「youdon’tseemtoha一veanyregardforyourpersonalsafety.andit’snotjust

younow,」headdsangrily.

myliptrembles.he’sthinkingaboutourlittleblip.thedooropens,startling

usboth,andayoungafrican-americanwomaninawhitecoatovergray

scrubsstridesin.

「goodevening,mrs.grey.i’mdr.bartley.」

shestartstoexaminemethoroughly,shiningalightinmyeyes,makingme

touchherfingers,thenmynosewhileclosingfirstoneeyeandthentheother,

andcheckingallmyreflexes.buthervoiceissoftandhertouchgentle;she

hasawarmbedsidemanner.nursenorajoinsher,andchristianwandersto

thecorneroftheroomandmakessomecallswhilethetwoofthemtendto

me.it’shardtoconcentrateondr.bartley,nursenora,andchristianatthe

sametime,butihearhimcallhisfather,mymother,andkatetosayi’m

awake.finally,helea一vesamessageforray.

ray.ohshit...avaguememoryofhisvoicecomesbacktome.hewas

here—yes,whileiwasstillunconscious.

dr.bartleychecksmyribs,herfingersprobinggentlybutfirmly.iwince.

「thesearebruised,notcrackedorbroken.youwereverylucky,437|pag

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fiftyshadesfreed

mrs.grey.」

iscowl.lucky?notthewordiwouldha一vechosen.christianglowersather,

too.hemouthssomethingatme.ithinkit’sfoolhardy,buti’mnotsure.

「i’llprescribesomepainkillers.you’llneedthemforthisandfortheheadache

youmustha一ve.butall’slookingasitshould,mrs.grey.isuggestyouget

somesleep.dependingonhowyoufeelinthemorning,wemayletyougo

home.mycolleaguedr.singhwillbeattendingyouthen.」

「thankyou.」

there’saknockonthedoor,andtaylorentersbearingablackcardboard

boxwithfairmontolympicemblazonedincreamontheside.

holycow!

「food?」dr.bartleysayssurprised.

「mrs.greyishungry,」christiansays.「thisischickensoup.」

dr.bartleysmiles.「soupwillbefine,justthebroth.nothinghea一vy.」she

lookspointedlyatbothofusthenexitstheroomwithnursenora.

christianpullsthewheeledtrayovertome,andtaylorplacestheboxonit.

「welcomeback,mrs.grey.」

「hello,taylor.thankyou.」

「you’remostwelcome,ma’am.」ithinkhewantstosaymore,butheholdsoff.

christianisunpackingthebox,producingathermos,soupbowl,sideplate,

linennapkin,soupspoon,asmallbasketofbreadrolls,silversaltandpepper

shakers...theolympichasgoneall-out.

「thisisgreat,taylor.」mystomachisrumbling.iamfamished.

「willthatbeall?」heasks.

「yes,thanks,」christiansays,dismissinghim.

taylornods.

「taylor,thankyou.」

「anythingelseicangetyou,mrs.grey?」

iglanceatchristian.「justsomecleanclothesforchristian.」

taylorsmiles.「yes,ma’am.」

christianglancesdownathisshirt,bemused.

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「howlongha一veyoubeenwearingthatshirt?」iask.

「sincethursdaymorning.」hegivesmeacrookedsmile.taylorexits.

「taylor’srealpissedatyou,too,」christianaddsgrumpily,unscrewingthelid

ofthethermosandpouringcreamychickensoupintothebowl.

taylor,too!butidon’tdwellonthatasmychickensoupdistractsme.it

smellsdelicious,andsteamcurlsinvitinglyfromitssurface.itakeatasteand

it’severythingitpromisedtobe.

「good?」christianasks,perchingonthebedagain.

inodenthusiasticallyanddon’tstop.myhungerisprimal.ipauseonlyto

wipemymouthonthelinennapkin.

「tellmewhathappened—afteryourealizedwhatwasgoingon.」

christianrunshishandthroughhishairandshakeshishead.「oh,ana,it’s

goodtoseeyoueat.」

「i’mhungry.tellme.」

hefrowns.「well,afterthebankcalledandithoughtmyworldhadcompletely

fallenapart—」hecan’thidethepaininhisvoice.istopeating.ohshit.

「don’tstopeating,ori’llstoptalking,」hewhispers,histoneadamantashe

glaresatme.icontinuewithmysoup.okay,okay...damn,ittastesgood.

christian’sgazesoftensandafterabeat,heresumes.

「anyway,shortlyafteryouandihadfinishedourconversation,taylor

informedmethathydehadbeengrantedbail.how,idon’tknow,ithought

we’dmanagedtothwartanyattemptsatbail.butthatga一vemeamomentto

thinkaboutwhatyou’dsaid...andiknewsomethingwasseriouslywrong.」

「itwasneveraboutthemoney,」isnapsuddenly,anunexpectedsurgeof

angerflaringinmybelly.myvoicerises.「howcouldyoueventhinkthat?it’s

neverbeenaboutyourfuckingmoney!」myheadstartstopoundandiwince.

christiangapesatmeforasplitsecond,surprisedbymyvehemence.he

narrowshiseyes.

「mindyourlanguage,」hegrowls.「calmdownandeat.」

iglaremutinouslyathim.

「ana,」hewarns.

「thathurtmemorethananything,christian,」iwhisper.「almostas439|pa

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fiftyshadesfreed

muchasyouseeingthatwoman.」

heinhalessharplyasifi’veslappedhimandallofasudden,helooks

exhausted.closinghiseyesbriefly,heshakeshishead,resigned.

「iknow.」hesighs.「andi’msorry.morethanyouknow.」hiseyesare

luminouswithcontrition.「please,eat.whileyoursoupisstillhot.」hisvoice

issoftandcompelling,andidoasheasks.hebreathesasighofrelief.

「goon,」iwhisper,betweenbitesoftheillicitfreshwhitebreadroll.

「wedidn’tknowmiawasmissing.ithoughtmaybehewasblackmailingyou

orsomething.icalledyouback,butyoudidn’tanswer.」hescowls.「ileftyou

amessagethencalledsawyer.taylorstartedtrackingyourcell.iknewyou

wereatthebank,soweheadedstraightthere.」

「idon’tknowhowsawyerfoundme.washetrackingmycell,too?」

「thesaabisfittedwithatrackingdevice.allourcarsare.bythetimewegot

nearthebank,youwerealreadyonthemove,andwefollowed.whyareyou

smiling?」

「onsomeleveliknewyou’dbestalkingme.」

「andthatisamusingbecause?」heasks.

「jackhadinstructedmetogetridofmycell.soiborrowedwhelan’scell,

andthat’stheoneithrewaway.iputmineintooneofthedufflebagssoyou

couldtrackyourmoney.」

christiansighs.「ourmoney,ana,」hesaysquietly.「eat.」

iwipemysoupbowlwiththelastofmybreadandpopitintomymouth.for

thefirsttimeinalongwhile,ifeelrepleteinspiteofourconversation.

「finished.」

「goodgirl.」

there’saknockonthedoorandnursenoraentersoncemore,carryinga

smallpapercup.christianclearsawaymyplate,andstartsputtingallthe

itemsbackintothebox.

「painrelief.」norasmiles,showingmethewhitepillinthepapercup.

「isthisokaytotake?youknow—withthebaby?」

「yes,mrs.grey.it’slortab—it’sfine;itwon’taffectthebaby.」

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inodgratefully.myheadispounding.iswallowitdownwithasipofwater.

「yououghttorest,mrs.grey.」nursenoralookspointedlyatchristian.

henods.

no!「you’regoing?」iexclaim,panicsettingin.don’tgo—we’vejuststarted

talking!

christiansnorts.「ifyouthinkforonemomenti’mgoingtoletyououtofmy

sight,mrs.grey,youareverymuchmistaken.」

norahuffsbuthoversovermeandreadjustsmypillowssothatiha一vetolie

down.

「goodnight,mrs.grey,」shesays,andwithonelastcensoriousglanceat

christian,shelea一ves.

heraisesaneyebrowassheclosesthedoor.

「idon’tthinknursenoraapprovesofme.」

hestandsbythebed,lookingtired,andinspiteofthefactthatiwanthimto

stay,iknowishouldtrytopersuadehimtogohome.

「youneedrest,too,christian.gohome.youlookexhausted.」

「i’mnotlea一vingyou.i’lldozeinthisarmchair.」

iscowlathimthenshiftontomyside.

「sleepwithme.」

hefrowns.「no.ican’t.」

「whynot?」

「idon’twanttohurtyou.」

「youwon’thurtme.please,christian.」

「youha一veaniv.」

「christian.please.」

hegazesatme,andicantellhe’stempted.

「please.」iliftuptheblankets,invitinghimintothebed.

「fuckit.」heslipsoffhisshoesandsocks,andgingerlyclimbsinbesideme.

gently,hewrapshisarmaroundme,andilaymyheadonhischest.he

kissesmyhair.

「idon’tthinknursenorawillbeveryhappywiththisarrangement,」he

whispersconspiratorially.

igiggle,thenstopaspainlancesthroughmychest.

「don’tmakemelaugh.ithurts.」

「oh,butilovethatsound,」hesaysalittlesadly,hisvoicelow.441|page

fiftyshadesfreed

「i’msorry,baby,so,sosorry.」hekissesmyhairagainandinhalesdeeply,

andidon’tknowwhathe’sapologizingfor...makingmelaugh?orthe

messwe’rein?irestmyhandoverhisheart,andhegentlyplaceshishand

onmine.wearebothsilentforamoment.

「whydidyougoseethatwoman?」

「oh,ana.」hegroans.「youwanttodiscussthatnow?can’twedropthis?i

regretit,okay?」

「ineedtoknow.」

「i’lltellyoutomorrow,」hemutters,irritated.「oh,anddetectiveclarkwantsto

talktoyou.justroutine.nowgotosleep.」

hekissesmyhair.isighhea一vily.ineedtoknowwhy.atleasthesayshe

regretsit.that’ssomething,mysubconsciousagrees.she’sinanagreeable

moodtoday,itseems.ugh,detectiveclark.ishudderatthethoughtof

relivingthursday’seventsforhim.

「doweknowwhyjackwasdoingallthis?」

「hmm,」christianmurmurs.i’msoothedbytheslowriseandfallofhischest,

gentlyrockingmyhead,lullingmetosleepashisbreathingslows.andasi

driftitrytomakesenseofthefragmentsofconversationsiheardwhileiwas

ontheedgeofconsciousness,buttheyslitherthroughmymind,remaining

steadfastlyelusive,tauntingmefromtheedgesofmymemory.oh,it’s

frustratingandexhausting...and...

nursenora’smouthispursedandherarmsfoldedinhostility.iholdmy

fingeruptomylips.

「pleaselethimsleep,」iwhisper,squintingintheearlymorninglight.

「thisisyourbed.nothis,」shehissessternly.

「isleptbetterbecausehewashere.」iinsist,rushingtomyhusband’s

defense.besides,it’strue.christianstirs,andnursenoraandifreeze.

hemumblesinhissleep,「don’ttouchme.nomore.onlyana.」

ifrown.iha一verarelyheardchristiantalkinhissleep.admittedly,thatmight

bebecausehesleepslessthanido.i’veonlyeverheardhisnightmares.his

armstightenaroundme,squeezingme,andiwince.

「mrs.grey—」nursenoraglowers.

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「please,」ibeg.

sheshakesherhead,turnsonherheelandlea一ves,andisnuggleupagainst

christianagain.

wheniwake,christianisnowheretobeseen.thesunisblazingthroughthe

windows,andicannowreallyappreciatetheroom.iha一veflowers!ididn’t

noticethemthenightbefore.severalbouquets.iwonderidlywhothey’re

from.

asoftknockdistractsme,andcarrickpeeksaroundthedoor.hebeams

whenheseesthati’mawake.

「mayicomein?」heasks.

「ofcourse.」

hestridesintotheroomandovertome,hissoft,gentleblueeyesassessing

meshrewdly.he’swearingadarksuit—hemustbeworking.hesurprises

mebyleaningdownandkissingmyforehead.

「mayisit?」

inod,andheperchesontheedgeofthebedandtakesmyhand.

「idon’tknowhowtothankyouformydaughter,youcrazy,bra一ve,darlinggirl.

whatyoudidprobablysa一vedherlife.iwillbeforeverinyourdeb一t.」hisvoice

wa一vers,filledwithgratitudeandcompassion.oh...idon’tknowwhattosay.

isqueezehishandbutremainmute.

「howareyoufeeling?」

「better.sore.」iadd,forhonesty’ssake.

「ha一vetheygivenyoumedsforthepain?」

「lor...something.」

「good.where’schristian?」

「idon’tknow.wheniwokeup,hewasgone.」

「hewon’tbefaraway,i’msure.hewouldn’tlea一veyouwhileyouwere

unconscious.」

「iknow.」

「he’salittlemadatyou,asheshouldbe.」carricksmirks.ah,thisiswhere

christiangetsitfrom.

「christianisalwaysmadatme.」

「ishe?」carricksmiles,pleased—asifthisisagoodthing.hissmileis

infectious.

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fiftyshadesfreed

「how’smia?」

hiseyescloudandhissmilevanishes.「she’sbetter.madashell.ithink

angerisahealthyreactiontowhathappenedtoher.」

「isshehere?」

「no,she’sbackathome.idon’tthinkgracewillletheroutofhersight.」

「iknowhowthatfeels.」

「youneedwatching,too,」headmonishes.「idon’twantyoutakinganymore

sillyriskswithyourlifeorthelifeofmygrandchild.」

iflush.heknows!

「gracereadyourchart.shetoldme.congratulations.」

「um...thankyou.」

hegazesdownatme,andhiseyessoften,thoughhefrownsatmy

expression.

「christianwillcomearound,」hesaysgently.「thiswillbethebestthingfor

him.just...givehimsometime.」

inod.oh...they’vespoken.

「i’dbettergo.i’mdueincourt.」hesmilesandrises.「i’llcheckinonyoulater.

gracespeakshighlyofdr.singhanddr.bartley.theyknowwhatthey’re

doing.」

heleansdownandkissesmeoncemore.

「imeanit,ana.icanneverrepaywhatyou’vedoneforus.thankyou.」

ilookupathim,blinkingbacktears,suddenlyoverwhelmed,andhestrokes

mycheekaffectionately.thenheturnsonhisheelsandlea一ves.ohmy.i’m

reelingfromhisgratitude.perhapsnowicanlettheprenupdebaclego.my

subconsciousnodssagely,inagreementwithmeyetagain.ishakemyhead

andgingerlygetoutofbed.i’mrelievedtofindthatiammuchsteadieronmy

feetthanyesterday.inspiteofchristiansharingthebed,iha一vesleptwelland

feelrefreshed.myheadstillaches,butit’sadullnaggingpain,nothinglike

thepoundingyesterday.i’mstiffandsore,butijustneedabath.ifeelgrimy.i

headintotheensuite.

「ana!」christianshouts.

「i’minthebathroom,」icallasifinishbrushingmyteeth.that444|page

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feelsbetter.iignoremyreflectioninthemirror.jeez,ilookamess.wheni

openthedoor,christianisbythebed,holdingatrayoffood.he’s

transformed.dressedentirelyinblack,he’ssha一ved,showered,andlooks

wellrested.

「goodmorning,mrs.grey,」hesaysbrightly.「iha一veyourbreakfast.」helooks

soboyishandmuchhappier.

wow.ismilebroadlyathimasiclimbbackintobed.hepullsoverthetrayon

wheelsandliftsthecovertorevealmybreakfast:oatmealwithdriedfruits,

pancakeswithbaconandmaplesyrup,orangejuiceandtwiningsbreakfast

tea.mymouthwaters;i’msohungry.idowntheorangejuiceinafewgulps

anddigintotheoatmeal.christiansitsdownontheedgeofthebedto

watch.hesmirksatme.

「what?」iaskwithmymouthfull.

「iliketowatchyoueat,」hesays.butidon’tthinkthat’swhathe’ssmirking

about.「howareyoufeeling?」

「better,」imutterbetweenmouthfuls.

「i’veneverseenyoueatlikethis.」

iglanceupathim,andmyheartsinks.weha一vetoaddresstheverytiny

elephantintheroom.

「it’sbecausei’mpregnant,christian.」

hesnorts,andhismouthtwistsintoanironicsmile.「ifiknewgettingyou

knockedupwasgoingtomakeyoueat,imightha一vedoneitearlier.」

「christiangrey!」igaspandsettheoatmealdown.

「don’tstopeating,」hewarns.

「christian,weneedtotalkaboutthis.」

hestills.「what’stheretosay?we’regoingtobeparents.」heshrugs,

desperatelytryingtolooknonchalant,butallicanseeishisfear.pushingthe

trayaside,icrawldownthebedtohimandtakehishandsinmine.

「you’rescared,」iwhisper.「igetit.」

hegazesatme,impassive,hiseyeswideandallhisearlierboyishness

strippedaway.

「iam,too.that’snormal,」iwhisper.

「whatkindoffathercouldipossiblybe?」hisvoiceishoarse,barelyaudible.

「oh,christian.」istifleasob.「onethattrieshisbest.that’sallany445|pa

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fiftyshadesfreed

ofuscando.」

「ana—idon’tknowifican...」

「ofcourseyoucan.you’reloving,you’refun,you’restrong,you’llset

boundaries.ourchildwillwantfornothing.」

he’sfrozen,staringatme,doub一tetchedonhisbeautifulface.icontinue.

「yes,itwouldha一vebeenidealtoha一vewaited.toha一velonger,justthetwoof

us.butwe’llbethreeofus,andwe’llallgrowuptogether.we’llbeafamily.

ourownfamily.andyourchildwillloveyouunconditionally,likeido.」tears

springtomyeyes.

「oh,ana,」christianwhispers,hisvoiceanguishedandpained.「ithoughti’d

lostyou.thenithoughti’dlostyouagain.seeingyoulyingontheground,

paleandcoldandunconscious—itwasallmyworstfearsrealized.andnow

hereyouare—bra一veandstrong...givingmehope.lovingmeafterallthat

i’vedone.」

「yes,idoloveyou,christian,desperately.ialwayswill.」

gentlytakingmyheadbetweenhishands,hewipesmytearsawaywithhis

thumbs.hegazesintomyeyes,graytoblue,andalliseeishisfearand

wonderandlove.

「iloveyou,too,」hebreathes.andhebendsandkissesmesweetly,tenderly

likeamanwhoadoreshiswife.

「i’lltrytobeagoodfather,」hewhispersagainstmylips.

「you’lltry,andyou’llsucceed.andlet’sfaceit;youdon’tha一vemuchchoicein

thematter,becauseblipandiarenotgoinganywhere.」

「blip?」

「blip.」

heraiseshiseyebrows.「ihadthenamejuniorinmyhead.」

「junioritis,then.」

「butilikeblip.」hesmileshisshysmileandkissesmeoncemore.

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