movingdown,ipushhimintomymouth.hegroansagain.ha!myinnergoddessisthrilled.icandothis.icanfuckhimwithmymouth.itwirlmytonguearoundthetipagain,andheflexeshiships.hiseyesareopennow,blisteringwithheat.histeethareclenchedasheflexesagain,andipushhimdeeperintomymouth,supportingmyselfonhisthighs.ifeelhislegstensebeneathmyhands.hereachesupandgrabsmypigtailsandstartstoreallymove.

“oh…baby…thatfeelsgood,”hemurmurs.isuckharder,flickingmytongueacrosstheheadofhisimpressiveerection.wrappingmyteethbehindmylips,iclampmymoutharoundhim.hisbreathhissesbetweenhisteeth,andhegroans.

“jesus.howfarcanyougo?”hewhispers.

hmm…ipullhimdeeperintomymouthsoicanfeelhimatthebackofmythroatandthentothefrontagain.mytongueswirlsaroundtheend.he’smyveryownchristiangreyfla一vorpopsicle.isuckharderandharder,pushinghimdeeperanddeeper,swirlingmytongueroundandround.hmm…ihadnoideagivingpleasurecouldbesuchaturn-on,watchinghimwrithesub一tlywithcarnallonging.myinnergoddessisdoingthemerenguewithsomesalsamoves.

“anastasia,i’mgoingtocomeinyourmouth,”hisbreathytoneiswarning.“ifyoudon’twantmeto,stopnow.”heflexeshishipsagain,hiseyesarewide,wary,andfilledwithsalaciousneed–needforme.needformymouth...ohmy.

holycrap.hishandsarereallygrippingmyhair.icandothis.ipushevenharderand,inamomentofextraordinaryconfidence,ibaremyteeth.ittipshimovertheedge.hecriesoutandstills,andicanfeelwarm,saltyliquidoozingdownmythroat.iswallowquickly.ugh…i’mnotsureaboutthis.butonelookathim,andhe’scomeapartinthebathbecauseofme,andidon’tcare.isitbackandwatchhim,atriumphant,gloatingsmiletuggingatthecornersofmylips.hisbreathingisragged.openinghiseyes,heglaresatme.

“don’tyouha一veagagreflex?”heasks,astonished.“christ,ana…thatwas…good,reallygood,unexpectedthough.”hefrowns.“youknow,youneverceasetoamazeme.”

ismileandconsciouslybitemylip.heeyesmespeculatively.

“ha一veyoudonethatbefore?”

“no.”andican’thelpthesmalltingeofprideinmydenial.

“good,”hesayscomplacentlyand,ithink,relieved.“yetanotherfirst,misssteele.”helooksappraisinglyatme.“well,yougetanainoralskills.come,let’sgotobed,ioweyouanorgasm.”

orgasm!anotherone!

quickly,heclambersoutofthebath,givingmemyfirstfullglimpseoftheadonis,pinelyformed,thatischristiangrey.myinnergoddesshasstoppeddancingandisstaringtoo,mouthopenanddroolingslightly.hiserectiontamed,butstillsubstantial…wow.hewrapsasmalltowelaroundhiswaist,coveringtheessentials,andholdsoutalargerfluffywhitetowelforme.climbingoutofthebath,itakehisprofferedhand.hewrapsmein

thetowel,pullsmeintohisarms,andkissesmehard,pushinghistongueintomymouth.ilongtoreachroundandembracehim…touchhim…buthehasmyarmstrappedinthetowel.i’msoonlostinhiskiss.hecradlesmyhead,histongueexploringmymouth,andigetasensehe’sexpressinghisgratitude–maybe–formyfirstblowjob?whoa?

hepullsaway,hishandsoneithersideofmyface,staringintentlyintomyeyes.helookslost.

“sayyes,”hewhispersfervently.

ifrown,notunderstanding.

“towhat?”

“yestoourarrangement.tobeingmine.please,ana,”hewhispers,emphasizingthelastwordandmyname,pleading.hekissesmeagain,sweetly,passionately,beforehestandsbackandstaresatme,blinkingslightly.hetakesmyhandandleadsmebacktohisbedroom,lea一vingmereeling,soifollowhimmeekly.stunned.hereallywantsthis.

inhisbedroom,hestaresdownatmeaswestandbyhisbed.

“trustme?”heaskssuddenly.inod,wide-eyedwiththesuddenrealizationthatidotrusthim.what’shegoingtodotomenow?anelectricthrillhumsthroughme.

“goodgirl,”hebreathes,histhumbbrushingmybottomlip.hestepsawayintohisclosetandcomesbackwithasilver-greysilkwoventie.

“knityourhandstogetherinfrontofyou,”heordersashepeelsthetoweloffmeandthrowsitonthefloor.

idoasheasks,andhebindsmywriststogetherwithhistie,knottingitfirmly.hiseyesarebrightwithwildexcitement.hetugsatthebinding.it’ssecure.someboyscouthemustha一vebeentolearntheseknots.whatnow?mypulsehasgonethroughtheroof,myheartbeatingafrantictattoo.herunshisfingersdownmypigtails.

“youlooksoyoungwiththese,”hemurmursandmovesforward.instinctively,imovebackuntilifeelthebedagainstthebackofmyknees.hedropshistowel,butican’ttakemyeyesoffhisface.hisexpressionisardent,fullofdesire.

“oh,anastasia,whatshallidotoyou?”hewhispersashelowersmeontothebed,lyingbesideme,andraisingmyhandsabovemyhead.

“keepyourhandsuphere,don’tmovethem,understand?”hiseyesburnintomine,andi’mbreathlessfromtheirintensity.thisisnotamaniwanttocross…ever.

“answerme,”hedemands,hisvoicesoft.

“iwon’tmovemyhands.”i’mbreathless.

“goodgirl,”hemurmursanddeliberatelylickshislipsslowly.i’mmesmerizedbyhistongueasitsweepsslowlyoverhisupperlip.he’sstaringintomyeyes,watchingme,appraising.heleansdownandplantsachaste,swiftkissonmylips.

“i’mgoingtokissyouallover,misssteele,”hesayssoftly,andhecupsmychin,pushingitupgivinghimaccesstomythroat.hislipsglidedownmythroat,kissing,sucking,andnipping,tothesmalldipatthebaseofmyneck.mybodyleapstoattention…everywhere.myrecentbathexperiencehasmademyskinhyper-sensitive.myheatedbloodpoolslowinmybelly,betweenmylegs,rightdownthere.igroan.

iwanttotouchhim.imovemyhandsandratherawkwardly,giveni’mrestrained,feelhishair.hestopskissingmeandglaresupatme,shakinghisheadfromsidetoside,tuttingashedoes.hereachesformyhandsandplacesthemabovemyheadagain.

“don’tmoveyourhands,orwejustha一vetostartalloveragain,”hescoldsmemildly.oh,he’ssuchatease.

“iwanttotouchyou.”myvoiceisallbreathyandoutofcontrol.

“iknow,”hemurmurs.“keepyourhandsaboveyourhead,”heorders,hisvoiceforceful.

hecupsmychinagainandstartstokissmythroatasbefore.oh…he’ssofrustrating.hishandsrundownmybodyandovermybreastsashereachesthedipatthebaseofmyneckwithhislips.heswirlsthetipofhisnosearounditthenbeginsaveryleisurelycruisewithhismouth,headingsouth,followingthepathofhishands,downmysternumtomybreasts.eachoneiskissedandnippedgentlyandmynipplestenderlysucked.holycrap.myhipsstartswayingandmovingoftheirownaccord,grindingtotherhythmofhismouthonme,andi’mdesperatelytryingtoremembertokeepmyhandsabovemyhead.

“keepstill,”hewarns,hisbreathwarmagainstmyskin.reachingmyna一vel,hedipshistongueinside,andthengentlygrazesmybellywithhisteeth.mybodybowsoffthebed.

“hmm.youaresosweet,misssteele.”hisnoseglidesalongthelinebetweenmybellyandmypubichair,bitingmegently,teasingmewithhistongue.sittingupsuddenly,hekneelsatmyfeet,graspingbothmyanklesandspreadingmylegswide.

holyshit.hegrabsmyleftfoot,bendsmyknee,andbringsmyfootuptohismouth.watchingandassessingmyeveryreaction,hetenderlykisseseachofmytoesthenbiteseachoneofthemsoftlyonthepads.whenhereachesmylittletoe,hebitesharder,andiconvulse,whimpering.heglideshistongueupmyinstep–andicannolongerwatchhim.it’stooerotic.i’mgoingtocombust.isqueezemyeyesshutandtrytoabsorbandmanageallthesensationshe’screating.hekissesmyankleandtrailskissesupmycalftomyknee,stoppingjustabove.hethenstartsonmyrightfoot,repeatingthewhole,seductive,mind-blowingprocess.

“oh,please,”imoanashebitesmylittletoe,theactionresonatingdeepinmybelly.

“allgoodthings,misssteele,”hebreathes.

thistimehedoesn’tstopatmyknee,hecontinuesuptheinsideofmythigh,pushingmythighsapartashedoes.andiknowwhathe’sgoingtodo,andpartofmewantstopushhimoffbecausei’mmortifiedandembarrassed.he’sgoingtokissmethere!iknowit.andpartofmeisgloryingintheanticipation.heturnstomyotherkneeandkisseshiswayupmythigh,kissing,licking,sucking,andthenhe’sbetweenmylegs,runninghisnoseupanddownmysex,verysoftly,verygently.iwrithe…ohmy.

hestops,waitingformetocalm.idoandraisemyheadtogazeathim,mymouthopenasmypoundingheartstrugglestocomeout.

“doyouknowhowintoxicatingyousmell,misssteele?”hemurmurs,andkeepinghiseyesonmine,hepusheshisnoseintomypubichairandinhales.

iflushscarlet,everywhere,feelingfaint,andiinstantlyclosemyeyes.ican’twatchhimdothat!

heblowsgentlyupthelengthofmysex.ohfuck…

“ilikethis.”hegentlytugsatmypubichair.“perhapswe’llkeepthis.”

“oh…please,”ibeg.

“hmm,ilikeitwhenyoubegme,anastasia.”

igroan.

“titfortatisnotmyusualstyle,misssteele,”hewhispersashegentlyblowsupanddownme.“butyou’vepleasedmetoday,andyoushouldberewarded.”ihearthewickedgrininhisvoice,andwhilemybodyissingingfromhiswords,histonguestartstoslowlycirclemyclitorisashishandsholddownmythighs.

“aargh!”imoanasmybodybowsandconvulsesatthetouchofhistongue.

heswirlshistongueroundandround,againandagain,keepingupthetorture.i’mlosingallsenseofself,everyatomofmybeingconcentratinghardonthatsmall,potentpowerhouseattheapexofmythighs.mylegsgorigid,andheslipshisfingerinsideme,andihearhisgrowlinggroan.

“oh,baby.ilovethatyou’resowetforme.”

hemoveshisfingerinawidecircle,stretchingme,pullingatme,histonguemirroringhisactions,roundandround,igroan.itistoomuch…mybodybegsforrelief,andicannolongerdenyit.iletgo,losingallcogentthoughtasmyorgasmseizesme,wringingmyinsidesagainandagain.holyfuck.icryout,andtheworlddipsanddisappearsfromviewastheforceofmyclimaxrenderseverythingnullandvoid.

iampantingandvaguelyheartheripoffoil.veryslowlyheeasesintomeandstartstomove.oh…my.thefeelingissoreandsweet,andboldandgentleallatonce.

“how’sthis?”hebreathes.

“fine.good,”ibreathe.andhereallystartstomove,fast,hard,andlarge,thrustingintomeoverandover,implacable,pushingmeandpushingmeuntiliamclosetotheedgeagain.iwhimper.

“comeforme,baby.”hisvoiceisharsh,hard,rawatmyear,andiexplodearoundhimashepoundsrapidlyintome.

“thankfuck,”hewhispers,andhethrustshardoncemoreandgroansashereacheshisclimax,pressinghimselfintome.thenhestills,hisbodyrigid.

collapsingontopofme,ifeelhisfullweightforcingmeintothemattress.ipullmytiedhandsoverhisneckandholdhimthebestican.iknowinthatmomentthatiwoulddoanythingforthisman.iamhis.thewonderthathe’sintroducedmeto,it’sbeyondanythingicouldha一veimagined.andhewantstotakeitfurther,somuchfurther,toaplaceican’t,inmyinnocence,evenimagine.oh…whattodo?

heleansuponhiselbowsandstaresdownatme,grayeyesintense.

“seehowgoodwearetogether,”hemurmurs.“ifyougiveyourselftome,itwillbesomuchbetter.trustme,anastasia,icantakeyouplacesyoudon’tevenknowexist.”hiswordsechomythoughts.hestrokeshisnoseagainstmine.iamstillreelingfrommyextraordinaryphysicalreactiontohim,andigazeupathimblankly,graspingforacoherentthought.

suddenlywebothbecomeawareofvoicesinthehalloutsidehisbedroomdoor.ittakesamomenttoprocesswhaticanhear.

“butifhe’sstillinbed,thenhemustbeill.he’sneverinbedatthistime.christianneversleepsin.”

“mrs.grey,please.”

“taylor.youcannotkeepmefrommyson.”

“mrs.grey,he’snotalone.”

“whatdoyoumeanhe’snotalone?”

“hehassomeonewithhim.”

“oh…”evenihearthedisbeliefinhervoice.

christianblinksrapidly,staringdownatme,wide-eyedwithhumoredhorror.

“shit!it’smymother.”

hepullsoutofmesuddenly.iwince.hesitsuponthebedandthrowstheusedcondominawastebasket.

“comeon,weneedtogetdressed–that’sifyouwanttomeetmymother.”hegrins,leapsupoffthebed,andpullsonhisjeans,nounderwear!istruggletositupasi’mstilltethered.

“christian-ican’tmove.”

hisgrinwidens,andleaningdown,heundoesthetie.thewovenpatternhasmadeanindentedpatternaroundmywrists.it’s…sexy.hegazesatme.he’samused,hiseyesdancingwithmirth.hekissesmyforeheadquicklyandbeamsatme.

“anotherfirst,”heacknowledges,butiha一venoideawhathe’stalkingabout.

“iha一venocleanclothesinhere.”iamfilledwithsuddenpanic,andconsideringwhati’vejustexperienced,i’mfindingthepanicoverwhelming.hismother!holycrap.iha一venocleanclothes,andshe’spracticallywalkedinonusinflagrantedelicto.“perhapsishouldstayhere.”

“oh,no,youdon’t,”christianthreatens.“youcanwearsomethingofmine.”he’sslippedonawhitet-shirtandrunshishandthroughhisjust-fuckedhair.inspiteofmyanxiety,ilosemytrainofthought.willievergetusedtolookingatthisbeautifulman?hisbeautyisderailing.

“anastasia,youcouldbewearingasackandyou’dlooklovely.pleasedon’tworry.i’dlikeyoutomeetmymother.getdressed.i’lljustgoandcalmherdown.”hismouthpressesintoahardline.“iwillexpectyouinthatroominfiveminutes,otherwisei’llcomeanddragyououtofheremyselfinwhateveryou’rewearing.myt-shirtsareinthisdrawer.myshirtsareinthecloset.helpyourself.”heeyesmespeculativelyforamoment,thenlea一vestheroom.

holyshit.christian’smother.thisissomuchmorethanibargainedfor.perhapsmeetingherwillhelpputalittlepartofthejigsawinplace.mighthelpmeunderstandwhychristianisthewayheis…suddenly,iwanttomeether.ipullmyshirtoffthefloor,andi’mpleasedtodiscoverthatithassurvivedthenightwellwithhardlyanycreases.ifindmybluebraunderthebedanddressquickly.butifthere’sonethingihate,it’snotwearingcleanpanties.iriflethroughchristian’schestofdrawersandcomeacrosshisboxerbriefs.afterpullingonapairoftightgraycalvinkleins,itugonmyjeansandmyconverse.

grabbingmyjacket,idashintothebathroomandstareatmytoo-brighteyes,myflushedface–andmyhair!holycrap…just-fuckedpigtailsdonotsuitmeeither.ihuntinthevanityunitforabrushandfindacomb.itwillha一vetodo.aponytailistheonlyanswer.idespairatmyclothes.maybeishouldtakechristianuponhisofferofclothes.mysubconsciouspursesherlipsandmouthstheword‘ho’.iignoreher.strugglingintomyjacket,pleasedthatthecuffscoverthetell-talepatternsfromhistie,itakealastanxiousglanceatmyselfinthemirror.thiswillha一vetodo.imakemywayintothemainlivingroom.

“heresheis.”christianstandsfromwherehe’sloungingonthecouch.

hisexpressioniswarmandappreciative.thesandy-hairedwomanbesidehimturnsandbeamsatme,afullmegawattsmile.shestandstoo.she’simpeccablyattiredinacamel-coloredfineknitsweaterdresswithmatchingshoes.shelooksgroomed,elegant,beautiful,andinsideidiealittle,knowingilooksuchamess.

“mother,thisisanastasiasteele.anastasia,thisisgracetrevelyan-grey.”

dr.trevelyan-greyholdsherhandouttome.t…fortrevelyan?

“whatapleasuretomeetyou,”shemurmurs.ifi’mnotmistaken,thereiswonderandmaybestunnedreliefinhervoiceandawarmglowinherhazeleyes.igraspherhand,andican’thelpbutsmile,returningherwarmth.

“dr.trevelyan-grey,”imurmur.

“callmegrace,”shegrins,andchristianfrowns.“iamusuallydr.trevelyan,andmrs.greyismymother-in-law.”shewinks.“sohowdidyoutwomeet?”shelooksquestioninglyatchristian,unabletohidehercuriosity.

“anastasiainterviewedmeforthestudentpaperatwsubecausei’mconferringthedegreestherethisweek.”

doublecrap.i’dforgottenthat.

“soyouaregraduatingthisweek?”graceasks.

“yes.”

mycellphonestartsringing.kate,ibet.

“excuseme.”it’sinthekitchen.iwanderoverandleanacrossthebreakfastbar,notcheckingthenumber.

“kate.”

“diosmio!ana!”holycrap,it’sjosé.hesoundsdesperate.“whereareyou?i’vebeentryingtocontactyou.ineedtoseeyou,toapologizeformybeha一vioronfriday.whyha一ven’tyoureturnedmycalls?”

“lookjosé,now’snotagoodtime.”iglanceanxiouslyoveratchristianwho’swatchingmeintently,hisfaceimpassiveashemurmurssomethingtohismom.iturnmybacktohim.

“whereareyou?kateisbeingsoevasive,”hewhines.

“i’minseattle.”

“whatareyoudoinginseattle?areyouwithhim?”

“josé,i’llcallyoulater.ican’ttalktoyounow.”ihangup.

iwalkasnonchalantlybacktochristianandhismother.graceisinfullflow.

“…andelliotcalledtosayyouwerearound–iha一ven’tseenyoufortwoweeks,darling.”

“didhenow?”christianmurmurs,gazingatme,hisexpressionunreadable.

“ithoughtwemightha一velunchtogether,buticanseeyouha一veotherplans,andidon’twanttointerruptyourday.”shegathersupherlongcreamcoatandturnstohim,offeringhimhercheek.hekissesherbriefly,sweetly.shedoesn’ttouchhim.

“iha一vetodriveanastasiabacktoportland.”

“ofcourse,darling.anastasia,it’sbeensuchapleasure.idohopewemeetagain.”sheholdsherhandouttome,hereyesglowing,andweshake.

taylorappearsfrom…where?

“mrs.grey?”heasks.

“thankyou,taylor.”heescortsherfromtheroomandthroughthedoubledoorstothefoyer.taylorwasherethewholetime?howlonghashebeenhere?wherehashebeen?

christianglaresatme.

“sothephotographercalled?”

crap.

“yes.”

“whatdidhewant?”

“justtoapologize,youknow–forfriday.”

christiannarrowshiseyes.

“isee,”hesayssimply.

taylorreappears.

“mr.grey,there’sanissuewiththedarfurshipment.”

christiannodscurtlyathim.

“charlietangobackatboeingfield?”

“yessir.”

taylornodsatme.

“misssteele.”

ismiletentativelybackathim,andheturnsandlea一ves.

“doeshelivehere?taylor?”

“yes.”histoneisclipped.whatishisproblem?

christianheadsovertothekitchenandpicksuphisblackberry,scrollingthroughsomeemails,iassume.hismouthpressesinahardline,andhemakesacall.

“ros,what’stheissue?”hesnaps.helistens,watchingme,grayeyesspeculative,asistandinthemiddleofthehugeroomwonderingwhattodowithmyself,feelingextraordinarilyself-consciousandoutofplace.

“i’mnotha一vingeithercrewputatrisk.no,cancel…we’llairdropinstead…good.”hehangsup.thewarmthinhiseyeshasdisappeared.helooksforbidding,andwithonequickglanceatme,heheadsintohisstudyandreturnsamomentlater.

“thisisthecontract.readit,andwe’lldiscussitnextweekend.mayisuggestyoudosomeresearch,soyouknowwhat’sinvolved.”hepauses.“that’sifyouagree,andireallyhopeyoudo.”headds,histonesofter,anxious.

“research?”

“you’llbeamazedwhatyoucanfindontheinternet,”hemurmurs.

internet!idon’tha一veaccesstoacomputer,onlykate’slaptop,andicouldn’tuseclayton’s,notforthissortof‘research’surely?

“whatisit?”heasks,cockinghisheadtooneside.

“idon’tha一veacomputer.i’llseeificanusekate’slaptop.”

hehandsmeamanilaenvelope.

“i’msureican…err,lendyouone.grabyourthings,we’lldrivebacktoportlandandgrabsomelunchontheway.ineedtodress.”

“i’lljustmakeacall,”imurmur.ijustwanttohearkate’svoice.hefrowns.

“thephotographer?”hisjawclenches,andhiseyesburn.iblinkathim.“idon’tliketoshare,misssteele.rememberthat.”hisquiet,chillingtoneisawarning,andwithonelong,coldlookatme,heheadsbacktothebedroom.

holycrap.ijustwantedtocallkate,iwanttocallafterhim,buthissuddenaloofnesshasleftmeparalyzed.whathappenedtothegenerous,relaxed,smilingmanwhowasmakinglovetomenothalfanhourago?

“ready?”christianasksaswestandbythedoubledoorstothefoyer.

inoduncertainly.he’sresumedhisdistant,polite,uptightpersona,hismaskbackupandonshow.he’scarryingaleathermessengerbag.whydoesheneedthat?perhapshe’sstayinginportland,andtheniremembergraduation.ohyes…he’llbethereonthursday.he’swearingablackleatherjacket.hecertainlydoesn’tlooklikethemulti-multimillionaire,billionaire,what-ever-aire,intheseclothes.helookslikeaboyfromthewrongsideofthetracks,maybeabadlybeha一vedrockstaroracatwalkmodel.isighinwardly,wishingihadatenthofhispoise.he’ssocalmandcontrolled.ifrown,recallinghisoutburstaboutjosé…well,heseemstobe.

taylorishoveringinthebackground.

“tomorrowthen,”hesaystotaylorwhonods.

“yessir.whichcarareyoutaking,sir?”

helooksdownatmebriefly.

“ther8.”

“safetrip,mr.grey.misssteele.”taylorlookskindlyatme,thoughperhapsthere’sahintofpityhiddeninthedepthsofhiseyes.

nodoub一thethinksi’vesuccumbedtomr.grey’sdubioussexualhabits.notyet,justhisexceptionalsexualhabits,orperhapssexislikethatforeveryone.ifrownatthe

thought.iha一venocomparison,andican’taskkate.that’ssomethingiamgoingtoha一vetoaddresswithchristian.it’sperfectlynaturalthatishouldtalktosomeone–andican’ttalktohimifheissoopenoneminuteandsostandoffishthenext.

taylorholdsthedooropenforusandushersusthrough.christiansummonstheelevator.

“whatisit,anastasia?”heasks.howdoesheknowi’mchewingsomethingoverinmymind?hereachesupandpullsmychin.

“stopbitingyourlip,oriwillfuckyouintheelevator,andidon’tcarewhogetsinwithus.”

iblush,butthere’sahintofasmilearoundhislips,finallyhismoodseemstobeshifting.

“christian,iha一veaproblem.”

“oh?”iha一vehisfullattention.

theelevatorarrives.wewalkin,andchristianpressesthebuttonmarkedg.

“well,”iflush.howtosaythis?“ineedtotalktokate.i’vesomanyquestionsaboutsex,andyou’retooinvolved.ifyouwantmetodoallthesethings,howdoiknow–?”ipause,strugglingtofindtherightwords.“ijustdon’tha一veanytermsofreference.”

herollshiseyesatme.

“talktoherifyoumust.”hesoundsexasperated.“makesureshedoesn’tmentionanythingtoelliot.”

ibristleathisinsinuation.kateisn’tlikethat.

“shewouldn’tdothat,andiwouldn’ttellyouanythingshetellsmeaboutelliot–ifsheweretotellmeanything,”iaddquickly.

“well,thedifferenceisthatidon’twanttoknowabouthissexlife,”christianmurmursdryly.“elliot’sanosybastard.butonlyaboutwhatwe’vedonesofar,”hewarns.“she’dprobablyha一vemyballsifsheknewwhatiwantedtodotoyou,”headdssosoftlyi’mnotsurei’msupposedtohearit.

“okay,”iagreereadily,smilingupathim,relieved.thethoughtofkatewithchristian’sballsisnotsomethingiwanttodwellon.

hislipquirksupatme,andheshakeshishead.

“thesooneriha一veyoursubmissionthebetter,andwecanstopallthis,”hemurmurs.

“stopallwhat?”

“you,defyingme.”hereachesdownandcupsmychinandplantsaswift,sweetkissonmylipsasthedoorstotheelevatoropen.hegrabsmyhandandleadsmeintotheundergroundgarage.

me,defyinghim…how?

besidetheelevator,icanseetheblack4x4audi,butit’sthesleek,blacksportynumberthatblipsopenandlightsupwhenhepointsthekeyfobatit.it’soneofthosecarsthatshouldha一veaveryleggyblonde,wearingnothingbutasash,sprawledacrossthehood.

“nicecar,”imurmurdryly.

heglancesupandgrins.

“iknow,”hesays,andforasplitsecond,sweet,young,carefreechristianisback.itwarmsmyheart.he’ssoexcited.boysandtheirtoys.irollmyeyesathimbutcan’tstifle

mysmile.heopensthedoorformeandiclimbin.whoa…it’slow.hemovesroundthecarwitheasygraceandfoldshislongframeelegantlyinbesideme.howdoeshedothat?

“sowhatsortofcaristhis?”

“it’sanaudir8spyder.it’salovelyday,wecantakethetopdown.there’sabaseballcapinthere.infactthereshouldbetwo.”hepointstotheglovebox.“andsunglassesifyouwantthem.”

hestartstheignition,andtheengineroarsbehindus.heplaceshisbaginthespacebehindourseats,pressesabutton,andtheroofslowlyreclines.withtheflickofaswitch,brucespringsteensurroundsus.

“gottalovebruce,”hegrinsatmeandeasesthecaroutoftheparkingspace,andupthesteeprampwherewepauseforthebarrier.

thenwe’reoutintothebrightseattlemaymorning.ireachintothegloveboxandretrievethebaseballcaps.themariners.helikesbaseball?ipasshimacap,andheputsiton.ipassmyponytailthroughthebackofmineandpullthepeakdownlow.

peoplestareatusaswedrivethroughthestreets.foramoment,ithinkit’sathim…andthenaveryparanoidpartthinkseveryoneislookingatmebecausetheyknowwhati’vebeendoingduringthelasttwelvehours,butfinally,irealizeit’sthecar.christianseemsoblivious,lostinthought.

thetrafficislightandwe’resoononthei-5headingsouth,thewindsweepingoverourheads.bruceissingingaboutbeingonfireandhisdesire.howapt.iflushasilistentothewords.christianglancesatme.he’sgothisray-bansonsoican’tseewhathe’sthinking.hismouthtwitchesslightly,andhereachesacrossandplaceshishandonmyknee,squeezinggently.mybreathhitches.

“hungry?”heasks.

notforfood.

“notparticularly.”

hismouthtightensintothathardline.

“youmusteat,anastasia,”hechides.“iknowagreatplacenearolympia.we’llstopthere.”hesqueezesmykneeagain,andthenreturnshishandtothesteeringwheelasheputshisfootdownonthegas.i’mpressedintothebackofmyseat.boythiscarcanmove.

therestaurantissmallandintimate,awoodenchaletinthemiddleofaforest.thedécorisrustic:randomchairsandtableswithginghamtablecloths,wildflowersinlittlevases.cuisinesauvage,itboastsabovethedoor.

“i’venotbeenhereforawhile.wedon’tgetachoice–theycookwhateverthey’vecaughtorgathered.”heraiseshiseyebrowsinmockhorror,andiha一vetolaugh.thewaitresstakesourdrinksorder.sheflusheswhensheseeschristian,a一voidingeyecontactwithhim,hidingunderherlongblondebangs.shelikeshim!it’snotjustme!

“twoglassesofthepinotgrigio,”christiansayswithavoiceofauthority.ipursemylips,exasperated.

“what?”hesnaps.

“iwantedadietcoke,”iwhisper.

hisgrayeyesnarrow,andheshakeshishead.

“thepinotgrigiohere’sadecentwine,itwillgowellwiththemeal,whateverweget.”hesayspatiently.

“whateverweget?”

“yes.”hesmiles,hisdazzling,headcockedtoonesidesmile,andmystomachpolevaultsovermyspleen.ican’thelpbutreflecthisglorioussmilebackathim.

“mymotherlikedyou,”hesaysdryly.

“really?”hiswordsmakemeflushwithpleasure.

“ohyes.she’salwaysthoughtiwasgay.”

mymouthdropsopen,andirememberthatquestion…fromtheinterview.ohno.

“whydidshethinkyouweregay?”iwhisper.

“becauseshe’sneverseenmewithagirl.”

“oh…notevenoneofthefifteen?”

hesmiles.

“youremembered.no,noneofthefifteen.”

“oh.”

“youknow,anastasia,it’sbeenaweekendoffirstsforme,too,”hesaysquietly.

“ithas?”

“i’veneversleptwithanyone,neverhadsexinmybed,neverflownagirlincharlietango,neverintroducedawomantomymother.whatareyoudoingtome?”hiseyesburn,theirintensitytakesmybreathaway.

thewaitressarriveswithourglassesofwine,andiimmediatelytakeaquicksip.isheopeninguporjustmakingacasualobservation?

“i’vereallyenjoyedthisweekend,”imurmur.henarrowshiseyesatmeagain.

“stopbitingthatlip,”hegrowls.“metoo,”headds.

“what’svanillasex?”iask,ifanythingtodistractmyselffromtheintense,burning,sexylookhe’sgivingme.helaughs.

“juststraightforwardsex,anastasia.notoys,noaddedextras.”heshrugs.“youknow…wellactuallyyoudon’t,butthat’swhatitmeans.”

“oh.”ithoughtitwaschocolatefudgebrowniesexthatwehad,withacherryonthetop.buthey,whatdoiknow?

thewaitressbringsussoup.webothstareatitratherdubiously.

“nettlesoup,”thewaitressinformsusbeforeturningandflouncingbackintothekitchen.idon’tthinkshelikestobeignoredbychristian.itakeatentativetaste.it’sdelicious.christianandilookupateachotheratthesametimewithrelief.igiggle,andhecockshisheadtooneside.

“that’salovelysound,”hemurmurs.

“whyha一veyouneverhadvanillasexbefore?ha一veyoualwaysdone…err,whatyou’vedone?”iask,intrigued.

henodsslowly.

“sortof.”hisvoiceiswary.hefrownsforamomentandseemstobeengagedinsomekindofinternalstruggle.thenheglancesup,adecisionmade.“oneofmymother’sfriendsseducedmewheniwasfifteen.”

“oh.”holyshitthat’syoung!

“shehadveryparticulartastes.iwashersubmissiveforsixyears.”heshrugs.

“oh.”mybrainhasfrozen,stunnedintoinactivitybythisadmission.

“soidoknowwhatitinvolves,anastasia.”hiseyesglowwithinsight.

istareathim,unabletoarticulateanything–evenmysubconsciousissilent.

“ididn’treallyha一vearun-of-the-millintroductiontosex.”

curiositykicksinbigtime.

“soyouneverdatedanyoneatcollege?”

“no.”heshakeshisheadtoemphasizethepoint.

thewaitresstakesourplates,interruptingusforamoment.

“why?”iaskwhenshe’sgone.

hesmilessardonically.

“doyoureallywanttoknow?”

“yes.”

“ididn’twantto.shewasalliwanted,needed.andbesides,she’dha一vebeatentheshitoutofme.”hesmilesfondlyatthememory.

oh,thisiswaytoomuchinformation–butiwantmore.

“soifshewasafriendofyourmother’s,howoldwasshe?”

hesmirks.

“oldenoughtoknowbetter.”

“doyoustillseeher?”

“yes.”

“doyoustill…err…?”iflush.

“no.”heshakeshisheadandsmilesindulgentlyatme.“she’saverygoodfriend.”

“oh.doesyourmotherknow?”

hegivesmeadon’t-be-stupidstare.

“ofcoursenot.”