nextmorningigotuplateonaccountofthebigfeeihadearnedthenightbefore.idrankanextracupofcoffee,smokedanextracigarette,ateanextrasliceofcanadianbacon,andforthethreehundredthtimeisworeiwouldneveragainuseanelectricrazor.thatmadethedaynormal.ihittheofficeaboutten,pickedupsomeoddsandendsofmail,slittheenvelopesandletthestufflieonthedesk.iopenedthewindowswidetoletoutthesmellofdustanddinginessthatcollectedinthenightandhunginthestillair,inthecornersoftheroom,intheslatsofthevenetianblinds.adeadmothwasspread-eagledonacornerofthedesk.onthewindowsillabeewithtatteredwingswascrawlingalongthewoodwork,buzzinginatiredremotesortofway,asifsheknewitwasn’tanyuse,shewasfinished,shehadflowntoomanymissionsandwouldnevergetbacktothehiveagain.

iknewitwasgoingtobeoneofthosecrazydays.everyonehasthem.dayswhennobodyrollsinbuttheloosewheels,thedingoeswhoparktheirbrainswiththeirgum,thesquirrelswhocan’tfindtheirnuts,themechanicswhoalwayshaveagearwheelleftover.

thefirstwasabigblondroughnecknamedkuissenenorsomethingfinnishlikethat.hejammedhismassivebottominthecustomer’schairandplantedtwowidehornyhandsonmydeskandsaidhewasapower-shoveloperator,thathelivedinculvercity,andthegoddamwomanwholivednextdoortohimwastryingtopoisonhisdog.everymorningbeforeheletthedogoutforaruninthebackyardhehadtosearchtheplacefromfencetofenceformeatballsthrownoverthepotatovinefromnextdoor.he’dfoundnineofthemsofarandtheywereloadedwithagreenishpowderheknewwasanarsenicweedkiller.

「howmuchtowatchoutandcatchheratit?」hestaredatmeasunblinkinglyasafishinatank.

「whynotdoityourself?」

「igottoworkforaliving,mister.i’mlosingfourtwenty-fiveanhourjustcomingupheretoask.」

「trythepolice?」

「itrythepolice.theymightgetaroundtoitsometimenextyear.rightnowthey’rebusysuckinguptomgm.」

「?thetailwaggers?」

「what’sthem?」

itoldhimaboutthetailwaggers.hewasfarfrominterested.heknewaboutthethecouldtakearunningjump.theycouldn’tseenothingsmallerthanahorse.

「itsaysonthedooryou’reaninvestigator,」hesaidtruculently.「okay,gothehelloutandinvestigate.fiftybucksifyoucatchher.」

「sorry,」isaid.「i’mtiedup.spendingacoupleofweekshidinginagopherholeinyourbackyardwouldbeoutofmylineanyway—evenforfiftybucks.」

hestoodupglowering.「bigshot,」hesaid.「don’tneedthedough,huh?can’tbebotheredsavingthelifeofaitty-bittydog.nutstoyou,bigshot.」

「i’vegottroubles,too,mr.kuissenen.」

「i’lltwisthergoddamneckificatchher,」hesaid,andididn’tdoubthecouldhavedoneit.hecouldhavetwistedthehindlegoffofanelephant.「that’swhatmakesitiwantsomebodyelse.justbecausethelittletikebarkswhenacargoesbythehouse.sour-facedoldbitch.」

hestartedforthedoor.「areyousureit’sthedogshe’stryingtopoison?」iaskedhisback.

「surei’msure.」hewashalfwaytothedoorbeforethenickeldropped.heswungaroundfastthen.「saythatagain,buster.」

ijustshookmyhead.ididn’twanttofighthim.hemighthitmeontheheadwithmydesk.hesnortedandwentout,almosttakingthedoorwithhim.

thenextcookieinthedishwasawoman,notold,notyoung,notclean,nottoodirty,obviouslypoor,shabby,querulousandstupid.thegirlsheroomedwith—inhersetanywomanwhoworksoutisagirl—wastakingmoneyoutofherpurse.adollarhere,fourbitsthere,butitaddedup.shefiguredshewasoutclosetotwentydollarsinall.shecouldn’taffordit.shecouldn’taffordtomoveeither.shecouldn’taffordadetective.shethoughtioughttobewillingtothrowascareintotheroommatejustonthetelephonelike,notmentioninganynames.

ittookhertwentyminutesormoretotellmethis.shekneadedherbagincessantlywhiletellingit.

「anybodyyouknowcoulddothat,」isaid.

「yeah,butyoubeingadickandall.」

「idon’thavealicensetothreatenpeopleiknownothingabout.」

「i’mgoin’totellheribeenintoseeyou.idon’thavetosayit’sher.justthatyou’reworkin’onit.」

「iwouldn’tifiwereyou.ifyoumentionmynameshemaycallmeup.ifshedoesthat,i’lltellherthefacts.」

shestoodupandslammedhershabbybagagainstherstomach.「you’renogentleman,」shesaidshrilly.

「wheredoesitsayihavetobe?」

shewentoutmumbling.

afterlunchihadmr.simpsonw.edelweiss.hehadacardtoproveit.hewasmanagerofasewingmachineagency.hewasasmalltired-lookingmanaboutforty-eighttofifty,smallhandsandfeet,wearingabrownsuitwithsleevestoolong,andastiffwhitecollarbehindapurpletiewithblackdiamondsonit.hesatontheedgeofthechairwithoutfidgetingandlookedatmeoutofsadblackeyes.hishairwasblacktooandthickandroughwithoutasignofgrayinitthaticouldsee.hehadaclippedmustachewithareddishtone.hecouldhavepassedforthirty-fiveifyoudidn’tlookatthebacksofhishands.

「callmesimp,」hesaid.「everybodyelsedoes.igotitcoming.i’majewishmanmarriedtoagentilewoman,twenty-fouryearsofage,beautiful.sherunawayacoupleoftimesbefore.」

hegotoutaphotoofherandshowedittome.shemighthavebeenbeautifultohim.tomeshewasabigsloppy-lookingcowofawomanwithaweakmouth.

「what’syourtrouble,mr.edelweiss?idon’tdoporcebusiness.」itriedtogivehimbackthephoto.hewaveditaway.「theclientisalwaysmistertome,」iadded.「untilhehastoldmeafewdozenliesanyway.」

hesmiled.「liesigotnousefor.it’snotaporcematter.ijustwantmabelbackagain.butshedon’tcomebackuntilifindher.maybeit’sakindofgamewithher.」