it’swarmandsultrybesidethebath,andmycamisolestartstostick.heleansoverandshutsoffthefaucet.leadinglmebackintothefirstpartofthebathroom,hestandsbehindmeaswefacethewall-sizedmirrorabovethetwoglasssinks.

“liftupyourarms,”hebreathes.idoasi’mtold,andheliftsmycamisoleovermyheadsothati’mtoplessstandinginfrontofhim.nottakinghiseyesoffmine,hereachesaroundandundoesthetopbuttononmyjeansandthezipper.

“i’mgoingtoha一veyouinthebathroom,anastasia.”

leaningdown,hekissesmyneck.imovemyheadtoonesideandgivehimeasieraccess.hookinghisthumbsintomyjeans,heslowlyslidesthemdownmylegs,sinkingdownbehindmeashepullsthemandmypantiestothefloor.

“stepoutofyourjeans.”

graspingtheedgeofthesink,idojustthat.iamnownaked,staringatmyself,andhe’skneelingbehindme.hekissesandthensoftlybitesmybehind,makingmegasp.hestandsandstaresatmeoncemoreinthemirror.itryhardtostaystill,ignoringmynaturalinclinationtocovermyself.hesplayshishandacrossmybelly,thespanofhishandalmostreachingfromhiptohip.

“lookatyou.youaresobeautiful,”hemurmurs.“seehowyoufeel.”heclaspsbothmyhandsinhis,hispalmsagainstthebacksofmyhands,hisfingersinbetweenminesothatmyfingersaresplayed.heplacesmyhandsonmybelly.“feelhowsoftyourskinis.”hisvoiceissoftandlow.hemovesmyhandsinaslowcirclethenupwardstowardsmybreasts.“feelhowfullyourbreastsare.”heholdsmyhandssothattheycupmybreasts.hegentlystrokesmynippleswithhisthumbsoverandover.

imoanbetweenpartedlipsandarchmybacksomybreastsfillmypalms.hesqueezesmynipplesbetweenourthumbs,pullinggentlysothattheyelongatefurther.iwatchinfascinationatthewantoncreaturewrithinginfrontofme.ohthisfeelsgood.igroanandclosemyeyes,nolongerwantingtoseethatlibidinouswomaninthemirrorfallingapartunderherownhands…hishands…feelingmyskinashewould,experiencinghowarousingitis–justhistouch,andhiscalm,soft,commands.

“that’sright,baby,”hemurmurs.

heguidesmyhandsdownthesidesofmybody,pastmywaisttomyhips,andacrosstomypubichair.heslideshisleginbetweenmine,pushingmyfeetfurtherapart,wideningmystance,andrunsmyhandsovermysex,onehandatatimeinturn,settinguparhythm.itissoerotic.trulyiamamarionetteandheisthemasterpuppeteer.

“lookatyouglow,anastasia,”hewhispersashetrailskissesandsoftbitesalongmyshoulder.igroan.suddenlyheletsgo.

“carryon,”heorders,andstandsbackwatchingme.

irubmyself.no.iwanthim,himtodoit.itdoesn’tfeelthesame.i’mlostwithouthim.hepullshisshirtoverhisheadandquicklytakesoffhisjeans.

“you’dratheridothis?”hisgraygazescorchesmineinthemirror.

“ohyes…please,”ibreathe.

hewrapshisarmsaroundmeagainandtakesmyhandsoncemore,continuingthesensualcaressacrossmysex,overmyclitoris.hischesthairscrapesagainstme,hiserectionpressesagainstme.ohsoon…please.hebitesthenapeofmyneck,andiclosemyeyes,enjoyingthemyriadofsensations;myneck,mygroin…thefeelofhimbehindme.hestopsabruptlyandspinsmearound,circlingmywristswithonehand,imprisoningmyhandsbehindme,andpullingatmyponytailwiththeother.iamflushagainsthim,andhekissesmewildly,ra一vagingmymouthwithhis.holding,hmeinplace.

hisbreathingisragged,matchingmine.

“whendidyoustartyourperiod,anastasia?”heasksoutoftheblue,gazingdownatme.

“err...yesterday,”imumbleinmyhighlyarousedstate.

“good.”hereleasesmeandturnsmearound.

“holdontothesink,”heordersandpullsmyhipsbackagain,likehedidintheplayroom,soi’mbendingdown.

hereachesbetweenmylegsandpullsonthebluestring…what!and…agentlypullsmytamponoutandtossesitintothenearbytoilet.holyfuck.sweetmotherofall…jeez.andthenhe’sinsideme…ah!skinagainstskin…movingslowlyatfirst…easily,testingme,pushingme…ohmy.igripontothesink,panting,forcingmyselfbackonhim,feelinghiminsideme.ohthesweetagony…hishandsclaspmyhips.hesetsapunishingrhythm–in,out,andhereachesaroundandfindsmyclitoris,massagingme…ohjeez.icanfeelmyselfquicken.

“that’sright,baby,”heraspsashegrindsintome,anglinghiships,andit’senoughtosendmeflying,flyinghigh.

whoa…andicome,loudly,grippingfordearlifeontothesinkasispiraldownthroughmyorgasm,everythingspinningandclenchingatonce.hefollows,claspingmetightly,hisfrontonmybackasheclimaxesandcallsmynamelikeit’salitanyoraprayer.

“oh,ana!”hisbreathingisraggedinmyear,inperfectsynergywithmine.“oh,baby,willievergetenoughofyou?”hewhispers.

willitalwaysbelikethis?sooverwhelming,soall-consuming,sobewilderingandbeguiling.iwantedtotalk,butnowi’mspentanddazedfromhislovemakingandwonderingifiwillevergetenoughofhim?

wesinkslowlytothefloor,andhewrapshisarmsaroundme,imprisoningme.iamcurledonhislap,myheadagainsthischest,aswebothcalm.verysub一tly,iinhalehissweet,intoxicatingchristianscent.imustnotnuzzle.imustnotnuzzle.irepeatthemantrainmyhead–thoughiamsotemptedtodoso.iwanttoliftmyhandanddrawpatternsinhischesthairwithmyfingertips…butiresist,knowingthathe’llhateitifido.wearebothquiet,lostinourthoughts.iamlostinhim…losttohim.

irememberthatiha一vemyperiod.

“i’mbleeding,”imurmur.

“doesn’tbotherme,”hebreathes.

“inoticed.”ican’tkeepthedrynessoutofmyvoice.

hetensesslightly.

“doesitbotheryou?”heaskssoftly.

doesitbotherme?maybeitshould…shouldit?no,itdoesn’t.ileanbackandlookupathim,andhegazesdownatme,hiseyesasoftcloudygray.

“no,notatall.”

hesmirks.

“good.let’sha一veabath.”

heuncurlsfromaroundme,placingmeonthefloorashemakestostand.ashedoes,inoticeagainthesmall,round,whitescarsonhischest.theyarenotchickenpox,imuseabsentmindedly.gracesaidhewashardlyaffected.holyshit…theymustbeburns.burnsfromwhat?iblanchattherealization,shockandrevulsioncoursingthroughme.fromcigarettes?mrs.robinson,hisbirthmother,who?whodidthistohim?maybethere’sareasonableexplanation,andi’mover-reacting–wildhopeblossomsinmychest–hopethatiamwrong.

“whatisit?”christian’sfaceiswide-eyedwithalarm.

“yourscars,”iwhisper.“they’renotfromchickenpox.”

iwatchasinasplitsecondheclosesdown,hisstancechangingfromrelaxed,calm,andatease,todefensive–angry,even.hefrowns,hisfacedarkening,andhismouthpressesintoathin,hardline.

“no,they’renot,”hesnaps,buthedoesnotelaboratefurther.hestands,holdshishandoutforme,andhaulsmetomyfeet.

“don’tlookatmelikethat.”hisvoiceiscolderandscoldingasheletsgoofmyhand.

iflush,chastened,andstaredownatmyfingers,andiknow,iknowthatsomeonestubbedcigarettesoutonchristian.ifeelsick.

“didshedothat?”iwhisperbeforeicanstopmyself.

hesaysnothing,soi’mforcedtolookathim.he’sglaringatme.

“she?mrs.robinson?she’snotananimal,anastasia.ofcourseshedidn’t.idon’tunderstandwhyyoufeelyouha一vetodemonizeher.”

he’sstandingthere,naked,gloriouslynaked,withmybloodonhim…andwe’refinallyha一vingthisconversation.andi’mnakedtoo–neitherofushasanywheretohide,exceptperhapsthebath.itakeadeepbreath,movepasthim,andstepdownintothewater.itisdeliciouslywarm,soothing,anddeep.imeltintothefragrantfoamandstareupathim,hidingamongthebubbles.

“ijustwonderwhatyouwouldbelikeifyouhadn’tmether.ifshehadn’tintroducedyoutoyour…um,lifestyle.”

hesighsandstepsdownintothebathoppositeme,hisjawclenchedwithtension,hiseyesfrosty.ashegracefullysubmergeshisbodybeneaththewater,he’scarefulnottotouchme.jeez–ha一veimadehimthatmad?

hestaresimpassivelyatme,hisfaceunreadable,sayingnothing.againthesilencestretchesbetweenus,butiholdmycounsel.it’syourturngrey–iamnotca一vingthistime.mysubconsciousisnervous,anxiouslybitinghernails–thiscouldgoeitherway.christianandistareateachother,butiamnotbackingdown.eventually,afterwhatseemslikeamillennium,heshakeshishead,andhesmirks.

“iwouldprobablyha一vegonethewayofmybirthmother,haditnotbeenformrs.robinson.”

oh!iblinkathim.crackaddictorwhore?possiblyboth?

“shelovedmeinawayifound…acceptable,”headdswithashrug.

whatthehelldoesthatmean?

“acceptable?”iwhisper.

“yes.”hestaresintentlyatme.“shedistractedmefromthedestructivepathifoundmyselffollowing.it’sveryhardtogrowupinaperfectfamilywhenyou’renotperfect.”

ohno.mymouthdriesasidigesthiswords.hegazesasme,hisexpressionunfathomable.he’snotgoingtotellmeanymore.howfrustrating.inside,i’mreeling–hesoundssofullofself-loathing.andmrs.robinsonlovedhim.holyshit…doesshestill?ifeellikei’vebeenkickedinthestomach.

“doesshestillloveyou?”

“idon’tthinkso,notlikethat.”hefrownsasifhehasn’tthoughtabouttheidea.“ikeeptellingyouitwasalongtimeago.it’sinthepast.icouldn’tchangeitevenifiwantedto,whichidon’t.shesa一vedmefrommyself.”he’sexasperatedandrunsawethandthroughhishair.“i’veneverdiscussedthiswithanyone.”hepauses,“exceptdr.flynn,ofcourse.andtheonlyreasoni’mtalkingaboutthisnow,toyou,isbecauseiwantyoutotrustme.”

“idotrustyou,butidowanttoknowyoubetter,andwheneveritrytotalktoyou,youdistractme.there’ssomuchiwanttoknow.”

“ohforpity’ssake,anastasia.whatdoyouwanttoknow?whatdoiha一vetodo?”hiseyesblaze,andthoughhedoesn’traisehisvoice,iknowhe’stryingtoreininhistemper.

iglancequicklydownatmyhands,clearbeneaththewaterasthebubblesha一vestartedtodisperse.

“i’mjusttryingtounderstand,you’resuchanenigma.unlikeanyonei’vemetbefore.i’mgladyou’retellingmewhatiwanttoknow.”

jeez–maybeit’sthecosmopolitansmakingmebra一ve,butsuddenlyicannotbearthedistancebetweenus.imovethroughthewatertohissideandleanagainsthimsowe’retouching,skintoskin.hetensesandeyesmewarily,asifimightbite.well,that’saturnaround.myinnergoddessgazesathiminquiet,surprisedspeculation.

“pleasedon’tbeangrywithme,”iwhisper.

“iamnotangrywithyou,anastasia.i’mjustnotusedtothiskindoftalking–thisprobing.ionlyha一vethiswithdr.flynnandwith–”hestopsandfrowns.

“withher.mrs.robinson.youtalktoher?”iprompt,tryingtoreininmyowntemper.

“yes,ido.”

“whatabout?”

heshiftsinthebathsothathe’sfacingme,causingthewatertolapoverthesidesontothefloor.heplaceshisarmaroundmyshoulders,restingontheledgeofthebath.

“persistentaren’tyou?”hemurmurs,atraceofirritationinhisvoice.“life,theuniverse–business.anastasia,mrs.randigowayback.wecandiscussanything.”

“me?”iwhisper.

“yes.”grayeyeswatchmecarefully.

ibitemybottomlip,tryingtocurbthesuddenrushofangerthatsurfaces.

“whydoyoutalkaboutme?”iendea一vornottosoundwhineyandpetulant,butidon’tsucceed.iknowishouldstop.iampushinghimtoohard.mysubconscioushasheredvardmunchfaceonagain.

“i’venevermetanyonelikeyou,anastasia.”

“whatdoesthatmean?anyonewhojustdidn’tautomaticallysignyourpaperwork,noquestionsasked?”

heshakeshishead.

“ineedadvice.”

“andyoutakeadvicefrommrs.paedo?”isnap.theholdonmytemperismoretentativethanithought.

“anastasia–enough,”hesnapsbacksternly,hiseyesnarrowing.

i’mskatingonthinice,andi’mheadingintodanger.“ori’llputyouacrossmyknee.iha一venosexualorromanticinterestinherwhatsoever.she’sadear,valuedfriendandabusinesspartner.that’sall.weha一veapast,asharedhistory,whichwasmonumentallybeneficialforme,thoughitfuckeduphermarriage–butthatsideofourrelationshipisover.”

jeez–anotherpartijustcan’tunderstand.shewasmarriedaswell.howdidtheygetawaywithitforsolong?

“andyourparentsneverfoundout?”

“no,”hegrowls.“i’vetoldyouthis.”

andiknowthat’sit.icannotaskhimanyfurtherquestionsaboutherbecausehewillloseitwithme.

“areyoudone?”hesnaps.

“fornow.”

hetakesadeepbreathandvisiblyrelaxesinfrontofme,likeagreatweightisliftedfromhisshouldersorsomething.

“right–myturn,”hemutters,andhisglareturnssteely,speculative.“youha一ven’trespondedtomyemail.”

iflush.oh,ihatethespotlightonme,anditseemshe’sgoingtogetangryeverytimeweha一veadiscussion.ishakemyhead.perhapsthat’showhefeelsaboutmyquestions,he’snotusedtobeingchallenged.thethoughtisrevelatory,distracting,andunnerving.

“iwasgoingtorespond.butnowyou’rehere.”

“you’dratheriwasn’t?”hebreathes,hisexpressionimpassiveagain.

“no,i’mpleased,”imurmur.

“good.”hegivesmeagenuine,relievedsmile.“i’mpleasedi’mheretoo–inspiteofyourinterrogation.so,whileit’sacceptabletogrillme,youthinkyoucanclaimsomekindofdiplomaticimmunityjustbecausei’veflownallthiswaytoseeyou?i’mnotbuyingit,misssteele.iwanttoknowhowyoufeel.”

ohno…

“itoldyou.iampleasedyou’rehere.thankyouforcomingallthisway,”isayfeebly.

“it’smypleasure,misssteele.”hiseyesshineasheleansdownandkissesmegently.ifeelmyselfrespondingautomatically.thewaterisstillwarm,thebathroomstillsteamy.hestopsandpullsback,gazingdownatme.

“no.ithinkiwantsomeanswersfirstbeforewedoanymore.”

more?there’sthatwordagain.andhewantsanswers…answerstowhat?idon’tha一veasecretpast–idon’tha一veaharrowingchildhood.whatcouldhepossiblywanttoknowaboutmethathedoesn’talreadyknow?

isigh,resigned.

“whatdoyouwanttoknow?”

“well,howyoufeelaboutourwould-bearrangement,forstarters.”

iblinkathim.truthordaretime–mysubconsciousandinnergoddessglancenervouslyatoneanother.hell,let’sgofortruth.

“idon’tthinkicandoitforanextendedperiodoftime.awholeweekendbeingsomeonei’mnot.”iflushandstareatmyhands.

hetipsmychinup,andhe’ssmirkingatme,amused.

“no,idon’tthinkyoucouldeither.”

andpartofmefeelsslightlyaffrontedandchallenged.

“areyoulaughingatme?”

“yes,butinagoodway,”hesayswithasmallsmile.

heleansdownandkissesmesoftly,briefly.

“you’renotagreatsubmissive,”hebreathesasheholdsmychin,hiseyesdancingwithhumor.

istareathimshocked,theniburstoutlaughing–andhejoinsme.

“maybeidon’tha一veagoodteacher.”

hesnorts.

“maybe.perhapsishouldbestricterwithyou.”hecockshisheadtoonesideandgivesmeanartfulsmile.

iswallow.jeez,no.butatthesametime,mymusclesclenchdeliciouslydeepinside.itishiswayofshowingthathecares.perhapstheonlywayhecanshowhecares–irealizethat.he’sstaringatme,gaugingmyreaction.

“wasitthatbadwhenispankedyouthefirsttime?”

igazebackathim,blinking.wasitthatbad?irememberfeelingconfusedbymyreaction.ithurt,butnotthatmuchinretrospect.he’ssaidoverandoveragainit’smoreinmyhead.andthesecondtime…well,thatwasgood…hot.

“no,notreally,”iwhisper.

“it’smoretheideaofit?”heprompts.

“isuppose.feelingpleasure,whenoneisn’tsupposedto.”

“irememberfeelingthesame.takesawhiletogetyourheadaroundit.”

holyhell.thiswaswhenhewasakid.

“youcanalwayssafe-word,anastasia.don’tforgetthat.and,aslongasyoufollowtherules,whichfulfilladeepneedinmeforcontrolandtokeepyousafe,thenperhapswecanfindawayforward.”

“whydoyouneedtocontrolme?”

“becauseitsatisfiesaneedinmethatwasn’tmetinmyformativeyears.”

“soit’saformoftherapy?”

“i’venotthoughtofitlikethat,butyes,isupposeitis.”

thisicanunderstand.thiswillhelp.

“but,here’sthething–onemomentyousaydon’tdefyme,thenextyousayyouliketobechallenged.that’saveryfinelinetotreadsuccessfully.”

hegazesatmeforamoment,thenfrowns.

“icanseethat.butyouseemtobedoingfinesofar.”

“butatwhatpersonalcost?i’mtiedupinknotshere.”

“ilikeyoutiedupinknots,”hesmirks.

“that’snotwhatimeant!”isplashhiminexasperation.

hegazesdownatme,archinganeyebrow.

“didyoujustsplashme?”

“yes.”holyshit…thatlook.

“oh,misssteele.”hegrabsmeandpullsmeontohislap,sloshingwateralloverthefloor.“ithinkwe’vedoneenoughtalkingfornow.”

heclaspshishandsoneithersideofmyheadandkissesme.deeply.possessingmymouth.anglingmyhead…controllingme.imoanagainsthislips.thisiswhathelikes.thisiswhathe’ssogoodat.everythingignitesinsidemeandmyfingersareinhishair,holdinghimtome,andi’mkissinghimbackandsayingiwantyoutootheonlywayiknowhow.hegroans,shiftingmesoi’mastridehim,kneelingoverhim,hiserectionbeneathme.hepullsbackandlooksatme,hiseyeshooded,glowingandlustful.idropmyhandstograbontotheedgeofthebathbuthegripsbothmywristsandpullsmyhandsbehindmyback,holdingthemtogetherinonehand.

“i’mgoingtoha一veyounow,”hewhispersandliftsmesothati’mhoveringoverhim.“ready?”hebreathes.

“yes,”iwhisper,andheeasesmeontohim,slowly,exquisitelyslowly…fillingme…watchingmeashetakesme.

igroan,closingmyeyes,andirevelinthesensation,thestretchingfullness.heflexeshiships,andigasp,leaningforward,restingmyforeheadagainsthis.

“pleaseletmyhandsgo,”iwhisper.

“don’ttouchme,”hepleads,andreleasingmywrists,hegrabsmyhips.

claspingthebathledge,imoveupandthendownslowly,openingmyeyestogazeathim.he’swatchingme.hismouthopenslightly,hisbreathinghalted,stilted–histonguebetweenhisteeth.helooksso…hot.we’rewetandslipperyandmovingagainsteachother.ileandownandkisshim.hecloseshiseyes.tentatively,ibringmyhandsuptohisheadandrunmyfingersthroughhishair,nottakingmylipsfromhismouth.thisisallowed.helikesthis.ilikethis.andwemovetogether.itughishair,tippinghisheadbackanddeepenthekiss,ridinghim–faster,pickinguptherhythm.imoanagainsthismouth.hestartstoliftmefaster,faster…holdingmyhips.kissingmeback.wearewetmouthsandtongues,tangledhair,andmovinghips.allsensation…allconsumingagain.iamclose…iamstartingtorecognizethisdelicioustightening…quickening.andthewater…it’sswirlingaroundus,ourownwhirlpool,astirringvortexasourmovementsbecomemorefrantic…sloshingeverywhere,mirroringwhat’shappeninginsideme…andijustdon’tcare.

ilovethisman.ilovehispassion,theeffectiha一veonhim.ilovethathe’sflownsofartoseeme.ilovethathecaresaboutme…hecares.it’ssounexpected,sofulfilling.heismine,andiamhis.

“that’sright,baby,”hebreathes.

andicome,myorgasmrippingthroughme,aturbulent,passionate,apogeethatdevoursmewhole.andsuddenlychristiancrushesmetohim…hisarmswrappedaroundmybackashefindshisrelease.

“ana,baby!”hecries,andit’sawildinvocation,stirringandtouchingthedepthsofmysoul.

weliestaringateachother,grayeyesintoblue,facetoface,inthesuperkingbed,bothhuggingourpillowsonourfronts.naked.nottouching.justlookingandadmiring,coveredbythesheet.

“doyouwanttosleep?”christianasks,hisvoicesoft.heisbeautiful;themixofcolorsinhishairvividagainstthewhiteegyptiancottonpillowcase,grayeyes,smoldering,expressive.helooksconcerned.

“no.i’mnottired.”ifeelstrangelyenergized.it’sbeensogoodtotalk–idon’twanttostop.

“whatdoyouwanttodo?”heasks.

“talk.”

hesmiles.

“aboutwhat?”

“stuff.”

“whatstuff?”

“you.”

“whataboutme?”

“what’syourfa一voritefilm?”

hegrins.

“today,it’s‘thepiano’.”

hisgrinisinfectious.

“ofcourse.sillyme.suchasad,excitingscore,whichnodoub一tyoucanplay?somanyaccomplishments,mr.grey.”

“andthegreatestoneisyou,misssteele.”

“soiamnumberseventeen.”

hefrownsatmenotcomprehending.

“seventeen?”

“numberofwomenyou’veum…hadsexwith.”

hislipsquirkup,hiseyesshiningwithincredulity.

“notexactly.”

“yousaidfifteen,”myconfusionisobvious.

“iwasreferringtothenumberofwomeninmyplayroom.ithoughtthat’swhatyoumeant.youdidn’taskmehowmanywomeni’dhadsexwith.”

“oh.”holyshit…there’smore…how?igapeathim.“vanilla?”

“no.youaremyonevanillaconquest,”heshakeshishead,stillgrinningatme.

whydoeshefindthisfunny?andwhyamigrinningbackathimlikeanidiot?

“ican’tgiveyouanumber.ididn’tputnotchesinthebedpostoranything.”

“whatarewetalking–tens,hundreds…thousands?”myeyesgrowwilderasthenumbersgetlarger.

“tens.we’reinthetens,forpity’ssake.”

“allsubmissives?”

“yes.”

“stopgrinningatme,”iscoldhimmildly,tryingandfailingtokeepastraightface.

“ican’t.you’refunny.”

“funnypeculiarorfunnyhaha?”

“abitofbothithink.”hiswordsmirrormine.

“that’sadamnedcheek,comingfromyou.”

heleansacrossandkissesthetipofmynose.

“thiswillshockyou,anastasia.ready?”

inod,wide-eyed,stillwiththestupidgrinonmyface.

“allsubmissivesintraining,wheniwastraining.thereareplacesinandaroundseattlethatonecangoandpractice.learntodowhatido,”hesays.

what?

“oh.”iblinkathim.

“yep,i’vepaidforsex,anastasia.”

“that’snothingtobeproudof,”imutterhaughtily.“andyou’reright…iamdeeplyshocked.andcrossthatican’tshockyou.”

“youworemyunderwear.”

“didthatshockyou?”

“yes.”myinnergoddesspole-vaultsoverthefifteen-footbar.

“youdidn’twearyourpantiestomeetmyparents.”

“didthatshockyou?”

“yes.”

jeez,thebar’smovedtosixteenfeet.

“itseemsicanonlyshockyouintheunderweardepartment.”

“youtoldmeyouwereavirgin.that’sthebiggestshocki’veeverhad.”

“yes,yourfacewasapicture,akodakmoment.”igiggle.

“youletmeworkyouoverwitharidingcrop.”

“didthatshockyou?”

“yep.”

igrin.

“well,imayletyoudoitagain.”

“oh,idohopeso,misssteele.thisweekend?”

“okay,”iagree,shyly.

“okay?”

“yes.i’llgototheredroomofpainagain.”

“yousaymyname.”

“thatshocksyou?”

“thefactthatilikeitshocksme.”

“christian.”

hegrins.

“iwanttodosomethingtomorrow.”hiseyesglowwithexcitement.

“what?”

“asurprise.foryou.”hisvoiceislowandsoft.

iraiseaneyebrowandstifleayawnatthesametime.

“amiboringyou,misssteele?”histoneissardonic.

“never.”

heleansacrossandkissesmegentlyonmylips.

“sleep,”hecommands,thenswitchesoffthelight.

andinthisquietmoment,asiclosemyeyes,spentandsated,ithinki’mintheeyeofthestorm.andinspiteofallhe’ssaid,andwhathehasn’tsaid,idon’tthinkiha一veeverbeensohappy.

christianstandsinasteel-barredcage.wearinghissoft,rippedjeans,hischestandfeetaremouthwateringlynaked,andhe’sstaringatme.hisprivate-jokesmileetchedonhisbeautifulfaceandhiseyesamoltengray.inhishandsheholdsabowlofstrawberries.heambleswithathleticgracetothefrontofthecage,gazingintentlyatme.holdingupaplumpripestrawberry,heextendshishandthroughthebars.

“eat,”hesays,histonguecaressingthefrontofhispalateasheenunciatesthe‘t’.

itryandmovetowardhim,buti’mtethered,heldbackbysomeunseenforcearoundmywrist,holdingme.letmego.

“come,eat,”hesays,smilinghisdeliciouscrookedsmile.

ipullandpull…letmego!iwanttoscreamandshout,butnosoundemerges.iammute.hestretchesalittlefurther,andthestrawberryisatmylips.

“eat,anastasia.”hismouthformsmyname,lingeringsensuallyoneachsyllable.

iopenmymouthandbite,thecagedisappears,andmyhandsarefree.ireachuptotouchhim,grazemyfingersthroughhischesthair.

“anastasia.”

no.imoan.

“comeon,baby.”

no.iwanttotouchyou.

“wakeup.”

no.please.myeyesflickerunwillinglyopenforasplitsecond.i’minbedandsomeoneisnuzzlingmyear.

“wakeup,baby,”hewhispers,andtheeffectofhissweetvoicespreadslikewarmmeltedcaramelthroughmyveins.

it’schristian.jeez,it’sstilldark,andtheimagesofhimfrommydreampersists,disconcertingandtantalizinginmyhead.

“oh…no,”igroan.iwantbackathischest,backtomydream.whyishewakingme?it’sthemiddleofthenight,orsoitfeels.holyshit.doeshewantsex–now?

“timetogetup,baby.i’mgoingtoswitchonthesidelight.”hisvoiceisquiet.

“no,”igroan.

“iwanttochasethedawnwithyou,”hesays,kissingmyface,myeyelids,thetipofmynose,mymouth,andiopenmyeyes.thesidelightison.“goodmorning,beautiful,”hemurmurs.