thelasttimewehadadrinkinabarwasinmayanditwasearlierthanusual,justafterfouro’clock.helookedtiredandthinnerbuthelookedaroundwithaslowsmileofpleasure.

「ilikebarsjustaftertheyopenfortheevening.whentheairinsideisstillcoolandcleanandeverythingisshinyandthebarkeepisgivinghimselfthatlastlookinthemirrortoseeifhistieisstraightandhishairissmooth.iliketheneatbottlesonthebarbackandthelovelyshiningglassesandtheanticipation.iliketowatchthemanmixthefirstoneoftheeveningandputitdownonacrispmatandputthelittlefoldednapkinbesideit.iliketotasteitslowly.thefirstquietdrinkoftheeveninginaquietbar—that’swonderful.」

iagreedwithhim.

「alcoholislikelove,」hesaid.「thefirstkissismagic,thesecondisintimate,thethirdisroutine.afterthatyoutakethegirl’sclothesoff.」

「isthatbad?」iaskedhim.

「it’sexcitementofahighorder,butit’sanimpureemotion—impureintheaestheticsense.i’mnotsneeringatsex.it’snecessaryanditdoesn’thavetobeugly.butitalwayshastobemanaged.makingitglamorousisabillion-dollarindustryanditcostseverycentofit.」

helookedaroundandyawned.「ihaven’tbeensleepingwell.it’sniceinhere.butafterawhilethelusheswillfilltheplaceupandtalkloudandlaughandthegoddamwomenwillstartwavingtheirhandsandscrewinguptheirfacesandtinklingtheirgoddambraceletsandmakingwiththepackagedcharmwhichwilllateronintheeveninghaveaslightbutunmistakableodorofsweat.」

「takeiteasy,」isaid.「sothey’rehuman,theysweat,theygetdirty,theyhavetogotothebathroom.whatdidyouexpect—goldenbutterflieshoveringinarosymist?」

heemptiedhisglassandhelditupsidedownandwatchedaslowdropformontherimandthentrembleandfall.

「i’msorryforher,」hesaidslowly.「she’ssuchanabsolutebitch.couldbei’mfondofhertooinaremotesortofway.somedayshe’llneedmeandi’llbetheonlyguyaroundnotholdingachisel.likelyenoughtheni’llflunkout.」

ijustlookedathim.「youdoagreatjobofsellingyourself,」isaidafteramoment.

「yeah,iknow.i’maweakcharacter,withoutgutsorambition.icaughtthebrassringanditshockedmetofindoutitwasn’tgold.aguylikemehasonebigmomentinhislife,oneperfectswingonthehightrapeze.thenhespendstherestofhistimetryingnottofalloffthesidewalkintothegutter.」

「what’sthisinfavorof?」igotoutapipeandstartedtofillit.

「she’sscared.she’sscaredstiff.」

「whatof?」

「idon’tknow.wedon’ttalkmuchanymore.maybeoftheoldman.harlanpotterisacoldheartedsonofabitch.allvictoriandignityontheoutside.insidehe’sasruthlessasagestapothug.sylviaisatramp.heknowsitandhehatesitandthere’snothinghecandoaboutit.buthewaitsandhewatchesandifsylviaevergetsintoabigmessofscandalhe’llbreakherinhalfandburythetwohalvesathousandmilesapart.」

「you’reherhusband.」

heliftedtheemptyglassandbroughtitdownhardontheedgeofthetable.itsmashedwithasharpping.thebarmanstared,butdidn’tsayanything.

「likethat,chum.likethat.ohsure,i’mherhusband.that’swhattherecordsays.i’mthethreewhitestepsandthebiggreenfrontdoorandthebrassknockeryouraponelongandtwoshortandthemaidletsyouintothehundred-dollarwhorehouse.」

istoodupanddroppedsomemoneyonthetable.「youtalktoodamnmuch,」isaid,「andit’stoodamnmuchaboutyou.seeyoulater.」

iwalkedoutleavinghimsittingthereshockedandwhite-facedaswellasicouldtellbythekindoflighttheyhaveinbars.hecalledsomethingafterme,butikeptgoing.

tenminuteslateriwassorry.buttenminuteslateriwassomewhereelse.hedidn’tcometotheofficeanymore,notatall,notonce.ihadgottohimwhereithurt.

ididn’tseehimagainforamonth.whenididitwasfiveo’clockinthemorningandjustbeginningtogetlight.thepersistentringingofthedoorbellyankedmeoutofbed.iploweddownthehallandacrossthelivingroomandopenedup.hestoodtherelookingasifhehadn’tsleptforaweek.hehadalighttopcoatonwiththecollarturnedupandheseemedtobeshivering.adarkfelthatwaspulleddownoverhiseyes.

hehadaguninhishand.