五十度灰(Fifty Shades of Grey)英文版 Part II 7

weglareateachother.

okay,icanseethiswillendinafightifidon’ttellhim.

“she’sthreateningtocomeaftermeifihurtyouagain—

probablywithawhip,”isnapathim.

reliefflashesacrosshisface,hismouthsofteningwith

humor.“surelytheironyofthatisn’tlostonyou?”hesays,

andicantellhe’stryinghardtostiflehisamusement.

“thisisn’tfunny,christian!”

“no,you’reright.i’lltalktoher.”headoptshis

seriousface,thoughhe’sstillsuppressinghisamusement.

“youwilldonosuchthing.”ifoldmyarms,myanger

spikingagain.

heblinksatme,surprisedbymyoutburst.

“look,iknowyou’retiedupwithherfinancially,

forgivethepun,but—”istop.whatamiaskinghimto

do?giveherup?stopseeingher?canidothat?“ineed

therestroom.”iglareupathim,mymouthsetinagrim

line.

hesighsandcockshisheadtooneside.couldhe

lookanyhotter?isitthemaskorjusthim?

“pleasedon’tbemad.ididn’tknowshewashere.

shesaidshewasn’tcoming.”histoneisplacatingasif

he’stalkingtoachild.reachingupherunshisthumbalong

mypoutingbottomlip.“don’tletelenaruinourevening,

please,anastasia.she’sreallyoldnews.”

oldbeingtheoperativeword,ithinkuncharitably,as

hetipsmychinupandgentlygrazeshislipsagainstmine.i

sighinagreement,blinkingupathim.hestraightensand

takesmyelbow.

“i’llaccompanyyoutothepowderroomsoyoudon’t

getinterruptedagain.”

heleadsmeacrossthelawntowardtheluxurious

temporaryrestrooms.miasaidtheyhadbeendelivered

fortheoccasion,butihadnoideatheycameindeluxe

versions.

“i’llwaithereforyou,baby,”hemurmurs.

whenicomeout,mymoodhasmoderated.iha一ve

decidednottoletmrs.robinsonblightmyevening

becausethat’sprobablywhatshewants.christianison

thephonesomedistanceawayandoutofearshotofthe

fewpeoplelaughingandchattingnearby.asigetcloser,i

canhearhim.he’sveryterse.

“whydidyouchangeyourmind?ithoughtwe’d

agreed.well,lea一veheralone...thisisthefirstregular

relationshipi’veeverhad,andidon’twantyou

jeopardizingitthroughsomemisplacedconcernforme.

lea一ve.her.alone.imeanit,elena.”hepauses,listening.

“no,ofcoursenot.”hefrownsdeeplyashesaysthis.

glancingup,heseesmeregardinghim.“iha一vetogo.

goodnight.”hepressestheoffbutton.

icockmyheadtoonesideandraiseaneyebrowat

him.whyishephoningher?

“how’stheoldnews?”

“cranky,”herepliessardonically.“doyouwantto

dancesomemore?orwouldyouliketogo?”heglances

athiswatch.“thefireworksstartinfiveminutes.”

“ilovefireworks.”

“we’llstayandwatchthem,then.”heputshisarms

aroundmeandpullsmeclose.“don’tlethercome

betweenus,please.”

“shecaresaboutyou,”imutter.

“yes,andiher...asafriend.”

“ithinkit’smorethanafriendshiptoher.”

hisbrowfurrows.“anastasia,elenaandi...it’s

complicated.weha一veasharedhistory.butitisjustthat,

history.asi’vesaidtoyoutimeandtimeagain,she’sa

goodfriend.that’sall.please,forgetabouther.”he

kissesmyhair,andintheinterestofnotruiningour

evening,iletitgo.iamjusttryingtounderstand.

wewanderhandinhandbacktothedancefloor.the

bandisstillinfullswing.

“anastasia.”

iturntofindcarrickstandingbehindus.

“iwonderedifyou’ddomethehonorofthenext

dance.”carrickholdshishandouttome.christianshrugs

andsmiles,releasingmyhand,andiletcarrickleadme

ontothedancefloor.samthebandleaderlaunchesinto

“comeflywithme,”andcarrickputshisarmaroundmy

waistandgentlywhirlsmeintothethrong.

“iwantedtothankyouforthegenerouscontributionto

ourcharity,anastasia.”

fromhistone,isuspectthisishisroundaboutwayof

askingwhethericanaffordit.

“mr.grey—”

“callmecarrick,please,ana.”

“i’mdelightedtobeabletocontribute.iunexpectedly

cameintosomemoney.idon’tneedit.andit’ssucha

worthycause.”

hesmilesdownatme,andiseizetheopportunityfor

someinnocentinquiries.carpediem,mysubconscious

hissesfrombehindherhand.

“christiantoldmealittleabouthispast,soithinkit’s

appropriatetosupportyourwork,”iadd,hopingthatthis

mightencouragecarricktogivemeasmallinsightintothe

mysterythatishisson.

carrickissurprised.“didhe?that’sunusual.you

certainlyha一vehadaverypositiveeffectonhim,anastasia.

idon’tthinki’veeverseenhimso,so...buoyant.”

iflush.

“sorry,ididn’tmeantoembarrassyou.”

“well,inmylimitedexperience,he’saveryunusual

man,”imurmur.

“heis,”carrickagreesquietly.

“christian’searlychildhoodsoundshideously

traumatic,fromwhathe’stoldme.”

carrickfrowns,andiworryifi’veoversteppedthe

mark.

“mywifewasthedoctorondutywhenthepolice

broughthimin.hewasskinandbones,andbadly

dehydrated.hewouldn’tspeak.”carrickfrownsagain,

lostintheawfulmemory,despitetheup-tempomusic

surroundingus.“infact,hedidn’tspeakfornearlytwo

years.itwasplayingthepianothateventuallybroughthim

outofhimself.oh,andmia’sarrival,ofcourse.”hesmiles

downatmefondly.

“heplaysbeautifully.andhe’saccomplishedsomuch,

youmustbeveryproudofhim.”isounddistracted.holy

shit.didn’tspeakfortwoyears.

“immenselyso.he’saverydetermined,verycapable,

verybrightyoungman.butbetweenyouandme,

anastasia,it’sseeinghimlikeheisthisevening—carefree,

actinghisage—that’stherealthrillforhismotherandme.

wewerebothcommentingonittoday.ibelieveweha一ve

youtothankforthat.”

ithinkiblushtomyroots.whatamisupposedtosay

tothis?

“he’salwaysbeensuchaloner.weneverthought

we’dseehimwithanyone.whateveryou’redoing,please

don’tstop.we’dliketoseehimhappy.”hestops

suddenlyasifhe’soversteppedthemark.“i’msorry,i

don’tmeantomakeyouuncomfortable.”

ishakemyhead.“i’dliketoseehimhappy,too,”i

mutter,unsureofwhatelsetosay.

“well,i’mverygladyoucamethisevening.it’sbeena

realpleasureseeingthetwoofyoutogether.”

asthefinalstrainsof“comeflywithme”fadeaway,

carrickreleasesmeandbows,andicurtsey,mirroringhis

civility.

“that’senoughdancingwitholdmen.”christianisat

mysideagain.carricklaughs.

“lessofthe‘old,’son.i’vebeenknowntoha一vemy

moments.”carrickwinksatmeplayfullyandsauntersinto

thecrowd.

“ithinkmydadlikesyou,”christianmuttersashe

watcheshisfatherminglewiththecrowd..

“what’snottolike?”ipeekcoquettishlyupathim

throughmylashes.

“goodpointwellmade,misssteele.”hepullsmeinto

anembraceasthebandstartstoplay“ithadtobeyou.”

“dancewithme,”hewhispersseductively.

“withpleasure,mr.grey.”ismileinresponse,andhe

sweepsmeacrossthedanceflooroncemore.

atmidnight,westrolldowntowardtheshorebetweenthe

marqueeandtheboathousewheretheotherpartygoers

aregatheredtowatchthefireworks.themc,backin

charge,haspermittedtheremovalofmasks,thebetterto

seethedisplay.christianhashisarmaroundme,buti’m

awarethattaylorandsawyerarecloseby,probably

becausewe’reinthecrowdnow.theyarelooking

anywherebutatthedocksidewheretwopyrotechnicians

dressedinblackaremakingtheirfinalpreparations.seeing

taylorremindsmeofleila.perhapsshe’shere.shit.the

thoughtchillsmyblood,andihuddleclosertochristian.

hegazesdownatmeashepullsmecloser.

“youokay,baby?cold?”

“i’mfine.”iglancequicklybehindusandseetheother

twosecurityguys,whosenamesiforget,standingclose

by.movingmeinfrontofhim,christianputsbothhisarms

aroundmeovermyshoulders.

suddenly,astirringclassicalsoundtrackboomsover

thedockandtworocketssoarintotheair,explodingwith

adeafeningbangoverthebay,lightingitallinadazzling

canopyofsparklingorangeandwhitethat’sreflectedina

glitteringshoweroverthestillcalmwaterofthebay.my

jawdropsasseveralmorerocketsfireintotheairand

explodeinakaleidoscopeofcolor.

ican’trecalleverseeingadisplaythisimpressive,

exceptperhapsontelevision,anditneverlooksthisgood

ontv.they’reallintimetothemusic.volleyaftervolley,

bangafterbang,andlightafterlightasthecrowdanswers

withgaspsandooohsandahhs.itisoutofthisworld.

onthepontooninthebayseveralsilverfountainsof

lightshootuptwentyfeetintheair,changingcolorthrough

blue,red,orange,andbacktosilver—andyetmore

rocketsexplodeasthemusicreachesitscrescendo.

myfaceisbeginningtoachefromtheridiculousgrinof

wonderplasteredacrossit.iglanceatfifty,andhe’sthe

same,marvelinglikeachildatthesensationalshow.for

thefinaleavolleyofsixrocketsshootintothedarkand

explodesimultaneously,bathingusinagloriousgolden

lightasthecrowderuptsintofrantic,enthusiasticapplause.

“ladiesandgentlemen,”themccallsoutasthe

cheersandwhistlesfade.“justonenotetoaddattheend

ofthiswonderfulevening;yourgenerosityhasraiseda

totalofonemillion,eighthundredandfiftythreethousand

dollars!”

spontaneousapplauseeruptsagain,andoutonthe

pontoon,amessagelightsupinsilverstreamsofsparks

formingthewordsthankyoufromcopingtogether,

sparklingandshimmeringoverthewater.

“oh,christian...thatwaswonderful.”igrinupat

himandhebendsdowntokissme.

“timetogo,”hemurmurs,abroadsmileonhis

beautifulface,andhiswordsholdsomuchpromise.

suddenly,ifeelverytired.

heglancesupagain,andtaylorisclose,thecrowd

dispersingaroundus.theydon’tspeakbutsomething

passesbetweenthem.

“staywithmeamoment.taylorwantsustowaitwhile

thecrowddisperses.”

oh.

“ithinkthatfireworkdisplayprobablyagedhima

hundredyears,”headds.

“doesn’thelikefireworks?”

christiangazesdownatmefondlyandshakeshishead

butdoesn’telaborate.

“so,aspen,”hesays,andiknowhe’stryingto

distractmefromsomething.itworks.

“oh...iha一ven’tpaidformybid,”igasp.

“youcansendacheck.iha一vetheaddress.”

“youwerereallymad.”

“yes,iwas.”

igrin.“iblameyouandyourtoys.”

“youwerequiteovercome,misssteele.amost

satisfactoryoutcomeifirecall.”hesmilessalaciously.

“incidentally,wherearethey?”

“thesilverballs?inmybag.”

“i’dlikethemback.”hesmirksdownatme.“they

arefartoopotentadevicetobeleftinyourinnocent

hands.”

“worriedimightbequiteovercomeagain,maybewith

somebodyelse?”

hiseyesglitterdangerously.“ihopethat’snotgoingto

happen,”hesays,acooledgetohisvoice.“butno,ana.i

wantallyourpleasure.”

whoa.“don’tyoutrustme?”

“implicitly.now,caniha一vethemback?”

“i’llthinkaboutit.”

henarrowshiseyesatme.

there’smusiconcemorefromthedancefloorbutit’s

adjplayingathumpingdancenumber,thebasspounding

outarelentlessbeat.

“doyouwanttodance?”

“i’mreallytired,christian.i’dliketogo,ifthat’s

okay.”

christianglancesattaylor,whonods,andwesetoff

towardthehouse,followingacoupleofdrunkenguests.

i’mgratefulwhenchristiantakesmyhand—myfeetare

achingfromthedizzyingheightandtightconfinementofmy

shoes.

miacomesboundinguptous.“you’renotgoing,are

you?therealmusic’sjustbeginning.comeon,ana.”she

grabsmyhand.

“mia,”christianadmonishesher.“anastasia’stired.

we’regoinghome.besides,weha一veabigday

tomorrow.”

wedo?

miapoutsbutsurprisinglydoesn’tpushchristian.

“youmustcomebysometimenextweek.maybewe

canhitthemall?”

“sure,mia.”igrin,thoughinthebackofmymindi’m

wonderinghowsinceiha一vetoworkforaliving.

shegivesmeaquickkissthenhugschristianfiercely,

takingusbothbysurprise.moreastoundinglystill,she

placesherhandsdirectlyonthelapelsofhisjacket,andhe

justgazesdownather,indulgently.

“ilikeseeingyouthishappy,”shesayssweetlyand

kisseshimonthecheek.“bye.youguysha一vefun.”she

skipsofftowardherwaitingfriends—amongthemlily,

wholooksevenmoresour-facedwithouthermask.

iwonderidlywhereseanis.

“we’llsaygoodnighttomyparentsbeforewelea一ve.

come.”christianleadsmethroughagaggleofgueststo

graceandcarrick,whowishusfondandwarmfarewells.

“pleasedocomeagain,anastasia,it’sbeenlovely

ha一vingyouhere,”saysgracekindly.

iamalittleoverwhelmedbybothherandcarrick’s

reaction.fortunately,grace’sparentsha一veretiredforthe

evening,soatleastiamsparedtheirenthusiasm.

quietly,christianandiwalkhandinhandtothefront

ofthehousewherecountlesscarsarelinedupandwaiting

tocollectguests.iglanceupatfifty.helookshappyand

relaxed.it’sarealpleasuretoseehimthisway,thoughi

suspectit’sunusualaftersuchanextraordinaryday.

“areyouwarmenough?”heasks.

“yes,thankyou.”iclaspmysatinwrap.

“ireallyenjoyedthisevening,anastasia.thankyou.”

“metoo,somepartsmorethanothers.”igrin.

hegrinsandnods,thenhisbrowcreases.“don’tbite

yourlip,”hewarnsinawaythatmakesmybloodsing.

“whatdidyoumeanaboutabigdaytomorrow?”i

asktodistractmyself.

“dr.greeneiscomingtosortyouout.plus,iha一vea

surpriseforyou.”

“dr.greene!”ihalt.

“yes.”

“why?”

“becauseihatecondoms,”hesaysquietly.hiseyes

glintinthesoftlightfromthepaperlanterns,gaugingmy

reaction.

“it’smybody,”imutter,annoyedthathehasn’tasked

me.

“it’smine,too,”hewhispers.

igazeupathimasvariousguestspassby,ignoringus.

helookssoearnest.yes,mybodyishis...heknowsit

betterthanido.

ireachup,andheflincheseversoslightlybutstays

still.graspingthecornerofhisbowtie,ipullsoit

unra一vels,revealingthetopbuttonofhisshirt.gentlyiundo

it.

“youlookhotlikethis,”iwhisper.actuallyhelooks

hotallthetime,butreallyhotlikethis.

hesmirksatme.“ineedtogetyouhome.come.”

atthecar,sawyerhandschristiananenvelope.he

frownsatitandglancesatmeastaylorushersmeintothe

car.taylorlooksrelievedforsomereason.christian

climbsinandhandsmetheenvelope,unopened,astaylor

andsawyertaketheirseatsinthefront.

“it’saddressedtoyou.oneofthestaffga一veitto

sawyer.nodoub一tfromyetanotherensnaredheart.”

christian’smouthtwists.it’sobviousthisisanunpleasant

concepttohim.

istareatthenote.whoisthisfrom?rippingitopen,i

readitquicklyinthedimlight.holyshit,it’sfromher!

whywon’tshelea一vemealone?

fuck,she’ssigneditmrs.robinson!hetoldher.the

bastard.

“youtoldher?”

“toldwho,what?”

“thaticallhermrs.robinson,”isnap.

“it’sfromelena?”christianisshocked.“thisis

ridiculous,”hegrumbles,runningahandthroughhishair,

andicantellhe’sirritated.“i’lldealwithhertomorrow.

ormonday,”hemuttersbitterly.

andthoughi’mashamedtoadmitit,averysmallpart

ofmeispleased.mysubconsciousnodssagely.elenais

pissinghimoff,andthiscanonlybegood—surely.i

decidetosaynothingfornowbutstashhernoteinmy

bag,andinagestureguaranteedtolightenhismood,i

handhimbacktheballs.

“untilnexttime,”imurmur.

heglancesatme,andit’shardtoseehisfaceinthe

dark,butithinkhe’ssmirking.hereachesformyhand

andsqueezesit.

igazeoutofthewindowintothedarkness,reflecting

onthislongday.i’velearnedsomuchabouthim,gleaned

somanymissingdetails—thesalons,theroadmap,his

childhood—butthere’sstillsomuchmoretodiscover.

andwhataboutmrs.r?yes,shecaresforhim,and

deeply,itwouldappear.icanseethat,andhecaresfor

her—butnotinthesameway.idon’tknowwhattothink

anymore.allthisinformationismakingmyheadhurt.

christianwakesmejustaswepullupoutsideescala.“do

ineedtocarryyouin?”heasksgently.

ishakemyheadsleepily.noway.

aswestandintheelevator,ileanagainsthim,putting

myheadagainsthisshoulder.sawyerstandsinfrontofus,

shiftinguncomfortably.

“it’sbeenalongday,eh,anastasia?”

inod.

“tired?”

inod.

“you’renotverytalkative.”

inodandhegrins.

“come.i’llputyoutobed.”hetakesmyhandaswe

exittheelevator,butwestopinthefoyerwhensawyer

holdsuphishand.inthatsplitsecond,iaminstantlywide

awake.sawyertalksintohissleeve.ihadnoideathathe

waswearingaradio.

“willdo,t,”hesaysandturnstofaceus.“mr.grey,

thetiresonms.steele’saudiha一vebeenslashedandpaint

thrownalloverit.”

holyshit.mycar!whowoulddothat?andiknow

theanswerassoonasthequestionmaterializesinmy

mind.leila.iglanceupatchristian,andheblanches.

“taylorisconcernedthattheperpmayha一veentered

theapartmentandmaystillbethere.hewantstomake

sure.”

“isee,”christianwhispers.“what’staylor’splan?”

“he’scomingupintheserviceelevatorwithryanand

reynolds.they’lldoasweepthengiveustheallclear.

i’mtowaitwithyou,sir.”

“thankyou,sawyer.”christiantightenshisarm

aroundme.“thisdayjustgetsbetterandbetter,”hesighs

bitterly,nuzzlingmyhair.“listen,ican’tstandhereand

wait.sawyer,takecareofmisssteele.don’tletherin

untilyouha一vetheallclear.iamsuretayloris

overreacting.shecan’tgetintotheapartment.”

what?“no,christian—youha一vetostaywithme,”i

plead.

christianreleasesme.“doasyou’retold,anastasia.

waithere.”

no!

“sawyer?”christiansays.

sawyeropensthefoyerdoortoletchristianenterthe

apartmentthenshutsthedoorbehindhimandstandsin

frontofit,staringimpassivelydownatme.

holyshit.christian!allmannerofhorrificoutcomes

runthroughmymind,butallicandoisstandandwait.

sawyertalksintohissleeveagain.

“taylor,mr.greyhasenteredtheapartment.”heflinches

andgrabstheearpiece,pullingitoutofhisear,presumably

receivingsomepowerfulinvectivefromtaylor.

ohno—iftaylorisworried...

“pleaseletmegoin,”iplead.

“sorry,misssteele.thiswon’ttakelong.”sawyer

holdsbothhandsupinadefensivegesture.“taylorand

theguysarejustcomingintotheapartmentnow.”

oh.ifeelsoimpotent.standingstock-still,ilisten

a一vidlyfortheslightestsound,butallihearismy

aggra一vatedbreathing.it’sloudandshallow,myscalp

prickles,mymouthisdry,andifeelfaint.please,let

christianbeokay,ipraysilently.

iha一venoideahowmuchtimepasses,andstillwehear

nothing.surelynosoundisgood—therearenogunshots.i

beginpacingaroundthetableinthefoyerandexaminethe

paintingsonthewallstodistractmyself.

i’veneverreallylookedatthembefore:allfigurative

paintings,allreligious—themadonnaandchild,allsixteen

ofthem.howodd?

christianisn’treligious,ishe?allofthepaintingsinthe

greatroomareabstracts—thesearesodifferent.they

don’tdistractmeforlong—whereischristian?

istareatsawyerandhewatchesmeimpassively.

“what’shappening?”

“nonews,misssteele.”

abruptly,thedoorknobmoves.sawyerspinslikea

topanddrawsagunfromhisshoulderholster.

ifreeze.christianappearsatthedoor.

“allclear,”hesays,frowningatsawyer,whoputshis

gunawayimmediatelyandstepsbacktoletmein.

“taylorisoverreacting,”christiangrumblesashe

holdsouthishandtome.istandgapingathim,unableto

move,drinkingineverylittledetail:hisunrulyhair,the

tightnessroundhiseyes,thetensejaw,thetoptwobuttons

ofhisshirtundone.ithinkimustha一veagedtenyears.

christianfrownsatmeinconcern,hiseyesdark.

“it’salright,baby.”hemovestowardme,enveloping

meinhisarms,andkissesmyhair.“comeon,you’re

tired.bed.”

“iwassoworried,”imurmur,rejoicinginhisembrace

andinhalinghissweet,sweetscentwithmyheadagainst

hischest.

“iknow.we’realljumpy.”

sawyerhasdisappeared,presumablyintothe

apartment.

“honestly,yourexesareprovingtobevery

challenging,mr.grey,”imutterwryly.christianrelaxes.

“yes.theyare.”

hereleasesmeandtakingmyhand,leadsmeacross

thehallwayandintothegreatroom.

“taylorandhiscrewarecheckingalltheclosetsand

cupboards.idon’tthinkshe’shere.”

“whywouldshebehere?”itmakesnosense.

“exactly.”

“couldshegetin?”

“idon’tseehow.buttaylorisovercautious

sometimes.”

“ha一veyousearchedyourplayroom?”iwhisper.

christianglancesquicklyatme,hisbrowcreasing.

“yes,it’slocked—buttaylorandichecked.”

itakeadeep,cleansingbreath.

“doyouwantadrinkoranything?”christianasks.

“no.”fatiguesweepsthroughme—ijustwanttogo

tobed.

“come.letmeputyoutobed.youlookexhausted.”

christian’sexpressionsoftens.

ifrown.isn’thecoming,too?doeshewanttosleep

alone?

i’mrelievedwhenheleadsmeintohisbedroom.i

placemyclutchbagonthechestofdrawersandopenitto

emptythecontents.ispymrs.robinson’snote.

“here.”ipassittochristian.“idon’tknowifyou

wanttoreadthis.iwanttoignoreit.”

christianscansitbrieflyandhisjawtenses.

“i’mnotsurewhatblanksshecanfillin,”hesays

dismissively.“ineedtotalktotaylor.”hegazesdownat

me.“letmeunzipyourdress.”

“areyougoingtocallthepoliceaboutthecar?”iask

asiturnaround.

hesweepsmyhairoutoftheway,hisfingerssoftly

grazingmynakedback,andtugsdownmyzipper.

“no.idon’twantthepoliceinvolved.leilaneeds

help,notpoliceintervention,andidon’twantthemhere.

wejustha一vetodoubleoureffortstofindher.”heleans

downandplantsagentlekissonmyshoulder.

“gotobed,”heordersandthenhe’sgone.

ilie,staringattheceiling,waitingforhimtoreturn.so

muchhashappenedtoday,somuchtoprocess.whereto

start?

iwakewithajolt—disorientated.ha一veibeenasleep?

blinkinginthedimglowthehallwaycaststhroughthe

slightlyopenbedroomdoor,inoticethatchristianisnot

withme.whereishe?iglanceup.standingattheendof

thebedisashadow.awoman,maybe?dressedin