?analfisting

isswallowingsemenacceptabletothesubmissive?

istheuseofsextoysacceptabletothesubmissive?

?vibrators

?dildos

?buttplugs

?other

isbondageacceptabletothesubmissive?

?handsinfront

?handsbehindback

?ankles

?knees

?elbows

?wriststoankles

?spreaderbars

?tiedtofurniture

?blindfolding

?gagging

?bondagewithrope

?bondagewithtape

?bondagewithleathercuffs

?suspension

?bondagewithhandcuffs/metalrestraints

whatisthesubmissive’sgeneralattitudeaboutreceivingpain?where1islikesintenselyand5isdislikesintensely:1–2–3–4–5

howmuchpaindoesthesubmissivewanttoreceive?where1isnoneand5issevere:1–2–3–4–5

whichofthefollowingtypesofpain/punishment/disciplineareacceptabletothesubmissive?

?spanking

?paddling

?whipping

?caning

?biting

?nippleclamps

?genitalclamps

?ice

?hotwax

?othertypes/methodsofpain

holyfuck.ican’tbringmyselftoevenconsiderthefoodlist.iswallowhard,mymouthdry,andreaditagain.

myheadisbuzzing.howcanipossiblyagreetoallthis?andapparentlyit’sformybenefit,toexploremysensuality,mylimits–safely–ohplease!iscoffangrily.serveandobeyinallthings.allthings!ishakemyheadindisbelief.actually,doesn’tthemarriageceremonyusethosewords…obey?thisthrowsme.docouplesstillsaythat?onlythreemonths,isthatwhythereha一vebeensomany?hedoesn’tkeepthemforlong?orha一vetheyhadenoughafterthreemonths?everyweekend?that’stoomuch.i’llneverseekateorwhateverfriendsimaymakeatmynewjob–providedigetone.perhapsishouldha一veoneweekendamonthtomyself.perhapswheniha一vemyperiod,thatsounds…practical.he’smymaster!tobedealtwithashepleases!holyshit.

ishudderatthethoughtofbeingfloggedorwhipped.spankingprobablywouldn’tbesobad,humiliatingthough.andtiedup?wellhedidtiemyhandstogether.thatwas…wellitwashot,reallyhot,soperhapsthatwon’tbesobad.hewon’tloanmetoanotherdominant–damnrighthewon’t.thatwouldbetotallyunacceptable.whyamieventhinkingaboutthis?

ican’tlookhimintheeye.howweirdisthat?theonlywayieverha一veanychancetoseewhathe’sthinking.actually,whomamikidding,ineverknowwhathe’sthinking,butilikelookingintohiseyes.hehasbeautifuleyes–captivating,intelligent,deepanddark,darkwithdominantsecrets.irecallhisburningsmokygazeandpressmythighstogether,squirming.

andican’ttouchhim.well,nosurprisethere.andthesesillyrules…no,noican’tdothis.iputmyheadinmyhands.thisisnowaytoha一vearelationship.ineedsomesleep.i’mshattered.allthephysicalshenanigansi’vebeenengagedinoverthelasttwenty-fourhoursha一vebeen,frankly,exhausting.andmentally…ohman,thisissomuch

totakeonboard.asjoséwouldsay,arealmind-fuck.perhapsinthemorning,thismightnotreadlikeabadjoke.

iscrambleupandchangequickly.perhapsishouldborrowkate’spinkflannelpajamas.iwantsomethingcuddlyandreassuringaroundme.iheadtothebathroominmyt-shirtandsleepshortsandbrushmyteeth.

istareatmyselfinthebathroommirror.youcan’tseriouslybeconsideringthis…mysubconscioussoundssaneandrational,notherusualsnarkyself.myinnergoddessisjumpingupanddown,clappingherhandslikeafive-year-old.please,let’sdothis…otherwisewe’llendupalonewithlotsofcatsandyourclassicnovelstokeepyoucompany.

theonlymani’veeverbeenattractedto,andhecomeswithabloodycontract,aflogger,andawholeworldofissues.well,atleastigotmywaythisweekend.myinnergoddessstopsjumpingandsmilesserenely.ohyes…shemouths,noddingatmesmugly.iflushatthememoryofhishandsandhismouthonme,hisbodyinsidemine.closingmyeyes,ifeelthefamiliardeliciouspullofmymusclesfromdeep,deepdown.iwanttodothatagainandagain.maybeifijustsignupforthesex…wouldhegowiththat?isuspectnot.

amisubmissive?maybeicomeacrossthatway.maybeimisledhimintheinterview.i’mshy,yes…butsubmissive?iletkatebullyme–isthatthesame?andthosesoftlimits,jeez.mymindboggles,buti’mreassuredthattheyareupfordiscussion.

iwanderbacktomybedroom.thisistoomuchtothinkabout.ineedaclearhead–afreshmorningapproachtotheproblem.iputtheoffendingdocumentsbackinmysatchel.tomorrow…tomorrowisanotherday.clamberingintobed,iswitchoffthelightandliestaringupattheceiling.oh,iwishi’dnevermethim.myinnergoddessshakesherheadatme.sheandiknowit’salie.iha一veneverfeltasaliveasidonow.

iclosemyeyes,andidriftintoahea一vysleepwithoccasionaldreamsoffour-posterbedsandshacklesandintensegrayeyes.

katewakesmethenextday.

“ana,i’vebeencallingyou.youmustha一vebeenoutcold.”

myeyesreluctantlyopen.she’snotjustup–she’sbeenforarun.iglanceatmyalarm.it’seightinthemorning.holymoses,i’vesleptforasolidninehours.

“whatisit?”imumblesleepily.

“there’samanherewithadeliveryforyou.youha一vetosignforit.”

“what?”

“comeon.it’sbig.itlooksinteresting.”shehopsfromfoottofootexcitedlyandboundsbackintothelivingarea.iclamberoutofbedandgrabmydressinggownhangingonthebackofmydoor.asmartyoungmanwithaponytailisstandinginourlivingroomclaspingalargebox.

“hi,”imumble.

“i’llmakeyousometea.”katescuttlesofftothekitchen.

“misssteele?”

andiimmediatelyknowwhomtheparcelisfrom.

“yes,”ianswercautiously.

“iha一veapackageforyouhere,butiha一vetosetitupandshowyouhowtouseit.”

“really?atthistime?”

“onlyfollowingorders,ma’am.”hesmilesinacharmingbutprofessionalhe’s-not-taking-any-crapway.

didhejustcallmema’am?ha一veiagedtenyearsovernight?ifiha一ve,it’sthatcontract.mymouthpuckersindisgust.

“okay,whatisit?”

“it’samacbookpro.”

“ofcourseitis.”irollmyeyes.

“thesearen’ta一vailableintheshopsyet,ma’am,theverylatestfromapple.”

howcomethatdoesnotsurpriseme?isighhea一vily.

“justsetituponthediningtableoverthere.”

iwanderintothekitchentojoinkate.

“whatisit?”shesaysinquisitive,brighteyedandbushytailed.she’ssleptwelltoo.

“it’salaptopfromchristian.”

“why’shesentyoualaptop?youknowyoucanusemine,”shefrowns.

notforwhathehasinmind.

“oh,it’sonlyonloan.hewantedmetotryitout.”myexcusesoundsfeeble.butkatenodsherassent.ohmy…iha一vehoodwinkedkatherineka一vanagh.afirst.shehandsmemytea.

themaclaptopissleekandsilverandratherbeautiful.ithasaverylargescreen.christiangreylikesscale–ithinkofhislivingarea,infact,hiswholeapartment.

“it’sgotthelatestosandafullsuiteofprograms,plusaone-point-fiveterabyteharddrivesoyou’llha一veplentyofroom,thirty-twogigsofram–whatareyouplanningtouseitfor?

“uh…email.”

“email!”hechokes,bemused,raisinghiseyebrowswithaslightlysicklookonhisface.

“andmaybeinternetresearch?”ishrugapologetically.

hesighs.

“well,thishasfullwirelessn,andi’vesetitupwithyourmeaccountdetails.thisbabyisallreadytogo,practicallyanywhereontheplanet.”helookslonginglyatit.

“meaccount?”

“yournewemailaddress.”

iha一veanemailaddress?

hepointstoanicononthescreenandcontinuestotalkatmebutit’slikewhitenoise.iha一ven’tgotacluewhathe’ssaying,andinallhonestly,i’mnotinterested.justtellmehowtoswitchitonandoff–i’llfigureouttherest.afterall,i’vebeenusingkate’sforfouryears.katewhistles,impressedwhensheseesit.

“thisisnext-generationtech.”sheraiseshereyebrowsatme.“mostwomengetflowersormaybejewelry,”shesayssuggestively,tryingtosuppressasmile.

iscowlatherbutcan’tkeepastraightface.webothburstintoafitofgiggles,andcomputermangapesatus,bemused.hefinishesupandasksmetosignthedeliverynote.

askateshowshimout,isitwithmycupoftea,opentheemailprogram,andsittingtherewaitingformeisanemailfromchristian.myheartleapsintomymouth.iha一veanemailfromchristiangrey.nervously,iopenit.

from:christiangrey

subject:yournewcomputer

date:may22201123:15

to:anastasiasteele

dearmisssteele

itrustyousleptwell.ihopethatyouputthislaptoptogooduse,asdiscussed.

ilookforwardtodinner,wednesday.

happytoansweranyquestionsbeforethen,viaemail,shouldyousodesire.

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

ihitreply.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:yournewcomputer(onloan)

date:may23201108:20

to:christiangrey

isleptverywellthankyou–forsomestrangereason–sir.

iunderstoodthatthiscomputerwasonloan,ergonotmine.

ana

almostinstantaneouslythereisaresponse.

from:christiangrey

subject:yournewcomputer(onloan)

date:may23201108:22

to:anastasiasteele

thecomputerisonloan.indefinitely,misssteele.

inotefromyourtonethatyouha一vereadthedocumentationiga一veyou.

doyouha一veanyquestionssofar?

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

ican’thelpbutgrin.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:enquiringminds

date:may23201108:25

to:christiangrey

iha一vemanyquestions,butnotsuitableforemail,andsomeofusha一vetoworkforaliving.

idonotwantorneedacomputerindefinitely.

untillater,goodday.

hisreplyagainisinstant,anditmakesmesmile.

from:christiangrey

subject:yournewcomputer(againonloan)

date:may23201108:26

to:anastasiasteele

laters,baby.

ps:iworkforalivingtoo.

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

ishutthecomputerdown,grinninglikeanidiot.howcaniresistplayfulchristian?iamgoingtobelateforwork.well,itismylastweek–mr.andmrs.claytonwillprobablycutmesomeslack.iraceintotheshower,unabletoshakemyface-splittinggrin.heemailedme.i’mlikeasmall,giddychild.andallthecontractangstfades.asiwashmyhair,itryandthinkwhaticouldpossiblyaskhimviaemail.surelyit’sbettertotalkthesethingsthrough.supposesomeonehackedintohisaccount?iflushatthethought.idressquickly,shoutahastygoodbyetokate,andi’mofftoworkmylastweekatclayton’s.

joséphonesateleven.

“hey,arewedoingcoffee?”hesoundsliketheoldjosé.josémyfriend,nota–whatdidchristiancallhim?suitor.ugh.

“sure.i’matwork.canyoumakeithereforsaytwelve?”

“seeyouthen.”

hehangsup,andigobacktorestockingthepaintbrushesandthinkingaboutchristiangreyandhiscontract.

joséispunctual.hecomesboundingintotheshoplikeagambolingdark-eyedpuppy.

“ana,”hesmileshisdazzlingtoothyall-hispanic-americansmile,andican’tbeangrywithhimanymore.

“hijosé.”ihughim.“i’mstarving.i’lljustletmrs.claytonknowi’mgoingforlunch.”

aswestrolltothelocalcoffeeshop,islipmyarmthroughjosé’s.i’msogratefulforhis–normality.someoneiknowandunderstand.

“heyana,”hemurmurs.“you’vereallyforgivenme?”

“josé,youknowicanneverstaymadatyouforlong.”

hegrins.

ican’twaittogethome.thelureofemailingchristian,andmaybeicanbeginmyresearchproject.kateisoutsomewhere,soifireupthenewlaptopandopenmyemail.sureenough,there’sanemailfromchristiansittingintheinbox.i’mpracticallybouncingoutofmyseatwithglee.

from:christiangrey

subject:workingforaliving

date:may23201117:24

to:anastasiasteele

dearmisssteele

idohopeyouhadagooddayatwork.

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

ihitreply.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:workingforliving

date:may23201117:48

to:christiangrey

sir…ihadaverygooddayatyou.

ana

from:christiangrey

subject:dothework!

date:may23201117:50

to:anastasiasteele

misssteele

delightedyouhadagoodday.

whileyouareemailing,youarenotresearching.

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:nuisance

date:may23201117:53

to:christiangrey

mr.grey,stopemailingme,andicanstartmyassignment.

i’dlikeanothera.

ana

ihugmyself.

from:christiangrey

subject:impatient

date:may23201117:55

to:anastasiasteele

misssteele

stopemailingme–anddoyour’dliketoawardanothera.

thefirstonewassowelldeserved.;)

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

christiangreyjustsentmeawinkingsmiley…ohmy.ifireupgoogle.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:internetresearch

date:may23201117:59

to:christiangrey

mr.grey

whatwouldyousuggestiputintoasearchengine?

ana

from:christiangrey

subject:internetresearch

date:may23201118:02

to:anastasiasteele

misssteele

alwaysstartwithwikipedia.

nomoreemailsunlessyouha一vequestions.understood?

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

from:anastasiasteele

subject:bossy!

date:may23201118:04

to:christiangrey

yes…sir.youaresobossy.

ana

from:christiangrey

subject:incontrol

date:may23201118:06

to:anastasiasteele

anastasia,youha一venoidea.

well,maybeaninklingnow.

dothework.

christiangrey

ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.

itypesubmissiveintowikipedia.

halfanhourlater,ifeelslightqueasyandfranklyshockedtomycore.doireallywantthisstuffinmyhead?jeez–isthiswhathegetsuptointheredroomofpain?isitstaringatthescreen,andpartofme,averymoistandintegralpartofme–thati’veonlybecomeacquaintedwithveryrecently,isseriouslyturnedon.ohmy,someofthisstuffishot.butisitforme?holyshit…couldidothis?ineedspace.ineedtothink.

forthefirsttimeinmylife,ivoluntarilygoforarun.ifindmynasty,never-usedsneakers,somesweatpants,andat-shirt.iputmyhairinpigtails,blushingatthememoriestheybringback,andipluginmyipod.ican’tsitinfrontofthatmarveloftechnologyandlookatorreadanymoredisturbingmaterial.ineedtoexpendsomeofthisexcess,enervating,energy.quitefrankly,iha一veamindtoruntotheheathmanhotelandjustdemandsexfromthecontrolfreak.butthat’sfivemiles,andidon’tthinki’llbeabletorunonemile,letalonefive,andofcourse,hemightturnmedownwhichwouldbebeyondhumiliating.

kateiswalkingfromhercarasiheadoutofthedoor.shenearlydropshershoppingwhensheseesme.anasteeleinsneakers.iwa一veanddon’tstopfortheinquisition.ineedsomeseriousalonetime.snowpatrolblaringinmyears,isetoffintotheopalandaquamarinedusk.

ipacethroughthepark.whatamigoingtodo?iwanthim,butonhisterms?ijustdon’tknow.perhapsishouldnegotiatewhatiwant.gothroughthatridiculouscontractlinebylineandsaywhatisacceptableandwhatisn’t.myresearchhastoldmethatlegallyit’sunenforceable.hemustknowthat.ifigurethatitjustsetsuptheparametersoftherelationship.itillustrateswhaticanexpectfromhimandwhatheexpectsfromme–mytotalsubmission.amipreparedtogivehimthat?amievencapable?

iamplaguedbyonequestion-whyishelikethis?isitbecausehewasseducedatsuchayoungage?ijustdon’tknow.he’sstillsuchamystery.

istopbesidealargespruceandputmyhandsonmyknees,breathinghard,draggingpreciousairintomylungs.oh,thisfeelsgood,cathartic.icanfeelmyresolvehardening.yes.ineedtotellhimwhat’sokayandwhatisn’t.ineedtoemailhimmythoughts,andthenwecandiscusstheseonwednesday.itakeadeepcleansingbreath,thenjogbacktotheapartment.

katehasbeenshopping,asonlyshecan,forclothesforherholidaytobarbados.mainlybikinisandmatchingsarongs.shewilllookfabulousinallofthem,yetshestillmakesmesitandcommentwhileshetriesoneachandeveryone.thereareonlysomanywaysonecansay–youlookfabulouskate.shehasacurvy,slimfiguretodiefor.shedoesn’tdoitonpurpose,iknow,butihaulmysorry,perspirationclad,oldt-shirt,sweatpants,andsneakersassintomyroomonthepretextofpackingmoreboxes.couldifeelanymoreinadequate?takingtheawesomefreetechnologywithme,isetthelaptopuponmydesk.iemailchristian.

__________________________________________________________________

from:anastasiasteele

subject:shockedofwsuv

date:may23201120:33

to:christiangrey

okay,i’veseenenough.

itwasniceknowingyou.

ana

ipresssend,huggingmyself,laughingatmylittlejoke.willhefinditasfunny?ohshit–probablynot.christiangreyisnotfamedforhissenseofhumor.butiknowitexists,i’veexperiencedit.perhapsi’vegonetoofar.iwaitforhisanswer.

iwait…andwait.iglanceatmyalarmclock.tenminutesha一vepassed.

todistractmyselffromtheanxietythatbloomsinmybelly,istartdoingwhatitoldkateiwouldbedoing–packingupmyroom.ibeginbycrammingmybooksintoacrate.bynine,i’veheardnothing.perhapshe’sout.ipoutpetulantlyasiplugmyipodearbudsin,listentosnowpatrol,andsitdownatmysmalldesktore-readthecontractandmakemycomments.

idon’tknowwhyiglanceup,maybeicatchaslightmovementfromthecornerofmyeye,idon’tknow,butwhenido,he’sstandinginthedoorwayofmybedroomwatchingmeintently.he’swearinghisgreyflannelpantsandawhitelinenshirt,gentlytwirlinghiscarkeys.ipullmyearbudsoutandfreeze.fuck!

“goodevening,anastasia.”hisvoiceiscool,hisexpressioncompletelyguardedandunreadable.thecapacitytospeakdesertsme.damnkateforlettinghiminherewithnowarning.vaguely,i’mawarethati’mstillinmysweats,un-showered,yucky,andhe’sjustgloriouslyyummy,hispantsdoingthathangingfromthehipsthing,andwhat’smore,he’shereinmybedroom.

“ifeltthatyouremailwarrantedareplyinperson,”heexplainsdryly.

iopenmymouthandthencloseitagain,twice.thejokeisonme.neverinthisoranyalternativeuniversedidiexpecthimtodropeverythingandturnuphere.

“mayisit?”heasks,hiseyesnowdancingwithhumor–thankhea一vens–maybehe’llseethefunnyside?

inod.thepowerofspeechremainselusive.christiangreyissittingonmybed.

“iwonderedwhatyourbedroomwouldlooklike,”hesays.

iglancearoundit,plottinganescaperoute,no–there’sstillonlythedoororwindow.myroomisfunctionalbutcozy–sparsewhitewickerfurnitureandawhiteirondoublebedwithapatchworkquilt,madebymymotherwhenshewasinherfolksyamericanquiltingphase.it’sallpaleblueandcream.

“it’sverysereneandpeacefulinhere,”hemurmurs.notatthemoment…notwithyouhere.

finally,mymedullaoblongatarecallsitspurpose,ibreathe.

“how…?”

hesmilesatme.

“i’mstillattheheathman.”

iknowthat.

“wouldyoulikeadrink?”politenesswinsoutovereverythingelsei’dliketosay.

“no,thankyou,anastasia.”hesmilesadazzling,crookedsmile,hisheadcockedslightlytooneside.

well,imightneedone.

“so,itwasniceknowingme?”

holycow,isheoffended?istaredownatmyfingers.howamigoingtodigmyselfoutofthis?ifitellhimitwasajoke,idon’tthinkhe’llbeimpressed.