「hewassorry.hewishedmeluck.askedifineededanymoney.」terrylaughedharshly.「money.thosearethefirstfivelettersofhisalphabet.isaidihadplenty.thenicalledsylvia’ssister.muchthesamestorythere.that’sall.」

「iwanttoaskthis,」isaid.「didyoueverfindherwithamaninthatguesthouse?」

heshookhishead.「inevertried.itwouldnothavebeendifficult.itneverhasbeen.」

「yourcoffee’sgettingcold.」

「idon’twantanymore.」

「lotsofmen,huh?butyouwentbackandmarriedheragain.irealizethatshe’squiteadish,butallthesame—」

「itoldyouiwasnogood.hell,whydidileaveherthefirsttime?whyafterthatdidigetstinkingeverytimeisawher?whydidirollinthegutterratherthanaskherformoney?she’sbeenmarriedfivetimes,notincludingme.anyoneofthemwouldgobackatthecrookofherfinger.andnotjustforamillionbucks.」

「she’squiteadish,」isaid.ilookedatmywatch.「justwhydoesithavetobetheten-fifteenattijuana?」

「there’salwaysspaceonthatflight.nobodyfromwantstorideadc-3overmountainswhenhecantakeaconnieandmakeitinsevenhourstomexicocity.andtheconniesdon’tstopwhereiwanttogo.」

istoodupandleanedagainstthesink.「nowlet’sadditupanddon’tinterruptme.youcametomethismorninginahighlyemotionalconditionandwantedtobedriventotijuanatocatchanearlyplane.youhadaguninyourpocket,butineedn’thaveseenit.youtoldmeyouhadstoodthingsaslongasyoucouldbutlastnightyoublewup.youfoundyourwifedeaddrunkandamanhadbeenwithher.yougotoutandwenttoaturkishbathtopassthetimeuntilmorningandyouphonedyourwife’stwoclosestrelativesandtoldthemwhatyouweredoing.whereyouwentwasnoneofmybusiness.youhadthenecessarydocumentstoentermexico.howyouwentwasnoneofmybusinesseither.wearefriendsandididwhatyouaskedmewithoutmuchthought.whywouldn’ti?you’renotpayingmeanything.youhadyourcarbutyoufelttooupsettodriveyourself.that’syourbusinesstoo.you’reanemotionalguyandyougotyourselfabadwoundinthewar.ithinkioughttopickupyourcarandshoveitinagaragesomewhereforstorage.」

hereachedintohisclothesandpushedaleatherkeyholderacrossthetable.

「howdoesitsound?」heasked.

「dependswho’slistening.ihaven’tfinished.youtooknothingbuttheclothesyoustoodupinandsomemoneyyouhadfromyourfather-inlaw.youlefteverythingshehadgivenyouincludingthatbeautifulpieceofmachineryyouparkedatlabreaandfountain.youwantedtogoawayascleanasitwaspossibleforyoutogoandstillgo.allright.i’llbuyit.nowishaveandgetdressed.」

「whyareyoudoingit,marlowe?」

「buyyourselfadrinkwhileishave.」

iwalkedoutandlefthimsittingtherehunchedinthecornerofthenook.hestillhadhishatandlighttopcoaton.buthelookedalotmorealive.

iwentintothebathroomandshaved.iwasbackinthebedroomknottingmytiewhenhecameandstoodinthedoorway.「iwashedthecupsjustincase,」hesaid.「butigotthinking.maybeitwouldbebetterifyoucalledthepolice.」

「callthemyourself.ihaven’tanythingtotellthem.」

「youwantmeto?」

iturnedaroundsharplyandgavehimahardstare.「goddamnit!」ialmostyelledathim.「can’tyouforchrissakejustleaveitlay?」

「i’msorry.」

「sureyou’resorry.guyslikeyouarealwayssorry,andalwaystoolate.」

heturnedandwalkedbackalongthehalltothelivingroom.

ifinisheddressingandlockedupthebackpartofthehouse.whenigottothelivingroomhehadfallenasleepinachair,hisheadononeside,hisfacedrainedofcolor,hiswholebodyslackwithexhaustion.helookedpitiful.whenitouchedhisshoulderhecameawakeslowlyasifitwasalongwayfromwherehewastowhereiwas.

whenihadhisattentionisaid,「whataboutasuitcase?istillgotthatwhitepigskinjobonthetopshelfinmycloset.」

「it’sempty,」hesaidwithoutinterest.「alsoit’stooconspicuous.」

「you’dbemoreconspicuouswithoutanybaggage.」

iwalkedbacktothebedroomandstooduponthestepsintheclothesclosetandpulledthewhitepigskinjobdownoffthehighshelf.thesquareceilingtrapwasrightovermyhead,soipushedthatupandreachedinasfarasicouldanddroppedhisleatherkeyholderbehindoneofthedustytiebeamsorwhatevertheywere.

iclimbeddownwiththesuitcase,dusteditoff,andshovedsomethingsintoit,apairofpajamasneverworn,toothpaste,anextratoothbrush,acoupleofcheaptowelsandwashcloths,apackageofcottonhandkerchiefs,afifteen-centtubeofshavingcream,andoneoftherazorstheygiveawaywithapackageofblades.nothingused,nothingmarked,nothingconspicuous,exceptthathisownstuffwouldbebetter.iaddedapintofbourbonstillinitswrappingpaper.ilockedthesuitcaseandleftthekeyinoneofthelocksandcarrieditupfront.hehadgonetosleepagain.iopenedthedoorwithoutwakinghimandcarriedthesuitcasedowntothegarageandputitintheconvertiblebehindthefrontseat.igotthecaroutandlockedthegarageandwentbackupthestepstowakehim.ifinishedlockingupandweleft.

idrovefastbutnotfastenoughtogettagged.wehardlyspokeonthewaydown.wedidn’tstoptoeateither.therewasn’tthatmuchtime.

theborderpeoplehadnothingtosaytous.uponthewindymesawherethetijuanaairportisiparkedclosetotheofficeandjustsatwhileterrygothisticket.thepropellersofthedc-3werealreadyturningoverslowly,justenoughtokeepwarm.atalldreamboatofapilotinagrayuniformwaschattingwithagroupoffourpeople.onewasaboutsixfeetfourandcarriedaguncase.therewasagirlinslacksbesidehim,andasmallishmiddle-agedmanandagray-hairedwomansotallthatshemadehimlookpuny.threeorfourobviousmexicanswerestandingaroundaswell.thatseemedtobetheload.thestepswereatthedoorbutnobodyseemedanxioustogetin.thenamexicanflightstewardcamedownthestepsandstoodwaiting.theredidn’tseemtobeanyloudspeakerequipment.themexicansclimbedintotheplanebutthepilotwasstillchattingwiththeamericans.

therewasabigpackardparkednexttome.igotoutandtookaganderatthelicenseonthepost.maybesomedayi’lllearntomindmyownbusiness.asipulledmyheadoutisawthetallwomanstaringinmydirection.

thenterrycameacrossthedustygravel.

「i’mallset,」hesaid.「thisiswhereisaygoodbye.」

heputhishandout.ishookit.helookedprettygoodnow,justtired,justtiredasallhell.

iliftedthepigskinsuitcaseoutoftheoldsandputitdownonthegravel.hestaredatitangrily.

「itoldyouididn’twantit,」hesaidsnappishly.

「there’sanicepintofhoochinit,terry.alsosomepajamasandstuff.andit’sallanonymous.ifyoudon’twantit,checkit.orthrowitaway.」

「ihavereasons,」hesaidstiffly.

「sohavei.」

hesmiledsuddenly.hepickedupthesuitcaseandsqueezedmyarmwithhisfreehand.「okay,pal.you’retheboss.andremember,ifthingsgettough,youhaveablankcheck.youdon’towemeathing.wehadafewdrinkstogetherandgottobefriendlyanditalkedtoomuchaboutme.ileftfivecnotesinyourcoffeecan.don’tbesoreatme.」

「i’dratheryouhadn’t.」

「i’llneverspendhalfofwhatihave.」

「goodluck,terry.」

thetwoamericansweregoingupthestepsintotheplane.asquattyguywithawidedarkfacecameoutofthedooroftheofficebuildingandwavedandpointed.

「climbaboard,」isaid.「iknowyoudidn’tkillher.that’swhyi’mhere.」

hebracedhimself.hiswholebodygotstiff.heturnedslowly,thenlookedback.

「i’msorry,」hesaidquietly.「butyou’rewrongaboutthat.i’mgoingtowalkquiteslowlytotheplane.youhaveplentyoftimetostopme.」

hewalked.iwatchedhim.theguyinthedoorwayoftheofficewaswaiting,butnottooimpatient.mexicansseldomare.hereacheddownandpattedthepigskinsuitcaseandgrinnedatterry.thenhestoodasideandterrywentthroughthedoor.inalittlewhileterrycameoutthroughthedoorontheotherside,wherethecustomspeoplearewhenyou’recomingin.hewalked,stillslowly,acrossthegraveltothesteps.hestoppedthereandlookedtowardsme.hedidn’tsignalorwave.neitherdidi.thenhewentupintotheplane,andthestepswerepulledback.

igotintotheoldsandstarteditandbackedandturnedandmovedhalfwayacrosstheparkingspace.thetallwomanandtheshortmanwerestilloutonthefield.thewomanhadahandkerchiefouttowave.theplanebegantotaxidowntotheendofthefieldraisingplentyofdust.itturnedatthefarendandthemotorsrevvedupinathunderingroar.itbegantomoveforwardpickingupspeedslowly.

thedustroseincloudsbehindit.thenitwasairborne.iwatcheditliftslowlyintothegustyairandfadeoffintothenakedblueskytothesoutheast.

thenileft.nobodyatthebordergatelookedatmeasifmyfacemeantasmuchasthehandsonaclock.