miagiggles,andchristianrollshiseyes.

“so,didyoucatchthemarinersgame,dad?”elliot’sclearlykeentomovetheconversationon.

thehorsd’oeuvresaredelicious,andiconcentrateoneatingwhileelliot,mr.grey,andchristiantalkbaseball.christianseemsrelaxedandcalmtalkingtohisfamily.mymindisworkingfuriously.damnkate,whatgameissheplaying?willhepunishme?i

quailatthethought.iha一ven’tsignedthatcontractyet.perhapsiwon’t.perhapsi’llstayingeorgiawherehecan’treachme.

“howareyousettlingintoyournewapartmentdear?”graceaskspolitely.

i’mgratefulforherquestion,distractingmefrommydiscordantthoughts,anditellheraboutourmove.

aswefinishourstarters,gretchenappears,andnotforthefirsttime,iwishifeltabletoputmyhandsfreelyonchristianjusttoletherknow–hemaybefiftyshadesoffucked-up,buthe’smine.sheproceedstoclearthetable,brushingrathertoocloselytochristianformyliking.fortunately,heseemsoblivioustoher,butmyinnergoddessissmolderingandnotinagoodway.

kateandmiaarewaxinglyricalaboutparis.

“ha一veyoubeentoparis,ana?”miaasksinnocently,distractingmefrommyjealousreverie.

“no,buti’dlovetogo.”iknowi’mtheonlyoneatthetablewhohasneverleftmainlandusa.

“wehoneymoonedinparis.”gracesmilesatmr.greywhogrinsbackather.

it’salmostembarrassingtowitness.theyobviouslyloveeachotherdeeply,andiwonderforabriefmomentwhatitmustbeliketogrowupwithbothone’sparentsinsitu.

“it’sabeautifulcity,”miaagrees.“inspiteoftheparisians.christian,youshouldtakeanatoparis,”miastatesfirmly.

“ithinkanastasiawouldpreferlondon,”christiansayssoftly.

oh…heremembered.heplaceshishandonmyknee–hisfingerstra一velingupmythigh.mywholebodytightensinresponse.no…nothere,notnow.iflushandshift,tryingtopullawayfromhim.hishandclampsdownonmythigh,stillingme.ireachformywine,indesperation.

littlemisseuropeanpigtailsreturns,allcoyglancesandswayinghips,withourentrée,abeefwellington,ithink.fortunately,shegivesusourplatesandthenlea一ves,althoughshelingershandingchristianhis.helooksquizzicallyatmeasiwatchherclosethediningroomdoor.

“sowhatwaswrongwiththeparisians?”elliotaskshissister.“didn’ttheytaketoyourwinsomeways?”

“ugh,notheydidn’t.andmonsieurfloubert,theogreiwasworkingfor,hewassuchadomineeringtyrant.”

isplutterintomywine.

“anastasia,areyouokay?”christianaskssolicitously,takinghishandoffmythigh.

humorhasreturnedtohisvoice.ohthankhea一vens.wheninod,hepatsmybackgently,andonlyremoveshishandwhenheknowsi’verecovered.

thebeefisdeliciousandservedwithroastedsweetpotatoes,carrots,parsnips,andgreenbeans.itisevenmorepalatablesincechristianmanagestoretainhisgood-humorfortherestofthemeal.isuspectthatit’sbecausei’meatingsoheartily.theconversationflowsfreelyamongthegreys,warmandcaring,gentlyteasingeachother.overourdessertoflemonsyllabub,miaregalesuswithherexploitsinparis,lapsingatonepointintofluentfrench.weallstareather,andshestaresbackpuzzled,untilchristiantellsherin

equallyfluentfrenchwhatshe’sdone,whereuponsheburstsintoafitofgiggles.shehasaveryinfectiouslaughandsoonwe’reallinstitches.

elliotholdsforthabouthislatestbuildingproject,aneweco-friendlycommunitytothenorthofseattle.iglanceupatkate,andshe’shangingoneverywordelliotsays,hereyesglowingwithlustorlove.iha一ven’tquiteworkedoutwhichyet.hegrinsdownather,andit’sasifanunspokenpromisepassesbetweenthem.laters,baby,he’ssaying,andit’shot,freakinghot.iflushjustwatchingthem.

isighandpeekupatfiftyshades.he’ssobeautiful,icouldstareathimforever.hehaslightstubbleoverhischin,andmyfingersitchtoscratchitandfeelitagainstmyface,againstmybreasts…betweenmythighs.iblushatthedirectionofmythoughts.hepeersdownatmeandraiseshishandtopullatmychin.

“don’tbiteyourlip,”hemurmurshuskily.“iwanttodothat.”

graceandmiaclearourdessertglassesandheadtothekitchen,whilemr.grey,kate,andelliotdiscussthemeritsofsolarpanelsinwashingtonstate.christian,feigninginterestintheirconversation,putshishandoncemoreonmyknee,andhisfingerstra一velupmythigh.mybreathinghitches,andipressmythighstogetherinabidtohalthisprogress.icanseehimsmirk.

“shalligiveyouatourofthegrounds?”heasksmequiteopenly.

iknowi’mmeanttosayyes,butidon’ttrusthim.beforeicananswerhowever,he’sonhisfeetandholdinghishandouttome.iplacemyhandinhis,andifeelallthemusclesclenchdeepinmybelly,respondingtohisdark,hungrygraygaze.

“excuseme,”isaytomr.greyandfollowchristianoutofthediningroom.

heleadsmethroughthehallwayandintothekitchenwheremiaandgracearestackingthedishwasher.europeanpigtailsisnowheretobeseen.

“i’mgoingtoshowanastasiathebackyard,”christiansaysinnocentlytohismother.shewa一vesusoutwithasmileasmiaheadsbacktothediningroom.

westepoutontoagreyflagstonepatioarealitbyrecessedlightsintheflagstones.thereareshrubsingreystonetubsandachicmetaltableandchairssetupinonecorner.christianwalkspastthose,upsomesteps,andontoavastlawnthatleadsdowntothebay…ohmy–it’sbeautiful.seattletwinklesonthehorizon,andthecool,bright,maymoonetchesasparklingsilverpathacrossthewatertowardajettywheretwoboatsaremoored.besidethejettystandsaboathouse.itissopicturesque,sopeaceful.istandandgapeforamoment.

christianpullsmebehindhim,andmyheelssinkintothesoftgrass.

“stop,please.”iamstumblinginhiswake.

hestopsandgazesatme,hisexpressionunfathomable.

“myheels.ineedtotakemyshoesoff.”

“don’tbother,”hesays,andhebendsdownandscoopsmeoverhisshoulder.isquealloudlywithshockedsurprise,andhegivesmearingingslaponmybehind.

“keepyourvoicedown,”hegrowls.

ohno…thisisnotgood,mysubconsciousisquakingattheknees.he’smadaboutsomething–couldbejosé,georgia,nopanties,bitingmylip.jeez,he’seasytorile.

“wherearewegoing?”ibreathe.

“boathouse,”hesnaps.

ihangontohishipsasi’mtippedupside-down,andhestridespurposefullyinthemoonlightacrossthelawn.

“why?”isoundbreathless,bouncingonthisshoulder.

“ineedtobealonewithyou.”

“whatfor?”

“becausei’mgoingtospankandthenfuckyou.”

“why?”iwhimpersoftly.

“youknowwhy,”hehisses.

“ithoughtyouwereanin-the-momentguy?”ipleadbreathlessly.

“anastasia,i’minthemoment,trustme.”

holyfuck.

christianburststhroughthewoodendooroftheboathouseandpausestoflickonsomelights.fluorescentspingandbuzzinsequenceasharshwhitelightfloodsthelargewoodenbuilding.frommyupside-downview,icanseeanimpressivemotorlaunchinthedockfloatinggentlyonthedarkwater,butionlygetabrieflookbeforehe’scarryingmeupsomewoodenstairstotheroomabove.

hepausesatthedoorwayandtouchesanotherswitch–halogensthistime,theyaresofter,onadimmer–andwe’reinanatticroomwithslopingceilings.it’sdecoratedwithanauticalnewenglandtheme:na一vybluesandcreamswithadashofred.thefurnishingsaresparse,justacoupleofcouchesareallicansee.

christiansetsmeonmyfeetonthewoodenfloor.idon’tha一vetimetoexaminemysurroundings–myeyescan’tlea一vehim.iammesmerized…watchinghimlikeonewouldwatcharareanddangerouspredator,waitingforhimtostrike.hisbreathingisharshbutthenhe’sjustcarriedmeacrossthelawnandupaflightofstairs.grayeyesblazewithanger,need,andpureunadulteratedlust.

holyshit.icouldspontaneouslycombustfromhislookalone.

“pleasedon’thitme,”iwhisper,pleading.

hisbrowfurrows,hiseyeswidening.heblinkstwice.

“idon’twantyoutospankme,nothere,notnow.pleasedon’t.”

hismouthdropsopenslightlyinsurprise,andbeyondbra一ve,itentativelyreachupandrunmyfingersdownhischeek,alongtheedgeofhissideburn,tothestubbleonhischin.it’sacuriousmixtureofsoftandprickly.slowlyclosinghiseyes,heleanshisfaceintomytouch,andhisbreathhitchesinhisthroat.reachingupwithmyotherhand,irunmyfingersintohishair.ilovehishair.hissoftmoanisbarelyaudible,andwhenheopenshiseyes,hislookis–wary,likehedoesn’tunderstandwhati’mdoing.

steppingforwardsoiamflushagainsthim,ipullgentlyonhishair,bringinghismouthdowntomine,andikisshim,forcingmytonguebetweenhislipsandintohismouth.hegroans,andhisarmsembraceme,pullingmetohim.hishandsfindtheirwayintomyhair,andhekissesmeback,hardandpossessive.histongueandmytonguetwistandturntogether,consumingeachother.hetastespine.

hepullsbacksuddenly,ourcollectivebreathingraggedandmingling.myhandsdroptohisarmsandheglaresdownatme.

“whatareyoudoingtome?”hewhispersconfused.

“kissingyou.”

“yousaidno.”

“what?”notowhat?

“atthedinnertable,withyourlegs.”

oh…that’swhatthisisallabout.

“butwewereatyourparents’diningtable.”istareupathim,completelybewildered.

“noone’seversaidnotomebefore.andit’sso–hot.”

hiseyeswidenslightly,filledwithwonderandlust.it’saheadymix.iswallowinstinctively.hishandmovesdowntomybehind.hepullsmesharplyagainsthim,andicanfeelhiserection.

ohmy…

“you’remadandturnedonbecauseisaidno?”ibreathe,astonished.

“i’mmadbecauseyounevermentionedgeorgiatome.i’mmadbecauseyouwentdrinkingwiththatguywhotriedtoseduceyouwhenyouweredrunkandwholeftyouwhenyouwereillwithanalmostcompletestranger.whatkindoffrienddoesthat?andi’mmadandarousedbecauseyouclosedyourlegsonme.”hiseyesglitterdangerously,andhe’sslowlyinchingupthehemofmydress.

“iwantyou,andiwantyounow.andifyou’renotgoingtoletmespankyou–whichyoudeserve–i’mgoingtofuckyouonthecouchthisminute,quickly,formypleasure,notyours.”

mydressisnowbarelycoveringmynakedbehind.hemovessuddenlysothathishandiscuppingmysex,andoneofhisfingerssinksslowlyintome.hisotherarmholdsmefirmlyinplacearoundmywaist.isuppressmymoan.

“thisismine,”hewhispersaggressively.“allmine.doyouunderstand?”heeaseshisfingerinandoutashegazesdownatme,gaugingmyreaction,hiseyesburning.

“yes,yours,”ibreatheasmydesire,hotandhea一vy,surgesthroughmybloodstream,affecting…everything.mynerveendings,mybreathing,myheartispounding,tryingtolea一vemychest,thebloodthrumminginmyears.

abruptly,hemoves,doingseveralthingsatonce.withdrawinghisfingers,lea一vingmewanting,unzippinghisfly,andpushingmedownontothecouchsohe’slyingontopofme.

“handsonyourhead,”hecommandsthroughgrittedteethashekneelsup,forcingmylegswider,andreachingintotheinsidepocketofhisjacket.hetakesoutafoilpacket,gazingdownatme,hisexpressiondark,beforeshruggingoffhisjacketsoitfallstothefloor.herollsthecondomdownoverhisimpressivelength.

iplacemyhandsonmyhead,andiknowit’ssoiwon’ttouchhim.i’msoturnedon.ifeelmyhipsmovingalreadyuptomeethim–wantinghiminsideme,likethis–roughandhard.oh…theanticipation.

“wedon’tha一velong.thiswillbequick,andit’sforme,notyou.doyouunderstand?don’tcome,oriwillspankyou,”hesaysthroughclenchedteeth.

holycrap…howdoistop?

withoneswiftthrust,he’sfullyinsideme.igroanloudly,gutturally,andrevelinthefullnessofhispossession.heputshishandsonmineontopofmyhead,hiselbowsholdmyarmsoutanddown,andhislegspinionme.iamtrapped.he’severywhere,overwhelmingme,almostsuffocating.butit’shea一venlytoo,thisismypower,thisiswhatidotohim,andit’sahedonistic,triumphantfeeling.hemovesquicklyandfuriouslyinsideme,hisbreathingharshatmyear,andmybodyresponds,meltingaroundhim.imustn’tcome.no.buti’mmeetinghimthrustforthrust,aperfectcounterpoint.abruptly,andalltoosoon,heramsintomeandstillsashefindshisrelease,airhissingthroughhisteeth.herelaxesmomentarily,soifeelhisentire,deliciousweightonme.i’mnotreadytolethimgo,mybodycra一vingrelief,buthe’ssohea一vy,andinthatmoment,ican’tpushagainsthim.allofasudden,hewithdraws,lea一vingmeachingandhungryformore.heglaresdownatme.

“don’ttouchyourself.iwantyoufrustrated.that’swhatyoudotomebynottalkingtome,bydenyingmewhat’smine.”hiseyesblazeanew,angryagain.

inod,panting.hestandsandremovesthecondom,knottingitattheend,andputsitinhispantspocket.igazeathim,mybreathingstillerratic,andinvoluntarilyisqueezemythighstogether,tryingtofindsomerelief.christiandoesuphisflyandrunshishandthroughhishairashereachesdowntocollecthisjacket.heturnsbacktogazedownatme,hisexpressionsofter.

“we’dbettergetbacktothehouse.”

isitup,alittleunsteadily,dazed.

“here.youmayputtheseon.”

fromhisinsidepocket,heproducesmypanties.idon’tgrinasitakethemfromhim,butinsideiknow–i’vetakenapunishmentfuckbutgainedasmallvictoryoverthepanties.myinnergoddessnodsinagreement,asatisfiedgrinoverherface–youdidn’tha一vetoaskforthem.

“christian!”miashoutsfromthefloorbelow.

heturnsandraiseshiseyebrowsatme.

“justintime.christ,shecanbereallyirritating.”

iscowlbackathim,hastilyrestoremypantiestotheirrightfulplace,andstandwithasmuchdignityasicanmusterinmyjust-fuckedstate.quickly,iattempttosmoothmyjust-fuckedhair.

“uphere,mia,”hecallsdown.“well,misssteele,ifeelbetterforthat–butistillwanttospankyou,”hesayssoftly.

“idon’tbelieveideserveitmr.grey,especiallyaftertoleratingyourunprovokedattack.”

“unprovoked?youkissedme.”hetrieshisbesttolookwounded.

ipursemylips.

“itwasattackasthebestformofdefense.”

“defenseagainstwhat?”

“youandyourtwitchypalm.”

hecockshisheadtoonesideandsmilesatmeasmiacomesclatteringupthestairs.

“butitwastolerable?”heaskssoftly.

iflush.

“barely,”iwhisper,butican’thelpmysmirk.

“oh,thereyouare.”shebeamsatus.

“iwasshowinganastasiaaround.”christianholdshishandouttome,hisgrayeyesintense.

iputmyhandintohis,andhegivesitasoftsqueeze.

“kateandelliotareabouttolea一ve.canyoubelievethosetwo?theycan’tkeeptheirhandsoffeachother.”miafeignsdisgustandlooksfromchristiantome.“whatha一veyoubeendoinginhere?”

jeez,she’sforward.iblushscarlet.

“showinganastasiamyrowingtrophies,”christiansayswithoutmissingabeat,completelypoker-faced.“let’sgosaygoodbyetokateandelliot.”

rowingtrophies?hepullsmegentlyinfrontofhim,andasmiaturnstogo,heswatsmybehind.igaspinsurprise.

“iwilldoitagain,anastasia,andsoon,”hethreatensquietlyclosetomyear,thenhepullsmeintoanembrace,mybacktohisfront,andkissesmyhair.

backinthehouse,kateandelliotaremakingtheirfarewellstograceandmr.grey.katehugsmehard.

“ineedtospeaktoyouaboutantagonizingchristian,”ihissquietlyinherearassheembracesme.

“heneedsantagonizing,thenyoucanseewhathe’sreallylike.becareful,ana–he’ssocontrolling,”shewhispers.“seeyoulater.”

iknowwhathe’sreallylike–youdon’t!–iscreamatherinmyhead.i’mfullyawarethatheractionscomefromagoodplace,butsometimesshejustoverstepsthemark,andrightnowsofarthatshe’sintotheneighboringstate.iscowlather,andshepokeshertongueoutatme,makingmesmileunwillingly.playfulkateisnovel,mustbeelliot’sinfluence.wewa一vethemoffatthedoorway,andchristianturnstome.

“weshouldgotoo–youha一veinterviewstomorrow.”

miaembracesmewarmlyaswesayourgoodbyes.

“weneverthoughthe’dfindanyone!”shegushes.

iflush,andchristianrollshiseyesagain.ipursemylips.whycanhedothatwhenican’t?iwanttorollmyeyesbackathim,butidonotdare,notafterhisthreatintheboathouse.

“takecareofyourself,ana,dear,”gracesayskindly.

christian,embarrassedorfrustratedbythela一vishattentioni’mreceivingfromtheremaininggreys,grabsmyhandandpullsmetohisside.

“let’snotfrightenherawayorspoilherwithtoomuchaffection,”hegrumbles.

“christian,stopteasing.”gracescoldshimindulgently,hereyesglowingwithloveandaffectionforhim.

somehow,idon’tthinkhe’steasing.isurreptitiouslywatchtheirinteraction.it’sobviousgraceadoreshimwithamother’sunconditionallove.hebendsandkissesherstiffly.

“mom,”hesays,andthere’sanundercurrentinhisvoice–reverencemaybe?

“mr.grey–goodbyeandthankyou.”iholdoutmyhandtohim,andhehugsmetoo!

“please,callmecarrick.idohopeweseeyouagain,verysoon,ana.”

ourfarewellssaid,christianleadsmetothecarwheretayloriswaiting.hashebeenwaitingherethewholetime?tayloropensmydoor,andislideintothebackoftheaudi.

ifeelsomeofthetensionlea一vingmyshoulders.jeez,whataday.iamexhausted,physicallyandemotionally.afterabriefconversationwithtaylor,christianclambersintothecarbesideme.heturnstofaceme.

“well,itseemsmyfamilylikesyou,too,”hemurmurs.

too?thedepressingthoughtabouthowicametobeinvitedpopsunbiddenandveryunwelcomeintomyhead.taylorstartsthecarandheadsawayfromthecircleoflightinthedrivewaytothedarknessoftheroad.igazeatchristian,andhe’sstaringatme.

“what?”heasks,hisvoicequiet.

ifloundermomentarily.no–i’lltellhim.he’salwayscomplainingthatidon’ttalktohim.

“ithinkthatyoufelttrappedintobringingmetomeetyourparents.”myvoiceissoftandhesitant.“ifelliothadn’taskedkate,you’dneverha一veaskedme.”ican’tseehisfaceinthedark,buthetiltshishead,gapingatme.

“anastasia,i’mdelightedthatyou’vemetmyparents.whyareyousofilledwithself-doub一t?itneverceasestoamazeme.you’resuchastrong,self-containedyoungwoman,butyouha一vesuchnegativethoughtsaboutyourself.ifihadn’twantedyoutomeetthem,youwouldn’tbehere.isthathowyouwerefeelingthewholetimeyouwerethere?”

oh!hewantedmethere–andit’sarevelation.hedoesn’tseemuncomfortableansweringmeashewouldifhewerehidingthetruth.heseemsgenuinelypleasedthati’mhere…awarmglowspreadsslowlythroughmyveins.heshakeshisheadandreachesformyhand.iglancenervouslyattaylor.

“don’tworryabouttaylor.talktome.”

ishrug.

“yes.ithoughtthat.andanotherthing,ionlymentionedgeorgiabecausekatewastalkingaboutbarbados–iha一ven’tmadeupmymind.”

“doyouwanttogoandseeyourmother?”

“yes.”

helooksoddlyatme,likehe’sha一vingsomeinternalstruggle.

“canicomewithyou?”heaskseventually.

what!?

“erm…idon’tthinkthat’sagoodidea.”

“whynot?”

“iwashopingforabreakfromallthis…intensitytotryandthinkthingsthrough.”

hestaresatme.

“i’mtoointense?”

iburstoutlaughing.

“that’sputtingitmildly!”

inthelightofthepassingstreetlamps,iseehislipsquirkup.

“areyoulaughingatme,misssteele?”

“iwouldn’tdare,mr.grey,”ireplywithmockseriousness.

“ithinkyoudare,andithinkyoudolaughatme,frequently.”

“youarequitefunny.”

“funny?”

“ohyes.”

“funnypeculiarorfunnyhaha?”

“oh…alotofoneandsomeoftheother.”

“whichwayround?”

“i’lllea一veyoutofigurethatout.”

“i’mnotsureificanfigureanythingoutaroundyou,anastasia,”hesayssardonically,andthencontinuesquietly,“whatdoyouneedtothinkaboutingeorgia?”

“us,”iwhisper.

hestaresatme,impassive.

“yousaidyou’dtry,”hemurmurs.

“iknow.”

“areyouha一vingsecondthoughts?”

“possibly.”

heshiftsasifuncomfortable.

“why?”

holycrap.howdidthissuddenlybecomesuchanintenseandmeaningfulconversation?it’sbeensprungonme,likeanexamthati’mnotpreparedfor.whatdoisay?becauseithinkiloveyou,andyoujustseemeasatoy.becauseican’ttouchyou,becausei’mtoofrightenedtoshowyouanyaffectionincaseyouflinchortellmeofforworse–beatme?whatcanisay?

istaremomentarilyoutofthewindow.thecarisheadingbackacrossthebridge.wearebothshroudedindarkness,maskingourthoughtsandfeelings,butwedon’tneedthenightforthat.

“why,anastasia?”christianpressesmeforananswer.

ishrug,trapped.idon’twanttolosehim.inspiteofallhisdemands,hisneedtocontrol,hisscaryvices.iha一veneverfeltasaliveasidonow.it’sathrilltobesittingherebesidehim.he’ssounpredictable,sexy,smart,andfunny.buthismoods…oh–andhewantstohurtme.hesayshe’llthinkaboutmyreservations,butitstillscaresme.iclosemyeyes.whatcanisay?deepdowniwouldjustlikemore,moreaffection,moreplayfulchristian,more…love.

hesqueezesmyhand.

“talktome,anastasia.idon’twanttoloseyou.thislastweek…”hetrailsoff.

we’recomingneartotheendofthebridge,andtheroadisoncemorebathedintheneonlightofthestreetlampssohisfaceisintermittentlyinthelightandthedark.andit’ssuchafittingmetaphor.thisman,whomioncethoughtofasaromantichero–abra一veshiningwhiteknight,orthedarkknightashesaid.he’snotahero,he’samanwithserious,deepemotionalflaws,andhe’sdraggingmeintothedark.caninotguidehimintothelight?

“istillwantmore,”iwhisper.

“iknow,”hesays.“i’lltry.”

iblinkupathim,andherelinquishesmyhandandpullsatmychin,releasingmytrappedlip.

“foryou,anastasia,iwilltry.”he’sradiatingsincerity.

andthat’smycue.iunbucklemyseatbelt,reachacross,andclamberintohislap,takinghimcompletelybysurprise.wrappingmyarmsaroundhishead,ikisshim,longandhard,andinananosecond,he’sresponding.

“staywithme,tonight,”hebreathes.“ifyougoaway,iwon’tseeyouallweek.please.”

“yes,”iacquiesce.“andi’lltrytoo.i’llsignyourcontract.”andit’saspurofthemomentdecision.

hegazesdownatme.

“signaftergeorgia.thinkaboutit.thinkaboutithard,baby.”

“iwill.”andwesitinsilenceforamileortwo.

“youreallyshouldwearyourseatbelt,”christianwhispersdisapprovinglyintomyhair,buthemakesnomovetoshiftmefromhislap.

inuzzleupagainsthim,eyesclosed,mynoseathisthroat,drinkinginhissexychristian-and-spiced-musky-body-washfragrance,myheadonhisshoulder.iletmyminddrift,andiallowmyselftofantasizethathelovesme.oh,andit’ssoreal,tangiblealmost,andasmallpartofmynastyharpyself-consciousactscompletelyoutofcharacteranddarestohope.i’mcarefulnottotouchhischestbutjustsnuggleinhisarmsasheholdsmetightly.

alltoosoon,i’mtornfrommyimpossibledaydream.

“we’rehome,”christianmurmurs,andit’ssuchatantalizingsentence,fullofsomuchpotential.

home,withchristian.excepthisapartmentisanartgallery,notahome.

tayloropensthedoorforus,andithankhimshyly,awarethathe’sbeenwithinearshotofourconversation,buthiskindsmileisreassuringandgivesnothingaway.onceoutofthecar,christianassessesmecritically.ohno…whatha一veidonenow?

“whydon’tyouha一veajacket?”hefrownsasheshrugsoutofhisanddrapesitovermyshoulders.

reliefwashesthroughme.

“it’sinmynewcar,”ireplysleepily,yawning.

hesmirksatme.

“tired,misssteele?”

“yes,mr.grey.”ifeelbashfulunderhisteasingscrutiny.neverthelessifeelanexplanationisinorder,“i’vebeenprevaileduponinwaysineverthoughtpossibletoday.”

“well,ifyou’rereallyunlucky,imayprevailuponyousomemore,”hepromisesashetakesmyhandandleadsmeintothebuilding.holyshit…again?!

igazeupathimintheelevator.iha一veassumedhe’dlikemetosleepwithhim,andthenirememberthathedoesn’tsleepwithanyone,althoughhehaswithmeafewtimes.ifrown,andabruptlyhisgazedarkens.hereachesupandgraspsmychin,freeingmylipfromteeth.

“onedayiwillfuckyouinthiselevator,anastasia,butrightnowyou’retired–soithinkweshouldsticktoabed.”

bendingdown,heclampshisteetharoundmylowerlipandpullsgently.imeltagainsthim,andmybreathingstopsasmyinsidesunfurlwithlonging.ireciprocate,fasteningmyteethoverhistoplip,teasinghim,andhegroans.whentheelevatordoorsopen,hegrabsmyhandandtugsmeintothefoyer,throughthedoubledoors,andintothehallway.

“doyouneedadrinkoranything?”

“no.”

“good.let’sgotobed.”

iraisemyeyebrowsathim.

“you’regoingtosettleforplainoldvanilla?”

hecockshisheadtooneside.

“nothingplainoroldaboutvanilla–it’saveryintriguingfla一vor,”hebreathes.

“sincewhen?”

“sincelastsaturday.why?wereyouhopingforsomethingmoreexotic?”

myinnergoddesspopsherheadabovetheparapet.

“ohno.i’vehadenoughexoticforoneday.”myinnergoddesspoutsatme,failingmiserablytohideherdisappointment.

“sure?wecaterforalltasteshere–atleastthirty-onefla一vors.”hegrinsatmelasciviously.

“i’venoticed,”ireplydryly.

heshakeshishead.

“comeon,misssteele,youha一veabigdaytomorrow.sooneryou’reinbed,sooneryou’llbefucked,andsooneryoucansleep.”

“mr.grey,youareabornromantic.”

“misssteele,youha一veasmartmouth.imayha一vetosubdueitsomeway.come.”heleadsmedownthehallwayintohisbedroomandkicksthedoorclosed.

“handsintheair,”hecommands.

ioblige,andinonebreathtakinglyswiftmove,heremovesmydresslikeamagician,graspingitatthehemandpullingitsmoothlyandfleetlyovermyhead.

“tada!”hesaysplayfully.

igiggleandapplaudpolitely.hebowsgracefullygrinning.howcaniresisthimwhenhe’slikethis?heplacesmydressonthelonechairbesidehischestofdrawers.

“andforyournexttrick?”iprompt,teasing.

“ohmydear,misssteele.getintomybed,”hegrowls.“andi’llshowyou.”

“doyouthinkthatforonceishouldplayhardtoget?”iaskcoquettishly.

hiseyeswidenwithsurprise,andiseeaglimmerofexcitement.

“well…thedoor’sclosed.notsurehowyou’regoingtoa一voidme,”hesayssardonically.“ithinkit’sadonedeal.”

“buti’magoodnegotiator.”

“soami.”hestaresdownatme,butashedoes,hisexpressionchanges,confusionwashesoverhim,andtheatmosphereintheroomshiftsabruptly,tensing.“don’tyouwanttofuck?”heasks.

“no,”ibreathe.

“oh.”hefrowns.

okay,heregoes…deepbreath.

“iwantyoutomakelovetome.”

hestillsandstaresatmeblankly.hisexpressiondarkens.ohshit,thisdoesn’tlookgood.givehimaminute!mysubconscioussnaps.

“ana,i…”herunshishandsthroughhishair.twohands.jeez,he’sreallybewildered.

“ithoughtwedid?”hesayseventually.

“iwanttotouchyou.”