theletterwasintheredandwhitebirdhousemailboxatthefootofmysteps.awoodpeckerontopoftheboxattachedtotheswingarmwasraisedandevenatthatimightnothavelookedinsidebecauseinevergotmailatthehouse.butthewoodpeckerhadlostthepointofhisbeakquiterecently.thewoodwasfreshbroken.somesmartkidshootingoffhisatomgun.

theletterhadcorreoaéreoonitandaflockofmexicanstampsandwritingthatimightormightnothaverecognizedifmexicohadn’tbeenonmymindprettyconstantlylately.icouldn’treadthepostmark.itwashand-stampedandtheinkpadwasprettyfargone.theletterwasthick.iclimbedmystepsandsatdowninthelivingroomtoreadit.theeveningseemedverysilent.perhapsaletterfromadeadmanbringsitsownsilencewithit.

itbeganwithoutdateandwithoutpreamble.

i’msittingbesideasecond-floorwindowinaroominanottoocleanhotelinatowncalledotatoclán,amountaintownwithalake.there’samailboxjustbelowthewindowandwhenthemozocomesinwithsomecoffeei’veorderedheisgoingtomailtheletterformeandholditupsothaticanseeitbeforeheputsitintheslot.whenhedoesthathegetsahundred-pesonote,whichisahellofalotofmoneyforhim.

whyallthefinagling?there’saswarthycharacterwithpointedshoesandadirtyshirtoutsidethedoorwatchingit.he’swaitingforsomething,idon’tknowwhat,buthewon’tletmeout.itdoesn’tmattertoomuchaslongasthelettergetsposted.iwantyoutohavethismoneybecauseidon’tneeditandthelocalgendarmeriewouldswipeitforsure.itisnotintendedtobuyanything.callitanapologyformakingyousomuchtroubleandatokenofesteemforaprettydecentguy.i’vedoneeverythingwrongasusual,butistillhavethegun.myhunchisthatyouhaveprobablymadeupyourmindonacertainpoint.imighthavekilledherandperhapsidid,butinevercouldhavedonetheotherthing.thatkindofbrutalityisnotinmyline.sosomethingisverysour.butitdoesn’tmatter,notintheleast.themainthingnowistosaveanunnecessaryanduselessscandal.herfatherandhersisterneverdidmeanyharm.theyhavetheirlivestoliveandi’muptohereindisgustwithmine.sylviadidn’tmakeabumoutofme,iwasonealready.ican’tgiveyouanyverycleanansweraboutwhyshemarriedme.isupposeitwasjustawhim.atleastshediedyoungandbeautiful.theysaylustmakesamanold,butkeepsawomanyoung.theysayalotofnonsense.theysaytherichcanalwaysprotectthemselvesandthatintheirworlditisalwayssummer.i’velivedwiththemandtheyareboredandlonelypeople.

ihavewrittenaconfession.ifeelalittlesickandmorethanalittlescared.youreadaboutthesesituationsinbooks,butyoudon’treadthetruth.whenithappenstoyou,whenallyouhaveleftistheguninyourpocket,whenyouarecorneredinadirtylittlehotelinastrangecountry,andhaveonlyonewayout—believeme,pal,thereisnothingelevatingordramaticaboutit.itisjustplainnastyandsordidandgrayandgrim.

soforgetitandme.butfirstdrinkagimletformeatvictor’s.andthenexttimeyoumakecoffee,pourmeacupandputsomebourboninitandlightmeacigaretteandputitbesidethecup.andafterthatforgetthewholething.terrylennoxoverandout.andsogoodbye.

aknockatthedoor.iguessitwillbethemozowiththecoffee.ifitisn’t,therewillbesomeshooting.ilikemexicans,asarule,butidon’tliketheirjails.solong.

terry

thatwasall.irefoldedtheletterandputitbackintheenvelope.ithadbeenthemozowiththecoffeeallright.otherwiseiwouldneverhavehadtheletter.notwithaportraitofmadisoninit.aportraitofmadisonisa$5000bill.

itlayinfrontofmegreenandcrisponthetabletop.ihadneverevenseenonebefore.lotsofpeoplewhoworkinbankshaven’teither.verylikelycharacterslikerandystarrandmenendezwearthemforfoldingmoney.ifyouwenttoabankandaskedforone,theywouldn’thaveit.they’dhavetogetitforyoufromthefederalreserve.itmighttakeseveraldays.thereareonlyaboutathousandofthemincirculationinthewholeuminehadaniceglowaroundit.itcreatedalittleprivatesunshineallitsown.

isatthereandlookedatitforalongtime.atlastiputitawayinmylettercaseandwentouttothekitchentomakethatcoffee.ididwhatheaskedmeto,sentimentalornot.ipouredtwocupsandaddedsomebourbontohisandsetitdownonthesideofthetablewherehehadsatthemorningitookhimtotheplane.ilitacigaretteforhimandsetitinanashtraybesidethecup.iwatchedthesteamrisefromthecoffeeandthethinthreadofsmokerisefromthecigarette.outsideinthetecomaabirdwasgassingaround,talkingtohimselfinlowchirps,withanoccasionalbriefflutterofwings.

thenthecoffeedidn’tsteamanymoreandthecigarettestoppedsmokingandwasjustadeadbuttontheedgeofanashtray.idroppeditintothegarbagecanunderthesink.ipouredthecoffeeoutandwashedthecupandputitaway.

thatwasthat.itdidn’tseemquiteenoughtodoforfivethousanddollars.

iwenttoalatemovieafterawhile.itmeantnothing.ihardlysawwhatwenton.itwasjustnoiseandbigfaces.whenigothomeagainisetoutaverydullruylopezandthatdidn’tmeananythingeither.soiwenttobed.

butnottosleep.atthreeiwaswalkingthefloorandlisteningtokhachaturyanworkinginatractorfactory.hecalleditaviolinconcerto.icalleditaloosefanbeltandthehellwithit.

awhitenightformeisasrareasafatpostman.ifithadn’tbeenformr.howardspencerattheritz-beverlyiwouldhavekilledabottleandknockedmyselfout.andthenexttimeisawapolitecharacterdrunkinarolls-roycesilverwraith,iwoulddepartrapidlyinseveraldirections.thereisnotrapsodeadlyasthetrapyousetforyourself.