthispointintime,andiha一veneverfeltsodesiredandcoveted.it’sdarkandsensualandalarmingallatthesametime.ikisshimbackwithequalfervor,myfingerstwistingandfistinginhishair.ourtonguesentwined,ourpassionandardoreruptingbetweenus.hetastespine,hot,sexy,andhisscent–allbodywashandchristianissoarousing.hedragshismouthawayfrommine,andhe’sstaringdownatme,grippedbysomeunnamedemotion.

“what’swrong?”ibreathe.

“i’msogladyou’reback.showerwithme–now.”

ican’tdecideifit’sarequestoracommand.

“yes,”iwhisper,andhegrabsmyhand,leadingmeoutofthebigroomintohisbedroomtohisbathroom.

oncethere,hereleasesmeandsetsthewaterrunninginthefartoospaciousshower.turningslowly,hegazesatme,eyeshooded.

“ilikeyourskirt.it’sveryshort,”hesays,hisvoicelow.“youha一vegreatlegs.”

hestepsoutofhisshoesandreachesdowntotakeeachofhissocksoff,nevertakinghiseyesoffme.iamrenderedspeechlessbythelookofhungerinhiseyes.wow…tobethiswantedbythisgreekgod.imirrorhisactionsandstepoutofmyblackflats.suddenly,hereachesforme,backingmeupagainstthewall.kissingme,myface,mythroat,mylips…runninghishandsintomyhair.ifeelthecool,smoothtiledwallatmybackashepusheshimselfagainstmesothati’mflattenedbetweenhisheatandthechilloftheceramic.tentatively,iplacemyarmsonhisupperarms,andhegroansasisqueezetightly.

“iwantyounow.here…fast,hard,”hebreathes,andhishandsareonmythighs,pushingupmyskirt.“areyoustillbleeding?”

“no.”iflush.

“good.”

histhumbshookovermywhitecottonpanties,andabruptlyhedropstohiskneesashetugsthemoff.myskirtisnowruckedupsothati’mnakedfromthewaistdownandpanting,wanting.hegrabsmyhips,pushingmeagainstthewallagain,andkissesmeattheapexofmythighs.grabbingmyupperthighs,heforcesmylegsapart.igroanloudly,feelinghistonguecirclingmyclitoris.ohmy.tippingmyheadbackinvoluntarily,imoanasmyfingersfindtheirwayintothishair.

histongueisrelentless,strongandinsistent,la一vingme–swirlingroundandround,againandagain–non-stop.it’sexquisite,theintensityoffeeling–it’salmostpainful.mybodystartstoquicken,andhereleasesme.what?no!mybreathingisraggedasipant,gazingathimwithdeliciousanticipation.hegrabsmyfacewithbothhands,holdingmefirmly,andhekissesmehard,thrustinghistongueintomymouthsoicantastemyarousal.unzippinghisfly,hefreeshimself,grabsthebacksofmythighs,andliftsme.

“wrapyourlegsaroundme,baby,”hecommands,hisvoiceurgent,strained.

idoasi’mtoldandwrapmyarmsaroundhisneck,andhemovesquicklyandsharply,fillingme.ah!hegasps,andigroan.holdingmybehind,hisfingersdiggingintomysoftflesh,hebeginstomove,slowlyatfirst–asteadyeventempo…butashiscontrolunra一vels,hespeedsup…faster,andfaster.ahhh!itipmyheadbackandconcentrateontheinvading,punishing,hea一venlysensation…pushingme,pushingme…onward,higher,up…andwhenicantakenomore,iexplodearoundhim,spiralingintoanintense,all-consumingorgasm.heletsgowithadeepgrowl,andheburieshisheadinmyneckasheburieshimselfinsideme,groaningloudlyandincoherentlyashefindshisrelease.

hisbreathingiserratic,buthekissesmetenderly,notmoving,stillinsideme,andiblink,unseeingintohiseyes.ashecomesintofocus,hegentlypullsoutofme,holdingmesteadywhileiplacemyfeetonthefloor.thebathroomisnowcloudywithsteam…andhot.ifeeloverdressed.

“youseempleasedtoseeme,”imurmurwithashysmile.

hislipsquirkup.

“yes,misssteele,ithinkmypleasureisprettyself-evident.come–letmegetyouintheshower.”

heundoesthenextthreebuttonsofhisshirt,removesthecufflinks,tugsitoverhishead,anddiscardsitonthefloor.removinghissuitpantsandboxerbriefs,hekicksthem

tooneside.hebeginstoundothebuttonsonmyblousewhileiwatchhim,yearningtoreachoutandstrokehischest,buticontainmyself.

“howwasyourjourney?”heasksmildly.heseemssomuchcalmernow,hisapprehensiongone,dissolvedbysexualcongress.

“fine,thankyou,”imurmur,stillbreathless.“thanksonceagainforfirstclass.itreallyisamuchnicerwaytotra一vel.”ismileshylyathim.“iha一vesomenews,”iaddnervously.

“oh?”helooksdownatmeasheundoesthelastbutton,slipsmyblousedownmyarms,andthrowsitontopofhisdiscardedclothes.

“iha一veajob.”

hestills,thensmilesatme,hiseyeswarmandsoft.

“congratulations,misssteele.nowwillyoutellmewhere?”heteases.

“youdon’tknow?”

heshakeshishead,frowningslightly.

“whywouldiknow?”

“withyourstalkingcapabilities,ithoughtyoumightha一ve…”itrailoffashisfacefalls.

“anastasia,iwouldn’tdreamofinterferinginyourcareer,unlessyouaskmeto,ofcourse.”helookswounded.

“soyouha一venoideawhichcompany?”

“no.iknowtherearefourpublishingcompaniesinseattle–soiamassumingit’soneofthem.”

“sip”

“oh,thesmallone,good.welldone.”heleansforwardandkissesmyforehead.“clevergirl.whendoyoustart?”

“monday.”

“thatsoon,eh?i’dbettertakeadvantageofyouwhileistillcan.turnround.”

iamthrownbyhiscasualcommand,butdoasi’mbid,andheundoesmybraandunzipsmyskirt.hepushesmyskirtdown,cuppingmybehindashedoes,andkissingmyshoulder.heleansagainst,meandhisnosenuzzlesmyhair,inhalingdeeply.hesqueezesmybuttocks.

“youintoxicateme,misssteele,andyoucalmme.suchaheadycombination.”hekissesmyhair.grabbingmyhand,hetugsmeintotheshower.

“ow,”isqueal.thewaterispracticallyscalding.christiangrinsdownatmeasthewatercascadesoverhim.

“it’sonlyalittlehotwater.”

andactuallyhe’sright.itfeelshea一venly,washingoffthestickygeorgiamorningandthestickinessfromourlovemaking.

“turnround,”heorders,andicomply,turningtofacethewall.“iwanttowashyou,”hemurmursandreachesforthebodywash.hesquirtsalittleintohishand.

“iha一vesomethingelsetotellyou,”imurmurashishandsstartonmyshoulders.

“oh,yes?”heasksmildly.

isteelmyselfwithadeepbreath.

“myfriendjosé’sphotographyshowisopeningthursdayinportland.”

hestills,hishandshoveringovermybreasts.iha一veemphasizedtheword‘friend.’

“yes,whataboutit?”heaskssternly.

“isaidiwouldgo.doyouwanttocomewithme?”

afterwhatfeelslikeamonumentalamountoftime,heslowlystartswashingmeagain.

“whattime?”

“theopeningisat7:30”

hekissesmyear.

“okay.”

insidemysubconsciousrelaxesandthencollapses,slumpedintoanoldbatteredarmchair.

“wereyounervousaboutaskingme?”

“yes.howcanyoutell?”

“anastasia,yourwholebody’sjustrelaxed,”hesaysdryly.

“well,youjustseemtobeum…onthejealousside.”

“yes,iam,”hesaysdarkly.“andyou’ddowelltorememberthat.butthankyouforasking.we’lltakecharlietango.”

oh,thehelicopterofcourse,sillyme.moreflying…cool!igrin.

“caniwashyou?”iask.

“idon’tthinkso,”hemurmurs,andhekissesmegentlyonmynecktotakethestingoutofhisrefusal.ipoutatthewallashecaressesmybackwithsoap.

“willyoueverletmetouchyou?”iaskboldly.

hestillsagain,hishandonmybehind.

“putyourhandsonthewallanastasia.i’mgoingtotakeyouagain,”hemurmursinmyearashegrabsmyhips,andiknowthatthediscussionisover.

laterweareseatedatthebreakfastbar,dressedinbathrobes,ha一vingconsumedmrs.jones’sratherexcellentpastaallevongole.

“morewine?”christianasks,grayeyesglowing.

“asmallglass,please.”thesancerreiscrispanddelicious.christianpoursoneformeandoneforhimself.

“how’stheum…situationthatboughtyoutoseattle?”iasktentatively.

hefrowns.

“outofhand,”hemurmursbitterly.“butnothingforyoutoworryabout,anastasia.iha一veplansforyouthisevening.”

“oh?”

“yes.iwantyoureadyandwaitinginmyplayroominfifteenminutes.”hestandsandgazesdownatme.

“youcangetreadyinyourroom.incidentally,thewalk-inclosetisnowfullofclothesforyou.idon’twantanyargumentsaboutthem.”henarrowshiseyes,daringmetosaysomething.whenidon’t,hestalksofftohisstudy.

me!argue?withyou,fiftyshades?it’smorethanmybackside’sworth.isitonthebarstool,momentarilystupefied,tryingtoassimilatethismorselofinformation.he’s

boughtmeclothes.irollmyeyesinanexaggeratedfashionknowingfullwellhecan’tseeme.car,phone,computer…clothes,it’llbeadamncondonext,andthenireallywillbehismistress.

ho!mysubconscioushashersnarkyfaceon.iignoreherandmakemywayupstairstowardmyroomso,itisstillmine…why?ithoughthe’dagreedtoletmesleepwithhim.isupposehe’snotusedtosharinghispersonalspace,butthen,neitherami.iconsolemyselfwiththethoughtthatatleastiha一vesomewheretoescapefromhim.

examiningthedoor,ifindthatithasalockbutnokey.iwonderbrieflyifmrs.joneshasaspare.i’llaskher.iopentheclosetdoorandcloseitagainquickly.holycrap–he’sspentafortune.itresembleskate’s–somanyclotheshangingneatlyontherail.deepdown,iknowthatthey’llallfit.butiha一venotimetothinkaboutthat–iha一vetogetkneelingintheredroomof…pain…orpleasure–hopefullythisevening.

kneelingbythedoor,iamnakedexceptformypanties.myheartisinmymouth.jeez,ithoughtafterthebathroomhewouldha一vehadenough.themanisinsatiable,ormaybeallmenarelikehim.iha一venoidea,noonetocomparehimtoo.closingmyeyes,itrytocalmmyselfdown,toconnectwithmyinnersub.she’stheresomewhere,hidingbehindmyinnergoddess.

anticipationrunsbubblinglikesodathroughmyveins.whatwillhedo?itakeadeepsteadyingbreath,buticannotdenyit,i’mexcited,aroused,wetalready.thisisso…iwanttothinkwrong,butsomehowit’snot.it’srightforchristian.it’swhathewants–andafterthelastfewdays…afterallhe’sdone,iha一vetomanupandtakewhateverhedecideshewants,whateverhethinksheneeds.

thememoryofhislookwhenicameinthisevening,thelonginginhisface,hisdeterminedstridetowardmelikeiwasanoasisinthedesert.i’ddoalmostanythingtoseethatlookagain.ipressmythighstogetheratthedeliciousmemory,anditremindsmethatineedtospreadmyknees.ishufflethemapart.howlongwillhemakemewait?thewaitiscripplingme,cripplingmewithadarkandtantalizingdesire.iglancequicklyaroundthesub一tlylitroom;thecross,thetable,thecouch,thebench…thatbed.itloomssolarge,andit’smadeupwithredsatinsheets.whichpieceofapparatuswillheuse?

thedooropensandchristianbreezesin,ignoringmecompletely.iglancedownquickly,staringatmyhands,positionedwithcareonmyspreadthighs.placingsomethingonthelargechestbesidethedoor,hestrollscasuallytowardthebed.iindulgemyselfinaquickglimpseathim,andmyheartalmostlurchestoastop.he’snakedexceptforthosesoftrippedjeans,topbuttoncasuallyundone.jeez,helookssofreakinghot.mysubconsciousisfranticallyfanningherself,andmyinnergoddessisswayingandwrithingtosomeprimalcarnalrhythm.she’ssoready.ilickmylipsinstinctively.mybloodpoundsthroughmybody,thickandhea一vywithsalacioushunger.whatishegoingtodotome?

turning,henonchalantlywalksbacktothechestofdrawers.openingone,hebeginstoremoveitemsandplacethemonthetop.mycuriosityburns,blazeseven,butiresisttheoverwhelmingtemptationtosneakaquickpeek.whenhefinisheswhathe’sdoing,

hecomestostandinfrontofme.icanseehisnakedfeet,andiwanttokisseveryinchofthem…runmytongueoverhisinstep,suckeachofhistoes.holyshit.

“youlooklovely,”hebreathes.

ikeepmyheaddown,consciousthathe’sstaringatmewhileiampracticallynaked.ifeeltheflushasitslowlyspreadsovermyface.hebendsdownandcupsmychin,forcingmyfaceuptomeethisgaze.

“youareonebeautifulwoman,anastasia.andyou’reallmine,”hemurmurs.“standup.”hiscommandissoftfullofsensualpromise.

shakily,igettomyfeet.

“lookatme,”hebreathes,andistareupintohissmolderinggraygaze.itishisdomgaze–cold,hard,andsexyashell,sevenshadesofsininoneenticinglook.mymouthdries,andiknowiwilldoanythingheasks.analmostcruelsmileplaysacrosshislips.

“wedon’tha一veasignedcontract,anastasia.butwe’vediscussedlimits.andiwanttore-iterateweha一vesafewords,okay?”

holyfuck…whathashegotplannedthatineedsafewords?

“whatarethey?”heasksauthoritatively.

ifrownslightlyathisquestion,andhisfacehardensperceptibly.

“whatarethesafewords,anastasia?”hesaysslowlyanddeliberately.

“yellow,”imumble.

“and?”heprompts,hismouthsettinginahardline.

“red,”ibreathe.

“rememberthose.”

andican’thelpit…iraisemyeyebrowathimandamabouttoremindhimofmygpa,butthesuddenfrostyglintinhisicygrayeyesstopsmeinmytracks.

“don’tstartwithyoursmartmouthinhere,misssteele.oriwillfuckitwithyouonyourknees.doyouunderstand?”

iswallowinstinctively.okay.iblinkrapidly,chastened.actually,it’shistoneofvoice,ratherthanthethreat,thatintimidatesme.

“well?”

“yes,sir,”imumblehastily.

“goodgirl,”hepausesashestaresatme.“myintentionisnotthatyoushouldsafe-wordbecauseyou’reinpain.whatiintendtodotoyouwillbeintense.veryintense,andyouha一vetoguideme.doyouunderstand?”

notreally.intense?wow.

“thisisabouttouch,anastasia.youwillnotbeabletoseemeorhearme.butyou’llbeabletofeelme.”

ifrown–nothearhim?howisthatgoingtowork?heturns,andihadn’tnoticedthatabovethechestisasleek,flat,matt-blackbox.ashewa一veshishandinfront,theboxsplitsinhalf:twodoorsslideopenrevealingacdplayerandahostofbuttons.christianpressesseveralofthesebuttonsinsequence.nothinghappens,butheseemssatisfied.iammystified.whenheturnstofacemeagain,hewearshissmalli-ha一ve-a-secretsmile.

“iamgoingtotieyoutothatbed,anastasia.buti’mgoingtoblindfoldyoufirstand,”herevealshisipodinhishand,“youwillnotbeabletohearme.allyouwillhearisthemusiciamgoingtoplayforyou.”

okay.amusicalinterlude,notwhatiwasexpecting.doesheeverdowhatiexpect?jeez,ihopeit’snotrap.

“come.”takingmyhand,heleadsmeovertotheantiquefour-posterbed.thereareshacklesattachedateachcorner,finemetalchainswithleathercuffs,glintingagainsttheredsatin.

ohboy,ithinkmyheartisgoingtolea一vemychest,andi’mmeltingfromtheinsideout,desirecoursingthroughme.couldibeanymoreexcited?

“standhere.”

iamfacingthebed.heleansdownandwhispersinmyear.

“waithere,keepyoureyesonthebed.pictureyourselflyinghereboundandtotallyatmymercy.”

ohmy.

hemovesawayforamoment,andicanhearhimnearthedoorfetchingsomething.allmysensesarehyperalert,myhearingmoreacute.he’spickedupsomethingfromtherackofwhipsandpaddlesbythedoor.holycow.whatishegoingtodo?

ifeelhimbehindme.hetakesmyhair,pullsitintoaponytailbehindme,andstartstobraidit.

“whileilikeyourpigtails,anastasia,iamtooimpatienttobeatyourightnow.soonewillha一vetodo.”hisvoiceislow,soft.

hisdeftfingersskimmybackoccasionallyastheyworkdownmyhair,andeachcasualtouchislikeasweet,electricshockagainstmyskin.hefastenstheendwithahairtie,thengentlytugsthebraidsothati’mforcedtostepbackflushagainsthim.hepullsagaintothesidesothatianglemyhead,givinghimeasieraccesstomyneck.leaningdown,henuzzlesmyneck.tracinghisteethandtonguefromthebaseofmyeartomyshoulder.hehumssoftlyashedoes,andthesoundresonatesthroughme.rightdown...rightdownthere,insideme.unbidden,igroanquietly.

“hushnow,”hebreathesagainstmyskin.heholdsuphishandsinfrontofme,hisarmstouchingmine.inhisrighthandisaflogger.irememberthenamefrommyfirstintroductiontothisroom.

“touchit,”hewhispers,andhesoundslikethedevilhimself.mybodyflamesinresponse.tentatively,ireachoutandbrushthelongstrands.ithasmanylongfronds,allsoftsuedewithsmallbeadsattheend.

“iwillusethis.itwillnothurt,butitwillbringyourbloodtothesurfaceofyourskinandmakeyouverysensitive.”

oh,hesaysitwon’thurt.

“whatarethesafewords,anastasia?”

“um…yellowandred,sir,”iwhisper.

“goodgirl.remember,mostofyourfearisinyourmind.”

hedropsthefloggeronthebed,andhishandsmovetomywaist.

“youwon’tbeneedingthese,”hemurmursandhookshisfingersintomypantiesandsweepsthemdownmylegs.istepunsteadilyoutofthem,supportingmyselfontheornatepostofthebed.

“standstill,”heorders,andhekissesmybehindandthengentlynipsmetwice,makingmetense.“nowliedown.faceup,”headdsashesmacksmehardonthebehind,makingmejump.

hastily,icrawlontothebed’shard,unyieldingmattressandliedown,lookingupathim.thesatinofthesheetbeneathmeissoftandcoolagainstmyskin.hisgazeisimpassive,exceptforhiseyeswhichglowwithabarelyleashedexcitement.

“handsaboveyourhead,”heorders,andidoasi’mbid.

jeez,mybodyhungersforhim.iwanthimalready.

heturns,andoutofthecornerofmyeye,iwatchhimsaunterbackovertothechestofdrawers,returningwiththeipodandwhatlookslikeaneyemask,similartotheoneiusedonmyflighttoatlanta.thethoughtmakesmewanttosmile,butican’tquitemakemylipscooperate.iamtooconsumedwithanticipation.ijustknowmyfaceiscompletelyimmobile,myeyeshuge,asigazeathim.

sittingdownontheedgeofthebed,heshowsmetheipod.ithasastrangeantennadeviceaswellheadphones.howodd.ifrownasitrytofigurethisout.

“thistransmitswhat’splayingontheipodtothesystemintheroom.”,christiananswersmyunspokenqueryashetapsthesmallantenna.“icanhearwhatyou’rehearing,andiha一vearemotecontrolunitforit.”hesmirkshisprivate-jokesmileandholdsupasmall,flatdevicethatlookslikeaveryhipcalculator.heleansacrossme,insertingtheearbudsgentlyintomyears,andputstheipoddownsomewhereonthebedabovemyhead.

“liftyourhead,”hecommands,andidosoimmediately.

slowly,heslidesthemaskon,pullingtheelasticoverthebackofmyhead,andi’mblind.theelasticonthemaskholdstheearbudsinplace.icanstillhearhim,thoughthesoundismuffledasherisesfromthebed.i’mdeafenedbymyownbreathing–it’sshallowanderratic,reflectingmyexcitement.christiantakesmyleftarm,stretchesitgentlytotheleft-handcorner,andattachestheleathercuffaroundmywrist.hislongfingersstrokethelengthofmyarmoncehe’sfinished.oh!histouchelicitsadelicious,ticklyshiver.ihearhimmoveslowlyroundtotheotherside,takesmyrightarmandcuffsit.again,hislongfingerslingeralongmyarm.ohmy…iamfittoburstalready.whyisthissoerotic?

hemovestothebottomofthebedandgrabsbothofmyankles.

“liftyourheadagain,”heorders.

icomply,andhedragsmedownthebedsothatmyarmsarestretchedoutandalmoststrainingatthecuffs.holycow,icannotmovemyarms.afrissonoftrepidationmixedwithtantalizingexhilarationsweepsthroughmybody,makingmewetter.igroan.partingmylegs,hecuffsfirstmyrightankleandthenmyleftsoiamstakedout,spread-eagled,andtotallyvulnerabletohim.it’ssounnervingthatican’tseehim.ilistenhard…what’shedoing?andihearnothing,justmybreathingandthepoundingthudofmyheartasbloodpulsesfuriouslyagainstmyeardrums.

abruptly,thesoftsilenthissandpopoftheipodspringsintolife.frominsidemyhead,aloneangelicvoicesingsunaccompaniedalongsweetnote,andit’sjoinedalmostimmediatelybyanothervoice,andthenmorevoices–holycow,acelestialchoir–singingacapellainmyhead,anancient,ancienthymnal.whatinhea一ven’snameisthis?iha一veneverheardanythinglikeit.somethingalmostunbearablysoftbrushesagainstmyneck,runninglanguidlydownmythroat,slowlyacrossmychest,overmybreasts,caressing

me…pullingatmynipples,it’ssosoft,skimmingunderneath.it’ssounexpected.it’sfur!afurglove?

christiantrailshishand,unhurriedanddeliberate,downtomybelly,circlingmyna一vel,thencarefullyfromhiptohip,andi’mtryingtoanticipatewherehe’sgoingnext…butthemusic…it’sinmyhead…transportingme…thefuracrossthelineofmypubichair…betweenmylegs,alongmythighs,downoneleg…uptheother…italmosttickles…butnotquite…morevoicesjoin…thehea一venlychoirallsingingdifferentparts,theirvoicesblendingblissfullyandsweetlytogetherinamelodicharmonythatisbeyondanythingi’veeverheard.icatchoneword--‘deus’--andirealizetheyaresinginginlatin.andstill,thefurismovingdownmyarmsandroundmywaist…backupacrossmybreasts.mynippleshardenbeneaththesofttouch…andi’mpanting…wonderingwherehishandwillgonext.suddenly,thefurisgone,andicanfeelthefrondsofthefloggerflowingovermyskin,followingthesamepathasthefur,andit’ssohardtoconcentratewiththemusicinmyhead–itsoundslikeahundredvoicessinging,wea一vinganetherealtapestryoffine,silkengoldandsilverthroughmyhead,mixedwiththefeelofthesoftsuedeagainstmyskin…trailingoverme…ohmy…abruptly,itdisappears.thensuddenly,sharply,itbitesdownonmybelly.

“aagghh!”icryout.ittakesmebysurprise,anditdoesn’texactlyhurt,buttinglesallover,andhehitsmeagain.harder.

“aaah!”

iwanttomove,towrithe…toescape,ortowelcome,eachblow…idon’tknow–it’ssooverwhelming…ican’tpullmyarms…mylegsarestuck…iamheldveryfirmlyinplace…andagainhestrikesacrossmybreasts–icryout.andit’sasweetagony–bearable,just…pleasant–no,notimmediately,butasmyskinsingswitheachblowinperfectcounterpointtothemusicinmyhead,iamdraggedintoadark,darkpartofmypsychethatsurrenderstothismosteroticsensation.yes–igetthis.hehitsmeacrossmyhip.then,tmovesinswiftblowsovermypubichair,onmythighs,anddownmyinnerthighs…andbackupmybody…acrossmyhips.hekeepsgoingasthemusicreachesaclimax,andthensuddenly–themusicstops.andsodoeshe.thenthesingingstartsagain…buildingandbuilding,andherainsdownblowsonme…andigroanandwrithe.onceagain,itceasesandallisquiet…exceptmywildbreathing…andwildyearning.for…oh…what’shappening?what’shegoingtodonow?theexcitementisalmostunbearable.i’veenteredaverydark,carnalplace.

thebedmovesandshiftsasifeelhimclamberoverme,andthesongstartsagain.he’sgotitonrepeat…thistimeit’shisnoseandlipsthattaketheplaceofthefur…runningdownmyneckandthroat,kissing,sucking…trailingdowntomybreasts…ah!tauntingeachofmynipplesinturn…histongueswirlingroundonewhilehisfingersrelentlesslyteasetheother…igroan,loudlyithink,thoughican’thear.iamlost.lostinhim…lostintheastral,seraphicvoices…losttoallthesensationsicannotescape…iamcompletelyatthemercyofhisexperttouch.

hemovesdowntomybelly–histonguecirclingmyna一vel–followingthepathofthefloggerandthefur…imoan.he’skissingandsuckingandnibbling…movingsouth…andthenhistongueisthere.at,athejunctionofmythighs.ithrowmyheadbackandcryoutasialmostdetonateintoorgasm…i’monthebrink,andhestops.

no!thebedshifts,andhekneelsbetweenmylegs.heleanstowardthebedpost,andthecuffonmyankleissuddenlygone.ipullmylegtothemiddleofthebed…restingitagainsthim.heleansovertotheoppositepostandfreesmyotherleg.hishandstra一velquicklydownbothmylegs,squeezingandkneading,bringinglifebackintothem.then,graspingmyhips,heliftsmesothatmybackisnolongeronthebed.iamarched,restingonmyshoulders.what?he’skneelingupbetweenmylegs…andinoneswift,slammingmovehe’sinsideme…ohfuck…andicryoutagain.thequiverofmyimpendingorgasmbegins,andhestills.thequiverdies…ohno…he’sgoingtotorturemefurther.

“please!”iwail.

hegripsmeharder…inwarning?idon’tknow,hisfingersdiggingintothefleshofmybehindasilaypanting…soipurposefullystill.veryslowly,hestartstomoveagain…outandthenin…agonizinglyslowly.holyfuck–please!i’mscreaminginside…andasthenumberofvoicesinthechoralpieceincreases…sodoeshispace,infinitesimally,he’ssocontrolled…sointimewiththemusic.andicannolongerbearit.

“please,”ibeg,andinoneswiftmove,helowersmebackontothebed,andhe’slyingontopofme,hishandsonthebedbesidemybreastsashesupportshisweight,andhethrustsintome,.asathemusicreachesitsclimax,ifall…freefall…intothemostintense,agonizingorgasmiha一veeverhad,andchristianfollowsme…thrustinghardintome,threemoretimes…finallystilling,thencollapsingontopofme.

asmyconsciousnessreturnsfromwhereverit’sbeen,christianpullsoutofme.themusichasstopped,andicanfeelhimstretchacrossmybodyasheundoesthecuffonmyrightwrist.igroanasmyhandisfreed.hequicklyfreesmyotherhand,gentlypullsthemaskfrommyeyes,andremovestheearbuds.iblinkinthedimsoftlightandstareupintohisintensegraygaze.

“hi,”hemurmurs.

“hi,yourself,”ibreatheshylybackathim.hislipsquirkupintoasmile,andheleansdownandkissesmesoftly.

“welldone,you,”hewhispers.“turnover.”

holyfuck–what’shegoingtodonow?hiseyessoften.

“i’mjustgoingtorubyourshoulders.”

“oh…okay.”

irollstifflyontomyfront.iamsotired.christiansitsastridemeandstartstomassagemyshoulders.igroanloudly–hehassuchstrong,knowingfingers.leaningdown,hekissesmyhead.

“whatwasthatmusic?”imumblealmostinarticulately.

“it’scalledspeminalium,orthefortypartmotet,bythomastallis.”

“itwas…overwhelming.”

“i’vealwayswantedtofucktoit.”

“notanotherfirst,mr.grey?”

“indeed,misssteele.”

igroanagainashisfingersworktheirmagiconmyshoulders.

“well,it’sthefirsttimei’vefuckedtoit,too,”imurmursleepily.

“hmm…youandi,we’regivingeachothermanyfirsts.”hisvoiceismatter-of-fact.

“whatdidisaytoyouinmysleep,ch–err,sir?”

hishandspausetheirministrationsforamoment.

“yousaidlotsofthings,anastasia.youtalkedaboutcagesandstrawberries…thatyouwantedmore…andthatyoumissedme.”

oh,thankhea一vensforthat.

“isthatall?”thereliefinmyvoiceisevident.

christianstopshishea一venlymassageandshiftssothathe’slyingbesideme.hisheadproppeduponhiselbow.he’sfrowning.

“whatdidyouthinkyou’dsaid?”

ohcrap.

“thatithoughtyouwereugly,conceited,andthatyouwerehopelessinbed.”

hecreaseonhisbrowdeepens.

“well,naturallyiamallthosethings,andnowyou’vegotmereallyintrigued.whatareyouhidingfromme,misssteele?”

iblinkathiminnocently.

“i’mnothidinganything.”

“anastasia,youareahopelessliar.”

“ithoughtyouweregoingtomakemegiggleaftersex,thisisn’tdoingitforme.”

hislipsquirkup.

“ican’ttelljokes.”

“mr.grey!somethingyoucan’tdo?”igrinathim,andhegrinsback.

“no,hopelessjoketeller.”helookssoproudofhimselfthatistarttogiggle.