ishallrememberthat,misssteele,andnodoub一tusetheknowledgetomyadvantage.

i’msorrytohearthatiputyouoffyourfood.ithoughtihadamoreconcupiscenteffectonyou.thathasbeenmyexperience,andmostpleasurableithasbeentoo.

iverymuchlookforwardtothenexttime.

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:gymnasticlinguistics

date:may31201122:36est

to:christiangrey

ha一veyoubeenplayingwiththethesaurusagain?

from:christiangrey

subject:rumbled

date:may31201119:40

to:anastasiasteele

youknowmesowellmisssteele.

iamha一vingdinnerwithanoldfriendnowsoiwillbedriving.

laters,baby?

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

whicholdfriend?ididn’tthinkchristianhadanyoldfriends,except…her.ifrownatthescreen.whydoesheha一vetostillseeher?searing,green,biliousjealousycoursesthroughmeunexpectedly.iwanttohitsomething,preferablymrs.robinson.switchingthelaptopoffinatemper,iclamberintobed.

ishouldreallyrespondtohislongemailfromthismorning,buti’msuddenlytooangry.whycan’theseeherforwhatsheis–achildmolester?iswitchoffthelight,seething,staringintothedarkness.howdareshe?howdareshepickonavulnerableadolescent?isshestilldoingit?whydidtheystop?variousscenariosfilterthroughmymind:hehadhadenough,thenwhyishestillfriendswithher?dittoher–isshemarried?porced?jeez–doessheha一vechildrenofherown?doessheha一vechristian’schildren?mysubconsciousrearsheruglyhead,leering,andi’mshockedandnauseousatthethought.doesdr.flynnknowabouther?

istruggleoutofbedandfirethemeanmachineupagain.iamonamission.idrummyfingersimpatientlywaitingforthebluescreentoappear.ihitgoogleimagesandenter‘christiangrey’intothesearchengine.thescreenissuddenlylitteredwithimagesofchristian:inblacktie,be-suited,jeez–josé’spicturesfromtheheathman,inhiswhiteshirtandflanneltrousers.howdidtheygetontheinternet?boyhelooksgood.

imovequicklyon:somewithbusinessassociates,thenpictureaftergloriouspictureofthemostphotogenicmaniknow,intimately.intimately?doiknowchristianintimately?iknowhimsexually,andifigurethere’salotmoretodiscoverthere.iknowhe’smoody,difficult,funny,cold,warm…jeez,themanisawalkingmassofcontradictions.iclicktothenextpage.he’sstillonhisowninallthesephotographs,andirememberkatementioningthatshecouldn’tfindanyphotographsofhimwithadate,promptinghergayquestion.then,onthethirdpage,there’sapictureofme,withhim,atmygraduation.hisonlypicturewithawoman,andit’sme.

holycow!i’mongoogle!istareatustogether.ilooksurprisedbythecamera,nervous,offbalance.thiswasjustbeforeiagreedtotry.forhispart,christianlooksimpossiblyhandsome,calmandcollected,andhe’swearingthattie.igazeathim,sucha

beautifulface,abeautifulfacethatcouldbestaringatmrs.damnedrobinsonrightnow.isa一vethepictureinmyfa一voritesandclickthroughalleighteenscreens…nothing.iwon’tfindmrs.robinsonongoogle.butiha一vetoknowifhe’swithher.itypeaquickemailtochristian.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:suitabledinnercompanions

date:may31201123:58est

to:christiangrey

ihopeyouandyourfriendhadaverypleasantdinner.

ana

pswasitmrs.robinson?

ipresssendandclimbdespondentlybackintobed,resolvingtoaskchristianabouthisrelationshipwiththatwoman.partofmeisdesperatetoknowmore,andanotherpartwantstoforgetheevertoldme.andmyperiodhasstarted,soimustremembertotakemypillinthemorning.iquicklyprogramanalarmintothecalendaronmyblackberry.settingitasideonthebedsidetable,iliedownandeventuallydriftintoanuneasysleep,wishingthatwewereinthesamecity,nottwoandhalfthousandmilesapart.

afteramorningofshoppingandanafternoonbackatthebeach,mymotherhasdecreedweshouldspendtheeveninginabar.abandoningbobtothetv,wefindourselvesintheup-marketbarofsa一vannah’smostexclusivehotel.iamonmysecondcosmopolitan.mymotherisonherthird.sheisofferingmoreinsightsintothefragilemaleego.it’sverydisconcerting.

“yousee,ana,menthinkthatanythingthatcomesoutofawoman’smouthisaproblemtobesolved.notsomevagueideathatwe’dliketokickaroundandtalkaboutforawhileandthenforget.menpreferaction.”

“mom,whyaretellingmethis?”iask,failingtohidemyexasperation.she’sbeenlikethisallday.

“darling,yousoundsolost.you’veneverbroughtaboyhome.youneverevenhadaboyfriendwhenwewereinvegas.ithoughtsomethingmightdevelopwiththatguyyoumetincollege,josé.”

“mom,josé’sjustafriend.”

“iknow,sweetheart.butsomething’sup,andidon’tthinkyou’retellingmeeverything.”shegazesatme,herfaceetchedwithmotherlyconcern.

“ijustneededsomedistancefromchristiantogetmythoughtsstraight…that’sall.hetendstooverwhelmme.”

“overwhelm?”

“yeah.imisshimthough.”ifrown.

iha一venotheardfromchristianallday.noemails,nothing.iamtemptedtocallhimtoseeifhe’sokay.myworstfearisthathe’sbeeninacaraccident,mysecondworstfearisthatmrs.robinsonhasgotherevilclawsintohimagain.iknowit’sirrational,butwhereshe’sconcerned,iseemtoha一velostallsenseofperspective.

“darling,iha一vetovisitthepowderroom.”

mymother’sbriefabsenceallowsmeanotherchancetocheckmyblackberry.iha一vebeentryingsurreptitiouslytocheckemailsallday.finally–aresponsefromchristian!

from:christiangrey

subject:dinnercompanions

date:june1201121:40est

to:anastasiasteele

yes,ihaddinnerwithmrs.robinson.sheisjustanoldfriend,anastasia.

lookingforwardtoseeingyouagain.imissyou.

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

hewasha一vingdinnerwithher.myscalppricklesasadrenalineandfurylancethroughmybody,allmyworstfearsrealized,crashingthroughme.howcouldhe?iamawayfortwodays,andherunsofftothatevilrom:anastasiasteele

subject:olddinnercompanions

date:june1201121:42est

to:christiangrey

she’snotjustanoldfriend.

hasshefoundanotheradolescentboytosinkherteethinto?

didyougettoooldforher?

isthatthereasonyourrelationshipfinished?

ipresssendasmymotherreturns.

“ana,you’resopale.what’shappened?”

ishakemyhead.

“nothing.let’sha一veanotherdrink,”imuttermulishly.

herbrowfurrows,butsheglancesupandattractstheattentionofoneofthewaiters,pointingtoourglasses.henods.heunderstandstheuniversallanguageof‘sameagain,please.’asshedoes,iquicklyglanceatmyblackberry.

from:christiangrey

subject:careful…

date:june1201121:45est

to:anastasiasteele

thisisnotsomethingiwishtodiscussviaemail.

howmanycosmopolitansareyougoingtodrink?

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

holyfuck,he’shere.

iglancenervouslyaroundthebarbutcannotseehim.

“ana,whatisit?youlooklikeyou’veseenaghost.”

“it’schristian,he’shere.”

“what?really?”sheglancesaroundthebartoo.

iha一veneglectedtomentionchristian’sstalkertendenciestomymom.

iseehim.myheartleaps,beginningajudderingthumpingbeatashemakeshiswaytowardus.he’sreallyhere–forme.myinnergoddessleapsupcheeringfromherchaiselongue.movingsmoothlythroughthecrowd,hishairglintsburnishedcopperandredundertherecessedhalogens.hisbrightgrayeyesareshiningwith–anger?tension?hismouthissetinagrimline,jawtense.ohholyshit…no.iamsomadathimrightnow,andhereheis.howcanibeangrywithhiminfrontofmymother?

hearrivesatourtable,gazingatmewarily.he’sdressedincustomarywhitelinenshirtandjeans.

“hi,”isqueak,unabletohidemyshockandaweatseeinghimhereintheflesh.

“hi,”hereplies,andleaningdown,hekissesmycheek,takingmebysurprise.

“christian,thisismymother,carla.”myingrainedmannerstakeover.

heturnstogreetmymom.

“mrs.adams,iamdelightedtomeetyou.”

howdoesheknowhername?hegiveshertheheart-stopping,christiangreypatented,full-blown-no-prisoners-takensmile.shedoesn’tha一veahope.mymother’slowerjawpracticallyhitsthetable.jeez,getagripmom.shetakeshisprofferedhandandtheyshake.mymotherhasn’treplied.oh,completedumbfoundedspeechlessnessisgenetic–ihadnoidea.

“christian,”shemanagesfinally,breathlessly.

hesmilesknowinglyather,hisgrayeyestwinkling.inarrowmyeyesatthemboth.

“whatareyoudoinghere?”myquestionsoundsmorebrittlethanimean,andhissmiledisappears,hisexpressionnowguarded.iamthrilledtoseehim,butcompletelythrownoffbalance,myangeraboutmrs.robinsonsimmeringthroughmyveins.idon’tknowifiwanttoshoutathimorthrowmyselfintohisarms–butidon’tthinkhe’dlikeeither–andiwanttoknowhowlonghehasbeenwatchingus.i’malsoalittleanxiousabouttheemailijustsenthim.

“icametoseeyou,ofcourse.”hegazesdownatmeimpassively.oh,whatishethinking?“i’mstayinginthishotel.”

“you’restayinghere?”isoundlikeasophomoreonamphetamines,toohigh-pitchedevenformyownears.

“well,yesterdayyousaidyouwishediwashere.”hepausestryingtogaugemyreaction.“weaimtoplease,misssteele.”hisvoiceisquietwithnotraceofhumor.

crap–ishemad?maybethemrs.robinsoncomments?orthefactthatiamonmythird,soontobefourthcosmo?mymotherisglancinganxiouslyatthetwoofus.

“won’tyoujoinusforadrink,christian?”shewa一vestothewaiterwhoisathersideinananosecond.

“i’llha一veaginandtonic,”christiansays.“hendricksifyouha一veitorbombaysapphire.cucumberwiththehendricks,limewiththebombay.”

holyhell…onlychristiancouldmakeamealoutoforderingadrink.

“andtwomorecosmosplease,”iadd,lookinganxiouslyatchristian.iamdrinkingwithmymother–nowaycanhebeangryaboutthat.

“pleasepullupachair,christian.”

“thankyou,mrs.adams.”

christianpullsanearbychairoverandsitsgracefullydownbesideme.

“soyoujusthappentobestayinginthehotelwherewe’redrinking?”iask,tryinghardtokeepmytonelight.

“or,youjusthappentobedrinkinginthehotelwherei’mstaying,”christianreplies.“ijustfinisheddinner,cameinhere,andsawyou.iwasdistractedthinkingaboutyourmostrecentemail,andiglanceupandthereyouare.quiteacoincidence,eh?”hecockshisheadtooneside,andiseeatraceofasmile.thankhea一vens–wemaybeabletosa一vetheeveningafterall.

“mymotherandiwereshoppingthismorningandonthebeachthisafternoon.wedecidedonafewcocktailsthisevening,”imutter,feelingthatiowehimsomesortofexplanation.

“didyoubuythattop?”henodsatmybrandnewgreensilkcamisole,“thecolorsuitsyou.andyou’vecaughtsomesun.youlooklovely.”

iflush,speechlessathiscompliment.

“well,iwasgoingtopayyouavisittomorrow.buthereyouare.”

hereachesover,takesmyhand,andsqueezesitgently,runninghisthumbacrossmyknucklestoandfro…andifeelthefamiliarpull.theelectricchargezappingbeneathmyskinunderthegentlepressurefromhisthumb,firingintomybloodstreamandpulsingaroundmybody,heatingeverythinginitspath.it’sbeenovertwodayssinceisawhim.ohmy...iwanthim.mybreathhitches.iblinkathim,smilingshyly,andseeasmileplayonhisbeautiful,sculpturedlips.

“ithoughti’dsurpriseyou.butasever,anastasia,yousurprisemebybeinghere.”

iglancequicklyatmomwhoisstaringatchristian…yesstaring!stopitmom.asifhe’ssomeexoticcreature,neverseenbefore.imean,iknowi’veneverhadaboyfriend,andchristianonlyqualifiesassuchforeaseofreference–butisitsounbelievablethaticouldattractaman?thisman?yes,frankly–lookathim–mysubconscioussnaps.oh,shutup!whoinvitedyoutotheparty?iscowlatmymom–butshedoesn’tseemtonotice.

“idon’twanttointerruptthetimeyouha一vewithyourmother.i’llha一veaquickdrinkandthenretire.iha一veworktodo,”hestatesearnestly.

“christian,it’slovelytomeetyoufinally,”mominterjects,finallyfindinghervoice.“anahasspokenveryfondlyofyou.”

hesmilesather.

“really?”heraisesaneyebrowatme,anamusedexpressiononhisface,andiflushagain.

thewaiterarriveswithourdrinks.

“hendricks,sir,”hesayswithatriumphantflourish.

“thankyou,”christianmurmursinacknowledgement.

isipmylatestcosmonervously.

“howlongareyouingeorgia,christian?”momasks.

“untilfriday,mrs.adams.”

“willyouha一vedinnerwithustomorrowevening?andplease,callmecarla.”

“i’dbedelightedto,carla.”

“excellent.ifyoutwowillexcuseme,ineedtovisitthepowderroom.”

mom…you’vejustbeen.ilookatherdesperatelyasshestandsandwalksoff,lea一vingusalonetogether.

“so,you’remadatmeforha一vingdinnerwithanoldfriend.”christianturnshisburning,warygazetome,liftingmyhandtohislipsandkissingeachknucklegently.

jeez,hewantstodothisnow?

“yes,”imurmurasmyheatedbloodcoursesthroughme.

“oursexualrelationshipwasoverlongago,anastasia,”hewhispers.“idon’twantanyonebutyou.ha一ven’tyouworkedthatoutyet?”

iblinkathim.

“ithinkofherasachildmolester,christian.”iholdmybreathwaitingforhisreaction.

christianblanches.

“that’sveryjudgmental.itwasn’tlikethat,”hewhispers,shocked.hereleasesmyhand.

judgmental?

“oh,howwasitthen?”iask.thecosmosaremakingmebra一ve.

hefrownsatme,bewildered.icontinue.

“shetookadvantageofavulnerablefifteen-year-oldboy.ifyouhadbeenafifteen-year-oldgirlandmrs.robinsonwasamr.robinson,temptingyouintoabdsmlifestyle,thatwouldha一vebeenokay?ifitwasmia,say?”

hegaspsandscowlsatme.

“ana,itwasn’tlikethat.”

iglareathim.

“okay,itdidn’tfeellikethattome,”hecontinuesquietly.“shewasaforceforgood.whatineeded.”

“idon’tunderstand.”it’smyturntolookbewildered.

“anastasia,yourmotherwillbebackshortly.i’mnotcomfortabletalkingaboutthisnow.latermaybe.ifyoudon’twantmehere,iha一veaplaneonstand-byathiltonhead.icango.”

he’sangrywithme…no.

“no–don’tgo.please.i’mthrilledyou’rehere.i’mjusttryingtomakeyouunderstand.i’mangrythatassoonasileft,youhaddinnerwithher.thinkabouthowyouarewhenigetanywherenearjosé.joséisagoodfriend.iha一veneverhadasexualrelationshipwithhim.whereasyouandher,”itrailoff,unwillingtotakethatthoughtfurther.

“you’rejealous?”hestaresatme,dumbfounded,andhiseyessoftenslightly,warming.

“yes,andangryaboutwhatshedidtoyou.”

“anastasia,shehelpedme,that’salli’llsayaboutthat.andasforyourjealousy,putyourselfinmyshoes.iha一ven’thadtojustifymyactionstoanyoneinthelastsevenyears.notoneperson.idoasiwish,anastasia.ilikemyautonomy.ididn’tgoandseemrs.robinsontoupsetyou.iwentbecauseeverynowandthenweha一vedinner.she’safriendandabusinesspartner.”

businesspartner?holycrap.thisisnews.

hegazesatme,assessingmyexpression.

“yes,we’rebusinesspartners.thesexisoverbetweenus.ithasbeenforyears.”

“whydidyourrelationshipfinish?”

hismouthnarrows,andhiseyesgleam.

“herhusbandfoundout.”

holyshit!

“canwetalkaboutthissomeothertime–somewheremoreprivate?”hegrowls.

“idon’tthinkyou’lleverconvincemethatshe’snotsomekindofpaedophile.”

“idon’tthinkofherthatway.ineverha一ve.nowthat’senough!”hesnaps.

“didyouloveher?”

“howareyoutwogettingon?”mymotherhasreturned,unseenbyeitherofus.

iplasterafakesmileonmyfaceasbothchristianandileanbackhastily…guiltily.shegazesatme.

“fine,mom.”

christiansipshisdrink,watchingmeclosely,hisexpressionguarded.whatishethinking?didheloveher?ithinkifhedid,iwillloseit,bigtime.

“wellladies,ishalllea一veyoutoyourevening.”

no…no…hecan’tlea一vemehanginglikethis.

“pleaseputthesedrinksonmytab,roomnumber612.i’llcallonyouinthemorning,anastasia.untiltomorrow,carla.”

“oh,it’ssonicetohearsomeoneuseyourfullname.”

“beautifulnameforabeautifulgirl,”christianmurmurs,shakingheroutstretchedhands,andsheactuallysimpers.

ohmom,–ettubruté?istand,gazingupathim,imploringhimtoanswermyquestion,andhekissesmycheek,chastely.

“laters,baby,”hewhispersinmyear.thenhe’sgone.

damnedcontrol-freak-bastard.myangerreturnsinfullforce.islumpintomychairandturntofacemymother.

“wellstrikemedownwithafeather,ana.he’sacatch.idon’tknowwhat’sgoingonbetweenyoutwothough.ithinkyouneedtotalktoeachother.phew–theustinhere,it’sunbearable.”shefansherselftheatrically.

“mom!”

“gotalktohim.”

“ican’t.icameheretoseeyou.”

“ana,youcameherebecauseyou’reconfusedaboutthatboy.it’sobviousyoutwoarecrazyabouteachother.youneedtotalktohim.he’sjustflownthreethousandoddmilestoseeyou,forhea一ven’ssake.andyouknowhowawfulitistofly.”

iflush.iha一ven’ttoldherabouthisprivateplane.

“what?”shesnapsatme.

“hehashisownplane,”imumble,embarrassed,andit’sonlytwoandahalfthousandmiles,mom.

whyamiembarrassed?hereyebrowsshootup.

“wow,”shemutters.“ana,there’ssomethinggoingonbetweenyoutwo.i’vebeentryingtofathomitsinceyouarrivedhere.buttheonlywayyouaregoingtosorttheproblem,whateveritis,istotalkitthroughwithhim.youcandoallthethinkingyoulike–butuntilyouactuallytalk,you’renotgoingtogetanywhere.”

ifrownatmymother.

“ana,honey,you’vealwayshadatendencytoover-analyzeeverything.gowithyourgut.whatdoesthattellyou,sweetheart?”

istareatmyfingers.

“ithinki’minlovewithhim,”imutter.

“iknowdarling.andhewithyou.”

“no!”

“yes,ana.hell–whatdoyouneed?aneonsignflashingonhisforehead?”

igapeatherandtearsprickthecornerofmyeyes.

“ana,darling.don’tcry.”

“idon’tthinkhelovesme.”

“idon’tcarehowrichyouare,youdon’tdropeverythingandgetinyourprivateplanetocrossawholecontinentjustforafternoontea.gotohim!thisisabeautifullocation,veryromantic.it’salsoneutralterritory.”

isquirmunderhergaze.iwanttogoandidon’t.

“darling,don’tfeelyouha一vetocomebackwithme.iwantyouhappy–andrightnowithinkthekeytoyourhappinessisupstairsinroom612.ifyouneedtocomehomelater,thekeyisundertheyuccaplantonthefrontporch.ifyoustay–well…you’reabiggirlnow.justbesafe.”

iflushstarsandstripesred.jeez,mom.

“let’sfinishourcosmosfirst.”

“that’smygirl,ana.”shegrins.

iknocktimidlyonroom612andwait.christianopensthedoor.he’sonhiscell.heblinksatmeincompletesurprise,thenholdsthedooropenwideandbeckonsmeintohisroom.

“alltheredundancypackagesconcluded?...andthecost?...”christianwhistlesbetweenhisteeth.“sheesh…thatwasoneexpensivemistake…andlucas?...”

iglancearoundtheroom.he’sinasuite,liketheoneattheheathman.thefurnishingshereareultramodern,verynow.allmuteddarkpurplesandgoldswithbronzestarburstsonthewalls.christianwalksovertodarkwoodunitandpullsopenadoortorevealamini-bar.heindicatesthatishouldhelpmyself,thenwandersintothebedroom.iassumeit’ssoicannolongerhearhisconversation.ishrug.hedidn’tstophiscallwhenienteredhisstudythattime.ihearwaterrunning…he’sfillingabath.ihelpmyselftoanorangejuice.heamblesbackintotheroom.

“ha一veandreasendmetheschematics.barneysaidhe’dcrackedtheproblem…”christianlaughs.“no,friday…there’saplotoflandherethati’minterestedin…yeah,getbilltocall…no,tomorrow…iwanttoseewhatgeorgiawillofferifwemovein.”christiandoesn’ttakehiseyesoffme.handingmeaglass,hepointstoanicebucket.

“iftheirincentivesareattractiveenough…ithinkweshouldconsiderit,thoughi’mnotsureaboutthedamnedheathere…iagreedetroithasitsadvantagestoo,andit’scooler…”hisfacedarkensmomentarily.why?“getbilltocall.tomorrow…nottooearly.”hehangsupandstaresatme,hisfaceunreadable,andthesilencestretchesbetweenus.

okay…myturntotalk.

“youdidn’tanswermyquestion,”imurmur.

“no.ididn’t,”hesaysquietly,hisgrayeyeswideandcautious.

“noyoudidn’tanswermyquestionornoyoudidn’tloveher?”

hefoldshisarmsandleansagainstthewall,andasmallsmileplaysuponhislips.

“whatareyoudoinghere,anastasia?”

“i’vejusttoldyou.”

hetakesadeepbreath.

“no.ididn’tloveher.”hefrownsatme,amusedyetpuzzled.

ican’tbelievei’mholdingmybreath.isaglikeanoldclothsackasireleaseit.well,thankhea一vensforthat.howwouldifeelifheactuallylovedthewitch?

“you’requitethegreen-eyedgoddess,anastasia.whowouldha一vethought?”

“areyoumakingfunofme,mr.grey?”

“iwouldn’tdare.”heshakeshisheadsolemnly,buthehasawickedgleaminhiseye.

“oh,ithinkyouwould,andithinkyoudo–often.”

hesmirksasigivehimbackthewordshe’ssaidtomebefore.hiseyesdarken.

“pleasestopbitingyourlip.you’reinmyroom,iha一ven’tseteyesonyoufornearlythreedays,andi’veflownalongwaytoseeyou.”histonehaschangedtosoft,sensual.

hisblackberrybuzzes,distractingusboth,andheswitchesitoffwithoutglancingtoseewhoitis.mybreathhitches.iknowwherethisisgoing…butwe’resupposedtotalk.hetakesasteptowardsmewearinghissexypredatorylook.

“iwantyou,anastasia.now.andyouwantme.that’swhyyou’rehere.”

“ireallydidwanttoknow,”iwhisperasadefense.

“well,nowyouthatyoudo,areyoucomingorgoing?”

iflushashecomestoahaltinfrontofme.

“coming,”imurmur,staringanxiouslyupathim.

“oh,ihopeso.”hegazesdownatme.“youweresomadatme,”hebreathes.

“yes.”

“idon’trememberanyonebutmyfamilyeverbeingmadatme.ilikeit.”

herunsthetipsoffingersdownmycheek.ohmy,hisproximity,hisdeliciouschristiansmell.we’resupposedtobetalking,butmyheartispounding,mybloodsingingasitcoursesthroughmybody,desire,pooling,unfurling…everywhere.christianbendsandrunshisnosealongmyshoulderanduptothebaseofmyear,hisfingersslippingintomyhair.

“weshouldtalk.”iwhisper.

“later.”

“there’ssomuchiwanttosay.”

“metoo.”

heplantsasoftkissundermyearlobewhilehisfingerstighteninmyhair.pullingmyheadback,heexposesmythroattohislips.histeethskimmychin,andhekissesmythroat.

“iwantyou,”hebreathes.

imoanandreachupandgrasphisarms.

“areyoubleeding?”hecontinuestokissme.

holyfuck.doesnothingslipbyhim?

“yes,”iwhisper,embarrassed.

“doyouha一vecramps?”

“no.”iflush.jeez…

hestopsandlooksdownatme.

“didyoutakeyourpill?”

“yes.”howmortifyingisthis?

“let’sgoha一veabath.”

oh?

hetakesmyhandandleadsmeintothebedroom.it’sdominatedbyasuper-kingsizebedwithelaboratedrapes.butwedon’tstopthere.hetakesmeintothebathroomwhichistworooms,allaquamarinesandwhitelimestone.it’shuge–inthesecondroomasunkenbath,bigenoughforfourpeoplewithstonestepsthatleadintoit,isslowlyfilling

withwater.steamrisesgentlyabovethefoam,andinoticeastoneseatallthewayround.candlesflickertotheside.wow…he’sdoneallthiswhileonthephone.

“doyouha一veahairtie?”

iblinkathim,fishintomyjeanspocket,andpulloutahairelastic.

“putyourhairup,”heorderssoftly.idoasheasks.